Jobs For Guardians In Peacetime

Destcember Day 20: Where Is My Warmind

I've never been sure if we could trust Rasputin. I'm not like Zavala, thinking that we should just abandon attempting to gain his help completely, but he does seem erratic. He helped us to fight off Xol on Mars, but that was more out of self interest. He has abandoned us so many times in the past, despite his reason for creation being to help us. Where was he during the the Collapse and the Dark Age, when he could have been fighting off the Eliksni or helping us rebuild? Where was he during the Taken War, when he could have been helping us fight off Oryx? Where was he during the Red War, when the last bastion of humanity was being destroyed and the Light being snuffed out? I want to trust him, I really do, but where was he? Where was my Warmind?

Destcember Day #10: The Big Bag Theory

"What is taking so long? I just asked you to get me a gun out of my bag and it's been like five minutes" asks a warlock as he rounds to face his friend. The friend in question sits waist deep in a pile of guns, synths, and assorted items, looking both annoyed and confused as they begin to speak.

"How are you doing this? I have been shaking this bag for the last four minutes straight and it never stops spitting out garbage. Is it bottomless or something? Does it contain a portal to the guns and garbage dimension?"

"Oh yeah, it's that bag. Well I have two theories. The first I like to call the Big Bag Theory. I think that I have used so much magic around that bag that some has seeped into its very being over time. It just kept concentrating until it created a pocket dimension with everything I have ever put in contained. No matter how much you take out, there will always be more. Haven't you noticed that some of the things you have pulled out are duplicates of things that you already took out? It must be locked in a quantum state where everything inside both exists and doesn't until you take it out, making it technically limitless."

"Wow, really?"

"Alternatively, I could have told Yew to hide in there and keep transmatting random junk from my vault in as you emptied it out. You know, just to fuck with you. But isn't the magic bag theory more fun?"

The titan glowers at their friend as muffled laughter can be heard from the inside of the very much mundane bag.

Destcember Day 23: Royalty

I've noticed that anyone who gives themselves a title of royalty, no matter their title or race, always seem to end of mad or dead. There are examples from every faction and species. The Eliksni have the Kells for royalty. As far as I know, they are all dead. Hopefully Variks and Mithrax will do better. The Cabal have have Emperor Calus, dethroned and probably more than a little mad, and Dominus Ghaul, dead at our hands. The Hive have the Osmium King, lost to the madness of the worms; King Oryx, Prince Crota, Prince Nokris, and the worm god Xol, all dead at our hands; and the worm god Akka, killed by their servant Oryx. The Vex have their pseudo-god the Black Heart, killed by us. Most of the Iron Lords have died horribly. The Hunter Vanguards have a terrible survival rate. Even the Awoken have had royalty follow the pattern, with Queen Mara Sov dying and Prince Uldren Sov both going mad and dying, though death seems to have been a bit more lenient for them. So, you should probably never take a title, as you are almost guaranteed to be a victim of madness, regicide, deicide, or some combination of the the three, probably by one of us guardians. Personally, I plan to follow my own advice and never get roped into ruling anyone.

Destcember Day 30: New Vistas

Of all the places that I have been, perhaps the one that awed me the most my first time being there was Mara Sov's throne world, specifically the Queen's Court. It was such a beautiful sight, looking out past the edge of the universe and seeing. I stood there for as long as I could, until Mara started less than subtly suggesting that I should leave. It isn't just her Court that is beautiful. While I was Dûl Incaru, what I saw of the rest of her throne world looked like it would be almost as awe inspiring as her Court once the damage Oryx did is repaired. If we ever manage to end all of the wars we are fighting, maybe I will be able to find myself a place with such a view. Perhaps a little home on Pluto, without any light pollution to obscure my view. Or, if I can master enough kinds of magic, I could carve myself out a bit of the ascendant plane. Hell, even the Drifter managed to get himself a slice to store his Taken monsters in, as small and ramshackle as it may be. Yeah, I think I'll look into that. Surely all that killing that I have had to do recently must be good for something.

Having just listened to the allegiance quest audio logs, I have decided two things:

1. The Drifter is too pragmatic for his own good after years of hardship and betrayal

2. The optimal solution to part 1 is some friends who won't die/betray him/try to kill him and a group hug.

So, join us. Side with the Drifter. Hug the Drifter. Prove that it's ok to hope.

Sleep for now, brave friend. When you wake, we will be there right next to you to welcome you back. We're coming soon. Sleep well.

see you space cowboy

Do the Offering to the Oracle First This Week

Hopefully no spoilers, but seriously, it's super important to the story. Don't put it off, you'll want to see it.

Destcember Day 5: Black and White

So many guardians see our fight against our enemies in black and white. We are the heroes, dauntless knights fighting endlessly against the forces of evil, who long only to destroy us solely for the furtherment of evil. But things are never that simple. Every one of our enemies has their own stories and reasons to take up arms against us. The Cabal who so recently destroyed us are merely foot soldiers in a vast empire, knowing not why they attack, just following the orders that were passed down to them from a chain of command that they have no authority to even question. The Vex are fighting against the inevitable, for ever trying to stave of the heat death of the universe, warping time, space, and causality in service to their salvation, their "Pattern". The Fallen are lost nomads, with no home to call their own, their homeworld destroyed by the Darkness that we fight so hard against. Now they chase after their Great Machine, hoping, just like us, for the chance to reclaim their golden age. The Scorn have been corrupted by a force greater than them, using the Darkness in an attempt to free themselves from their dependence on Either and Servitors and to bring back those they lose to the deaths that we so often inflict upon them. The Hive and Taken, servants of the very Darkness itself, have their reasons as well. The Hive are slaves of their own free will, eternally killing and destroying to feed their worms, lest they be consumed themselves. They only chose this path for themselves after being in dire straits, with their choices being to take the worms into themselves and serve the Worm Gods, or have their species wiped out by an approaching disaster. Now they fight to survive, to bring the universe to its "final shape" and live forever by becoming death. The Taken, perhaps most pitiful of all, have no will of their own, being puppets to a will greater than their own, often being forced to fight against their former allies and kill those they once called friend. Even the Darkness may have a reason for their actions, though even I doubt that. To each of them we are the boogeymen, immortal monsters that can slaughter their way through hundreds of valiant warriors, with terrible powers of scorching light and weapons that have been known to kill even gods, before dying, only to return seconds later as if nothing ever happened. So, next time you begin to think in black and white, consider what I have said today and what your enemies think of you.

The Last Word quest is like trying to run up a greased slide while a bungie cord holds you to the ground. I have been at this for two hours and have made no progress. I'd say to kill me, but then I'd just lose more progress.

Our Revenge for Cayde Killing Spree Now Has a 0% Success Rate

Seriously, we didn't hurt anyone we wanted to in the long term, and actually made things a little worse for ourselves. All of the Scorn and Scorn Barons can just be revived by the Fanatic. We actually helped Riven, because killing her freed her and let her grant the Last Wish, cursing the Dreaming City. And Uldren was revived as a Guardian, which is an improvement on his old condition. So yeah, we killed 10 people to avenge Cayde, but the death toll now sits at zero.

Don't get me wrong though, I love the story. I'm glad that Uldren got revived and that Pulled Pork finally found his Guardian.