Currently Creating An AMV In My Head About Characters That Will Probably Never Actually Be Part Of The

I’m not the best writer, nor am I social, so I don’t really have the best opportunity to learn how to say what I want, and therefore I don’t really know how to explain to my mom why I give up instead of trying my hardest in the last few weeks of school.

I will point out the most obvious things like it’s a novelty.

"Wow, Dad, Uncle looks so much like you!"

"That’s because he's my brother."

"Yeah. And he LOOKS it."

Or

"Wow, *voice actor* really sounds like *character*!"

"He voices him."

"Yeah, and he sounds like him too! :)"

I mostly just want to go to sleep. Also to watch Legally Blonde, but mostly to go to sleep.

Music is powerful because it hurts. It actually, very physically hurts. It feels like a thick balloon is inflating behind your chest and it's spreading to your stomach and arms and fingers and you want to curl into yourself as if that will stop it from growing but it continues on. The nostalgia will only ever be nostalgia. The weekly visits with a friend are now barely even a text every few months. The fandom you dedicated your life to is barely even a passing thought anymore. The ideas that ran through your head now gather dust as a forgotten word document. Life is better, sure, but life used to have them. Why couldn't life be better and still keep them?

This would have never happened if you hadn’t listened to that music. But oh how beautiful those memories are, and there's a smile on your face despite the balloon threatening to pop if you listen a moment longer.

I got something from the vending machine at work again today, and I noticed that it seems slot 66 always has something red. Last time, it was a cherry pie. Today, it was a strawberry-jam-filled honey bun. Behind the honey bun was a package of two raspberry Twinkies. I will keep updating if I notice any more changes.

I was talking to my brother about some of my stuffed animals, and I realised that I unintentionally made them pretty diverse. So far we have

• a lesbian alpaca

• a pyromaniac nonbinary sheep with he/they pronouns

• a gay eldritch abomination disguised as a bear

• an aroace immortal sheep in a constant state of childhood innocence despite its previous canon lore of being known for manipulative tactics (all for good reasons)

• and the ally teddy bear

Astarion IS Shrek 2

Me: (does something)

Someone: (jokingly) What’s wrong with you?

Me, unable to understand the odd and bitter feeling I suddenly have: (jokingly) Everything.

Me, later that night, out loud, to myself: I’m autistic and was raised to hate myself for it, thanks for asking.

My brother just posted on his socials that he asked our parents if they were happy with their lives and that they said yes, which is crazy because every time I'm the one asking they always deflate and say no, that they wished it had been different, that they're tired but they're too old to try and change anything so they're just going to wait it out until death. So either they're lying to one of us, or a secret second thing I can’t conceive of.

Someone find me a cute man that adores me and thinks I’m his world so that I can show him all the affection he deserves and all his friends will be so happy he’s found someone.