System Maintenance As A Love Language

A friend reminded me today of the sentence:

"you cannot shame yourself into improvement".

All very true, and something I needed to hear. So lucky to have other humans sharing wise words and making my life better, irl and on Tumblr.

If you have a goal to change this year, be sure to build your plan on a foundation of self-love, not self-criticism. You are worthy just as you are. If you hope to change, remember that each little step on that path is a tiny gift honoring your own sense of self-worth. Move forward in the name of care, not condemnation.

DREAM TO MEME

We’re past the point of being able to ignore this now. @pixellecutie​’s sleeping brain dreamed a dream of marine biology, and you’ve all really put in the work to make it a meme in its own right. Who knew there were so many benefits to being a marine biologist?

~

The origins:

The Minecraft axolotl version by @queerbeemc​:

The Animorphs version by @jivs-jam​:

Even @theshitpostcalligrapher​ chimed in. Thank you, @theshitpostcalligrapher​, for services rendered to the community:

This kissy fishy by @cryptidcanary​:

A reality check by @anxiety-plus​:

The tired marine biologist by @hustlerose: 

Above all things, sophisticated (@noneedtofearorhope​):

More cons (oh no!) according to @essential-npc​:

A delightfully different perspective, this time from the forest floor, by @bepisdrink​:

A worthy remix by @charlesoberonn​:

Here’s to 2023, a year of as many little courageous kindnesses as possible. ♥️

“Remember, the truth will set you free.

But first it will piss you off.”

~ Doc Sharon

Not Mine. Thought to Share.

Solving conflict, not like a compromise or a "let's forget about this and move on", but really understanding why the other said or did what they said or did, and them understanding you, and both of you feeling closer and trusting the other more afterwards is one fucking amazing human experience.

I have a friend with whom I had a very sudden and painful conflict and she went no contact for 4 years, then she came back and asked to talk it out, and now it has been 10 years and how we solved this conflict got us so much closer.

But sometimes, there are some conflicts that will never get solved, some apologies we'll never get to make. Somewhere, someone is telling a story about what a dick you were, to a new friend, over a drink.

And I learned that it is ok. Conflict solving requires both parties being willing to try, the right timing, and sometimes some special communication and empathy skills. It cannot always work.

But when it does, and I get to understand myself and someone I love so much better thanks to it, it makes me so happy. I also trust people more after having even a minor conflict with them and see how we both handle it.

I'm grateful for all the conflicts that made me grow and feel loved and fought for afterward.

one thing I highly recommend doing that's helped me through the last few days is creating a "self-care menu." the idea is to create a ready-to-go list of things that brighten your spirits or occupy your mind. on bad days, when you can't remember the things that cheer you up or can't muster the energy to make a decision, it's invaluable.

i've got mine divided into three sections: appetizers, entrees, and takeout. appetizers are small things that cheer me up quick (petting my cats, making my favorite tea, playing a favorite song). entrees are activities that take a little longer (rereading a favorite fanfic, tending to my stardew valley farm, taking a bath). takeout is things that get me OUT of the house (going for a walk, going to a coffee shop, getting a bouquet from the grocery store).

sometimes when i'm so drained of energy and joy that it's paralyzing, i pick an item off the appetizers list, then that gives me the energy to think and choose one of the entrees as well. sometimes i close my eyes and point to something at random and do that. sometimes just reading the list reminds me of all the small things that make me happy.

Christmas advice for ladies (crossposted from Old Weird Scotland on mastodon, with permission)

I want you all to keep this in mind!

This is exactly what I thought when I began to watch P-Valley. Their presence in their respective shows makes them so much better, and I love to imagine them meet and both be sassy, and kind, and uniquely themselves together.

Left - Nico Annan Right - Nelsan Ellis

Say you'll see me again

Even if it's just in your wildest dreams

Inspired by a truly wild 80s romance novel cover that I just had to turn into Ed's most romantic daydream of Stede