I'm In Line For A Ride Behind A Gay Couple And They Keep Kissing, Which Nothing Against The Gays (I Am

One of them will have to get finished eventually, right???

I think the discussion that made time loops my brand was entirely confined to Twitter, so since this website has gone all in on time loops of late, here, have the story:

Several years ago, I suggested to my wife that we have an agreement that if either one of us ever came to the other and said that we were in a time loop, we just accept that it's real and get on with things, thereby eliminating the frustration of the looping partner having to convince the other one every day.

She REFUSED. Because "time loops aren't real."

Well, we had this debate on and off for several years, and finally, she got tired of me bringing it up and agreed. So now we have a deal: We'll believe each other, but if I ever do it as a joke, the deal's off.

It turns out that the reason that my wife has been refusing to make this agreement is less that time loops aren't real, and more that she's concerned I would come to her one day, claim to be in a time loop, and then the next day declare the time loop had finally broken. And since that is, of course, exactly what it would look like to her if I really was in a time loop, she'd have no way of proving it.

I explained to her that she's completely right, that would be incredibly funny, but I'd never do it because there's a part of me that is legitimately nervous that I will actually end up in a time loop one day, and I need her to believe me.

Putting an opera singer, a beyoncé wanna-be, and a musical theater kid in the same singing group and expecting them to sound good is not a good idea

just a pro tip

At Christmas, my mother always makes a big pile of all the wrapping paper so we can "play" (think a leaf pile) in it for a few seconds once we've opened all the presents

All the while my dad stands anxiously nearby, ready with his trash bags, just waiting to swoop in when my mom gets tired

Whenever Technoblade wasn't an anarchist war hero he was the bugs bunny of the dream smp. He hid on a wanted poster of himself. He avoided a death trap by sending skeppy to go in, get exploded off camera and show up covered in ashes until he made it through. He met god and wasted a wish on a bell. Hbomb made him another death trap disguised as a playground and he made it through like it really was one. I am convinced he could have walked out of the prision if he had improvised a dress out of his cape and winked at Sam

Y'all check on your law school friends. The bar is soon they are not okay

Continuing my agenda about Bruce and Jason becoming the most annoying and dramatic people after fixing their relationship, and making others roll their eyes, because, come on, we all need that. And because Bruce is as dramatic as others; he kinda technically was inspired by Zorro when becoming Batman, alright? That tells a lot.

Anyway, no thoughts, just Bruce and Jason annoying everyone with being the most melodramatic duo ever.

Jason, appearing in the Batcave out of the sudden, swaying a little: Hey Dick, worried: Hey. Are you okay? You rarely drop by like this... Jason, stopping by Bruce's armchair, dramatically slumping over: I... I came here today, because I lost my last battle... Bruce, who senses his bullshit, but plays along: Oh no, champ, what's wrong? Dick, activating mother-hen: SHOULD WE CALL ALFRED? ARE YOU- Jason, sniffling: Battle... Battle with... Loneliness. Bruce, with a short smile on his face: (theatrically puts Britney's Baby One More Time exactly on "My loneliness is killing me" line) Dick, groaning: YOU BOTH-

Jason, spawning in the middle of the day in WE, behind Bruce's back: Old man, protocol 222. Asap. You have five minutes. Bruce, standing up abruptly: Oh, okay. Bruce, with his stern father voice on: Jason, you are disowned. Jason: Fuck you!!! Tim, who was sitting in the same cabinet, watching as Jason storms off: Excuse me? Bruce: He is either watching some movie or reads a book about daddy issues, so he needs to get into a mood. Please, continue your analysis. Tim: ...What the fuck.

Duke: I was always a little curious... What was your father like? No pressure, you don't need to answer if you don't want to. Jason: Well- Bruce, popping out of nowhere: How come you don't know what kind of father I am? Duke: Oh, no, I meant Jason's biological fa- Bruce, frowning: I am his biological father. Jason, because he is no less shit: Yeah, damn, didn't want to tell others, especially to Damian, since he will freak out... But apparently Bruce had a one-night stand thing with my bio mama. It is kinda a secret. Bruce, very pleased: Yeah. It is a secret... but you can probably say that, considering how alike we look. Jason: (nods) Duke, absolutely believing this shit, because had you seen this fucking family: Oh. Ok. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. Jason, beaming: Thanks, dude. That's why you are my favourite.

They're so confident about the imaginary content-restricting version of libraries that exist in their heads.

why is “get ___ed idiot” one of the funniest sentences in the english language