Pisforpandemonium - Queer Feminist

yes, I'm sex and kink positive, and yes I believe that the minimum age for people to start having sex must be atleast 16 - and yes, these can exist together.

I can talk about the problematic aspects of hook up culture and want to have casual sex and support casual sex at the same time. the problematic part (or atleast one of-) of hook up is this belief that sex is purely physical, purely mechanical - like, you follow these steps to reach the orgasm and stage and then you're done and you up and leave. But no, that's not what it is. Sex is so much more than that - sex also involves emotional, psychological attachment, and that has nothing to do with gender. When someone tells you to have sex with people, only whom you trust and that sex is so much more than simply, well, "sex", they're not shaming you (unless they actually are, then fuck them), they're telling you the truth. Sex does affect your psyche, that's why this 'humping and dumping' culture where there's no aftercare or no communication is WRONG - that does impact your emotional health negatively.

What I hate, one thing, about wattpad books is that most of the time, writers write about a player who has sex with girls and leaves before they wake up to show lack of romantic attachment, and later on portray those girls as clingy/whiney people who don't understand the concept behind one night stands. There are SO MANY things wrong with that.

1. Sex takes an emotional toll on the so called player too. There's always a backstory, which is why they're using sex as an escape mechanism. But instead of using that backstory to justify that assholeness, try and talk about mental health properly, urgh.

2. Upping and leaving after having sex doesn't show a lack of romantical connection - you don't have to hump and dump in the fear that you'll form a romantic connection. Staying is important because of the emotional attachment formed when you have sex with someone.

3. Emotional attachment after sex doesn't have a gender. And it's harmful to all genders if you perpetuate this bullshit. Girls can be into one night stands and casual sex without being romantically attracted to the person immediately afterwards and boys can feel romantically attracted to the person right after a one night stand. Fuck these stereotypes/tropes.

Having casual sex or one night stands isn't "cool", it's just a thing. It's not a cool thing, it's not a bad thing, it's just a t h i n g, with absolutely no morality attached to it. And so is not having sex - that's also simply a thing. Waiting for a special person to have sex with isn't "lame", isn't bad and not wanting to have sex at all - whatever the reason - is also VALID. Being sex positive means supporting all of this, not just one night stands and being against slut shaming.

WARNING FOR ACEPHOBIA AND AROPHOBIA

People "pitying" partners of asexual people because they believe their "needs" aren't being met are FUCKING TRASH AND SHOULD GO FUCKING PUNCH THEMSELVES IN THE FACE. Sex is not necessary for a relationship to be meaningful and valid. Sex is only an extra, for some people, it's an extra they need and for some people, it's unnecessary. Sex is not a "need" - nothing will happen to you if you don't get sex (I'm not talking about the influence of mental health on sex rn, that's a different topic altogether), except for the fact that you might remain horny most of the time, which is a YOU thing, not an another person thing. If you can't live without sex, that's on you, keep it to yourself, don't go making other people feel bad just because you want sex.

An asexual person and a sexual person can be in a long lasting, happy, meaningful, fulfilling relationship BECAUSE SEX IS NOT NECESSARY FOR A RELATIONSHIP TO BE THAT. A sexual person and another sexual person who doesn't want to have sex ever because of whatever reasons can be in a long lasting, happy, meaningful, fulfilling relationship because again, I reiterate the same.

And this might be an unpopular opinion, but breaking up with someone whom you've been in a long time relationship with, been in love with each other, like properly - just because the other person is asexual or doesn't want sex is fucked up. It. Is. Fucked. Up. It's shitty, it's mean and it's insensitive.

Yes, yes I know how people do say you deserve to be with someone who understands your kinks and lets you explore them and be comfortable in them, and that you deserve sexual gratification in a relationship - and that's valid too, but not at the expense of people who're sex aversive. And these posts don't even talk about asexual people, they need to be more inclusive. Moreover, being kinky and being asexual can exist together cause asexual people can be into kink. Kink is more than sex, it's about the feeling, so all that matters is communication and understanding between people. Sex isn't everything.

Breaking up with someone because you need sex is a personal choice, personal decision to make - but breaking up with them by making them feel bad for not being able to "fulfill your needs" is shitty and messed up.

Demonizing aromantic people who're allosexual by perpetuating microaggressions such as "oh you can have how much ever sex you want without being attached to the person" is arophobic and insensitive. And so is saying stuff like they're being a predator or objectifying people or sexualising people. Sexual attraction isn't a bad thing. How do you suppose are going to learn the importance of consent, and safe, sane and comfortable sex if you can't make a difference between objectification and thinking that someone is sexy? If you can't make a difference between wanting to have sex with someone and being a predator?

There are so many nuances and it's important to acknowledge all of them.

both Harry and Louis have BPD; no, you cannot change my mind. yes, you can fight me.

my bpd is acting up with my fucking kitten and I'm so fucking done with it.

I found a baby kitten Yada Yada, took care of it, gave it love and affection, my grandma gave it food then I had to leave to my dad's house and the kitty grew closer to her and now she's closer with her than with me and I'm unconsciously distancing myself from my fucking kitten as a self defense mechanism cause she doesn't need me anymore and she loves other people more and wonderful

I feel so much, s9 fucking much pain a n d I'm sobbing and I'n literally duckubf PRAYING TO GOD FOR THIS TO SYOP PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE BPD IS THE FUCKING WORST IT'S 2 25 AM AND I'M SLEEPING BETWEEN MY MOM AND GRANDMA AND I'M PULLING MY JAIR AND THE EMOTIONAL PAIN IS too MUCH I CAN'T EVEN GO AND FUCKING SRLF HARM RNNN

I don't like this belief/practice where when one person does something they're uncomfortable with or sacrifice something, it's seen as an act of love or loyalty or whatever to the other - similarly, when person #2 expects person #1 to do the same to "prove" / "show" their love for them; and not sacrificing something or not putting themselves in a difficult/uncomfortable situation is portrayed as not loving the other person enough - "you love me right, so why won't you do this for me" is emotional manipulation and T O X I C. You don't have to make yourself uncomfortable, you do not have to sacrifice something that makes you happy, you do not have to do any of this to prove your love to your loved one. I don't understand from when or where or how people started romanticizing the idea of sacrifice. From wives sacrificing their hobbies and their occupation for their husband or family and expecting all girls to do the same for their husband/boyfriend (cishet relationships in this context) to expecting close friends to attend parties to give you company eventhough they've made it perfectly clear that they're uncomfortable with doing so, this entire concept is normalised to the point that now it's considered not-true love, not strong enough love when others don't sacrifice/don't get out of their comfort zones/don't do things that makes them feel uncomfortable for others.

the fact that nobody has yet written a fanfic of Elodie, Tabitha and Moe being in a polyamorous queerplatonic relationship is a goddamn crime-

List of movies I want to watch but cannot find ANYWHERE

Billy Elliott

Vita and Virginia

Looking for Langston

Rafiki

Unpopular opinion:

The whole "adults can't be friends with kids, it's just grooming lite™" is a product of adult supremacy. By saying that adults can't have healthy relationships with kids unless they're family/students, and adults can only be mentors not friends insinuate that children aren't individuals who have intellect, autonomy, agency, thoughts, and feelings of their own. It insinuates that adults always have to impart something, that kids never be equal, that kids can just *be* around adults.

When I was a 12th grader, i was friends with kids from kindergarten, 3rd grade, and 7th grade. How was i friends with them? I treated them as equals. I respected their opinions and views. I didn't advice them, didn't make things about me, didn't treat them like mindless dolls. I had discussions with them about religion and feminism that they initiated. I talked about their friends and my friends and the things we like. I never spoke down to them, never demanded that they speak to me in a certain way, never felt offended when they talked to me as an equal. Told them not to refer to me using age-based terms. I asked them doubts when I didn't know the meaning of certain words they used or what they were referring to. I respect boundaries - spoken and unspoken. Never told them certain things "aren't meant for children, you wouldn't understand", instead I told them that I didn't know how to explain certain things in a particular to help them understand. I changed the onus.

The first step to dismantling adult supremacy is realising that children have things to contribute, that they have a whole ass personality of their own. It's realising that all concepts such as boundaries, consent, peer pressure and so on that apply to adults apply to kids as well.

Remember: equal doesn't mean the same. I wouldn't talk about sex in front of my friend who's uncomfortable with sex related topics. I wouldn't talk about gorey R rated films with friends who get squicked out by them. So why would it be hard to not mention such topics around children?

Unless kids have examples of healthy relationships with adults, how can they identify unhealthy relationships? If what they see and learn is that relationships with adults mean listening to advice and preaching, always being treated as unequal, then how are they supposed to be empowered? How are they to believe that they are their own person and do have a voice and a place in this world?

i love lgbt people with bpd or other identity disturbance disorders because its like… its so difficult to know where you fit in in this world when your brain is telling you to change who you are every single day, when your brain is telling you one thing this day and the other thing the next day, when you are constantly filled with the desire to reinvent yourself.

it is difficult even as a non-lgbt person, but when you have this identity thats supposed to be static but doesnt feel static to you at all then its just all the harder, you feel like youre faking but you deep down know that youre not, yet your labels keep changing and it makes it hard to convince the outside world of who you are and to convince them to take you seriously

all my love goes out to us lgbt people with identity disturbance disorders, we struggle so hard but itll get easier with time

It's 5:30 AM and someone took away my favorite pillow, the only which is comfortable and suits my neck and I'm thirsty and there's no water bottle in my room and I can't go it rn and wceeytgubt feel so WRING AND I WANT TO DIE