Thoughts On Being Gay?

THE COMPANY OF WOLVES (1984) dir. Neil Jordan

Rosaleen & The Huntsman/The Wolf

haiku #9, tathev simonyan

Eboshi: THIS IS NOT A GAME!

Ashitaka: No, it most certainly is not.

San: Why are you doing this?

Eboshi: Yes, I’d quite like to know that as well. Why risk putting your life in further jeopardy?

Ashitaka: (*pissed off at this point*) BECAUSE IT’S NOT A GAME, EBOSHI! This is a scale model of war. Every war, ever fought, right here in front of you. Because it’s always the same. The moment you lay a hand on your sword, no matter how right you feel, you have no idea who’s going to die! You don’t know whose children are going to scream and suffer! How many hearts will be broken? How many lives shattered? How much blood will spill until everybody does, what they’re always going to have to do from the very beginning? SIT! DOWN! AND! TALK!

eventually you realize you don’t want to die. you just don’t want to live the life you’re living. and slowly you try to create a life you want to live. just gotta start there.

never related to authors being like "childhood is such a blessed innocent time", catch me with that jane eyre shit like "such dread as children only can feel" and "I then sat with my doll on my knee til the fire got low, glancing round occasionally to make sure nothing worse than myself haunted the shadowy room"

fuck him on the senate floor friday

guys I finally did it. I procrastinated something so hard I actually made a uquiz.

if a sword is like an extension of the wielder. and a sword can be said to have its own identity. then can a sword not feel grief and sorrow at being forced to clash with its opponent forged in the same crucible but forced to turn against it. can a sword not cry out in the screech of metal on metal from the pain of betrayal.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture

 Okay we don’t talk about Ty Lee and Mai betraying Azula enough. Specifically how it contrasts so directly with their introduction in season 2. 

Azula never expected them to betray her. She thought Mai and Ty Lee feared her too much to betray her. She got them to join her out of fear: Ty Lee by using her political position to get the circus master to put Ty Lee in danger for her entertainment. She sent the message to Ty Lee that “you can and will be in as much danger as I choose you to be” and expected that message to stick. And Ty Lee was scared. She feared for her own life, which was why she did everything Azula wanted. Azula made it clear that with any hesitation or hint of betrayal, she wouldn’t hesitate to do away with her. Ty Lee knew the second she wasn’t useful, there was no telling what Azula would do. Her happiness and safety wasn’t a priority for anyone. 

With Mai, she interrupted the hostage trade off in Return to Omashu by asking why they were trading a two-year-old (Mai’s brother) for King Bumi. And she did it at the right moment to put Mai on the spot, making it very clear what decision Mai should choose if she didn’t want to face consequences. Azula knew that Mai wasn’t the type to step out of line, not even for someone she loved. She sent Mai the message that “who you care about is not as important as what I want”. And she expected that to stick. 

But then in Boiling Rock, there’s a hostage situation again and while Azula was about to let Zuko get dropped into a boiling lake, Mai decided that, no, this time she wasn’t going to let Azula choose for her. She knew Azula was wrong when she told her to not trade for her brother, but she was scared then. Mai has so much love not just for Zuko, but for her family and Ty Lee. She always cared but was afraid to show it. She was afraid to step out of line, of the consequences. That goes back to how her parents treated her and how she was taught to be complacent and quiet or else. After a life of acting in a way that would make others happy, Mai get this moment where she steps out of line and chooses for herself. 

They both get this moment where they choose love and it’s so good not just because of the unconditional aspect of their friendship, but because they both get to push past their insecurities and fears to save the people they love. They get this moment of strength after being put down for so long. 

Mai decides that who she loves is more important than what Azula wants. Ty Lee decides that what she wants, for Mai to be safe, is more important than what Azula wants. These two spent most of the series under Azula’s thumb, having their insecurities and fatal flaws exploited and pushed to do things they didn’t want to do to make Azula happy. But they overcame their internal struggles and get to chose love in the end.