Husbands.

How I Teach Men Not To Talk Over Me: from one feminist to another, when basic respect is lagging and conversations are impossible

I’ve done this to several men, and they catch on rather quickly. You’ll be able to have a conversation right then and there, and it works long term too - they might’ve forgot their manners by the time you talk to them again, but by repeating this, they’ll eventually learn to let you talk without you having to do this at the start of every convo. Source: I have a very stubborn older brother, who eventually learned too.

1. When they interrupt you, stop talking. Don’t try to raise your voice or battle them. Be completely quiet and wait.

2. Ignore everything they’re saying. Do not actually listen - just wait until they shut up. Don’t make a point of anything they say, do not answer to anything they say, do not refer to anything they say here. Literally do not listen a single word. Let them rant as long as they want.

3. When they finally shut up and wait for your reaction, say: ”I wasn’t done talking.”

4. Start over whatever you were saying when they interrupted you. I don’t care if it was a 10-minute explanation of rocket science. Start. Over. Repeat you original thought, but do not add anything related to what they just said while talking over you. That gives them the idea that it’s okay to interrupt you, you’ll still listen and pay attention and they’ll get their point clear without having to listen to yours. (It’s especially funny when you get done and they expect you to keep going talking about whatever they talked over you. The face when it sinks in that you didn’t listen a single word is glorious.)

5. If they interrupt you again, return to step 1. If you find yourself repeating the cycle over 3 times, tell them: ”you’re not letting me speak. Either you listen and wait for your turn, or our conversation ends here.” If they try to make excuses, laugh it off or keep interrupting, end the conversation. Prove them that if they wont let you speak, they’re not worth your time.

Why does this work? First, because sometimes talking over is internalized and men don’t actually notice they’re doing it. Being vocally called out makes them realize it and pay attention to it - especially if it happens more than once. Secondly, by refusing to aknowledge anything they say when they interrupt you, they’ll soon realize they will not get their own point across if they keep doing that. Peoole and especially men have the need to be heard and paid attention to when they talk - when you make it clear that by talking over you, they will not have your attention, they’ll learn to wait until you’re done, because they know that’s when you will be paying attention and actually listening.

Go my darlings. Have some actual conversations where your point of view is just as valid as his. Demand the basic respect of being heard. You can actually have some interesting conversations with men when they’re forced to listen too, when being louder is not going to make them feel like they’re dominating the conversation or winning the argument.

2007

A limerick:

Doesn’t look like a limerick to you? Try this:

A dozen, a gross and a score Plus three times the square root of four Divided by seven Plus five times eleven Is nine squared and not a bit more.

YES IT WAS.

I love this a lot. 

But I'm having less of a problem with John's reactions - or lack thereof - then many people seem to be. And I've been wrestling with why.

...after here be spoilers...

John is a bit broken. As we all are. He's always been ashamed of it and of the crazy choices it makes him love: war, Sherlock, and now, Mary. He's an apologetic adrenaline junkie. 

Why wasn't John more upset with Sherlock after he 'died'? Easy one. He understands that Sherlock was trying to protect him: It's what he'd do himself. 

Why wasn't John more upset with Mary for lying to him? Still pretty easy. He is upset with her – he doesn’t seem to talk to her for a good long time. And he’s not more upset, in the end, because it is his fault, a bit. He wouldn't have chosen her if she wasn't a disaster that needed fixing. And everybody in the sitting room - all disasters needing fixing - knew that full well.

Now, the hard one. Why wasn't John more upset with Mary for shooting John? John is, at least on the surface, okay with Mary shooting Sherlock because he feels personally responsible. It is his job to keep Sherlock safe and he brought someone dangerous into Sherlock's safe zone. It isn't Mary's fault that she's dangerous - it's her wiring. It's John's fault for putting the two crazy choices together; one was going to hurt the other eventually. It was his job to keep them both safe and he let them hurt each other.

But with that said, while I do believe that John has forgiven Mary entirely for hurting him, I am not sold on the idea that John has forgiven Mary entirely for hurting Sherlock. And I think we’ll see that eventually.

People have been reblogging my John Watson post recently. And I can see why. I re-read it today and I was most struck by this line:

Sherlock may be an undeniable hurricane-strength force whirling through John’s life but John also chose him.

No, says Sherlock in HLV. John chose Mary. And...

She is so mobile and expressive and utterly gorgeous.

Mary Morstan’s perfect face

It’s gonna start out homoerotic and end up bloody should be the description for every Shakespeare class ever. 100% accurate and would get a lot more people studying that mad crazy old bastard. 

most amusing reactions to coriolanus screenings:

1) omg thAt gUY kiSSEd thAT otHEr gUy what is happening?? do they haVE tHe GaY?

2) “Coriolanus’s death scene…” WHAAAAAAT he dieS?  sPoiLeR!  SPOILER SPOILERY SPOILER!  HOW DARE YOU!

Guys, it’s a Shakespearean tragedy.  It’s gonna start out homoerotic and end up bloody.  You have literally had five hundred years to figure this out.

OH MY GOD

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

MOLLY HOOPER HAS AN ENGAGEMENT RING ON

Homework Part 1

A BENEDICT CUMBERBATCH MASTERPOST

Star Trek Into Darkness

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Wreckers

War Horse

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

The Whistleblower

Third Star

Four Lions

Creation

The Other Boleyn Girl

Atonement

Amazing Grace

Starter for 10 

Present-day me is giving this an amen, and 12-year-old me is jumping up and down on the furniture.

Call me when Louisa May Alcott regrets Amy/Laurie.