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Choose Me Instead - Masterlist

Last update: November 6th, 2020

Song Suggestions for “Choose Me Instead”

Chapter 1: Prologue

Chapter 2: Reunion

Chapter 3: Honesty

Chapter 4: Potions

Chapter 5: You

Chapter 6: Halloween

Chapter 7: Lies

Chapter 8: Slytherins

Chapter 9: Hogsmeade

Chapter 10: Dating

Chapter 11: Desperation

Chapter 12: Healing

Chapter 13: Christmas

Chapter 14: Reality

Chapter 15: Fireworks

Chapter 16: January

Chapter 17: Magical

Chapter 18: Revelations

More Chapters will follow soon!

Alexa Demie photographed by Prince Chenoa and Jacob Dekat for Galore Magazine (2019)

𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐲𝐬 ♢ 𝐩. 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐞𝐫

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 ➸ 1.8k 𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺 ➸ fratboy!peter parker x lighter skinned!reader ; “I won’t apologize for marking you up, everyone should know you’re taken.” 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ➸ SMUT 18+ MINORS DNI…. public(ish) sex, unprotected sex, creampie, choking, dry humping, fingering, teasing, wall sex, counter sex (if i missed anything, please let me know)

𝘢/𝘯 ➸ so i tried to be inclusive but this does deal with the reader having a lighter skin tone where hickeys can be shown :(( im sorry to all those who cant read this, 

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

    the music was muffled, the thickness of the walls, which stopped the sounds of the party going on outside from filling the bathroom, surprising you as his lips moved up and down your neck, sucking lightly. you knew that it wouldn’t leave a mark, too engulfed in the feeling of peter’s lips trailing back up to yours, a small whimper sounding into his mouth as he pulled away, resting his forehead against yours.

his lips pecked yours, repeating his past actions and connecting with your neck yet again, sucking harder, “hey, no marks, petey.” he chuckled against your shoulder, reluctantly pulling away before he spoke.

“hi,” he whispered, the tension in the room impalpable, the feeling of your panties sticking to you from under your dress making the position you were in uncomfortable. your legs wrapped around his waist, his very noticeable hard-on felt against your heat as his hands rested on your waist, holding you up against the wall.

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Hi! Ik it might take you a while to see this but here goes :) Can I request a Sirius x Reader, post-hogwarts (but when Lily and James were still alive) and reader and Sirius are in a toxic relationship where they truly love eachother but things are just always on and off, yk? And nobody ever knows wether they’re going to walk into the room all lovey dovey or walk into the room screaming at eachother, and you can decide the ending but please make it angsty :)

Pairing: Sirius Black x Female Reader Word Count: 4.7k Blurb: James and Lily plan a get-together to tell their friends some exciting news, but it doesn’t go to planned.  Warnings: Lot’s of fighting and yelling, toxic relationship and swearing, little bit of Jily where she keeps slapping James on the chest but it is playful and I couldn’t resist writing it I’m sorry.  A/N: Everyone in my inbox: ‘please write a part 2 to worst of you’, Me: *writes a fic with the same plot but at a different time*

Everyone seemed to freeze as a loud popping noise was emitted from outside the Potter household. It was an unusually warm January night and the Potter’s were glad the weather had held off for their usual ‘get-together’ with their school friends. 

“Five galleons that they’re angry at each other,” James’ smirk was soon replaced with a frown as Lily playfully slapped his shoulder. 

“James! They’re our friends, don’t be so mean,” she tsked and shook her head, standing up to let the visitors in and missing Remus’ slight nod to James. 

James, Remus and Peter sat in the Potter’s lounge room seemingly frozen as they anticipated the state in which their friends would arrive. They really didn’t intend to be so mean to them. They cared and loved for them and had practically grown up as they had spent most of their Hogwarts life with the both of them. Sure a lot of that time was spent separately, but it was still spent together.

They had begun dating in their fourth year, they were both young and in love and they were both the other’s first, well, everything. They broke up at the beginning of fifth year and Sirius had done it. Something about not wanting to be kept down his entire life and needing a change - the reasons seemed to blur after a while. They had remained friendly with the both of them, but neither of them could stand to be in the same room as the other so that made it quite difficult to spend time with either of them. Until just before Christmas when the odd couple got back together because during their time apart they had realised that there was no one else for them. Until the second week back at school when she claimed to come to her senses and had realised that Sirius was never going to change and she could not spend a second longer with him. That was, of course, until after exams during the small Common Room party when they had woken up to the two of them in Sirius’ bed. All was well until about a month later and then it became hard to keep up with their odd relationship. 

It wasn’t that they didn’t care about them - because they did care about them both very much - but it was hard trying to keep up with them when one minute they were having a screaming match in the Gryffindor Common Room for all the first years to gawk at and the other they were cuddled up on Sirius’ bed pathetically telling the other everything they loved about them. 

Everyone was concerned (more intrigued) about what would happen to the odd couple after Hogwarts but nothing seemed to change. They weren’t dating when they officially graduated Hogwarts but by the next week when James invited them all over for a graduation celebration they were practically joined at the hip. That was, of course, until Sirius realised that he was free now that he was out of Hogwarts which led to a very loud screaming match on the Potter’s front porch where the three boys and Lily were sat in a similar position to where they were now: silent and nervous as they listened to their friends crying outside. 

“Bit awkward that they bought a house together now, isn’t it?” James’ voice was unusually high as he tried to make light of the very awkward situation they were in when they heard a popping noise and realised the screaming had finally ended. Similarly, Lily had playfully slapped his shoulder and scoffed, going outside to go and comfort her crying her friend. 

After that break-up James had asked Lily what she thought they did now that they lived together as opposed to Hogwarts where they could break up and get together as much as they pleased, both having their own dormitory to resign to at the end of it all. Lily had, once again, playfully slapped his shoulder making him exasperatedly ask, ‘what?! I’m curious,’ and so was Remus and Peter. 

“Well don’t tell anyone this but she told me that they have separate rooms and sometimes when it’s really bad Sirius goes to The Leaky Cauldron.” Lucky Remus and Peter weren’t just anyone. 

Now it had been over a year since they had graduated and the odd couple were still on and off and were currently just getting over a break-up which had also occurred at the Potter household during their last get-together. But apparently Sirius had come to his wits and came knocking at her door at two in the morning begging for forgiveness and they were just about to see whether or not it had worked. 

“Sorry we’re so late,” the three boys looked at each other; eyes wide, “Sirius couldn’t decide what to wear.”

“I just want to look the best for you.” They heard a giggle and a smooching noise as Lily reassured them that they were hardly late. Remus smirked as he stood up and reached his hand out to a disgruntled James who sighed as he fished in his pockets for five galleons. 

James didn’t plan on making this a game (especially not with the amount of money he was losing), but how could they not when they knew that the two ‘lovers’ would walk in either at each other’s necks and fighting or at each other’s necks and leaving a few ‘marks’.

“Hi everyone,” she was beaming and cheerful and she came around to give a big hug to everyone with Sirius trailing behind her and doing the same, “we missed you so much.”

 The Potter’s had two single lounges on either side of a three-seater lounge all facing a small table and a fireplace. James and Peter were sat on either side of the three-seater with Lily resuming her place in the middle and Remus on one of the single-seaters. 

“C’mere love,” Sirius mumbled in her ear as his hand wrapped around her wrist and led her to the other single-seater, sitting himself down and bringing her to sit on his lap. She leant her head on his chest and he put his arms around her waist. 

She felt content. She was sure that no matter how strange and chaotic their relationship was, her and Sirius were meant to be together. They were the other’s first love and when she fit so perfectly into his embrace how could she ever think otherwise? 

Sirius let out a sigh and a small smile formed on his face. He wasn’t really sure about anything in his life but this just seemed to make sense. He gave her a little squeeze before pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Sure they had their moments, but isn’t love about getting through them all? 

Lily cleared her throat, trying to bring the attention of James, Peter and Remus to anywhere else but the odd couple. They were being anything but subtle with James and Peter’s bodies completely turned to face them and Remus practically off his seat all trying to get the best view of the time bomb sitting in front of them. 

“So, what have we all been up to since the last time we saw each other?” Lily regretted the words that left her mouth as soon as she said it, but she smiled confidently at them all as if she hadn’t said anything wrong. 

Of course, the last time they had all been together that bomb had gone off and they all had front row seats. 

Really, they should have seen it coming. Her cheerful smile was a blank expression and Sirius’ teasing comments were replaced with a, ‘they don’t know we broke up, just smile and act like everything is fine’ which they definitely weren’t meant to hear and which the odd couple definitely didn’t achieve. 

They had joked about it afterwards that it was the shortest amount of time it had taken them to start fighting. 

“Lily this wine is amazing, where did you get it from?” Sirius was sitting as far away from her as he could manage, their distance - lounges away - contrasting to the close proximity they were in now. 

“Oh, I got it from The Leaky Cauldron as a gift from Tom,” Lily seemed like she was about to continue before she was cut off. 

“I’m surprised you haven’t tried it if it’s from The Leaky Cauldron,” she couldn’t contain the smirk forming on her lips, “don’t you spend a lot of time there, Sirius?” She was going to stop there, she really was, but seeing Sirius’ hand clench on the arm rest seemed to ignite something in her and before she knew it she was asking, “or where you too busy fucking whatever whore came in that you didn’t have time to try their wine?” It took James, Peter and Remus every fibre of their being not to start whooping and shouting because as much as they loved Sirius, it was quite hilarious.

“Yes, I was actually,” Sirius stood up, “best sex I’ve ever had.”

“Oh shut up!” She stood and got up in his face. There was a moment of silence with Sirius’ glare challenging her sneer. Then, in a mumble which the rest of them could hardly make out he asked, “do you think I could have a word with you outside?”

“Gladly.” 

It was more than a word. It was actually a lot of words. A lot of mean and nasty words which they all could hear as they sat inside in a similar position to where they were the first time they had fought like this when they first left Hogwarts. It was oddly silent in the house, with the only noise being their two friends screeching at each other outside. 

“You’re the one who sent me to The Leaky Cauldron,” Sirius’ voice was shrill and loud. 

“Well maybe if you stopped acting like a child I wouldn’t have broken up with you,” her voice somehow was louder than his. 

“Well maybe if you weren’t always so serious about everything then I wouldn’t have to.”

“You always fucking do this Sirius,” her voice started out softly but it rose towards the end. 

“Whatever, I don’t need this,” he sighed and with a quick, “fuck this,” Sirius disapparated and soon she was awkwardly walking into the lounge-room, tears threatening to spill as she excused herself and went home for the night. 

“Well Sirius and I got back together,” she let out a small laughm turning her head to Sirius who was playfully rolling his eyes at her. 

Peter’s eyes widened, Remus almost choked on his drink and James cleared his throat as Lily laughed with her friend and gave James an encouraging kick to the shin so he would laugh with her. 

“Thank Merlin we did,” Sirius whispered, pressing a soft kiss to her nose as everyone let their awkward giggles die down. 

She knew what everyone thought of their relationship. People might say that she was dumb for constantly going back to Sirius, but they didn’t know him like she did. Sure they all had front row seats to their constant bickering and fighting but they weren’t there when they got home and were tangled up in each other's arms with Sirius telling her everything he loved about her. But, of course, she wasn’t naive enough to think that the people around them hadn’t spoken about the eventful ending to their last ‘get-together’ and so why not address the elephant in the room?

Sirius also knew what everyone thought of their relationship. But he didn’t like people knowing the details, he was very private when it came to his relationships and why did people need to know anything about it? 

But he still smiled at her because this was their friends she was speaking to, they were like family and maybe it was okay if she let slip a few details about their relationship. 

“Obviously, last time we were here it was a bit different,” she turned around to face everyone else, a small smile forming on her lips as Sirius hummed and made a conscious effort to unclench his jaw. “But Sirius came home and apologised and we made up and trust me, we definitely made up,” she giggled before opening her mouth to continue. 

“Okay, I think they get it, love,” Sirius let out an awkward giggle as he spoke through gritted teeth. 

“Well if they can hear us screeching on their front porch then they can-”

“Well they didn’t have to hear us screeching on their front porch.” Her head snapped around to look at him smiling sweetly at her.

“What is that meant to mean?” She squinted her eyes at him as he took his hands off her waist. 

“Nothing, my love.” Sirius let out a deep sigh before pressing a soft kiss to the top of her temple. They were finally in a good place and he really didn’t want to pick a fight with her right here in front of their friends. Again. 

She glared at him hoping that he would understand how mad she was at him for picking a fight and then ending it as if it was all her fault. 

There was an awkward silence before James cleared his throat and everyone’s attention was brought to James. 

She felt a heat rise to her chest in embarrassment as she realised how pathetic their little row actually was and as James opened his mouth to start speaking she mumbled an ‘I’m sorry’ to Sirius who brought his arms back around her waist and whispered an ‘it’s okay,’ before softly kissing her cheek and bringing his attention to James. Maybe he had overreacted. 

“So I know Lily and I always invite you over for little ‘get-togethers’ because you’re our family and we love you all and we want to stay this close forever.” He turned to Lily and placed a hand on her thigh. She put her hand over his and beamed. They all looked around at each other and smiled in an acknowledgement that they were family and they did love each other very much. 

“And while this is all very true, James and I actually invited you because, well,” her and James looked at each other and let out a breathy laugh, “we are going to be extending our family.” Their beaming faces turned to look at their friend’s confused ones before Lily almost screeched, “I’m pregnant!”

A chorus of cheers broke out in the small living room as everyone got up to hug the new parents. 

“Lily, oh my gosh!” she let out a squeal as she hugged her best friend before continuing, “I’m so excited for you, congratulations!” She hugged her tight before letting go and Lily grabbed her hands and placed it on her tummy both of them giggling in excitement. 

Peter, Remus and Sirius gave their congratulations to James, waiting until the two girls broke apart so they could congratulate Lily. 

“Congratulations, mate,” Sirius beamed, patting him on the back before continuing, “can’t wait to meet the little baby and teach them everything you won’t.”

Their previous little feud had been completely forgotten by the majority of the room, fortunately overshadowed by the good news from the soon-to-be-parents. Once everyone gave their congratulations they resumed their positions across the lounges, a sense of excitement filling in the room as everyone was still beaming at James and Lily. 

“Now we want you to know that choosing the godparents was a really hard decision,” Lily’s hand was wrapped around James’ arm as she looked around to everyone individually in the room, “and we don’t want anyone’s feelings to be hurt, because James and I will have more children.”

“That we will,” James smirked, turning his head to press a soft kiss to Lily’s head. Despite their smiles, their friends scrunched up their noses in disgust and playfully rolled their eyes. 

“But we had to make a decision,” they were trying to be sympathetic but the smiling faces of all their friends were infectious and they knew that no one would be offended, “and the godparents will be,” James paused for dramatic effect before turning towards the odd couple in the single-seated chair, “you two!” 

She stood up and beamed at Sirius, grabbing his face in her hands and pulling him in for a kiss before bringing her attention to James and Lily. She pulled them both into her arms and kissed their cheeks, both them letting out a chorus of ‘thank you’s’, ‘I love you’s’ and ‘I can’t wait’s’.

When they sat back down Sirius’ grip on her waist was much tighter and this time she placed her hand over his and gave it a big squeeze. 

“We promise to be the best godparents ever,” she gushed, a large smile forming on her face. 

“Yeah, we’ll let them do everything you won’t let them do,” Sirius continued making everyone laugh. 

“I don’t doubt that you will,” James and Lily shook their heads knowing that as much as the odd couple would live up to their promise, they would never put the baby in actual danger. Well not any real danger. 

If they were being honest, which they would never be to the odd couple, they really weren’t convinced on making them godparents. It wasn’t that they didn’t trust them, they would trust them with their lives if they really had to. Well, they would trust them individually. They were amazing friends individually, but when they were together it seemed only a matter of time before they would explode and as they had experienced from the last few years, they really didn’t care who ended up in the destruction. 

When James and Lily had discussed the topic of godparents it was quite obvious that the odd couple would be the perfect choice because Lily wanted her to be the godmother, being her closest friend and all, and Sirius, who was basically James’ brother, was perfect to be the godfather because he was her boyfriend. . 

Well, at the time he was her boyfriend, but that was not long before they had the massive fight at the Potter’s and their concerns about them being godparents began to grow. 

“Maybe it will bring them together?” James had suggested innocently, shrugging his shoulders and earning a playful slap to his shoulder from Lily. “What?”

“Oh yes that will be great,” Lily beamed sarcastically at him, “I can’t wait to introduce our child to their fighting godparents only to have them go off and fuck in a closet and forget about their godchild!”

But Lily was convinced on having her as a godmother and James was convinced on having him as a godfather and it would have been a bit weird if they had given it to her and Remus and that probably would have led to another fight. 

So they decided to wait until they were in a good spot until they broke the news to them and when she had owled Lily to tell her that Sirius had apologised and they were thinking about getting back together, Lily was ecstatic to hear this (for the first time) and immediately sent out owls to come to their house in two days. She didn’t want to leave it too late in case they broke up again. Usually it lasted a little longer, but honestly who knew with them. 

Maybe it was wrong on their behalf, but godparents didn’t technically need to be together anyways so all that mattered was that they were together when they told them as this was the best case scenario with the least risk of them getting into a fight. 

But even though it was the least riskiest, there was still a risk. 

“And you were going to ruin their announcement,” Sirius chuckled, squeezing his arms around her and making her unsure about how she was meant to take that comment. 

Everyone suddenly went quiet. 

“What do you mean?” She raised an eyebrow but she hadn’t turned to look at him yet. 

“Oh merlin,” Lily whispered as all smiles were wiped off their friends' faces as they braced themselves for the explosion. 

“You tried to pick a fight with me just before they announced it,” Sirius explained, still seemingly innocent to what the outcome of his comment was going to lead to. 

“I didn’t try to pick a fight with you.” She turned around to face him, giving him a confused look but still trying to force a smile. 

“Really, well it seemed like you-”

“You were trying to pick a fight with me, you always do.” She furrowed her eyebrows together as their friends stared intently at her seemingly unable to take their eyes away from the emerging disaster in front of them.  

“I do not,” Sirius huffed, getting defensive as he took his arms away from her waist. 

“You’re picking one right now!” Her voice was getting louder and her expression angrier and Sirius let out a sigh. 

“I’m sorry, love,” he pressed a kiss to her forehead and went to continue before he was cut off. 

“No,” she stood up, “you’re an ass Sirius Black.” She could feel the tears start to pool in her eyes and she wasn’t sure if it was due to the anger or the embarrassment. “You always pick a fight with me and then you apologise as if I’m the one being annoying.” 

Their friends shared a look as they all seemed to shrink back into their seats, their previous excitement getting lost in the explosion. 

“Well at least I’m not the one who always has to make a scene in front of our friends.” Sirius stood up and waved his hand around to their friends who all moved their eyes away before she could turn around and see them staring intently at them. 

“Oh fuck off Sirius,” she rolled her eyes and sniffled as she felt a tear fall down her cheek, “do you really think they can’t hear us when we ‘take it outside?’” She asked, teasing him for always wanting to do so when it was obvious they would be able to hear. 

“Can you just fucking stop?” His voice was booming, “Tonight was about James and Lily but you just couldn’t handle the attention not being on you for more than two minutes, could you?” He was pointing at her and she squinted at him, a few more tears falling down. 

“How dare you?” Her voice was beginning to tremble and she hated that he would think he had gotten to her. She wanted to turn to James and Lily and apologise for being such shitty friends and tell them that she was really happy for them, but it was easier to pretend that they weren’t there. 

“What? Speak the fucking truth?” Sirius taunted, stepping closer to her so their faces were inches apart. “Well congratulations because you ruined their announcement.”

“How dare you accuse me of being such a shitty friend when you’re the one who is always picking a fucking fight with me!” Her voice started soft but as she continued it got more heated and soon she was yelling at him. Sirius clenched his eyes shut and took a deep breath. 

“Fuck this,” he mumbled, “fuck this,” his voice got louder, “you always fucking ruin everything for me.” He leant down so his face was even closer to hers before standing back up and clearing his throat. He finally addressed the rest of his friends as she angrily wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I’m sorry that your announcement has been ruined, I’m really happy for you, mate,” he gave a sincere look to James and Lily, “and I am honoured to be their godfather. But I think it's time I went before anything escalates.” 

“I’m so happy you get to be the bigger person again,” she spat at him, but he didn’t acknowledge her words. 

He walked around the room and gave his friends a hug goodbye, congratulating them once more before giving her a dirty look and apparating to The Leaky Cauldron. 

He leant against the doorframe and took a deep breath. He really didn’t like fighting with her, as much as he did it and as much as people probably thought he liked it, he really hated it. But he just couldn’t help it. She knew exactly how to get his blood boiling and he knew exactly how to push her buttons but that was just because they knew each other so well. Too well, probably, considering their history. 

More than anything, he felt horrible for ruining his best friends, his brothers, announcement. He would never admit it but he did know that the fight wasn’t just one sided. It never was. He would get a room and write an apology to his friends immediately. Maybe they could celebrate together, with just him, to save any more dramas. 

There was the thought in the back of his head that he would be a godparent with her, but he decided to push it to the back of his head. He wouldn’t be able to sleep if he let his worries bubble to the surface. He wanted to be the best role model a godfather could be to this baby and at the moment he felt everything but. 

His heart ached as he replayed the image of the tears falling down her cheeks as she yelled at him and for a moment he considered apparating back to their house and holding her until she stopped crying and forgave him. 

He wiped the tears off his face and walked into the pub. 

She was mumbling out apologies any moment there was a silence. . 

“We are horrible friends, I am so sorry.” She wrapped her arms around both of them as they patted her back and told her it was okay, checking for the umpteenth time that she didn’t want to stay with them instead of going to a presumably empty house. “You’re too kind, but I just really want to go back to my comfortable bed.” And with one horrible attempt at a convincing smile she apparated back to her empty flat.

She threw herself on the bed and let out a muffled scream into her pillow. She hated that he knew exactly how to get her blood boiling and even though she knew exactly how to push his buttons, he had definitely initiated it tonight. 

She hated fighting with him, she hated the horrible twisty feeling she got in her tummy that always made her feel like everything inside of her was going to come out and she hated that he had the power to make her feel like this. 

But this time it was worse because even though they had fought in front of their friends many times, they had never brought so much attention to themselves when it really shouldn’t have been. She felt horrible and decided that first thing tomorrow she would owl Lily and meet up with them to properly celebrate. At least it would give her time to get a gift. 

Her mind wandered to the baby and how she was expected to be their godmother. Not that she wanted anything more than to be the best godmother the little baby could ever have, it was just that right now she didn’t know if she would ever be able to do so. 

For a moment she wanted nothing more than to have Sirius’ arms around her, shushing her and kissing the top of her head and stroking her back and telling her that everything was going to be fine. But she wasn’t sure that they were ever going to be anywhere near being fine. 

Back at the Potter’s the four friends sat in silence. No one knowing what to say. They shared a few looks and many sighs, but the tension was still leftover from the explosion and it seemed that no one knew what to say and no one really knew how to deal with the aftermath of the explosion. 

“So does this mean I get my five galleons back?” James asked innocently.  Lily shook her head and playfully slapped his shoulder as James whined when Remus shook his head. 

Raise your wand for Helen McCrory. /*

Hello👋 I am just here to say-

💛💛 (I'm feeling sappy today lol)

MY HEARTT🥺🥰🥺🥰🥺❤️💗💗💗 (literally me rn:)

“Why are they all staring?“ demanded Albus as he and Rose craned around to look at the other students. ”Don’t let it worry you,“ said Ron. ”It’s me. I’m extremely famous.”

#exactlywhatineed🥺

Hello👋 I am just here to say-

💛💛 (I'm feeling sappy today lol)

MY HEARTT🥺🥰🥺🥰🥺❤️💗💗💗 (literally me rn:)