I Make Homes Of Places. I Make Homes Of Cafes With Soft Lightning, Reading Nooks, And Faceless People.

I've never been obedient, I hate being obedient, but now I am being so to avoid getting scolded or spoken harshly to and I feel like I'm losing parts of myself, or losing myself - I feel sick and wrong inside and terrible, horrible. This is not who I am, this is not who I want to be, this is someone else doing something to avoid feeling hurt because they're in a fucking fragile mental space and fucking hell. It's wearing on me and I honestly don't know what to do.

My mom made me get out of bed to unlock my bedroom door half an hour before my alarm went off (at 9:20, my alarm was supposed to ring at 10AM), when I slept at 5:15AM ; I missed all of my classes because I slept through them; I started writing(bullshitting) the assignment which I had to submit at 3 PM at 2:20 or so because I was having mental breakdowns thinking about it yesterday and I submitted it at 4 ; I got my period today and I'm having cramps AND I haven't eaten one single thing since now and it's 4:30PM and I genuinely feel like absolute shit and want to die.

edit : //and now my head hurts\\

What happened with Achan how it led to self harm.

Me feeling like I don't belong anywhere, nowhere feels tight cause conflicts in both places and passively wanna die.

Me being here doesn't make any difference to anybody, life will continue as usual, I'm not important.

I deleted my previous rant in the hope that my post would be posted since the reason they showed was I had reached my limit, but nope. hahahahaha🙂

Role of Conflict and Violence in the Society

For centuries, humans have built themselves up by tearing each other down - countless wars, communal violence, hate crimes, violation of human rights and mass killings. In such a world where one thrives off of conflict and violence, it is imperative that we understand the role both plays, especially in this day and age, especially because death and destruction no longer shocks us, no longer disturbs us, especially since we've become passive and immune to all the violence around us. Today, in this day and age, conflict and violence are not just political issues, it is a personal issue - the political has become personal and it is becoming incredibly difficult to draw the line where one begins and where the other ends.

The growing hate among humans can be seen via the gruesome crime of mass shootings - an extremely widespread and prevalent issue in the US at present. In 2019 alone, there have been over a hundred incidents, most of which were hate crimes against people of color and lgbtq+ people. What was once brushed away as an issue of gun control - a political issue - is now considered to be something personal because a lot of these mass shootings take place in schools, in most of these situations queer people, Latinx people and Black people are targeted, and they could be a neighbor, a relative, a friend, a family member, an acquaintance. According to some studies, the United States has had more mass shootings than any other country in the past years - which shows the importance of proper gun control and strict laws against gun violence. But this is not solely an issue of gun control, it is also a human rights issue, it is proof that prejudice against minorities is on a hike. In the prose 'Whisper of the Bodhi Leaves', Buddhist monks are killed by shooters solely because of their religious differences, because they were from two different communities. Conflict between two communities or violence against a particular community occurs when the in-group feeling goes of out hand; when that happens, one starts to place their community or group on a pedestal and starts viewing different groups as "others"- someone who isn't worthy to be considered their equal. From here stems prejudice and then later on, discrimination. There are so many different forms of discrimination, so many groups discriminated against, remaining apathetic or apolitical in such situations only encourages the oppressor and never helps the oppressed.

I knew my Tumblr would glitch, so I took screenshots 🙂🙃

OPINIONS

This is kindddd of an unpopular opinion, but...

I don't really think it's "morally wrong" for straight guys to watch gxg porn and feel turned on by it, I think it's only an issue if these guys meet a wlw and ask them if they're up for a threesome or something like that because they believe a wlw's sexuality is somehow connected to them or that a wlw somehow exists to cater to their sexual fantasies. Of course I acknowledge the fact that just because straight guys watch gxg porn, it doesn't mean that they're not homophobic/biphobic. I can acknowledge both of the above at the same time - it doesn't exist in dichotomies.

There's a huge difference between the two.

I think it's important to know that there's a difference between reading a particular genre of erotica or watching a type of porn but NOT wanting to have anything to do with that in real life. And I don't think erotica/porn actually influences people in such a way to such a large extent like how most people make it out to.

Just like how, when people read or write fanfiction, though they imagine their characters to be like this person, they don't usually *_identify_* the character with the person - I think that difference is important. Like, when I read Larry fanfics, I don't identify Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson to their character, I imagine their relationship dynamic, but I don't think of real life Louis and real life Harry doing whatever it is that's written in the fanfic - except for a rare few people, literally no one does that. But a lotta people don't understand that difference and that results in them being against fanfiction altogether.

//

One thing I don't like about 'one night stand' culture is how people make it out to be "fucking and dumping" and that shouldn't be so.

Sex is a form of intimacy and we're human beings, after doing something that requires both physical and emotional effort/energy, we need to feel soft, we need to feel safe. So the cuddling after sex or the resting for some time after sex together to feel like a person who had sex with a person and not like just a toy is super important. In books, they kinda make it sound like staying till the morning after and grabbing breakfast together ruins the whole "it's an only sex relationship", when in fact people need that to not feel like they've been used, it's extremely valid. It doesn't mean they have a _romantic_ connection per say, but they do have a connection because having sex is a vulnerable thing, no matter how hard a person tries to keep emotions and feelings separate, that doesn't happen. But just because you feel emotions doesn't mean that you necessarily want to date the other person, it just means you did something intimate and meaningful together - and you can have that vaala relationship and connection with how many ever people you want. But not actually talking after or having aftercare later does affect the person's mental health.

I think that's why so many people are against one night stand/only sex culture, when instead of being against that, they should stress on the importance of aftercare and communication.

my grandma thinks i shouldn't over-share with my friends matters related to the family (w/ good intentions). but my whole entire life my friends have been my only confidantes and now all of the sudden, my family is learning to be supportive and understanding, and i have to not-do what I've already done? Even now, my first instinct is to reach out to a friend when I'm emotionally bleh , even when huge ass fights happen at home. I just can't not do that

What do you mean by “normal”? I, personally think of it as an aggregate of various definitions.

Normal is what we’re used to. Normal is the societally accepted way of behaving. Normal is uniformity, in the bad way. Normal is heteronormative, ableist, cissexist and sanist. Normal is a wand of control and power weaving mockery and shame; it is nothing but small minded, judgmental hypocrisy.

Spend your entire life listening to people normalize hetero relationships and that becomes your normal; spend your entire life being exposed to the humiliation of those who’re considered “different” and following the code of behavior which does not incite mockery becomes your normal; spend your entire life watching people with psychological illnesses be called ‘cr*zy’ and ‘ins*ne’ and the avoidance of being labeled the same and in the process, behaving according to society’s rules and regulations becomes your normal; spend your entire life learning about dichotomies and binaries and that becomes your normal. Thus, to put simply, normal is more than the societally accepted way of behaving, it is something we’re conditioned to - a spiral sucking you in down to the dot at the center, suffocating and hindering you and your mind’s expansiveness.

 When I think of “normalcy”, I think of what my family and friends, and even I at one point of time, used to refer to as being “normal”. I think of the clothes worn by actresses and dancers, that wasn’t normal, it was indecent and something worn only by the people in the film industry; people who were loud or flamboyant or funky or just indifferent to what society thought of them weren’t normal, they were cr*zy and those were the sort of people you found in a “mental hospital”; gay people weren’t normal, they were freaks of nature; thankfully, since being trans had a scientific explanation, that wasn’t not normal, but this condition could be applied to only people who were of the binary genders, non-binary was definitely not considered “normal”.

Apart from all this, “normal” is also a term used in place of “majority”. This may come as a shock to most, but what you assume to be a majority can in no way be called “normal”. Hence, teachers can’t generalize their students and assume that they’re all cishet, neurotypical and have no psychological illnesses.

 I do not condone calling people “normal”, it’s the same as the whole “most girls” rhetoric – redundant and narrow-minded.

 I’ve experienced humiliation and name calling for acting like a “cr*zy” person. I’ve been told to not “act like a r*tarded child” by my aunt. My uncle once told me I was, in fact, mentally challenged for he had met a lot of kids my age and none of them acted the way I did. One of my relatives told my cousin sister of age 7 to stop acting like an ins*ne person and proceeded to tell her how those people - who acted the way she was acting - were “locked up in a mental hospital because everyone thought they were mad people”.

  I’ve seen and heard people calling gay people “abnormal” and unnatural just because they were gay. In cishet people’s eyes, queer people aren’t normal because-

 A)    The majority of the population were thought to be cishet

B)    That was what they were used to and queer people were considered a “trend” or fad

C)    Society had conditioned them that way .

 Normalcy is a fallacy, it does not exist, it is the biggest scam ever after organized religion – but it still holds power, it can still break people, still make them drown in the feelings of insecurity and rejection, and if that isn’t enough for us to disown the entire concept, please tell me what is, for the last thing I want to do is be associated with something as disgusting as “normal”.