Kings Of Sin Series: Book 1 - Book 4 By Ana Huang

Mentari samar merasuk ke dalam sukma, membangunkan jiwa yang masih ingin direngkuh oleh malam. Kendati demikian, jejak-jejak jiwamu kembali menyapa alam bawah sadar, menginatkan mata agar lekas terbuka walau sayup-sayup.

Nihil pesan baru tak buat hati jadi masygul, karena yang paling menggubah bahagia adalah menelusuri sajak pesan penuh rayuan-rayuan malu sisa semalam. Sudah pagi, tapi bibir ini t’lah bentukkan sabit senyum, merona-rona pipi mengingat gurauan Tuan.

Maka tenggelamlah dinda ini ke dalam perinduan akanmu, dan rasa ini sekiranya akan tinggal sampai waktu yang tak tentu. Detik, menit, jam, terhabiskan dengan menggoreskan asa tentang kamu, kamu, kamu lagi. Tinta-tinta t’lah warnai kertas, gambarkan rayuan-rayuan lain yang siap memakanmu hingga habis tak tersisa. Kala selesai menulis, rindu itu datang lagi...

Oh, mabuk rindu sudah diri ini...

Ulasan, Aborsi adalah Hak Perempuan

Penulis : Pat Grogan dan Evelyn Reed

Tebal: 90 halaman

Penerbit: Penerbit Independen

Kategori : Feminisme dan Sosial.

Nilai : 9/10

Pat Grogan dan Evelyn Reed telah mencurahkan akumulasi pengetahuan mereka selama bertahun-tahun ke dalam 90 halaman buku, dengan pelbagai teori, argumentasi, pengalaman ketubuhan serta penelitian untuk menegaskan—bahkan memperjuangkan sesuatu yang seharusnya memang berada dibawah kendali perempuan. Aku tidak mengerti kenapa buku ini bahkan harus ditulis, dan kenapa muatan dari buku ini terasa seperti pengetahuan baru bagiku. Seharusnya perempuan memang mengetahui bahwa mereka memiliki hak atas aborsi, hak untuk menimbang dam memilih apakah sel yang tumbuh di rahim mereka—ya milik mereka—akan mendapat kesempatan untuk tumbuh menjadi anak atau tidak.

Menurutku sebagai pembaca, Grogan dan Reed menulis buku ini dengan apik, dimulai dari sebuah peringatan bahwa para penguasa telah menggunakan isu aborsi untuk mengkonstruksi perkelahian antar buruh perempuan. Hak kita sendiri ternyata digunakan sebagai alat untuk menciptakan konflik horizontal, sehingga alih-alih memerangi sistem dominasi maskulin atau hukum yang tidak memihak perempuan, warga sipil malah saling dipertentangkan.

Mereka juga menegaskan bahwa ketika hak perempuan untuk memutuskan atas tubuhnya dirampas, bukan hanya kebebasan mereka yang dipertaruhkan, tetapi juga masa depan mereka—hak untuk menentukan kapan atau apakah mereka ingin menjadi seorang ibu. Ini bukan sekadar isu hukum, tetapi juga soal keadilan sosial. Negara yang melarang aborsi bukan hanya merampas hak dasar perempuan, tetapi juga membahayakan hidup mereka dengan memaksa mereka mencari jalan yang tidak aman.

Grogan dan Reed menyajikan fakta bahwa negara-negara yang melegalkan aborsi dengan layanan kesehatan yang baik justru memiliki tingkat aborsi yang lebih rendah dibandingkan negara yang melarangnya. Akses terhadap pendidikan seksual yang komprehensif dan alat kontrasepsi yang mudah dijangkau terbukti lebih efektif dalam menekan angka kehamilan tidak diinginkan dibandingkan dengan kriminalisasi.

Namun, yang membuat buku ini begitu kuat bukan hanya data dan analisisnya, tetapi juga cara penulis mengangkat pengalaman perempuan yang dipaksa melahirkan, yang kehilangan nyawa karena aborsi ilegal, yang dihukum karena memilih hidup mereka sendiri di atas kehendak negara.

Membaca buku ini rasanya seperti dihadapkan pada kenyataan yang seharusnya tidak perlu kita hadapi—bahwa hak atas tubuh sendiri masih harus diperjuangkan mati-matian. Grogan dan Reed tidak menulis untuk memberi kita pengetahuan baru, tapi untuk mengguncang kesadaran kita.

Abortion is a healthcare!

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.

Franz Kafka didn't say, "I love you". He said, "you're the knife I turn inside myself".

And to mimic him, I want to say:

"You are the love I've prayed for my whole life, in a shape of a mortal being. But how can I call you mortal, when you had stayed in my mind longer than I could recall, living and breathing fire, melting all the awkwardness and wishless dreams."

I was in Periplus Setiabudi One Central Jakarta to meet a friend of mine. A funny story behind this meeting is that we were bonding over mutual interest in the novel The Secret History. She and I have the same favorite character, which obviously is Henry Marchbanks Winter. That was our second meeting, so it wasn't that awkward anymore.

I am also thankful that I was able to bring two of my book wishlists: Any Ozamu Dazai's book and Normal People by Sally Rooney. Honestly, I wasn't planning to bring The Setting Sun home because I intended to buy the other one, No Longer Human. Due to the availability of No Longer Human's old cover book, I chose to bring The Setting Sun instead. The publisher of Osamu Dazai books, which version I bought, has a distinctive book cover style that matches each other. These beautiful covers surely would be my priority wishlist for the next year.

Due to many new activities I've had these past 2 months, I am trying my best now to start reading again and stacking that habit once again so I won't easily fall into a reading slump. I have not even been able to finish my current read since November. Not because the book is boring, but it was just me who gets tired easily to even be done with 10 pages minimum.

But, all good now, at least I'm trying and actually do read, although it's quite hard to beat my sleepiness.

love the way donna tartt makes richard sound so sassy in the audiobook. the closet is glass

Henry Wintor's Suicide: An Explanation

To understand the why of the matter, we first need to know Henry’s past. To begin, Henry Winter wasn’t in a car accident. Much like all the other assumptions, it was born from another characters lips and not the subjects. Bunny himself says; “I think that’s what it was. don’t know what else it could’ve been.” And in my humble opinion didn’t draw the alternative option as, what is unthinkable is undoable.

No, instead the conclusion I've drown myself to is that he was beaten by his Father to such a degree he was hospitalized.

1# Evidence of my Conclusion

Henry is a poor driver, even with his precious Julian in the seat right next to him. This is in stark contrast to Camilla and Charles, whose parents were actually in a car accident, and thus get nervous days before travel. Francis too is shown to be anxious particularly when Henry is in the drivers seat, and is so ‘’even in the most propitious of circumstances’’.

Henry can make himself invisible. An odd trait for a man as broad as him, who already is intimidating to those around him. However, he wasn’t always that big, was he? Well, being able to be imperceptible is a survival mechanism for abuse survivors, especially children, which he was indeed once.

He understands Richard in a way you couldn’t without being abused yourself. Richard like himself doesn’t talk about his parents, along with clearly running away from something. The following conversation between the two was extremely telling:

''You’re not very happy where you come from, are you?'' He said I was startled at this Holmes-like deduction. He smiled at my evident discomfiture. ‘’Don’t worry. You hide it very cleverly,’’ he said, going back to his book. Then looked up again. ‘’The others really don’t understand that sort of thing, you know.’’

Henry never smiles at Richard. Hell, Henry likely doesn’t smile often not due to stoicism on his part, but due to the chip in his front tooth. Richard hadn’t understood what Henry was getting at, but to me it’s clear he was trying to comfort him by saying in a light-hearted way ‘’I understand.’’

2# Henrys True Past

Henry’s Father was a man who enjoyed having his way, living the high life with money and women. His business wasn’t ‘’quite above board’’ But money shuts people up—Well, it did. Until he got one of his young flings pregnant.

His family was Catholic (Many families were at the time) Meaning having a child outside of wedlock would’ve been unacceptable. He and his soon to be wife would’ve faced social pressure to wed, and thus, did.

After the arranged marriage, his Father wouldn’t have been as free to do as he pleased, along with now being tied down to a child he didn’t want. He’d have been enraged by the injustice of it all, little Henry being the target for this anger as in his eyes it was the boys fault.

Henrys Mother was young and without power, so when her husbands corporal punishment took a scary turn, she had no way of stopping it. Which left Henry’s Father free to do as he wished—Such as beating Henry half-way to deaths doorstep.

3# So, Why Did Henry Do It?

Much of Henrys behaviour gets dissociated from that of a regular human. On first read, he’s otherworldly, brittle and mysterious. We see the beauty, but not its second face: the way Henry carries an umbrella to protect his sensitive eyes; the manner in which he dresses closely reflecting that of his Fathers fashion preferences, as he had no one else to build his taste upon.

He grew up with no friends, utterly isolated with only tutors and his Mother for company. From what I can surmise, Henry wouldn’t have actually known how to make friends, as he had no previous interactions or social bonds to draw upon. It adds further depth to how meaningful his friendship with Bunny truly would’ve been. Bunny who is friendly with all sorts and highly socially aware—would’ve noticed Henry’s lack of companionship. Bunny, likely was Henrys first actual friend at Hampton, perhaps, his first in years.

Julian saw Henry’s vulnerability, along with his potential for entertainment. He knew what would happen when he introduced Henry to the idea of a Bacchanal—Of escapism and ascending: However, where Julian described it as rebirth, Henry described it as not being you anymore ''After all. the appeal to stop being yourself, even for a little while, is very great'' The further Henry went on, the more it sounded like a plea for relief from reality and himself.

Suicide becomes the only option when we believe there is non other escape. It’s why it’s particularly common amongst teenagers and young adults, as they struggle to see a future past their intense emotions. Many will have ideations for years and will do as Henry did, self-destruct in a last-ditch effort to create a reason to live.

The substance abuse, the murders, the killing of the first friend he ever had—Bunny was truly pivotal, as he treated Henry as an equal. Julian was the final straw, the last peace of approval and love Henry had in the world. ''I loved him more than my own father'' He said ''I loved him more than anyone in the world.''

Henry no longer saw a way out from his suffering through Julian, so he had tried the last thing he could think of—Which was to die in a way he hopped Julian would see as noble, that would mean praise he wouldn't even be around to receive. I believe that's why he held onto life for as long as he did in his final moments, he was waiting for Julian to come back and love him again.

The Beloved.

It's always been you, these days. The brittle heart of mine can only fit you in there without breaking to pieces. The happiness you infused into my veins, making my whole body throbbing feverishly. Hence, it's your presence alone that can calm me down from the adrenaline rush, just like a pill Xanax.

I am aware of the tenuous string we both trying to hold on, but it wouldn't be a sin to wish that this string can last for a longer time, so that we don't have to say goodbye to each other.

October 24th 2024

Lucerys wip that I desperately need to finish/edit

Thursday Study Log