I’m So Tired I Need To Sleep But They

Friend: are you okay?

Me:

Me:

Me:[ Kaz slowly becomes more comfortable with physical contact with Inej. They share a bed on her ship and he always slips his gloves under his pillow. Inej won't allow him under the covers if he doesn't. Without gloves or not at all. Sometimes the dark harbor and dead bodies creeps back through his dreams and he bolts from the bed in a cold sweat, thinking the body he holds is Jordie and the lapping of the water is the harbor. Kaz escapes onto deck looking over the inky black water,his fingers flexing over the lifeless wood. Sometimes Inej will slip from the sheets to go stand silently beside his side until his hand seeks out her warm fingers, reminding himself who she was. That she was alive and breathing. That he wasn't that eight year old boy anymore. Sometimes she stays in bed and he doesn't return till the morning. ]

Me: I'm fine

Kaz :

Inej :

I think now I am losing my mind, noticing all these parallels between Kaz and Inej.

Cross out everything you’ve ever done:

Had a beer

Smoked an entire cigarette

Written on a bathroom wall.

Read a George Orwell book. 

Had a physical fight.

Used Twitter.

Listened to Lady Gaga

Been in a car accident. 

Gotten suspended. 

Gotten expelled.

Been allergic to something.

Got a computer virus.

Touched a real gun

Had a dog

Had a cat

Been pregnant.

Camped out

Swam in the ocean.

Wore a bikini 

Driven a car

Been sent to the principal.

Ever liked someone.

Failed a class.

Failed a test.

Went to summer school.

Got worse than a D

Got A’s and B’s.

Read an entire book.

Recorded my own music

Had an xbox.

Worn heels more than 3 days in a row. 

Wore fishnets.

Wore skinny jeans.

Hated someone.

Been cheated on.

Cheated on someone.

Practised Christianity. 

Worn makeup.

Lied to my parents about where I was going.

Had surgery.

Had my license.

Self harmed.

Worn coloured contacts

Painted my nails black.

Broken someone’s heart. 

Had my heart broken.

Cried for an hour straight 

Lost something very valuable.

Got separated from one of my parents as a kid.

Broken a bone.

Gotten stung by a bee.

Eaten something bad/expired

Threw up from being so drunk.

Saw someone throw up from being so drunk.

Danced with someone of the same sex.

Owned an ipod

Owned an iphone 

Fell for a best friend.

Stole a friend’s significant other.

Went far away from home for more than a week

Moved out.

Ran away.

Had a job.

Been fired.

Lied to a friend.

Lied to a family member.

Had a Facebook.

Posted a video on Youtube.

Started a rumour about someone.

Talked bad about someone

Deliberately failed a test.

Been skinny dipping.

Counted to a million.

Counted to a thousand.

Ate rabbit meat.

Ate duck meat.

Had fast food.

Been to Church.

Been to Canada

Been married.

Had a divorce.

Broke a glass.

Hugged someone today.

Texted someone today.

Received a phone call today.

Threw something out of the window.

Ignored a text from someone.

Wished you were somebody else.

Had my feelings hurt by a friend and never told them.

Been to a concert

Seen your favourite band live

Met a celebrity

Met your favourite band 

Own more than 10 CD’s

 samwinchesterwantsme done!

*taps microphone*

Inej Ghafa is actually a very morally grey character and failure to understand this proves that you don’t know what morally grey means

How Six of Crows taught me that it was okay to not always feel fine

Since today is World Mental Health Day, I wanted to address a side of Six of Crows that has always been quite an important aspect to me.  

Mental illness and awareness is a huge topic in today’s society, and right of the top of my head, I can think of some brilliant YA novels that talk about the subjects; The Perks of Being a Wallflower, It’s Kind of a Funny Story, Turtles all the Way Down, and so on. The list is endless. But there seems to be a distinct lack of YA fantasy books that deal with mental health topics. I did a google search, and sure, you could argue that Harry Potter suffers from PTSD (controversial topic which I’m not going to express my opinion right here), or that Frodo Baggins suffers from depression (not a YA book, but you get the point), but the actual amount of YA fantasy novels where we can actually all agree that the protagonist or a side character suffer from a mental illness is incredibly small. Yes, it does exist, and a quick shoutout to all the fantasy authors who do write about mental health issues. I’m not gonna name any out of fear for forgetting any, but feel free to reblog this with any fantasy YA mental health awareness books you’d recommend (my personal favourite apart from SoC would probably be the Raven Cycle).

But honestly, Leigh Bardugo shows us that it is very much possible. A couple of her protagonists suffer from actual mental illnesses, others are insecure, or non-conforming in some way. Their issues are smoothly integrated into the story and help advance the plot by creating problems and secrets. It makes the characters incredibly interesting and round. It creates the least-cliché romantic side-plots I’ve ever read in a YA novel. And you know what? I think we, as readers, can learn something from every single one of the Crows.

Kaz Brekker teaches us that mental illnesses shouldn’t stop us from achieving our dreams. He teaches that you can not be able to touch anyone but still be powerful. That a horrible childhood doesn’t have to drag us down. Kaz teaches us how to be determined.

Inej Ghafa teaches us that faith can get us anywhere. She teaches us how to stand up to the people we’re afraid of, and that things that have happened to us in the past don’t have to define us. Inej teaches us how to be strong.

Jesper Fahey teaches us that it’s sometimes okay to go off the rails. That people make mistakes (and sometimes make a lot of them). Jesper teaches us how to be human.

Wylan van Eck teaches us that we are not our parents. He teaches us that we have the right to be our own people and don’t have to follow in anybody’s footsteps if we don’t want to. He teaches us to not listen to mockeries and insults. Wylan teaches us how to be independent.

Like Jesper, Nina teaches us that sometimes, we make terrible mistakes. she teaches us how to make them right. But she also teaches us to not be ashamed of who we are, even if we are different or special, and that our body weight does not define us. Nina teaches us to be proud.

And Matthias. Matthias Helvar teaches us that the way we we were raised doesn’t define us. You don’t have to follow the morals and the values and the hatred that may have been burned into your head. He shows us that people have the ability to change. They have the ability to forgive and be forgiven. He shows us that sometimes it’s okay to not know whether you’re doing the right thing. That sometimes, humans lose their way and have to find it again. Matthias teaches us how to develop.

Determination, strength, humanity, independence, pride, development. You know what? Those are some values I can get behind. And these six anti-heroic criminals teach us so much more. Of course, they teach us that it’s okay to not be heterosexual. They teach us that love isn’t always easy. That sometimes our pasts catch up with us. That we can’t always do what we want. But they also teach us that there are always people out there for us. A family. Friends. People who love us.

And I guess I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you to Leigh Bardugo, for creating such wonderfully human characters that I cried for and smiled for even though the real world was trying to drag me down. Thank you for creating characters who helped me understand that it’s okay not to feel fine.

And I also wanted to say, to everybody who is reading this horribly long monologue of mine (thanks for that, by the way), that you’re an amazing individual and you too can be a total badass like our favourite criminals if you put your mind to it. Stay safe, folks. And stay strong.

Happy World Mental Health Day.

SIX OF CROWS AND CROOKED KINGDOM SPOILERS

I love this scene

When people talk about tfota they always mention Jude and cardan and sometimes heather and vivi but they never mention…

They make me feel things

I admit, while reading , I kept forgetting that they are 17 year old teenagers. And it was because of scenes like this one, where that realisation came back to me in a huge wave.

This confusion in Inej's heart and mind. Her thoughts, her doubtfulness , her questioning herself. I have also doubted myself when it has come to matters of heart. And I think everyone does.

But even beneath her confusion, I can see a sign of maturity there. I know that they were all forced to grow up and mentally mature earlier due to their past. And by her maturity, I mean, how she understands, that just like her, Kaz has also gone through unexplainable stuff. The need for his armour. The need for her own armour. And it's not like she turns a blind eye to the things Kaz was trying to do for her. The net. She noticed it. Even though she had accepted and even tried to make peace with the fact that maybe she will never have him like she wanted to. She didn't shut him out.

I think all these little things, they talked to me more about her character. They made me live her and absorb her character more.

WHY DOES NO ONE TALK ABOUT FALA

Kaz is such a fucking SOFTIE deep down, it cracks me up every time. “My mother is the harbor, my father is greed” and then turns around to make sure the flowers they use in their escape are Inej’s favorites. Gets Jesper’s guns back for him even though he doesn’t have to. Allows and in fact encourages Nina to embrace her new powers. Goes out of his way to mentor Wylan. Asks Matthias to keep Mrs. Van Eck calm and comfortable even though it would’ve been easier to torture her. Essentially said he *missed* Jesper. Like??? What a soft little murderous gangster.