Unfortunately This Is Funny As Hell

what is it with all of the bigots suddenly coming out on the vi, caitlyn and sevika x reader tags??? why cant men just stay out of places they dont belong?? 😫

sighhhh

it annoys me when sapphic women see an attractive woman and are like “i’m no better than a man 😳😔” like BABE you are allowed to see an attractive woman and want to fuck her!!! free yourself from the cottagecore PG13 narrative of sapphic attraction, look at her with lust in your heart!!!

MECHANIC ABBY DRABBLES

- you hate fitting that stereotype that women don’t know shit about cars but that stereotype was literally made because of you.

- your car engine was making funny noises, brakes squeaking and oil was very much needed in your poor car.

- you drove to the nearest mechanic and hopped out your little white jetta volkswagen convertible that was all decorated and girly inside, you loved your car but that maintenance had you clueless.

- you saw a girl walk up to you, humongous build, maybe a tiny bit taller than you with huge fucking arms, grease covered her hands, parts of her arms and face. you swore your knees went weak just by looking at her.

“you need help?” she wiped her hands with rag as she looked at you up and down, nodding you head you chirped up “yeah um, my car is making noises” you made a confused face earning a chuckle out of the blonde “what kinda noises sweetie?” she threw the rag on a chair that sat outside, walking up to your car.

“um i’m sorry i kinda don’t know shit about cars” you let out a small giggle before handing her your keys that dangled with a bajillion little trinkets, she got in your car, one leg out the car while she turned it on, revving the engine “ok so..” she got out your car “i can tell something is wrong with it but i do did to give it a diagnosis and it might take an hour or two?” she leaned against the car door.

“oh a diagnosis like a doctor” you partially joked “yeah like a doctor, you can sit in the garage until i figure out what’s wrong” she smiled at you.

- after she fixed your car she literally wanted to slam her head in a wall for not asking for you number.

- lets say a couple weeks later you return back with another issue.

- this time she asks for your number and you happily give it to her, you guys start texting nonstop until she finally asks you out on a date.

No one said men can’t want jinx x male reader fics, the problem is that they go whining in sapphic spaces abt it and then they blame women as if we need to cater to their every need.

Like boy pls go away somewhere with that mess, you are a grown man, write your own damn fic. Or you too much of a bunch of man babies to do something as simple as that?

Like i understand wanting more x male reader fics for Jinx BUT FOR VI? CAITLYN? ELLIE? LADY DIMITRESCU? Boy those are CANON lesbians ofc no sane person will write x male reader fics for them.

Conclusion: Stop being man children and instead of crying to sapphic blogs go write your own damn fic!

!!!!!

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nothing is worse than reading and nothing is worse than not reading

you can literally say anything to men, it doesn’t matter

can you do a jinx nsfw headcannon?

you’re giving me a lot of freedom here, so i’ll use the nsfw head cannon alphabet 🤎

(tags/cw/tw: choking, mention of sadism, killing a blood, cum eating, exhibitionism/public sex, love bites, just some kinky shit man!!)

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A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

cuddle. bug. needs physical contact with you afterwards, something of hers needs to be touching you. she’s most likely one of those people who’ve never even heard the term ‘aftercare’ but does it unknowingly. expect to be attached to her for at LEAST a half hour after sex.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

anything she can grab, honestly. thick girly? tits, ass, and tummy without a doubt. and if you aren’t, TRUST ME she will find something to grasp onto. in her words, she finds these parts of your body “fun to examine”.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

she will swallow everything in sight. god knows why but if it comes from you, from there?? she wants all of it. it also doesn’t matter if she made you cum with her hands, her mouth, her pussy, her thighs, doesn’t matter. every single drop of you needs be licked up. deadass she’ll lick your cum off her face like it’s icing.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

she will cum so fast to the smell of you. when you’re away or just not at home, god. she’ll hump your pillow while smelling something you’ve already worn that week. she’ll be so desperate to get off because she misses you… if it belongs to you she’ll try to get off with it.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

nope. no actually experience. you’re basically the first and only person she’s taken a chance on romantically, everything she knows has come from experiences with you. but the way she goes into every experience with you??? enthusiastic, devouring you like she knows every part of your body and exactly what she wants to do with it???? you’d think she’s done it a million times.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

depends on her mood (i’m feeding the switch!jinx believers). if she’s in a submissive mood, she’ll wanna be in any type of position where she can look up at you. she wants you to see the vulnerability and submission in your eyes. if she’s feeling more dominant you’re not gonna cum unless it’s in missionary. she wants to see exactly the effect she has on you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

okay guys our girl can be a little silly, we know this. giggles, jokes, and silly names almost the whole time (except for when she’s too fucked out to speak).

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

jinx most likely does not give enough of a fuck to shave down there, i mean, who was ever gonna see it? until you came along. now she’ll try to shave at least once a month because she wants it to look pretty for you (me personally i’d tell her to keep it but THAT’S JUST ME!!)

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

she shows her affection in different and sometimes inexplicable ways. i think during sex, especially the climactic parts, she’ll grasp onto you because she just needs to feel you close. she’ll spit out praises at random intervals just telling you how much she loves you, needs you, how beautiful you look.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

i said it earlier and i’ll say it again, jinx is a GRINDERRRR OO OO OO OO OO OOOOO. ocassionally she’ll finger herself to the thought of you, but for the most part she’s gonna grind her clit on anything that’ll give her enough friction.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

she has a kink she likes but refuses to really act out with you. she’ll secretly be a little bit of a sadist… BUT she can not bring herself to purposely hurt you for her pleasure. she may choke you or give you a light slap here or there.. but she will not go as far as she really wants to go.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

truthfully i don’t think she has a “favorite place” per say. if she really wants it she’ll take you anywhere. N E WHERE. but if i’ll say anything i’ll say she gets a little rush from doing it somewhere where someone could just walk by, like a dark alley or a little closet.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

needless to say seeing you naked turns her on, that goes for most people; she has such a fixation on you so anything that allows her to see the figure of your body really. also also also when you match her energy!! wouldn’t say it turns her on but it makes her wanna pounce on you……. which usually leads to sex.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

she refuses to do anything that involves other people. threesomes are OFFFF the table!! because what in your rabbid ass mind would ever makes you think that she wants to share YOU with ANYONE else??

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

she love love loves giving oral. don’t get me wrong she will never turn down getting head from you, but it’s something for her about being able to make you feel good and be able to taste you ugh!!!

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

this girl is off shimmer half the time, and she fucks like it. she’s so eager to get to you that she’ll end up going turbo speed as soon as she starts. if you’re leading you could probably make things go slow but she will try to rush you…

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

like i said if she wants you she’s gonna have you. more often than not sex is initiated at random times whenever she decides that she wants it. this most definitely leads to a lot of quickies when you’re out, middle of the night, and oddly enough after she just put her gun to good use.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

as far as kinks are concerned she’s down to experience with almost anything! almost. as far as risks are concerned.. i’ve said it a million times and i’ll say it a million more.. she will take you ANYWHERE. doesn’t matter if “there’s too many people around!” or “someone could hear us!”, better hold the moans then.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

as much as she wants when she’s in control, all day all night and the next day. when you’re in control she can still go for quite a while but she might tap out a few times LMAO.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

guys. listen. that finger she made herself after caitlyn shot her finger off? she has a vibrating setting on it I DON’T MAKE THE RULES!!!!! that’s like the one toy she really has and uses aside from the dildo she stole from the brothel (unused of course don’t worry).

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

she wants to tease you… she truly does… and sometimes she can! but uh.. half the time she’s too eager herself to to actually tease you. she’ll wanna tease you, but when she sees just how bad you want her? all that goes out the window.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

moaner and a whiner. whenever she randomly pulls you somewhere for a quicky while you’re out she usually has to be the one pleasing you because that girl can not hold a moan to save her life. she will get loud, circumstances be damned. you usually have to cover her mouth because if it was up to her own ability everyone would know every second you two were fucking.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

once fucked you and got blood everywhere, why? because she had just “dealt with” a group of guys at the last drop who had the audacity to fuck with you. poor bastards didn’t know who you belonged to or what their ignorance would cost. but after she was done she dragged you to the middle of the alley she did it in and took you right there. by the time you were done you were both covered in blood and fucked out. how sweet!

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

pretty perky tits, and surprisingly smooth skin?? how does she do that?? the tattoos we see in the show are the only ones she has, and there’s also probably an army of hickeys she quite literally demanded you to give her. she wants to be reminded someone loves and takes ownership of her when she sees herself.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

okay so this one is a little….. idk confusing? because she’ll fuck you whenever she feels like it, i swear she has like a switch that turns on randomly that makes her horny for you. and truth be told we will never know who’s controlling it.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

i feel like you always end up falling asleep before her. because after all is said and done she kinda just likes to stare at you. she’ll stay up for hours after just looking at you, examining you more accurately.

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i actually loved this so much omg… i knew i wanted to get back into writing and this just DID IT for me. keep the requests coming i love them!! i hope i did this request the way you wanted :)

you say L, i say W 😋

I don't know much about The Last of Us but I think it's hilarious that the only person with genetic immunity to the zombie fungus is a homicidal lesbian. Humanity keeps taking L's.