If You Watched And Loved The Bear And Feel Like Crying Some More You Should Watch Boiling Point (2021)

I miss Jude.

Sometimes I don’t know what I really mean by that. At least right now what I mean is that I miss reading his dialogue. A good amount of the book is about his thoughts and actions. But his conversations —his innocent questions, his sarcastic humor, his petulant stubbornness, his lengthy discussions about law and math — are precious to me. I miss reading him speak.

Some days I miss his routines, other days I miss his introspection. Today I miss his voice, even though I’ve never heard it before.

a man of culture 🫖

As a licensed therapist, let me tell you that the most success I’ve found with patients is not being uwu soft happy thoughts guy, and instead being someone that validates all the rage, anger, frustration and sorrow they have. Curbing it with fake positivity is unhealthy and self-destructive. Express it. If you need to cry, you cry, if we need to rage, we rage, if you aren’t good with words, we can do something more physical; I bought cheap plates one time, for this 16 year old girl who just couldn’t communicate and convey properly, then we smashed them together whenever our slow conversation touched on the things that truly hurt her, the idea being that giving a physical component to speech could help her organize ideas better, and it worked.

And after we get all that rage out of you, after we validate and shape it into something that’s nothing to be ashamed of and that needn’t be kept in a little cloister until it blows you to kingdom come, then we talk about how beautiful shit can be once rage and frustration are things you can grab by the throat. Yeah it’s not going to solve everything because a lot of psychological issues are symptoms of a greater root problem, and a lot of times, you don’t have mental illness, you simply don’t have money, but with that wholly on the table? Yeah it becomes easier to navigate potential solutions and increase resilience.

But seriously, “fake it until you make it” has a lot of merits but there’s a big red line that says “FAKE HAPPINESS” that you shouldn’t cross. Can’t blame you if you do, because we are taught “negative” emotions exist (they don’t) and that we have to repress and never ‘fail’. Fuck up a lot, and learn from it, learn how to get angry in a way that helps you and doesn’t hurt others. Way more productive than thinking happy thoughts.

“Eun-hee… When you’re tired or sad, try looking at your fingers. Then, one by one, move them around. It’ll feel very mysterious. You feel like you can’t do anything, but you can move your fingers.”

House of Hummingbird (2018), written and directed by Kim Bora

I just watched Paprika (2006). The storyline was interesting, and I loved the animation. However, the fatphobia throughout the film was disappointing to see, especially coming from Chiba during that elevator dream scene.

Amores perros (2000)

Dogs shouldn’t have to put up with us.  The characters in Amores perros create a cruel world, or perhaps they think they can only succeed in an illegal manner.  But there are dogs in all of these people’s lives, too.  They come in many forms, but they suffer in similar ways.  Cofi is a rottweiler who has a very “no thoughts head empty” energy during many scenes.  But he is a killer.  In another world Richie is like a toy but suffers because his masters are incompetent.  He gets lost under the ground and maybe dies. Iñárritu understands the experiences of his characters and uses them to great effect.  The dogs in this film are vessels for empathy.  They distill their owners’ existences down to the most powerful truth.  Much blood is spilled but the dogs are constant.  It is a cruel experience for the audience because there is no rest for them; they simply have to survive the film. 

Amores perros represents Alejandro Gonzalez Iñárritu’s best and worst instincts.  It has all his talent but also all his worst impulses.  He adopts a narrative structure like the films of Quentin Tarantino or others, a tapestry of characters interweaving.  The camera moves with a hand-controlled panic to pull us into the world. We constantly bump into other narratives, one line intersecting with the other as these characters affect each other in small or large ways.  Minor details in one moment are important in others.  Iñárritu creates a trap for his characters and then has doubts if he wants to engage.  At times he has great power.  It’s exciting and sad.  I too aspire to be a radical liberal turned doggo-tor.  But it’s incredibly hard to watch the scene when all the dogs in our protect die because Cofi only knows one way of life.  Humans destroy the lives of dogs.  I openly cried for the final minutes.  We cannot learn.  We cannot change.  Young people never learn to find healthy outlets for their emotions.  The only way to succeed is to offend and cause suffering.

THE RULES

SIP

Someone says ‘Cofi’ or ‘pandejo’.

Grainy TV footage.

Crazy baby toys.

An advertisement for Enchant appears somewhere.

Sick ‘00s beat drops.

A sum of money is named.

BIG DRINK

A part title appears onscreen.

The narrative jumps perspectives.

A scene isn’t abjectly miserable.

Hot take: Bird Box: Barcelona was better than the OG Bird Box

One thing that amazes me about Dark is how it managed to portray Jonas and Martha as the darkest of villains (both committing mass murder by causing the Apocalypse, ordering several murders, kidnappings, lying and manipulating people) while at the same time portraying them as such selfless heroes.

Because when you think about it, Jonas and Martha are actually incredibly selfless and heroic. When they are told that they need to go to the origin world to save it and end the knot, and that by doing so, not only would they cease to exist but their entire worlds and the people they loved would also cease to exist, they both agree to sacrifice themselves immediately (Jonas agrees on the spot, and Martha only needs five seconds to compose herself and agree). And this moment is a very selfless moment for both of them.

I've seen so many people argue that Martha/Eva is selfish, that she only does the things she does so that her son and the people she loves would exist, and yet this moment at the end pretty much disproves this. She is faced with the choice of either continuing the loop of suffering to let her loved ones exist, or saving the original world, and she chooses to save the original world and end the time loop, knowing full well she and everyone she loved would cease to exist. This just goes to show that Eva's goal was never truly just about her family and loved ones, but about preserving life, and when she learns that there's a way to end the knot and preserve life in the origin world, she readily sacrifices herself.

This moment is also an incredibly selfless moment for Jonas as well. One could try to argue that Jonas ending his own existence was something he always wanted, so his sacrifice in the end isn't really all that selfless. But I don't think that's true for the Jonas at this point in time. This Jonas isn't suicidal yet. This is the Jonas that a year ago cried before Elisabeth hung him, because he didn't want to die. This is the Jonas who gave Martha a goodbye kiss when he thought he would cease to exist and was devastated as he walked away from her. Sure, Jonas at this point in time was already seeking a way to erase his own existence, but it wasn't because he wanted to die: it was because he believed that by erasing his own existence, he would save the people he loved (Michael, Martha and everyone else). And sacrificing himself to save the origin world doesn't give him anything he wanted: not only he didn't want to die, but he definitely didn't want to erase the existence of Martha, Mikkel and everyone else. But he still chooses to make this sacrifice, because he believes that it's the right thing to do. At the end, he is not relieved to fade out of existence: he and Martha are both clearly terribly sad and devastated about the sacrifice they've made.

Which is why I believe that both Adam and Eva were never truly selfish: Eva truly believed that she needed to keep the loop to preserve everyone's lives, and Adam truly believed that the only salvation for humanity would be to not exist. We can question their beliefs, of course, but I truly do think they were both selfless and idealistic about what they were doing. And they both moved mountains to do what they believed was right.

I also think it's incredibly fascinating to think about how such selfless heroes could go down such villainous paths all due to the time loop. They are both good people at their core, so really, if it weren't for the time loop, none of them would have ever been capable of committing the atrocities they committed. Jonas only starts to become Adam after trying to change things and realizing that things would always happen no matter what he tries, and after believing that he needed to ensure his own past in order to finally end things. Martha only agrees to follow Eva and gives up on fixing things (like she promised Jonas she would do) because she learns what will happen to the version of her who does try to change things (she will get murdered by Adam) and because she believes she needs to keep the loop to ensure everyone's lives. Jonas and Martha would never do all the things they do (murders, kidnappings, causing the apocalypse, lies and manipulations, traumatizing their younger selves) if it weren't for the time loop that pretty much forces them to do these things.

Which is why their stories are such amazing tragedies and why they're such complex characters. It's a story that shows how two selfless heroes who would willingly sacrifice themselves to save the world can still be forced by circumstances outside of their control to do such terrible things.

BEEF (2023) EP 10 | “Figures of Light” 

LITTLE FOREST (2018), dir Yim Soon-rye