Carmy Vs Syd The Bear, Season 1-3

An Cailín Ciúin // The Quiet Girl (2022)

Kazu-kun & Chizuru

I talked about Kazu-kun last time, and now I wanted to talk about how his character mirrors Chizuru's.

They are both close friends of Sakuko who fall in love with her. Which obviously is a problem since Sakuko is aroace and not interested in dating her friends.

And I want to talk about how they are almost perfect opposite of each other.

Kazu-kun struggles a lot to understand how Sakuko can be uninterested in love, and gets pushy about it (refusing to let her break up with him, moving in and asking invasive questions). Chizuru has known (and accepted) for a long while that Sakuko isn’t interested in love and therefore that her feelings would never be reciprocated.And because the show already has Kazu-kun to explore the amatonormativity-is-a-bitch side of things, Chizuru gets to just be an example of a very common tragedy of human relationship — sometimes you just don’t want the same thing, and it’s sad but there is nothing to do about it.

Kazu-kun is very clear about his feelings for Sakuko, to the point of making them everyone else’s problem. Chizuru hides her feelins for Sakuko to avoid bothering her with them, to the point nobody knows they even exist.

Kazu-kun does everything he can to stay at Sakuko’s side, including forcing his way into moving in with her and refusing to let her break up properly. Chizuru cuts off contact, moves away and changes her number.

The first thing I want to talk about is how this is so very clearly a gendered dynamic.

Kazu-kun, has I’ve said already, starts off as a very Entitled Straight Man™. And that informs everything he does in how he treats his feelings to Sakuko. He expects his feelings to be returned the same way most straight men are taught they’re owned women’s attention. He wants to be present in her life and he wants answers to his questions and he has very little qualms about how he gets what he wants, because once again men are taught they deserve women but rarely to care how their actions make others feel.

On the other hand, Chizuru is not only a woman, but she’s also a shappic woman in love with another woman. Both these things heavily influence how she deals with her feelings for Sakuko.

Firstly, she’s a woman. She has most likely been taught not to bother anyone with her feelings, while learning to be mindful of other people’s feelings. She’s also aware that unwanted romantic attention can hurt, in a way most men aren’t. She’s of course especially aware of it in relation to Sakuko, since she’s known her for years and knows very well Sakuko isn’t interested in love with anyone.

Secondly, she’s a woman in love with another woman. And like a lot of other sapphic women, she’s afraid of her attraction to women being invasive, dirty, or predatory. It’s particularly true here because Sakuko is a long-time friend, so attraction can feel like it’s “tainting” an otherwise “pure” friendship, or “invading” with “dirty feelings” what was supposed to be a safe space; and because Sakuko is AroAce, which in this perspective makes her even more “pure”, and therefore makes the “stain” even more unforgivable.

Hence why she runs away and cut all ties with Sakuko — when Kazu-kun doesn’t, even though he’s facing the same unrequited-love situation.

So yes, the dynamic between Kazu-kun and Chizuru is 100% a gendered dynamic. They could have had the same parallels with two men, but it would have felt and read very differently.

The second thing is: in the end, the both hurt Sakuko.

Chizuru, by desperately trying not to impose her feelings on Sakuko, still imposes her decision to leave and cut ties. Sakuko is hurt when their plans to live together fall through, worried when she can’t reach Chizuru, and hurt again when Chizuru explains why she cut ties and that they can’t go back to being friends (yet).

Kazu-kun drags her into a relationship she doesn’t actually want, then refuses to break up with her, then invades her privacy. Sakuko ends up needing to be the one to officially break up which hurts her too (though Kazu-kun accepts it with grace and keeps being her friend).

Even though they had opposite ways to deal with their feelings for Sakuko, they both did it in a way that worked for themselves without asking Sakuko’s input, and ended up hurting her in the process.

It’s the illustration of a very old fear of mine, that I believe is fairly common among aros : loosing friends because they fell in love with me. It’s not a fear exclusive to aros; it’s the driving tension in almost all friends-to-lovers stories; but it’s very prevalent in the aro community for obvious reasons.

It’s also an example of how amatonormativity fucks up relationships. Both Kazu-kun and Chizuru are first acting under the idea that romantic love comes first and is more important than anything else — that it justifies breaking up a very close friendship with no explanation or invading someone else’s privacy.

But thirdly, having two parallels situations also allows for nuances.

I have talked a lot about amatonormativity in these analysis, for very good reasons (such as it being the show’s main theme). But it’s not the end-all be-all. Even in a perfect society with no stupid rules and expectations, people’s feelings would still be messy and hurt sometimes. And having two different relationships to explore the friend-falls-in-love-with-your-aro-ass-what-do-you-do allows the show a real space for nuances.

Sometimes deconstruction works. Sometimes you take a step back and realize most of your problems came from assumptions and rules that have no real basis, and you’re able to work through them.

Kazu-kun does come to the realization that things can be done differently, which is shown when he asks Sakuko to be in a QPR with him instead of a romantic relationship. It’s him realizing that while their feelings may never be the same, they could make a relationship work if they focus on what they actually want to do together — for example, they enjoy karaoke together as new colleagues, as lovers, and as situationship-it’s-complicated-we’re-maybe-on-a-break. And when Sakuko refuses, he’s the one reassuring that they can stay friends, because he now understands that they can keep enjoying karaoke as friends.

But sometimes feelings are just messy. Sometimes even once the air is cleared you still hurt. Sometimes you don’t feel and want the same things and no amount of deconstruction or compromise will solve that.

Chizuru is still hurting that her feelings aren’t and will never be reciprocated. And the show allows her that. She hurt Sakuko, yes, but the situation is unfair to both of them. They don’t want the same thing and it’s hurting both of them and no one is really in the wrong.

Could Chizuru have dealt with the situation better? Obviously yes. Is there amatonormativity (and probably some internalized homophobia) at play? Yes of course. But even outside of all that, there are still tangled, hurting feelings.

And because the show already has Kazu-kun to explore the amatonormativity-is-a-bitch side of things, Chizuru gets to just be an example of a very common tragedy of human relationships — sometimes you just don’t want the same thing, and it’s sad but there is nothing to do about it.

And Chizuru does say that she wants to go back to cutting Sakuko’s hair, to be her friend. But she needs the space to sort her feelings first.

You are allowed to exist alone in public btw. You're allowed to go to the movies alone and go out to eat alone and hang out in a park alone and go for a walk alone and whatever else. It isn't weird or creepy, it doesn't make you lonely or a loser or whatever. You are allowed to just exist as yourself.

LITTLE FOREST (2018), dir Yim Soon-rye

Little Forest

Watched: 12.03.2023

Hit pause on the turning point.This movie is a gentle reminder that it’s okay to just take a moment to breathe and figure yourself out - be it a day, month or a year. There is no point in chasing after things that do not bring you peace and happiness. Yes, you still need to deal with your responsibilities, you need an income to support yourself financially, but that does not mean you need to desire and want what everyone else strives for. We are all different, with different motivations and needs. One person enjoys a fast paced environment, someone else needs more calmness in their surroundings. There are no right and wrong answers in how to live your life, as long as you are not hurting others.

And that’s basically what the movie is about - Hye Won putting her life on pause as she tries to figure out what she truly wants, and if the goal she was trying to reach so far is what she truly desires. She reconnects to her roots, reignites her old friendships and slowly learns about her mother’s decisions in the past - understanding things she was not able to understand when she was younger.

What Little Forest offers is comfort and warmth. Beautiful scenery and amazing short cooking scenes. A message that simple life is meaningful. That making amends with your past is the way to move forward, even if it means starting from the beginning.

Additionally, we get an amazing cast delivering perfect performances. Honestly speaking, the movie is Kim Tae Ri’s, and Kim Tae Ri’s only. She carries the whole film. She fits the rural slice of life genre so well, I would have no issue watching a full 16 episodes show based on Little Forest.

Overall, big recommendation for anyone who loves a calming slice of life content with few cooking scenes that will make you hungry.

Amores perros (2000)

Dogs shouldn’t have to put up with us.  The characters in Amores perros create a cruel world, or perhaps they think they can only succeed in an illegal manner.  But there are dogs in all of these people’s lives, too.  They come in many forms, but they suffer in similar ways.  Cofi is a rottweiler who has a very “no thoughts head empty” energy during many scenes.  But he is a killer.  In another world Richie is like a toy but suffers because his masters are incompetent.  He gets lost under the ground and maybe dies. Iñárritu understands the experiences of his characters and uses them to great effect.  The dogs in this film are vessels for empathy.  They distill their owners’ existences down to the most powerful truth.  Much blood is spilled but the dogs are constant.  It is a cruel experience for the audience because there is no rest for them; they simply have to survive the film. 

Amores perros represents Alejandro Gonzalez Iñárritu’s best and worst instincts.  It has all his talent but also all his worst impulses.  He adopts a narrative structure like the films of Quentin Tarantino or others, a tapestry of characters interweaving.  The camera moves with a hand-controlled panic to pull us into the world. We constantly bump into other narratives, one line intersecting with the other as these characters affect each other in small or large ways.  Minor details in one moment are important in others.  Iñárritu creates a trap for his characters and then has doubts if he wants to engage.  At times he has great power.  It’s exciting and sad.  I too aspire to be a radical liberal turned doggo-tor.  But it’s incredibly hard to watch the scene when all the dogs in our protect die because Cofi only knows one way of life.  Humans destroy the lives of dogs.  I openly cried for the final minutes.  We cannot learn.  We cannot change.  Young people never learn to find healthy outlets for their emotions.  The only way to succeed is to offend and cause suffering.

THE RULES

SIP

Someone says ‘Cofi’ or ‘pandejo’.

Grainy TV footage.

Crazy baby toys.

An advertisement for Enchant appears somewhere.

Sick ‘00s beat drops.

A sum of money is named.

BIG DRINK

A part title appears onscreen.

The narrative jumps perspectives.

A scene isn’t abjectly miserable.

Hannibal s1e7 "Sorbet" | s2e7 "Yakimono"

One thing that amazes me about Dark is how it managed to portray Jonas and Martha as the darkest of villains (both committing mass murder by causing the Apocalypse, ordering several murders, kidnappings, lying and manipulating people) while at the same time portraying them as such selfless heroes.

Because when you think about it, Jonas and Martha are actually incredibly selfless and heroic. When they are told that they need to go to the origin world to save it and end the knot, and that by doing so, not only would they cease to exist but their entire worlds and the people they loved would also cease to exist, they both agree to sacrifice themselves immediately (Jonas agrees on the spot, and Martha only needs five seconds to compose herself and agree). And this moment is a very selfless moment for both of them.

I've seen so many people argue that Martha/Eva is selfish, that she only does the things she does so that her son and the people she loves would exist, and yet this moment at the end pretty much disproves this. She is faced with the choice of either continuing the loop of suffering to let her loved ones exist, or saving the original world, and she chooses to save the original world and end the time loop, knowing full well she and everyone she loved would cease to exist. This just goes to show that Eva's goal was never truly just about her family and loved ones, but about preserving life, and when she learns that there's a way to end the knot and preserve life in the origin world, she readily sacrifices herself.

This moment is also an incredibly selfless moment for Jonas as well. One could try to argue that Jonas ending his own existence was something he always wanted, so his sacrifice in the end isn't really all that selfless. But I don't think that's true for the Jonas at this point in time. This Jonas isn't suicidal yet. This is the Jonas that a year ago cried before Elisabeth hung him, because he didn't want to die. This is the Jonas who gave Martha a goodbye kiss when he thought he would cease to exist and was devastated as he walked away from her. Sure, Jonas at this point in time was already seeking a way to erase his own existence, but it wasn't because he wanted to die: it was because he believed that by erasing his own existence, he would save the people he loved (Michael, Martha and everyone else). And sacrificing himself to save the origin world doesn't give him anything he wanted: not only he didn't want to die, but he definitely didn't want to erase the existence of Martha, Mikkel and everyone else. But he still chooses to make this sacrifice, because he believes that it's the right thing to do. At the end, he is not relieved to fade out of existence: he and Martha are both clearly terribly sad and devastated about the sacrifice they've made.

Which is why I believe that both Adam and Eva were never truly selfish: Eva truly believed that she needed to keep the loop to preserve everyone's lives, and Adam truly believed that the only salvation for humanity would be to not exist. We can question their beliefs, of course, but I truly do think they were both selfless and idealistic about what they were doing. And they both moved mountains to do what they believed was right.

I also think it's incredibly fascinating to think about how such selfless heroes could go down such villainous paths all due to the time loop. They are both good people at their core, so really, if it weren't for the time loop, none of them would have ever been capable of committing the atrocities they committed. Jonas only starts to become Adam after trying to change things and realizing that things would always happen no matter what he tries, and after believing that he needed to ensure his own past in order to finally end things. Martha only agrees to follow Eva and gives up on fixing things (like she promised Jonas she would do) because she learns what will happen to the version of her who does try to change things (she will get murdered by Adam) and because she believes she needs to keep the loop to ensure everyone's lives. Jonas and Martha would never do all the things they do (murders, kidnappings, causing the apocalypse, lies and manipulations, traumatizing their younger selves) if it weren't for the time loop that pretty much forces them to do these things.

Which is why their stories are such amazing tragedies and why they're such complex characters. It's a story that shows how two selfless heroes who would willingly sacrifice themselves to save the world can still be forced by circumstances outside of their control to do such terrible things.

honestly I love ash from fantastic mr fox so much because sometimes you have a parent who’s so impressive you’re never gonna live up to them and it’s all you want.

i’d rather be an athlete he is so me wanting to be as smart as my dad lol

and it’s not necessarily anything to do with them, you just want to be worthy of being their kid and others might not see you as?

which makes it so fucking emotional when ash and mr fox have that conversation- i’m so glad he was you