There Should Be A Lock Button On Photo Apps So That When I Show My Conservative Parents A Picture, They

Me, pulling my weighted blanket back onto the bed because it had fallen off halfway through the night and suddenly feeling like an AD 30 fisherman who is not able to draw the net because Jesus filled the right side of the ship with a multitude of fishes

I’m still frustrated at my last therapist because she really insinuated that asexuals don’t have feelings. She was trying to explain the difference between romantic and platonic relationships and kept saying it was about the sexual attraction, but I brought up that asexuals can still have romantic relationships, and then I had to explain what that was and then she was like “oh yes, I know about that” and I was like “clearly you don’t”. But she continued and said “If a person brings their partner flowers, their partner will like it, but asexuals won’t have that same feeling.”

“What if the asexual likes flowers? Wouldn’t they still be happy with it?”

“Asexuals wouldn’t be able to feel that because they can’t feel like normal people do. They don’t have emotions.” Or something along those lines. I repeated it slowly back to her, and she quickly backtracked but it didn’t seem like her response was very different.

Ooh, that’s a good AU idea right there. Someone’s probably made it, so now I must go and find it. If not, I shall make it in my own head.

MY ENTIRE SHORT MXTX LIFE I THOUGHT THE GUY IN WHITE ON THE COVER WAS WEI WUXIAN BUT IT’S NOT MY LIFE IS A LIE IT WAS LAN WANGJI THE WHOLE TIME

The first thing that has ever made me believe I could actually be loveable as an autistic person was a dating sim where it turns out that the guy you’re dating has autism.

I cried.

Today I learned that all the little stories I wrote in high school got deleted because I didn’t save them to my other account, but it’s kind of fine because I don’t actually remember what any of them were. Still, I’m a little disappointed.

I occasionally get flashes where I become incredibly attracted to Kazuha. They never last long, but they’re happening more frequently.

Thought I would share my depressing parody of “Gone Forever” by Three Days Grace because I’m actually a little proud of how it turned out. Trigger warning for depression. (I’m okay now in case anyone is worried.)

Don’t know what’s going on.

Don’t know why I’m wrong.

Feels like a hundred years my

Ambition has been gone.

And I stay up all night

With these bloodshot eyes

While these walls surround me;

Where’s the meaning of my life?

I’d feel so much better

If I were gone forever.

I tell myself you wouldn’t miss me at all.

It’s not lying, denying, that you’d feel so much better if I were

To be gone forever.

Wish feelings were more clear.

So do you need me here?

While I’m in dark surroundings,

D’you wish I’d disappear?

And I try hard to find

The reasons in my mind.

Until the morning comes I’ll

Just want to end my life.

Would you feel much better

If I were gone forever?

Tell yourself you wouldn't miss me at all.

Be lying, denying, that you’d feel so much better if I were

To be gone forever.

First time thoughts screamed at me

I tried hard not to leave.

I need to know it can get so much better.

I hope that you’d miss me.

I hope you make me see.

“Don’t be gone forever.”

Wish feelings were more clear.

I wish you’d need me here.

While I’m in dark surroundings,

Don’t let me disappear.

I want to feel better.

Don’t want to leave forever.

I tell myself that I would miss you all.

I’m not lying, denying, that I just want it better;

Now don’t let it be forever.

And now I want forever.

Don’t let me end forever.

Today I learned that my friend has a Tumblr account, and this is a problem because if I ever mention having one, she might ask for it. The problem is that I have mentioned her on my account. The problem is that I really don’t want her knowing what I wrote.

I wish people would love each other. I wish so completely that people would be kind and lovely and nice. Sometimes I wonder if people can be good.

I think, if I simply grew up with a good mother, I would be able to believe in the inherent beautiful humanity of people. For now, I have to be wary of even my reflection.

The great thing about Tumblr is that I can share my thoughts with the world. I’ve always liked having private thoughts, but having someone know what they are every once in a while and respond is rather nice as well. No one’s really paying attention here, so I can say what I want, and if someone likes it, they can see it and move on. I’ve shared it. And very few people will know. Unless I somehow for some reason become famous, then something went wrong along the way.