INFP Aesthetic

the whole “fiction doesn’t affect reality” argument is actually kinda racist…

@mcquistonsource event 02 : december surprise  —  for chloe [ @markoliver ] ♡

— June is often a mystery, a big ball of complex emotions and motivations, but her heart is honest and true.

“Maybe there’s only a dark road up ahead. But you still have to believe and keep going. Believe that the stars will light your path, even a little bit.”

— Your Lie in April

[Start ID “If Henry’s voice on the phone was a tether, his body is the gravity that makes it possible, his hand gripping the back of Alex’s neck a magnetic force, a permanent compass north.” End ID]

This book is the most romantic thing I have read in my life. 

talk about deaf Adam Parrish

[GASPS LOUDLY] MY CHILD

i’m really emotional about adam using his hearing as an excuse to shut himself away in his room above the church instead of heading over to monmouth like. if he’s feeling too drained or angry or tired to be around the others he’ll tell himself that there’s no point going round because he won’t even be able to hear them anyway so really he might as well just curl up in his bed and press his fists into his eyes and pretend he doesn’t feel empty all the time

also really into ronan noting this and going round to the church every other day that adam skips out and hammering on the door until adam gives in and lets him in. once he’s in ronan throws himself down on adam’s bed, always on adam’s right, and tells him everything he’s missed, and they both pretend like he’s doing it to catch adam up even though it’s mostly ronan complaining about blue and gansey and how sickening they both are

ronan and noah being the best at making sure adam can hear them, but doing it in polar opposite ways. noah always manages to be standing on adam’s right with a soft smile and speaks a little louder when he’s facing away from adam so adam can still hear — noah slips it into like he’s been doing it his whole life, like it’s completely natural, ducking his head sheepishly whenever adam flashes him a grateful look. ronan actively moves to make sure adam can always hear him, keeps his head at least a little turned towards adam at all times (although that’s not entirely for adam’s benefit), starts using bigger gestures and facial expressions to illustrate what he’s saying — but whenever adam mentions it or smiles gratefully, ronan ignores him, like he’s not sure whether he actually wants adam to notice or not

blue appears at adam’s room with a book on asl and a fierce determination in her eyes that has adam stepping back even as he tells her he’s not fully deaf, you know, i can still speak normally, and blue just shrugs, tells him she’s been thinking about learning it for a while anyway. pretty sure they’re signing whole conversations together in the back of the pig or across the room at monmouth, and adam enjoys having a way of communicating where they’re on the same level again

gansey keeps forgetting and carrying out whole conversations with adam that adam only catches a fifth of, and with anyone else adam knows he’d get mad and storm off but gansey repeats himself over and over without ever looking like it bothers him in the slightest and honestly half the time gansey isn’t looking for responses so adam can just sit back and let the sound of talking wash over him without having to focus on actually hearing any of it properly

i care a lot about adam curled up against the wall watching everyone arguing about something he can’t really follow because he’s not hearing enough of it and some days it’s enough to just be able to be in the same room and be included even if he can’t join in but other days it makes him feel so isolated that it sits hollow and aching in his stomach; i care about adam who gets used to accidentally ending up on the wrong side of the group when they’re walking somewhere or sat around in monmouth, adam who spends a lot of time lost in his own thoughts even when he’s with the others because he can’t hear them all; i care about adam who presses his right ear into his pillows when he breaks down at night because it makes it all feel less real when he can’t hear himself gasping wetly for breath; i care about adam who has nightmares where he wakes up and can’t hear anything at all, not even out of his right ear

all the little ways the group accommodates it: adam always gets the left seat in the back of the pig so the others are on his good side; the boys swap seats with kids on the left side of all their classrooms so adam can still hear their teachers; someone is always stood on adam’s right to relay messages when they’re in the forest or sneaking around and they’ve all got to lower their voices

adam my poor child so scared his deafness will only isolate him further from the group and the group refusing to let that happen ple a s e

Can't take it all at once. TOO COMPLEX

"My Ghost

Where'd you go?

What happened to the soul that you used to be."

-Ghost,Halsey

“A ghost can be a lot of things. A memory, a daydream, a secret. Grief, anger, guilt. But, in my experience, most times they’re just what we want to see. Most times, a ghost is a wish.” 

― The Haunting of Hill House (2018) dir. Mike Flanagan 

“There are things that tie them to a place, very much like they do us. Some remain tethered to a patch of land. A time and date. The spilling of blood. A terrible crime. But there are others. Others that hold onto an emotion. A drive. Loss. Revenge. Or love. Those, they never go away.” 

― Crimson Peak (2015) dir. Guillermo del Toro

“There are such things as ghosts. People everywhere have always known that. And we believe in them every bit as much as Homer did. Only now, we call them by different names. Memory. The unconscious.”

― Donna Tartt, The Secret History

“What is a ghost, after all, but a repressed memory, the past demanding to be heard in the present?” 

― Alfred Mac Adam, Introduction of Jane Austen’s Northanger Abbey

“If that staid old house near the Green at Richmond should ever come to be haunted when I am dead, it will be haunted, surely, by my ghost. O the many, many nights and days through which the unquiet spirit within me haunted that house when Estella lived there! Let my body be where it would, my spirit was always wandering, wandering, wandering, about that house.” 

― Charles Dickens, Great Expectations 

“May you not rest, as long as I am living! You said I killed you — haunt me, then! The murdered do haunt their murderers. I believe — I know that ghosts have wandered on earth. Be with me always — take any form — drive me mad! only do not leave me in this abyss, where I cannot find you! Oh, God! it is unutterable! I cannot live without my life! I cannot live without my soul!”

― Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights 

“Come back! Even as a shadow, even as a dream”

― Euripides, Herakles 

“In one aspect, yes, I believe in ghosts, but we create them. We haunt ourselves.”

― Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls 

“In real life it’s the living who haunt you.”

— Franz Wright, from section 1 of “Observations,” Earlier Poems (Alfred A. Knopf, 2007)

“Perhaps I haunted her as she haunted me”

— Daphne du Maurier, Rebecca 

“They were nothing more than living ghosts, haunting each other with what could be. What can’t be.”

― Libba Bray, A Great and Terrible Beauty

“And how odd it is to be haunted by someone who is still alive.”

― I Guess the Old You is a Ghost (#589: June 25, 2014)

“You’ll always be my favourite ghost”

― Big God, Florence + the Machine

“I’m begging you to keep on hunting me” 

― Haunting, Halsey

“I’ll come back to haunt you”

― Haunt, Bastille 

@projectliterature event 01 : 2020 releases   —  only mostly devastated 

maybe our happily ever after hadn’t worked on the first shot. and maybe happily ever afters weren’t a singular event. maybe they were something you had to work at, and build, and never give up on, as long as they were something you still wanted.