Little Me Thought This Man Was ✨FOINE✨

Your fifth most recent emoji is what your soulmate thinks about you

I love this scene because it is just the rich kids being like “I have this very sophisticated snack” that like idk a nanny probably packed for them or whatever. And then you have have Anya who gets two bags of her favorite food from her her loving parents that she gets genuinely excited about.

I meant to make it last a week, oops 😬

Anyway, I want to get the people’s opinions on what they want to see during Mermay

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This is something everyone seems to forget

a devout christian cis woman has been experiencing increasingly intense cramps during her menstrual cycle. she makes an appointment with a gynecologist.

i’m sorry, the gynecologist says. you have a medical condition that makes pregnancy unsafe for you. i recommend an IUD or other form of long term birth control to ensure you won’t get pregnant.

that’s okay, says the woman. god loves me, god has a plan for me, god will not let me get pregnant.

she goes home and tells her husband and he gets worried.

i don’t know, he says. maybe we should use condoms from now on.

it’s okay, says the woman. god loves me, god has a plan for me, god will not let me get pregnant.

they have sex for the first time since her diagnosis and her husband suggests the morning after pill to be safe.

it’s okay, says the woman. god loves me, god has a plan for me, god will not let me get pregnant.

a month and a half after that she’s missed a period and is feeling nauseous sometimes in the mornings. she takes a pregnancy test and it’s positive. she goes back to the gynecologist.

i’m sorry, the gynecologist says. but it’s very unlikely that you’ll survive this pregnancy. i recommend that you terminate and again take some form of long term birth control.

it’s okay, says the woman. god loves me, god has a plan for me, god will not let me or this child die.

at 20 weeks she goes into early labor. her husband rushes her to the hospital but the baby is born too early to be saved and the woman bleeds out as the doctors try to save her.

when she gets to heaven she asks to speak to god and she tells him:

i don’t understand. i was a good christian. i prayed. i trusted in you. i didn’t get an abortion. why did you let me die

and god says i sent you a warning from the gynecologist, condoms, the morning after pill, and the option for an abortion. what are you doing here?

I guess whenever men get a microphone, for a podcast or hosting an award show, they always have to be assholes, huh?

Currently working on something for Mermay

Fuck celebrities, bitch oatmeal raisin cookies should be canceled. Pretending to be chocolate when really you’re just a shriveled up grape with crumbly surroundings. Nasty.

??? we love fat tummies here idiot