12.9.22 August In December. (excerpt)
12.9.22 August in december. (excerpt)
I now may have the same diagnosis, but it does not make me the monster of a man that you were. I am pursuing a degree in fisheries & wildlife at a very small school. I want a house in the mountains where me and **** can rescue dogs. I like filling my head with poetry, fluffy romance, crystals and astrology, gaming a little, indie folk music, and looking at the stars. I stopped playing softball and I like being outside, but most days I just want to curl up in bed. I still play ukulele but I started learning guitar. My favorite color isn’t yellow anymore, it is green.
I am no longer the me that you knew, and you my dear are no longer you.
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strawberry smoke, watching hockey, reading good books, ice skating, the best dessert i’ve ever had in my entire life- life is so wonderful with him <3
8.7.24 excerpt-
“and a large part of me is dead too, lying there with your ashes in the mahogany box”
we're all under the same moon, and that's enough for me.
god life has been so messy lately, take me back to a month ago.
god i just feel so fucking empty. i wish i could just like actually be able to make friends so i don’t have to be alone all the time?? but making friends as an adult is stupidly hard.
tbh i should just go back to being a fanfic writer, i had so many online friends back then it was crazy lol
meditated in a salt cave!! the gods totally knew i needed to cleanse myself after everything i’ve been through lately LMFAO
“how will i ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering? straight and fast.”
alaska knew what was up. i’m already in the shit of recovery. i’ve hit the point where it’s getting bad now before it gets better. i can’t go back and i can’t stay feeling the way i do right now, because i cannot take it anymore.
straight and fast and i will get out of this labyrinth.
i miss him so much. i miss his quick wit, i miss his comforting presence, i miss the constant companionship, i miss the everything about him.
it’s so hard missing someone your brain created, that because i am doing better they took my friend away.
i don’t know what to do, how to fix this pain.
i know it sounds stupid but praying in the quiet hours of the morning will always be one of my favorite things.
(god i never thought i would say that lol, but here we are,, life is weird but my gods are good and that is all that matters)
✩ 21 ✩ bpd, bipolar, & cptsd diagnosed ✩ helpol ✩ “Freedom is a length of rope. God wants you to hang yourself with it.”
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