Talking To Strangers.

Time.

Time is a funny thing. It could mean everything. Or it could mean nothing.

Monday blues.

Lost.

Sometimes, I can't help but feel lost. What am I doing with my life? Where am I going? Heck, I even get literally lost with directions all the time. Life is all about changes. How you respond and adapt to those changes shows you what kind of person you are. Or so I've been told. I think a person is made up of many strengths and weaknesses, and all of them define each and every one of us beautifully. So regardless of what we determine as "success" in life, I think as long as we are happy with who we are, who cares where we are going, or what we'll be doing next. Let's just take things slowly, day by day. Living in the moment.

Nostalgic.

Today was meant to be a happy day - a day that symbolized me getting back on my feet after a struggling emotionally and physically these past few years. I was so excited about today that I couldn’t fall asleep. With my busy lifestyle, not immediately falling asleep as soon as I lay down in bed is an indicator that something is up. 

But today finally came. I officially started a new chapter in my life. However, it also made me reminisce on the past. The lifestyle I had, the friends I kept close... So much has changed. Nothing particularly bad had happened, just time. Time changes everything. Everyone has their own lives to live, their own paths to follow. And sometimes, it just means our paths don’t cross anymore, and we are meant to go about that path alone now. Or at least until we come across an opportunity to make new friends.

But still, I’m missing some of my good friends today. We all still talk, but it isn’t the same. To my friends: I miss each and every one of you, and I hope you’re all doing well. I hope we all get a chance to reconnect soon. 

Meh.

Today has been one of those days - the ones you don't absolutely hate, but you definitely don't love either. It feels like one of those days that you could have lived without. For all those that are saying, "Oh, that means you aren't living life to the fullest! Shame on you!" please stop. You can't expect every day to be glorious and amazing. You have to have your share of good and bad days in order to appreciate life. So although today hasn't been great, tomorrow might be. Until then, I shall wait.

Late Night Thoughts.

Insomnia strikes again. I used to have really bad insomnia in college. But after working two jobs and going to school, I wore myself out so much that I was thankful to go to bed. But it seems like my insomnia has returned. Maybe it's the coffee I had hours ago. Or maybe I just have too many thoughts in my head. Today, I thought about how fast this year has gone by. Looking back at this same day last year, things have changed so much. Last year, I was headed on the trip of a lifetime. I was on a mission trip out of the country and it was the most inspirational and amazing thing I have done thus far. Never would I have thought I would be able to last that long overseas and in those conditions I had to go through. But that was nothing. It was nothing compared to all that I saw, the things I was able to experience, the people I had met. Besides the things overseas, things at home were also completely different. Family and friends were all well, relationships with everyone were good. This year, things are a bit strained and it really bothers me that I can't fix it. Maybe it's because I lacked the courage that I had so much of last year. Or maybe it's how it's supposed to be for now. Maybe this is a lesson in life. Or maybe I should just roll to the other side of the bed and count sheep.

Falling Apart.

And this is how they fell apart... Lack of words, lack of communication.... Too much confusion, too much misunderstanding... Too late to turn back...

And I Let Go.

And today, I’ve decided.

That I will let go.

Let go of the past. Of all those fond memories.

No use reminiscing the past if it’s only bringing up sad feelings.

Look at what you just lost.

Patience.

Patience was never a virtue I thought I had. I mean sure, I have enough patience to wait for my Amazon package to arrive or the will power to not open a Christmas present early. But waiting for things to change, for things to change in my current life’s state, is difficult.

Waiting for that kind of change is so hard. You work towards the change to the best of your ability, but there is no end date or estimated time of arrival. With Amazon packages, you have tracking notifications. With Christmas presents, you know it occurs on the same day every year. But with life, no one knows. The only think I know is I’m still trying and I’m trying to make progress.

But how far I’m getting, how much closer I am, I wish I knew.