Productivity-blogs - Spencer-Reids-187

Everytime I paint my nails, I’m reminded of how much of a failure I must be.

Why is it something that I just literally can’t do?

I’m so hyperfocused on Hozier rn I stg if I don’t find someone irl to ramble to, I’m gonna have to journal each song and annotate the lyrics. Until then, I will simply suffer 🫡

My new way of studying is just using my best spencer reid impression of him explaining it to me, bc lets be real, that’s the only way I’ll listen to someone yap.

I just got the funniest fucking message from one of em (I stopped interacting with them 2 days ago) and then she blocked me within 3 hrs. Didn’t even give me a chance to respond lmao. They rly thought they ate 🥱

TERF tears, can’t believe this is how I’m spending my tumblr time

Anyway, now that I have four TERFs cussing me out i would love to thank my lovely boyfriend for being an amazing partner and showing me that one can be feminist and feminine 😚 I love him so so so much

A FREAKIN MOTH JUST WOKE ME UP AND I SCREAM OMG

Sometimes little pleasures in life are loadbearing. Whenever someone is like "If you'd just give up tea and coffee and sugar and--" im like I'll stop you right there. Because if you finish that sentence i am going to kill everyone in this building and then myself. If i have to face the horrors of the world without my little jar of caramel flavoured instant coffee i am going to go full American Psycho. Believe it or not, my main priority in life is not to have perfect teeth or be an Olympic athlete or look like a supermodel, but to actually enjoy living, because I spent far too long not doing that and it royally sucked. And boy, some people don't like hearing that. Particularly dentists

God, guess I gotta go back to interacting solely with fanfic now to retrain my algorithm out of this conservative shit I keep trying to debate…. Oh no……

I often think that I would enjoy femininity a lot more if I wasn’t pressure into it so much. I grew up conservative and christian; we believed it was gods design and plan for our main priority to be our children and families. Make yourself presentations, soft and beautiful, but not provocative or showy. You must be graceful and nurturing; willing to accept you’re wrong in the presence of men, even if you know you’re right. You may have a job or hobby, but you are in charge of all housework and child raising; it’s gods intent for you. It’s not oppressive, it’s a gift.

While deconstructing, I think I had this idea that if I didn’t want that, I should be the exact opposite. I wasn’t gonna wear makeup bc that’s just showing off for men who didn’t deserve my attention. I wasn’t gonna dress up in anything other than sweats, bc I should learn to be myself without me all dolled up. I was gonna never marry a man; never have kids. I needed to be loud and proud, as I thought men were supposed to be.

Along the way, I think I forgot what being a woman is: anything it means to you. Sure, for some it may mean being more masculine and rejecting all femininity, as long as she’s happy with that and herself. But for me, I’ve recently started allowing myself to be more feminine when *I* want to. If I’m feeling like getting dolled up, hell yeah I’m gonna do it. I might do my makeup soft and sweet, or more bold and glittery, or no makeup at all. I wear sweats one day and then the next I’m feeling all the cute clothes I originally thought were for only special occasions. I allow myself to giggle and cry and blush and actually feel my emotions now. I can admit when I’m wrong without it feeling like I’m “letting down women.” I found a boyfriend who loves me no matter what version of me I am that day. He loves it when I pull my hair back on a comfy pj’s day and he loves my sparkly eyeshadow and bold mascara. He loves my intellect and my dumb blonde moments. Anyway, this is becoming a sleep deprived rant, but I’ve just realized that I needed to love myself (as my beautiful bf does) in the way that allows me to be flexible and patient with myself, with no expectations or prejudices of how I should be. Femininity is also a beautiful thing when they get to choose it freely