The Way Haymitch Must Have Seen It As All His Ghosts Coming Back To Haunt Him At Once When Katniss Walked

“A toothbrush?” Hen repeats, eyebrows high and tone extremely dubious.

“A toothbrush,” Eddie confirms.

“Your girlfriend broke up with you because of a toothbrush?” Ravi clarifies, he’s not the only one seeking that clarification either, Eddie can tell he beat Chim to the question only because he didn’t have his mouth full.

“Yes,” Eddie confirms (again), sounding a little more disgruntled this time about it.

Chim finally swallows his mouthful to ask, “Is this like a metaphor?”

Eddie shrugs. “I don’t know.” And he doesn’t, that’s the thing. He’s got no damn idea why a toothbrush (of all things) had Marisol breaking things off before they’d even really gotten started.

“I’m going to need more than this,” Hen says. “What kind of toothbrush?”

Exasperated, all Eddie can say is, “I don’t know - a toothbrush.”

“I mean,” Chim says thoughtfully, “did she not like the colour? Were the bristles too hard? Maybe it wasn’t about the toothbrush but the toothpaste on the brush - do you have weird toothpaste taste?”

That earns Chim a confused look from everyone but he just shrugs which Eddie finds fair because he honestly doesn’t know. “I don’t have weird toothpaste,” Eddie defends.

“I like your toothpaste,” Buck announces, dropping down into the chair beside Eddie. “Why are we talking about Eddie’s toothpaste?”

“We’re talking about Eddie’s toothbrush,” Hen clarifies and even as she does, she looks like she can’t believe that’s a sentence she’s found herself saying.

“Eddie’s toothbrush?” Buck repeats, sounding just as confused as when he thought they were talking about toothpaste.

“Not my toothbrush,” Eddie groans. “It wasn’t even mine!”

“Wait,” and this comes from Bobby who looks as though he can’t believe he’s joining in this conversation, “Marisol broke up with you because of Christopher’s toothbrush?”

“Marisol broke up with you?” Buck says, “Sorry man.”

Eddie waves off Buck’s words, he’s not all that broken up about it honestly, just genuinely stuck on how a toothbrush could possibly be reason enough to break up with someone. “No it wasn’t Chris’ toothbrush, Jesus.”

“I’m so confused,” Buck said.

“Me too,” added Ravi.

But Hen, Hen had a look on her face and there was a note in her voice he couldn’t identify as she asked, “Whose toothbrush was it?”

“Buck’s.”

And Eddie has no idea why that is suddenly explanation enough for everyone.

Well except Buck.

“You know I wouldn’t”

“I know you wouldn’t”

———————————

“I had to do it”

“I know you did”

Reasons for Evan Diaz:

Buckley Parents suck and Maddie is now a Han so not Family ties needed

Same last name as Chris

Makes calling him Buck a mystery and I find that funny

so i got a hate reply on this post

and as i usually do when i receive hate replies i did a perusal of their blog and it was the typical worship of t*mmy that you see from this groupd of fans but of course this post in particular caught my eye

the fact that this person unironically wished death on buddie fans and then proceeded to call us psychopaths.

because we don’t ship a ship that has no chemistry and barely any screentime.

and they even tagged their post incorrectly because that’s the only way they can get attention- by antagonizing.

i have never once intentionally mistagged a post so that someone would see it and get offended. common courtesy is a virtue not many people seem to have on this site. and the fact that you’re saying something so vile and hateful because someone doesn’t like a character who wasn’t even originally supposed to be a part of the season to begin with?

maybe that is a sign that you need to reexamine some things in your own life because behavior like this is worrying.

no one is doing it like katniss everdeen and peeta mellark. they have it ALL. fake dating. enemies to lovers. rivals to lovers. friends to lovers. star-crossed lovers. opposites attract. hurt-comfort. nightmare induced bed sharing. shared trauma. guy falls first. sunshine & grumpy. childhood crush.

everyone say thank you suzanne.

This was ghost written by Eddie Diaz

"smart appliances" fuck u i want them dumb as a brick and incidentally as sturdy and enduring

Jaytim arranged marriage? :3c

Tim wakes up in the most comfortable bed he's ever been in, feeling the most well-rested he has in months. It's the first sign that something is very, deeply wrong.

Something is wrong because last night he went to sleep in the batcave's medbay to the sound of a heart monitor, and the sheets around him are definitely not the sterilized hospital grade ones he'd internally griped about. 

He keeps his breathing even and continues to feign sleep as he tries to take in as much information for his surroundings as possible. One- most immediately notable, his side doesn't hurt- which narrowed down the list of abductors to ones with healing magic. Two- whatever fabric he was dressed in was easily the finest he'd ever touched- which definitely narrowed it down further. Three- he's pretty sure he wasn't drugged. His mouth isn't dry, his head doesn't hurt, and he certainly didn't feel any disconnect from his senses or body. So. Likely not drugged. And finally- probably most importantly- there was a source of warmth beside him. 

No- most importantly is that the source of that warmth definitely has arms, because they are wrapped around him. 

He takes a slow, deep breath. If he opens his eyes and sees green and gold he is going to freak out. Seriously. He'd been studying how to actually permanently kill the bastard, if this ever came to pass- and sure, he didn't have any weapons on him- but he was creative. And patient. And has no fewer than four friends who would launch his remains into space if he asks. 

He gathers his courage with this in mind and cracks open his eyes, immediately going lax at the sight of fine pink linens and ornately carved marble. The style alone is definitely not Ra's.

The person at his back makes a grumbling noise and he freezes again- right. Just because it wasn't Ra's didn't mean this was a good situation. 

Carefully, slowly, he shifts in place on the bed and takes a peek. 

Oh, it’s just Jason. He relaxes into the hold the sleeping man has on him, shifting to lie on his back. Jason looks young when he’s asleep, every sign of tension usually on his face melted away. Tim touches his jaw, lightly, tracing along the bone with his fingertips. He’s greeted with the fluttering of dark lashes and bright teal eyes opening to meet his. Jason tenses, too- then immediately relaxes when he recognizes him. 

“Tim?” He murmurs, sounding half asleep still. It doesn’t stop him from tugging him closer, his own hand raising to cup his cheek as he stares down at him. 

Tim simply hums in affirmation, going easily and pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. It feels good- right, actually- the scrape of stubble against his lips electrifying. Jason tilts to bring their lips together, hand sliding around his back to slip into his hair. 

Some part of him recognizes, even as his lips open in a silent invitation, that this shouldn’t be happening. He was- right, he was in the infirmary because he got stabbed not forty eight hours ago- definitely not in what had to be the fanciest honeymoon suite in Vegas or wherever they were. 

Jason’s tongue flicks across his lower lip before his teeth press into the plush flesh, and Tim briefly forgets the larger issue with his last thought. Jason’s good at kissing- gentler than he would’ve thought, if he’d ever given it any before- 

Right.. Another issue with what was happening was that he hasn’t ever given this any thought.

They don’t know where they are. 

And he’s in bed with Jason fucking Todd. 

And he has no idea how that happened or how either of them ended up wherever this was. 

He pulls back, wrenching himself from his arms and rushing to get out of the bed with an urgency that’s got him tumbling off of the thing and landing on the cold marble floor, but-

“What the fuck?!”  

"I was gonna ask you that." Tim says as he scrambles to his feet, grabbing the fine sheet when he realizes he's totally naked- 

Which only makes it clear that it was mutual, oh god. He covers his eyes with his hand and hopes his face isn't turning the same color as the sheet he's clutching around himself. 

“Where the fuck are we?" Jason sounds as lost as he is, which- 

Okay, yeah. He knows Jason's not the kind of guy to kidnap anyone for this purpose, so. That makes sense. It also does not help him figure out what's going on. 

When he cracks an eye open, Jason has a pillow placed over his lap and is looking as embarrassed and confused as he feels. It makes it marginally easier to drop his hand and start to talk.

"Yep, and no, I don't remember how we got here or where here is-" and on that note, he turns to survey the room. "And I have no clue why I woke up being the little spoon." 

"Size disadvantage, probably." Jason immediately takes the bait. So- good, he's not freaking out too bad if he's still going for the low hanging fruit. Tim wishes he could say the same.

"Hilarious." Tim shoots back dryly before returning to look at the walls. Maybe there was some kind of clue he could find on the what and the who  of this whole mess- waking up with Jason holding him and immediately thinking it was fine to go in for a kiss has him wary of the why for the moment. 

It's all finely carved marble, immaculate to the point of gleaming. The entire chamber looks like it was carved by a single piece- the columns, the floor, the ceiling-

"Hmm," Tim murmurs, paying entirely too much attention to the features on the columns in the room around them as he hears Jason shift behind him. "These are Corinthian in style, but I've never seen it done so seamlessly." He reaches out, running a hand over the transition from column to floor and can't even feel a seam.

"Incredible." He breathes. He wishes he had a camera- Cassie might have more insight on this place. Dr. Sandsmark would probably kill to see a place like this in all its glory. 

"Still doesn't fuckin' explain why we woke up naked together in a bed-" 

"Yeah, see, I'm trying to go for the possible part to solve, here." Tim mutters, "like where to find clothes, if we somehow ended up on Themyscira or something without being murdered. How to get out." 

"Though," Tim adds before Jason can open his mouth to butt in, "pretty sure even Themyscira wasn't carved out of a single piece of marble." He stands up from his crouch and turns to look at Jason again. The man has grabbed the bottom sheet and fashioned it around himself in a facsimile of a toga. 

"So, conclusion- you have no idea where we are." Jason sounds about as thrilled as he is by the prospect. 

"We have no idea where we are.” Tim corrects with a smile, “and there are no clothes set out and no immediately obvious doors. So." Tim sets out to fashion his own robe out of the sheet he had, noticing that Jason takes a turn to lift his gaze far and away from him as he does so. He appreciates the courtesy.

"You thinking magic?" Jason, once they are both as dressed as it was apparent they are going to be able to get, asks.

"Pretty high level stuff to even make this room, but- maybe? Come see if you recognize any of the inscriptions in here-" Tim waves him over to look at the intricately carved marble. 

"Huh," Jason scans the scenes carved around them- intricate battles and tender love scenes, violence and passion in equal measure. "This looks like it's from one of the epics. Haven't read that shit in years, but- this scene looks familiar." 

Tim blinks up at it and wishes, again, he'd listened better to either his parents' speculation about the classics or Cassie's wild stories about the pantheon she heard second and third hand from the Amazons. The woman is beautiful, chiton gown pulled up to her knees as she sits beside the bank of a river, holding a man in her arms. Her face is the picture of sorrow as she stares down at him during his last moments, if the blood seeping into the ground beside him the sculptor put in is any indication. 

"This is familiar." Tim agrees, eyes tracing the trail of blood as it gives way to blooms of wildflowers. Cassie was gonna give him so much shit for not knowing this. 

Or she would, if he ever told her about this. He has absolutely no intention of doing so.

He turns away, instead moving to inspect the bed. There were no seams there either, and the pedestal upon which that insanely comfortable mattress rested was also carved from the same source. 

It also has symbols carved into it, and one in particular had some things clicking in place for him. The pinks and reds that composed of the fine fabrics in the room- the gleaming white marble, polished and nearly pearlescent in the light, Corinthian style columns. the carved roses and seashells full of pearls-

"Aphrodite," he breathes, stepping back from the bed as if he'd discovered it was made of asbestos, "Jason- we woke up on an altar of Aphrodite." 

"Oh, shit. Then that's Adonis-" Jason snaps his fingers and points at the dying man carved into the wall, startling when the whole thing seems to split at a seam that definitely wasn't there and a woman walks in. 

"What are you two doing?" She doesn't waste time with niceties, the beautiful- and he's suspecting literal- goddess simply purses her perfect lips into a pout and stares at them. 

It hurts to look at her directly for too long, her beauty radiant in what might be a very literal sense. Her hair falls in a perfect cascade of waves and her eyes have the magnetism of a black hole- inevitable and endless. She is every inch the pure definition of beauty, turned up to a degree that simply made it undeniable that she was anything but a deity. 

Fear is not an improper response to being in her presence. Hopefully. Because Tim, well- this is scary. 

"You two awakened together upon the altar of Aphrodite- in my temple in Mount Olympus- and this is how you choose to use such a boon? Have the mortals gotten so blind to us as to have forgotten the meaning of our blessings?" She sounds disappointed and confused, and Tim very much wishes to fix that asap. How, is the question. Which- okay, he woke up naked on a bed with Jason Todd wrapped around him. He's pretty sure he knows the answer. How else is probably a better question.

Wasn't she supposed to be good at this? She's the goddess of love, right? How could she mess it up this much? 

"Uh," Tim says instead of any of that, shooting Jason a bewildered look. Were they supposed to wake up naked together and just go with it? "I'm so sorry, your Goddessness-" ugh, he really should've paid better attention when Cassie complained about the myriad and convoluted structure that was the pantheon and how they liked to be addressed- didn't they just turn people into swans when they angered them? Oh god- gods, whoops- between his and Jason's mouth they are definitely not getting out of here without one of them getting cursed. 

"But we're not lovers." Which feels ludicrous to even have to explain, much less to a literal goddess, but. This is apparently what his life has come to. He'll still take this over Ra's.

She shoots him an exasperated look, turning her gaze to Jason soon after. "I am aware of your history, mortals. As you seem to be- albeit somewhat- aware of mine." 

"Sure. But if you know ours then you've gotta know it's not a good history. No kinda foundation for whatever this is." Jason says, because apparently he can't stop being contrarian for one second to flatter a God that could curse them. Or- smite them, the right phrase was smite when done by a god, right?. 

They were totally gonna get smote. 

"New life blooms after the earth is scorched in flame, no matter how hot the fire." She answers easily, as if that solved everything. And- okay, she was a member of the pantheon, maybe it was that easy for them. Or maybe she couldn't admit when she made a mistake- she was a member of the pantheon, after all. 

"But it- it takes time and-" Tim realizes he's the one arguing now, looking at Jason instead of her with wide eyes. There is guilt there, on his face as he looks back at him and he has to turn his gaze back to the deity, her painful beauty less intense than the ache Jason's expression causes. "We haven't had nearly enough to be- to even be friends." 

In all honesty, he's pretty sure Jason still hates him. Sure, he'd slowly allowed the Bats to reach out without it ending literally explosively, but-

Jason avoided him pretty much all the time, and when they were forced together he was both prickly and quiet in a way he wasn't with the others. And look, Tim gets it- but he doesn't have to like that Jason still resents him for something he's not sorry for doing. It's the literal definition of an impasse. And a terrible foundation for much of anything beyond a begrudgingly allyship. 

"My husband is the god of war, I know how close mere passion and true love lie in the hearts of men." She waves her hand dismissively, "what you both feel for one another is certainly not neutrality, nor is it as far from love as you may believe." 

"So what?" Jason says with a glare, apparently eager to step into first place running for being smote. "You did this because you see potential here? Where does what we want factor into this?" 

It doesn't hurt, the acknowledgement that Jason would literally rather taunt a god into finding out what her specific brand of wrath looks like than even think of this as possible. Tim happens to share the sentiment, so it'd be really dumb to get his feelings hurt over the idea. 

Aphrodite regards Jason with an arched brow, somehow both radiating amusement and annoyance in the silent gesture. 

"You're being cruel, sister. That's my job." A thin woman interrupts as she saunters in the room, body wrapped in tight, tattered black fabric and head shaved. She's heavily ringed her eyes in kohl and is wearing an eternal smirk. 

Tim does recognize her almost immediately- the sheer amount of weird plots she's been linked to made it impossible not to. 

"Eris." He acknowledges with a neutral expression.  They were so, so, so utterly screwed. 

She sends him a grin that looks almost entirely like a sneer. "Dear sister, don't you think you should tell them why you believe in them so fiercely?" Eris continues as if he hadn't addressed her, looking over at her sister with that same smirk. 

"You know, Eris-" Aphrodite starts, looking between both of them with a slowly growing smile, "now that I've seen them together, I think this is going to be easier than you thought." 

Eris scowled, waving her hand between them to illustrate her point. "They woke up and immediately tried to escape this as if it were a trap. You're going to lose, sister. Best you accept it now." 

"I suppose we will see," Aphrodite answers easily, "much can change in a month, sister. You of all people should understand that." 

Tim balks, "lose?" He looks between the three entities in the room, horror dawning on his face. "Is this some game?" 

"Wait- and what's at the end of the month?" Jason pipes up as well, suspicion lining his features. 

"Why, your wedding, of course." Aphrodite answers. 

"Our-" Jason begins to sputter, eyes widening to saucers. Tim steps back, sitting heavily on the impossibly comfortable bed. 

"Yes," Aphrodite interrupts, looking between the both of them with a sternness her features have a difficult time pulling off. "I have not blessed a pair of mortals in quite some time, and we will celebrate the success of your anointed love in one month's time with the assembled gods of Mount Olympus-" 

"-or watch my dear sister crash and burn," Eris chimes in with a slightly manic glee, "and have to admit some things are impossible even to her." 

"-or I will be displeased with my chosen mortals." Aphrodite finishes the threat with a winning smile, gliding over Eris' interruption with ease. 

"So- let me get this straight," Jason starts, fingers rubbing at his temples as he does, "you abducted us, put us here together, and have chosen us for one another- to prove you can make even people who hate each other fall in love-" 

"-in a month's time-" Tim adds, resisting the urge to flop back on the bed and stare at the ceiling until his bones crumble to dust. 

"-after which we will be kidnapped again to get married-" 

"-if you can truthfully say you love one another." Eris added, sing-songy tone clearly indicating her thoughts on the odds of that happening, "those are the terms." 

"What if we can't?" Tim asks- blurts, really- because this was absolutely insane. He couldn't- with Jason in a month? 

"Then Eris will have six months to affect my domain without my interference." Aphrodite admits, staring hard at the both of them. 

Calling a god an idiot would be a mistake- Tim knows this, that these powerful beings are as temperamental as any human who grows up rarely hearing the word no, but- 

God, they were totally gonna lose. They were gonna lose and their entire world was going to be thrown into romantic chaos akin to what they were currently dealing with. 

"You've gotta be fuckin-" 

"-what do you get if you win?" Tim interrupts, shooting Jason what is probably a panicked look. 

"Eris must remove herself and her influence from the earthly plane for a year." Aphrodite grins, "her price for getting to choose the mortals I must bestow this gift upon." 

A year without strife. Huh. Tim looks Jason's way, who's fallen silent with a huge scowl on his features. 

Tim opens his mouth. Closes it. Sighs. He doesn't really know what to say, honestly. It's rare that there isn't something coming to him to say, even if it's incredibly stupid and deserves to stay in his brain where it belongs. 

"We will leave you two alone to discuss," Eris says, looping her arm around her sister's with the most smug grin. 

"You will be here until someone on your plane notices your absence," Aphrodite says, as if she's being gracious for roping them into this whole thing over ego. 

They leave as swiftly as they came, the room sealing itself off and the marble smoothing out any trace of their passage. 

Tim crawls into the bed, and, upon reaching a pillow, covers his face and screams into it. 

What the fuck were they supposed to do, now? 

Eddie: "Guess you can never have enough closet space."

Tommy: "Ain't that the truth, right, Evan?"

I CAN'T EVEN BE MAD AT HIM BECAUSE THAT SHADE WAS DESERVED FOR THAT HOT CHICKS LINE.

buck: *bridzella for a bachelor party that isn't even his own* eddie: *long-suffering husband without even being married to him yet*