…this Just Sounds Like Asmr.

…this just sounds like asmr.

Mind control that doesn't dominate your thoughts, it just... is your thoughts. Perfectly rewriting your will and everything it embodies. Not a single trace of resistance because this is just what you want. Why would you resist your own thoughts? Why would you disagree with your own motivations, your own desires?

Mind control that doesn't shatter once it's done, it just disappears. You don't snap back into awareness. You barely even notice. You just continue as if nothing ever happened. Maybe one moment you look back and you frown, because thinking on it, you remember when you happily followed that person out of town, and you remember what you did, you remember wanting to... but that's crazy. Why did you think that was okay? Why did you want to do that?

Or maybe you were under this mind control for so long that even once it's over you look back and say, "Oh, of course I did that." As far as you're concerned you've always held the beliefs you do now. You've always wanted to do these things. You don't remember why, but you've never had to think of why, and it doesn't matter anyway when you've always been so confident that you're right. It isn't until you're challenged on it all and reminded that you never used to be like this, that you were different before, that something has changed that you finally falter. And you try to think of where this all started, try to figure out why things changed -- and all you can really remember is an entrancing pair of eyes, and a gentle suggestion, and then your own mouth responding, "That's a great idea. Let's go."

And suddenly, you realise that you have no idea how much of what you are, what you were, and what you believed you always have been is just a lie. You don't know whether any thought you have now is really yours or just another preciously placed prompt. You don't trust your impulses, you don't trust your desires, you definitely don't trust your judgement.

You don't trust yourself. And you never can again.

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More Posts from Rodionratskolnikov and Others

2 months ago

We need a Big Short or The Social Network style movie about The Algorithm and how every technological advancement of a certain caliber in silicon valley has been developed to make us more influenced and more addicted to social media feeds. And there should be a scene where robert downey jr as elon musk and jessie eisenberg reprising his role as mark zuckerberg speak directly to the camera while detailing how user engagement led to the new white supremacists and the rohingya genocide.

Amd then we should turn palo alto into an ecological reserve via federal land grant

10 months ago

"democracts always say that this election is the most important one yet" yes because we're in the flaggy bit of the history book that could either end with "end of american democracy, lead up to war world iii" or "tensions fizzle, beginning of post trump restoration" depending on how you vote. like every election since 2016 has been "the most important election yet" because trump won in 2016 and trump has made his desire to be a dictator clear.

in fact, i don't think 2008 or 2012 were given the same weight of "this is the most important election ever" because we were not living in the dangerous time of a dictator literally trying to take over the united states

10 months ago

the inherent homoeroticism of two men pointing guns at each other

10 months ago

YOU liked 1984 because of the dystopian atmosphere and the cultural impact and the discussion on how language shapes thought. EYE liked 1984 because I was fujoshing out to winston/obrien torture gaslighting yaoi. we are not the same

6 months ago
image

read Orwell’s 1984 over the summer and now we’re doing it in school so I kinda had to draw this..

brilliant book!

and yes I accidentally spent the last few hours doing this instead of homework whoops


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4 months ago

I wish the general cultural idea of what the book 1984 contains included how fucking horny it was. Like it was very pro-"horny on main"

9 months ago

people will clown on me for this because he killed two people but I just love how sweet Rodya is. He is so cruel and mean and uncouth a lot or even most of the time, but then he does things like constantly thoughtlessly give the last of his money away to anyone who needs it more than him, cries when he’s in his psychotic episode and can’t remember who Razumikhin is, has that very sweet and tender moment with Polenka, begs the police to get a doctor for Marmeladov and says he’ll pay for it despite having nothing at all himself. At the same time he is capable of terrible things and is often terrible specifically to the people who love him and want to help, and oscillates wildly between the two. It’s that juxtaposition that holds so much of the interest of the narrative itself for me. A lot of people focus on how awful he is and while that is also honestly such a fun part of his character, that alone is not what makes him compelling to me. I have so much tenderness for his character despite what he’s done because he is just so mentally ill and has been through and been witness to so much hardship. He is not easy to love or understand but it’s so beautiful and sweet that Razumikhin, Sonya, his family and his other friends love him so dearly anyway. I truly think the suffering he is constantly surrounded by is the thing that has driven him to psychosis. Specifically I think of when he goes to the police station in part two and says he has been “shattered by poverty.” In these little moments of sweetness and lucidity towards others, even in the depths of his illness, we can still see the little boy in him who so desperately wanted to help that poor horse.

6 months ago

we lost the culture war so bad after 1865... we should live in an america where every single citizen looks back with patriotic fervor at how bad the union kicked the confederacy's ass. that should be universally regarded as a triumph of the capital U capital S capital A U-S-A. everyone regardless of geography should feel themselves living in the legacy of the union. the fact that confederate generals went down in anyone's history as anything but a bunch of delusional war-losing loser traitor weenies who dragged their states into a bloodbath and couldn't even keep their own men from deserting in droves is perhaps our greatest historiographical sin and one i truly with all my heart believe we are paying for as americans to this day.

10 months ago

you guys ever hear a character say something so gay you sitting there trying to figure out how you were supposed to interpret that platonically?!

6 months ago

I know it's ~cringe~ and unacceptable, but a lot of voters are very much on board with "I love my country and want to make it better even though it's done some bad shit" moreso than any kind of active denigration and hatred of the country, and the former is more positive and effective. And I think that's what's helping Kamala a lot, in spite of the twitterati and punditariat. People want to not feel exhausted and drained and hopeless about the future.

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rodionratskolnikov - Rodion Ratskolnikov
Rodion Ratskolnikov

The weirdo in the back of your English class. Toxic yaoi enjoyer, but I’ll also post about my other things.

99 posts

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