Me Going To Europe In Like 2 Weeks But I Still Need To Get Valid ID That’s Not Expired 🤡

jatkuleiba​:

“Goodness. ‘The World’s Largest’ things seem to be your trademark. I can’t wait to see them,” Eduard hummed, his smile peeking around the slice of pizza which even he couldn’t eat completely neatly. He reclined rather laxly, the top buttons of his button up opened and his his sleeves rolled up to his elbows. He was more than eager to make the switch to even more casual attire for their trip tomorrow. 

“It’ll be perfect. We can find a spot with no one else in near vicinity, build a campfire, eat sweets and spend the night under the stars. And if it rains we can nest in your car, lay back, listen to a podcast or two…”  Just imagining it all brought a wave of calmness over Eduard, and he sighed softly. 

“I’m looking forward to it, armas. It’s rare to get so much time for just the two of us,” he said, bringing his arm over Alfred’s broad shoulders. He took the chance to plant a kiss over her cheek and to steal a bite of the pizza slice she was holding. It was easy to feel playful in such a relaxed atmosphere. “I’ve missed it. And you.” 

“Oh.” Sweets, alone, time, relaxation, all struggled to grasp his attention once an arm lay on her shoulders. Alright, a little cozy, not something Alfred is completely used too, but they’re close! Just as Alfred normalized this behaviour a KISS spiraled any logic into another puzzle. A kiss among friends was not uncommon in certain cultures found in Europe, however, Eduard would be aware Alfred could barely express a ‘love you’ between friends here in America; the prudish style his people wore strong as ever. This made his heart skip a beat. Do something. Say something. Anything. Just take it and toss something back. All Alfred could muster as he gathered himself together was a flushed faced glance. “And--” he hesitated. Pull away or lean in? Alfred chose to relax into Eduards arm and found it to be rather... pleasant. It was much too soon for Alfred to return the kiss, still finding out how and why Eduard made him want to in the first place. “Me too. You- I mean! I indulge a lil much.” “... I’m not real hungry anymore. But don’t wanna get up!”

@jatkuleiba

i love my men pathetic, in need of therapy and with a long list of crimes

world's shittiest rp memes™: jerma985 cooking-themed sentence starters (from his cooking simulator streams)

intended for shitpost-y threads, but could be versatile. change pronouns/insert names/adjust phrasing as needed.

(grabs a pan directly out of the oven.) "OWOWOW, MY HANDS, OWW!!"

"okay, now what i want you to do is chug the avocado oil."

"they didn’t even know that half of that shit touched the ground."

"how much soup is soup?"

"wha- it cooks when i take it out?! how does it cook when it’s not in the pan?! that makes no sense!"

[sender's muse] tries to place a utensil down but manages to fling it clear across the room instead.

"i’m gonna deep-fry a propane tank."

"there's blood on the counter. ... and this dough looks really, really weird to me."

(cramming a bunch of metal utensils into a microwave.)

"i feel like that's the kind of shit we'll be eating when the apocalypse happens."

"i threw a cucumber and it exploded!"

"it looks like a... it looks like a dead bird."

(tries to empty a pot into the sink but manages to flip it completely upside down, spilling its contents all over the counter and floor.)

"i just singed my fucking eyebrows."

(tries to carefully pour food from a fryer onto a plate. 80% of the food ends up on the counter around the plate instead.)

(attempts to gently flip a cut of meat, but somehow manages to launch it out of the pan, into the air and onto a completely different part of the stove.) "... WHY?! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING!"

"hopefully he doesn’t taste the glass."

[sender's muse] attempts to yell "YOU FUCKIN' DONKEY" like gordon ramsey, but they do the accent so badly they sound like shrek instead.

[sender's muse] accidentally throws an entire pizza out of the window.

"i’m realizing what i’m turning into. and i actually entered into, like, the experiment pretend-to-have-a-restaurant five-year-old thing."

an explosion goes off behind them. they turn to see the kitchen has caught fire. "... huh? did someone drop a fucking BOMB on us?!"

[sender's muse] starts pointing the business end of a blowtorch directly into their own eyes.

"i’ll put on the kitchen nightmares american OST."

"do not mix gas in the mixer. ... not now."

(tosses a pan in the air and breaks the ceiling fan COMPLETELY apart. all of the blades come off and the base falls to the floor.) "what. what?! scared the absolute hell outta me, i didn't know you could do that!"

(microwaves raw trout for 20 seconds, then immediately grabs a fork to dig in.)

(accidentally tosses a sponge into a pot of soup instead of the sink, then tries to surreptitiously fish it back out and pretend they didn’t.)

as [sender's muse] is walking to serve [receiver’s muse], the entire meal falls off the plate on the way there and they set a completely empty plate on the table like nothing is wrong.

(placing a porkchop directly onto the counter) "don’t let me forget this is here! ‘cause it’s cooked and it’s ready to eat!"

(tries putting something in the microwave, but it somehow flies out and across the room.) "okay, this is fucking broken."

"you wanna make prison wine?"

(laughing) "that looks like cat puke..."

(toting an extremely burnt pizza crust with a 5 inch tall pile of olives on it) "who ordered the caviar pizza?"

"it’s still good! ... no it’s not."

(spills two bowls of soup in a row just trying to carry them out of the kitchen.)

"it looks like someone bled on that pizza, doesn’t even look like sauce."

"i’m making floor soup."

(looks in the oven and immediately starts laughing.) "oh, shit."

(completely abandons the still-cooking food.) "aw, is that a bird? a bird just flew by."

(throws a pan full of raw steak across the room.)

(starts throwing cuts of meat out the window.)

(immediately after throwing a cut of meat out the window) "... did somebody just scream at me? i just caused a car accident!"

(scanning over the complete disaster in the kitchen like a cop at a crime scene) "okay, so very obviously, there was a struggle, right."

I don’t take hints. Throw a rock at me

left handed people are really cool and sexy actually

“ . . . “

can’t wait until i have a wife so i can say “i love my wife” and introduce her to people by saying “i’d like you to meet my wife” and get out of boring social engagements by saying “i have to go home to my wife” and talk about her to anyone who will listen to me because she’s my wife and i adore her

i totally did NOT forget to finish these and will soon -- 

⭐️ Hey- like this for a para starter!! ⭐️

I care so much abt them