Collect Books, Even If You Don't Plan On Reading Them Right Away. Nothing Is More Important Than An Unread

Happy Valumtimes!

Kinkai Central Park⁡ // ラムミ

Music: wadakaoru - Futari no kimochi

Literature transcends the boundaries of time and space, letting us know we are not alone in our adversities.

When you read Sylvia Plath’s fig tree analogy, you understand that you are not the first human to feel like your existence will crumble down like ash because of your inability to choose. When you read Santiago’s tale by Hemingway, you know that there is grace and dignity even in loss. When you read Kafka, you realise that there was someone else like you who felt like he couldn't explain his soul to others.

Is there a greater companionship in this world than the ink of a human’s vulnerability? Even in the pits of isolation, we are never alone.

If Will dies first, it is obvious Hannibal would cannibalize Will’s flesh. Hannibal mourned Mischa by eating her, and he would do the same for Will; to consume and eat and incorporate is part of grieving. But what would Hannibal do with Will’s bones? He’d eat the marrow, maybe make soup from them, but what of the calcified parts that remain, the parts that can’t be eaten?

I don’t really see him just keeping them around or displaying them, something stagnant and to be ogled. Burying them in the family plot in Lithuania makes sense because Will is family, but it also requires Hannibal to go back to a place he can’t go. Hannibal could cremate the bones, but then what? Spreading the ashes doesn’t seem like something he would do; he can’t know what happens to them. Keeping Will in an urn on his desk or a shelf also feels out of character, a memory collecting dust.

What if Hannibal had Will’s ashes pressed into pencil lead? There are ways to compress ashes into something that could be written with or drawn. What if Hannibal draws Will with his own ashes, commemorating him in a completed cycle. Sketching the man with his own remains. Remembering Will as he saw him, recreating moments they shared from Hannibal’s mind palace. Having Will live forever in depictions of himself. Hannibal would never be truly left behind. And Hannibal would sharpen the pencils as he always had; he isn’t unfamiliar with taking a blade to Will. Shaving off a layer but keeping him sharp.

Displaying and keeping art made from Will’s ashes would mean so much more than a reconstructed skeleton or an urn on a shelf or a plot that would become overgrown with weeds. He could draw Will in motion, alive, as he wished to remember him, and create moments and memories they didn’t get to experience together.

What if Heaven truly exists but not in the shape we expect? What if it is another world, another dimension, another universe. What if death wasn't death? What if this life is just the first step of a bigger plan? What if this is just a dream? Too many questions, too little answers.

Maybe we just have to live day by day, focusing on this life, on this moment. We don't know what we'll find on the other side, after death; we could become stars, dust, shadows. Appreciate every sorrow, every happy moment, because they'll never come back. Don't be who you were meant to be, be who you wanna be and live. Like, actually live; don't survive, but live.

boob window showing off the gaping hole in my chest

my new year’s resolution is to become even more cryptic, eldritch, monstrous, blood-sucking and unholy. and maybe tidy my room.

ADHD wrapped

You took 15 600 milligrams of goverment assigned meth

You forgot to take your medicine 105 times

You spent 73 hours on the toilet doing something weird to your body hair or nails

You had to throw away 7 loafs of bread because you forgot about them and they grew mold

You spent 720€ on items you never used

You forgot to make 6 important calls

You gained 12 new hobbies that turned out to be a new object you thought would change your life. You don't even remember buying the crocheting stuff thats haunting your bedroom.

“Sean was very much Sam for me. You know, always looking after me, being there for me.” - Elijah Wood (2001) // “Well, I felt very, um… protective over Elijah, for no reason. He could take care of himself fine.” - Sean Astin (2012)

Thank you, it's beautiful! I love it.

✨ Astronomy student✨

Moodboard for @selenesparis