This Man Is Crazy As Hell😭

: ̗̀➛ ALICE IN BORDERLAND

RYOHEI ARISU -------------------------------------------------------------

backstory: arisu grew up as a glass child. all the attention his father gave was directed toward his younger brother, hajime. he was always better at everything in their father's eyes, while arisu was seen as the stupid and failure sibling. he always compared them to each other. arisu sometimes felt like his father didn't love him; he never received attention from him. that's why, later on, he craved attention and the desire to be seen as a hero unintentionally. the hatred from his father stemmed from arisu being similar to his mother. his father considered her stupid and claimed he didn't like stupid people, which is how he viewed arisu. he even stopped taking his children to her grave, even when arisu desperately wanted to see his mom. when arisu's mother died, it was as if the only parent who cared for him had also died. his father hated him so intensely that he even made the only teacher who cared for Arisu—who encouraged him to start playing guitar—move to a different school because he wanted arisu to stop pursuing "stupid" hobbies and learn "useful" things instead.

in borderlands, he suffers significantly from survivor's guilt, major depressive disorder, which is common when experiencing such guilt and existential crisis but one by one:

7 of Hearts :: this was when his best friends died, the only people who cared for him. he was infuriated that he was the only one who survived because he believed he was a failure with nothing ahead of him. for instance, karube wanted to get married, was strong, and had a chance of surviving. he had nothing but them, which triggered his hallucinations of the people he felt he had killed in some way. because of this, he felt immense guilt; he would have preferred to die instead, but deep down, he truly wanted to live. however, he only lived for others and needed to find a reason to live that didn't involve other people.

selfishness : even when arisu seems like a character who acts for others, he mostly does it to feel better about himself, to feel as if he has done something for someone—so that now he can be viewed as the good one as the hero, to receive attention . he also acted out of pure selfishness, such as pairing usagi with niragi in osmosis because he didn't want to face the awkwardness with her after an uncomfortable moment where also he only considered what he did wrong instead of trying to understand usagi's feelings or asking her about it. that's why niragi compared him to himself and chishiya—they are all selfish. arisu never noticed this until the moment niragi hit him with reality. but when he realized it, he wanted to change right away. however, it's not so easy since he's still holding onto the past. hallucinations—it all started in the 10 of Hearts. he sees karube, chota, and shibuki and begs them for forgiveness, but his perception of karube convinces him to live for the three of them. this leads him to adopt the idea of carrying their lives on his shoulders so he would feel better about himself and what happened. the next time, during the queen of hearts, he has another hallucination. he struggles to understand his emotions and wonders if he has changed at all or if he is still selfish. he sees many versions of himself that tell him things such as: "You don't want to live, but you can't die either"; "It's easy being egotistical"; "You don't need to rely on anyone, nor trust anyone"; "Being nice to people is tiring, after all." he can't stand it; he runs away from his feelings, but then, suddenly, he finds himself in a dark tunnel, searching for an exit. he then sees chota, shibuki, and karube, but now they're giving him advice instead of blaming him, essentially telling him that his only enemy is himself. even if he thanks them, he pushes this away. then he sees kyuma, who confronts arisu, with him holding onto the past, lacking parental love and attention and tells him that's why he can't give attention to others. kyuma wants him to mature and grow up from this and tells him, "There's always an exit from the darkness. Please don't forget that." of course, it's all in his head; he knows these things already, but he uses others to help him admit it to himself. later, after hallucinating his friends dead—deaths that could probably have been easily prevented—he ends up being forced to dive into his psyche to review everything from the past, but he can't do it. (in the show, it was when arisu was shown lying in different places in the borderlands.) then usagi slits her wrists, which brings him back to reality. he truly tries to escape the hallucinations, but he meets the "old version" of himself—the one that is selfish and would not care for usagi. he then admits he hates himself, he despises who he was, and usagi's final words help him leave the hallucinations. they allow him to overcome his trauma, move forward, and find hope in usagi—hope that he can change and that he wants to do it with her, for her, and for himself.

10 of hearts: this game was arisu's deciding moment. the game was about overcoming trauma and mira's words—to have such a strong will to live that you could distinguish between what you want, what is real, and what is going on in your head. so, when he overcame it, he won the game. he finally found a reason to live and started living for himself - he wanted to change for HIMSELF - instead of others, leaving his past behind. from now on, he can fully enjoy life, and this was what he meant when he said he couldn't be like kyuma, because kyuma was never holding onto the past and fully enjoyed every moment of his life. but now, Arisu is free—free from the past and finally able to be like kyuma and enjoy his life even when his past wasn't good.

in aib Retry, where arisu is in his thirties, he became a licensed clinical psychological counselor, working in a school to help students with psychological issues—to help other teens like him since the events in Alice in Borderland took place when arisu was ONLY 18.

Medical malpractice duo

HEY that's MY emotional support morally ambiguous misunderstood full of trauma touch starved yearning for love drenched in blood responsible for numerous atrocities comfort character who is TRYING & u will TREAT them with RESPECT

I want what he's having

Will Graham painting done with Corel Painter :) Had a tough week, dropped my English class, felt better. I think I found the source.

I now have prints of this piece!

beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Punish, off my new project Perverts, is out November 1st.

Perverts will release January 8th.

Single art by @silkenweinberg ♡

been watchinf hannibal lately and i cant stop thinking about this

Too anxious to make phone calls but not afraid to post fanfiction of gay cannibals on the fucking internet

Ethel Cain - M2U00360.mp4