Lift. A Movie I Watched On Netflix. It’s About A Team Of Con Artists Planning A Heist. I Enjoyed It,

I want to learn. But I want to be wrong first. I want to try, but first I want to fail. That way when I succeed, when I realize what is accurate, it will stick. It will hurt but I’ll know how to heal after. And I’ll have a good story to tell later.

Hi. I hope you’re doing well. I hope things get better for you. If you need a hug or encouragement know that I’m cheering for you. And sending as many hugs as I can! You’ve done really well. I’m glad you’ve made it this far and I hope you go even farther. Safe travels my friend. And may your journey go ever so smoothly. And if you ever need a break, don’t be afraid to take one. You can always hop on by. There’s always a comfy spot waiting just for you. So take a seat and relax. You’re amazing. So just rest for a while or go do what you need to do, we’ll be there cheering you on. Have a wonderful day, night, week, year. Best wishes, from all

Random thoughts on 4 minutes the series. Spoilers for episode 6.

Well this Great is kinda adorable in his unhinged way. Ah, he’s trying so hard. Now Great had no idea what would happen if he tried to save Nan and Tyme. Like he had no reason to think these random guys with guns would stop for him. Dude’s scared, always has been. This show is so gonna break me by the end of it. Tonkla though, good on him. Doing exactly what he had planned. He got what he wanted but now what? What’s he gonna do now? Dome is still gone and now so are the perpetrators. So now that he’s got nothing left and no goal to go towards, what will he do? Also did Great’s mom do something to Korn’s mom? She mentioned how if she didn’t do what she did they would have had to live in hiding as mistress and son. What did she do? So many questions. I wonder how this is going to go. 2 episodes left.

Grades still glitched and my professor isn’t responding to me T^T

Gonna give them a few more days to reply before I send a follow up email. After that though I found their work number so if worst comes to worst I’ll have to call them. Already emailed my advisor and they said I gotta talk to my professor again. So now I wait.

Well guess I’ll put on a comfort show while I work, or maybe I’ll just rewatch pending train again. Still love them.

For the writing ask game, number 26: story your most proud of

oof.

this is a loaded question, because I'm proud of a few different stories for their own reasons.

The Sorcerer And The Court Noble, my first self-published novel (which is available to buy digitally through my dms for those interested) is the one I am *most* proud of, because it was a labour of love for nearly 10 years of revisions and based off a series of films and novels that have firmly planted themselves into japanese folklore and pop culture. It's a love story between Abe no Seimei and Minamoto no Hiromasa, real men who really lived and whose shrines you can visit to this day. It's a very special story to me.

The Agony And The Ecstasy Of Sherlock Holmes, my second self-published novel (which is also available to buy digitally through my dms for those interested) based on the events of series 4, told through emails, texts, surveillance footage, hospital records, and therapist's notes. I've never written a story of that length in such a short period of time, when I myself was in indescribable physical pain due to several spontaneous disc herniations in my spine. It's a deeply personal study of Sherlock Holmes' character and I'll always be very proud of it.

Runaway Judges, a post-series the devil judge fic inspired by the mishima: a life in four chapters OST, specifically the track runaway horses (poetry written with a splash of blood). It examines the push-and-pull relationship between Yo Han and Ga On in the aftermath of the courthouse explosion in episode 16; it's about the characters' pain and sacrifice as declarations of love for each other and how they begin to heal from all the hurt and misunderstandings between them now that they're both ghosts as they flee to Switzerland and start a new life. It's probably my favourite TDJ fic I've ever written.

The common thread between all three of these works is actually something based in the first onmyoji film, which TSatCN follows. In it, Hiromasa cradles the woman he loves, Sukehime, in his arms as she succumbs to a spell that turned her into a vengeful demon; a demon that feeds on men's blood. He offers her his life, presenting his bare arm to her and tells her, "It's alright. I do not mind, in the end, if it is you that kills me." Watching that scene as a child (I was twelve) rewired something in my brain pretty fundamentally when it came to my understanding of love and sacrifice. It's followed my writing ever since, and these three works all examine the relationship between pain, sacrifice, penance, devotion, and love - the concept of dying for love of someone else makes my heart ache in the best way, and I love exploring that depth of emotion in my writing.

thanks for playing! <3

Okay so I don’t have anything nearly as in depth to say but I do have some thoughts. This is more in general fandomness not just queer related media. So some context: This isn’t my art account but I do make fanart and societal views of the media greatly affect what I may end up posting. I recently became a fan of a kpop band and drew one of the band members. I was scared to post it cause of so many what-ifs and the fact that it didn’t get it to look quite right. But that’s beside the point. Anyway, when I went to talk to friends about if I should post it one of them pointed out some things I had never thought about. So kpop, anime, and other media doesn’t have a good reputation where I’m from though anime has become more accepted. My friend said “So you know how a group of women isn’t evil. But then when a group of women like something it’s given a bad reputation?” Something along those lines but they said it better than I could put into words. And I feel like this has to do with the “only straight women like this media”. It’s mysogenistic. And also just incorrect in the grand scheme of things. So many people like a variety of things but when certain groups of people like something people will attack it just using the basis “well these people like it so it must not be good”. Which, is just so odd. Why would a group of people liking something somehow affect the quality of media? Like I’m sure it would have some influence but not in the way that is used in such an argument. I want to go on more but honestly can’t figure out how to go on so pls add to this. (Sorry if this doesn’t make much sense, I’m not quite sure how to properly express my thoughts)

Now onto a different topic. So I’m a fan of very niche things and highly enjoy my corny cheesey little shows. Some of which I would recommend to my friends until they called one of my shows cringe. Which, okay if it isn’t your thing I completely understand. But it’s a show I’ve expressed that I loved and even recommended. Now if you want to call my show anything call it corny, cheesey, goofy, cause it is. It’s overly dramatic yeah but that’s its vibe. Cringe is so overused and just saying stuff like this made me more wary about what shows I offer people and avoid shows that maybe they would actually like. If you’re going to criticize something, don’t just use negative words. Call it what it is. If it’s cheesey or over dramatic maybe it won’t have that gritty plot line you’re looking for but it’s not supposed to have that. It’s supposed to be a lil goofy, it’s supposed to be fun. Yeah it’s ‘unrealistic’ but the characters have super powers so it was never meant to be. Hell even if they didn’t have powers sitcoms exist for a reason. (Rak Diao, my love).

Another lil tidbit I wanted to add on was just basic understanding of media. I’ve talked about this before so I’m just gonna copy and paste it but edit it to make sense in this context:

So I find I don’t understand everything. By this I mean I can take one understanding of a piece, look at the piece again and just be like damn how on earth was I so wrong before? It’s why I like giving shows a second chance. Cause I might of completely misunderstood what’s happening or maybe I never knew in the first place. It’s just the meaning I took at that time and now I’ll learn something else from it. Like something I might misremember or have a bad impression of I’ll go back and recheck and be like, yeah no I was so wrong. This is great! And vice versa, I’ll be like man this is so good, rewatch and notice things that are a bit iffy. And just go hmmmmm. Just enjoy what you enjoy and don’t be afraid to try things again or let things go. Also, a lot of things fly over my head in shows cause I’m not aware or conscious of everything and I don’t know all the experiences or relevant ties things may have so it’s always good to double check or get a second pair of eyes. (See I read an entire book thinking the main character was a boy. It wasn’t until literal years later I found out the main character was a girl. Did this change much of anything? Not really. But it’s an example and I still thought the fairy and main character were going to end up dating. Alas they did not.)

I hope some of this made sense. T^T

Putting my thoughts out here is terrifying, cause of again all those what-ifs. Anyway, I don’t know how to uh end my lil spiel so yeah. (￣▽￣;)

a question for QL fandom at large: when did we start only wanting media that is perfectly suited to our standards?

there has never been a perfect show, and there never will be a perfect show, because everybody likes different things and QL is run on shoestring budgets. i thought this was something we made our peace with as viewers of the genre!

so i'm just wondering at what point fandom decided that a show is only worthy of praise/fandom if it has no problems?

at what point did we decide that talking about the problems of a show is more important than talking about what we did enjoy and what kept us watching? i don't know when it happened, but it definitely has. critique is treated more seriously and gets more interaction than people talking about what they like.

it seems like a really exhausting and slightly puritan way to do things, to be constantly finding imperfections and treating them as more important than the good parts. dunno about y'all but i don't want to be unintentionally enacting puritan shit.

i want joy, i want fun, i want the spirit of camaraderie in fandom.

so, why did fandom begin to snub any media that didn't fit very high standards? and how can we steer ourselves away from that impulse?

(i am genuinely curious about why this is happening and how those of us who don't enjoy it can change, so please feel free to jump in, even if you are 'late' or think you only have a very small contribution to make to the discussion.)

My rambles about Ossan’s Love Thai version.

Honestly I’m loving it. I can handle the comedy and it’s not too hard for me to watch. (Note: I get really bad secondhand embarrassment. I used to have to physically leave the room when watching things cause of how painful it is for me. I’m able to handle more now but still kinda curl into a ball and plug my ears during certain scenes. It hasn’t happened yet for me in this show so I am so happy I can fully handle it. I still enjoy shows I get secondhand embarrassment, such as Bad & Crazy. Amazing but I digress.) Anyway, I absolutely love the comedy and characters. It’s just so fun. I’ve tried to watch the Japanese version but haven’t been able to handle it on my own with the secondhand embarrassment so I’m glad to still be able to experience the story. I’m sure they’re both great. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh it’s just my little pick me up for the week. Okay I’m done rambling. Tiramasee you soon! (<- this is a joke in reference to a musical improv show I saw where this was sang at the end. Let’s just say it was a beautiful in the moment piece).

You know how I said I was better? Guess who’s sick again! Wooooooooooo! T^T

Let’s see what to ramble about this time. I’m actually in a good mood for this post so ah I have no idea. Oh I’ve just started watching Jazz for Two. Seems very fun so far. I don’t have any of their names memorized at this point in time so uh I love the blue ish haired ones personality a lot. I too tease the shit out of my friends, lovingly of course. And to the one friend I have who knows about this blog, you know. Anyway I just find him to be fun. I’m looking forward to seeing how every characters friendships progress. Though I am worried about how stressed certain plot points might make me. Though, I kinda only know some clips from this show so I got nothing on where the plots gonna head. Can’t wait to find out.

Oh I also found another show on YouTube (idk if it’s the official version though) called Furious Duos. I don’t think I quite understand what’s happening in it but I am gonna try to watch it later.

Missing: The Other Side. One day I’ll be able to finish you. One day. Once you’re back on a streaming service I hopefully have. Pls, I need to know what happens.

Anywho, ah I’m in a good mood. I’m gonna get back to watching Jazz for Two and maybe even get some food. I had so much work to do today and finally get to rest. Still have a little bit to get done but now’s my resting time so I’ll worry about it later. That and if I set aside an hour I should be alright. Oh, still rambling. Have a wonderful day/night! Take care!

Just finished Beyond Evil! And now I shall ramble about this show. Warning spoilers ahead, kinda. I try to stay vague ish. Also if I misspelled their names my apologies, I’m trying.

Ah Hyeuk! Fucking love you. He’s such an interesting character. His freaking personality was just so different and refreshing to me. I just really liked his scenes. Plus I’d love to see what shenanigans he and Ju-won would get into together (if they treated each other like siblings. Like, I love to imagine the scenarios cause like Hyeuk was there for a lot of shit. Also he can be such an ass and I love him for it.)

All the characters are just so freaking cool! I got attached real quick, after well, doubting literally everything. And the music! The fucking music whenever anything happened was just so wounding. And the ending song felt haunting to me after all the events. It’s so fucking beautiful though. Okay okay. I apologize for how much I’ve cursed but also I just really wanted to ramble cause man. What a great show. Now, would I be able to handle Strangers from Hell? I don’t think so. But I’m kinda interested but also… probably not the best idea for me to watch it. Hmm… maybe I’ll just check out the fanfiction and gifs people have of it to see. Ah but I need at least a smidge of happiness in the shows I watch. So I’ll look into it later. Anyway, back to Beyond Evil.

It’s just such a good fucking show man! To me at least. I loved it. Also highly recommend Move to Heaven and The Good Bad Mother. Let’s just say I’m a sucker for found family and apparently highly enjoy suffering through shows that are emotional rollercoasters.

Okay okay. That’s all for now. Ah I really wanna draw these characters now. Welp have a wonderful day! I shall be enjoying the emotions from this show.