IMMEDIATELY Asking For Jason’s Pov Of The Fake Dating Fic For The Prompt Meme. Literally First And

reading some tags and I totally get why it's very popular to say that Alfred is the "heart of the Batfam." However: Alfred is the heart of the Wayne family, not the Bat Family. Which are two different things that should not be conflated with each other.

A few examples: Helena doesn't particularly care about Alfred's opinion, but she does care about Tim, Dick, and Babs. Babs loves Alfred, but he is not the one who kept her communicating with Bruce in the 90s as Oracle. That was Tim and to some extent Dick. Steph (eventually) loved Alfred, but Alfred is not why she started working with the Bats or why she became Robin or Batgirl. That was, for better or worse, heavily connected to her relationship with Tim.

That's why I call Tim the heart of the Batfam; because it's through him that quite a few of these heroes came to be seen as Batman allies in the first place. Part of it's circumstantial; he was Robin at a time when DC was creating several new Gotham-based characters and Tim was a convenient narrative device to convince Bruce to give them a chance (why should he accept them operating in Gotham? Well Tim trusts them, Bruce, why don't you?). But part of it is just...a very deliberate characterization of Tim as someone who a) genuinely wants to be friends with most people and b) wanted to give Bruce a support system to fall back on.

More generally, unless you are a Wayne (biological or adopted), there's no actual reason why Alfred is your "connective tissue" character. In some cases, he may have even actively and openly disliked you. He's generally lovely and nice to have around, but he's also not why you started working out of the Batcave on a semi-regular basis and stuck around to voluntarily deal with Bruce Wayne's emotionally constipated self. Your connective tissue character if you aren't a Wayne is usually one of two people: Barbara Gordon or Tim Drake. And in most cases....it's Tim.

Got an interesting take on eldritch horror for all you writers out there. It's a bit of a roundabout schlep to reach the actual idea, but writers tend to be readers so I hold you'll stick with me til we get there.

So, consider a 2D creature. Little flat dude, living on the ground. No concept of "up" or "down." He's 2D, he just doesn't parse the concepts and can't perceive them anyways.

He sees you. What he actually sees is just the 2D cross section of you where you intersect with his 2D world, which is probably your footprints. So, as far as he can tell, you are a pair of footprints that are.... apparently one being? He doesn't get how it works exactly, but it's not too far out there, so he just kind of accepts that, yes, humans are The Two That Are One. Spooky. They always seem to use the singular to refer to the pair of themselves, and only differentiate between themselves as Left or Right. But other paired instances of The Two That Are One are, in fact, separate entities. So they're only in sets of two, unless accompanied by a companion called "Cane," which they are sometimes, or even a pair of companions called "Crutches." When Crutches are present, sometimes one of The Two That Are One will be missing entirely. It's a little confusing.

But wait, what now? They disappear and reappear in sequence, teleporting in turns. He never sees them just move like a 2D being, always the stop-start teleporting. Apparently this strange power is called "walking," and its accomplished by The Two That Are One moving through an unseen dimension called "Up," through a process called "lifting" themselves and re-entering the real world farther away in the direction they wanted to go. He can accept the idea of unseen dimensions, and he vaguely gets the idea that one of The Two That Are One must remain anchored in the real world to prevent something called "falling," which is some kind of uncontrolled movement through the unperceivable dimension of "Down." Which is the same dimension as "Up," but...... backwards? Reversed? He's not really clear, but "Falling Down" is presumably bad, so The Two That Are One keep one of themselves here in the real world to prevent it.

Except if they do something called "jumping." Which consists of gathering up their power to hurl themselves through the Up dimension together to reappear together somewhere else in the real world. He isn't sure why they Walk instead of Jump, since it seems better to take both of The Two That Are One together at the same time, but okay.

Okay, what the hell, they can Walk through impenetrable barriers like the great wall of Sidewalk Chalk? How do they go through that? What? They went "Over?" The hell is "Over?" Like 'around' but through the unseen dimension of Up? But they couldn't Walk through the barrier of Wall. Why could they go "Over" Sidewalk Chalk but not Wall?

And they can't go between the four small obstacles of Refrigerator Feet. The area between them is safe from The Two That Are One, for the four Refrigerator Feet are connected to each other in the strange and eldritch dimension of Up. The barriers are too powerful to be moved by The Two That Are One, and it (they?) cannot enter the real world where it is blocked by such powerful forces.

Got all that?

Okay, now consider a 4 dimensional elder god and how we 3D entities would perceive them.

B'traxia's Hive King Mating Guide for the Recently Transformed!

Gonna go ahead and lay down a large chunk of the first chapter of the fic that I'll be posting for this year's TentaTodd week because I'm excited as hell about it and have like zero patience lol

Summary: Tim finds what he thinks is porn with an emphasis on speculative biology in Jason's apartment, but it turns out the only speculative part is Jason's speculation about whether or not Tim will want to actually for realsies mate with him.

(It's very much playing off of my analysis of Brothers In Blood, which may explain a lot)

(Also if you saw the several sentances sunday thing: this is an extended and much more explicit version of that!)

Normally Tim would pretend to know better than to go snooping through Jason's stuff, especially when a storm had forced him to crash at one of his safehouses unannounced, but c'mon, these are only the bookshelves! What did Jason have them for if not to display the books?? Perfectly reasonable to take a look through the different spines, pull a few out enough to see the covers, maybe actually read one. After all there was no reason to suspect there'd be anything to hide such as-

B'traxia's Hive King Mating Guide for the Recently Transformed!

The cover features a lavish illustration of an alien with a roughly 'centaur' configuration of limbs. It's got a set of massive spikes for front legs that look great for digging and cleaving people in two, and a pair of cat like, pawed, digidigrade back legs. The spine and joints are armor plated, while the soft belly is lined with octopus arms of wildly varying sizes.

The alien is also proudly presenting his three MASSIVE PHALLUSES for the audience.

Tim sputters and laughs, opening the book up and flipping through it lazily.

The quality is ridiculously good overall. It's hand bound, full color, lavishly illustrated with diagrams and charts and cultural notes and- it's honestly hilariously Jason in nature now that he thinks about it. Like, of course, Jason with his snobby love of all things hand crafted would masturbate to some niche fetish shit in a weird format full of way too much worldbuilding. It's probably bespoke too; Tim would lay good money that Jason commissioned the artist himself.

Tim flips back to the first page and starts reading.

Congratulations on your successful chrysalis hatching, my new brethren! Whether you got here by choice or circumstance, this guide is designed to help you understand the most important topic for your new biology and psychology: sex! For most species, sex is merely one activity among many. Most adults spend most of their time on other things, such as making objects or completing economic tasks. The internal impulses of such adults account for a wide variety of needs. Hunger, thirst, tiredness, these are all different sensations because the adult is expected to do different things in order to sate them. This is not so for Hive Kings like us! The primary way a Hive King interacts with the world is through his hive beast workers. His biology does not expect him to labor or travel or do anything other than have sex with his brooders, impregnating them with the hundreds of workers who serve him! When a Hive King's blood sugar levels lower, he does not feel anything. Instead it is his workers which feel a desire to feed him. What happens then, when the Hive King does not have enough workers to keep himself fed? He starts craving sex! Breeding makes more workers and workers are how the Hive King eats! Nearly all desires and cravings are sublimated in this way. Either they are passed to the workers who then fulfill the Hive King's wishes adequately, or they go unsated and are converted into potent breeding lust. Thus sexual desire becomes the primary lens through which the Hive King experiences his own needs and wants. This is especially important information for Hive Kings who choose to remain alone or in very small hives. If you want to go this route, I recommend you carefully track and record your own sexual cravings to ensure that you're getting your needs met. Specific kinks may be signs of specific needs. For instance, Kyalgn from Sector 17 reports that thirst often manifests as desires to swallow his partners whole or have them urinate in his mouth. Note that all of the above merely adds to the already elevated sexual drive of Hive Kings. The deep craving for constant, fertile breeding sex is usually the first instinctual effect of the transformation that a Hive King notices.

Tim is... honestly getting into it a bit. He's got one hell of a thing for breeding, so sue him, and while he's not so much into being the alien, he's enjoying the thought of someone truly insatiable trying to knock him up over and over again despite not being the same species.

It is a bit too wordy for his tastes though. Tim skips passed a frankly obscene amount of detailed anatomical and biochemical analysis in order to get to the good stuff already.

The Hive King first wraps the brooder's body in his tentacles and engages in foreplay. If he can coax at least one orgasm out of the Brooder before the breeding process begins, that is ideal. Happy, relaxed, pleasured Brooders are safer Brooders who bear healthier children. Then the Hive King will carefully fill up the Brooder's cunt with his ovipositor, thrusting shallowly until he reaches the cervix. His dilating hooks will then latch on to the cervix, injecting the brooder with aphrodisic-anesthetic-hypermobilitic chemicals, and begin stretching the Brooder open so that they can receive his eggs. Upon achieving enough dilation for his eggs to fit safely, the ovipositor will thrust a few inches deeper and the Hive King will experience ovipositional orgasm as his body pumps his eggs into his mate's womb. Depending on the size of the eggs and the size of his Brooder mate, this process can take anywhere from thirty minutes to two hours and the orgasm will last until the last egg is inside and his ovipositor unhooks from their cervix. Once all the eggs are safely inside, it's important to move on to the second phase of sex as soon as possible. Remember: the longer the eggs spend unfertilized, the more risky the pregnancy becomes. Next, using his cocks, the Hive King must thrust into his mate's pussy again with both penises, ideally reaching passed the cervix and hitting the back of the womb with each thrust. Every time he orgasms this way he will spill roughly two gallons of cum into his mate. As the sex continues nearly all of this will spill out, but don't worry: this is desirable. The flow of perfluorocarbon seminal fluid must be continuous, as it provides vital nutrients and oxygen to the developing embryos. Do not allow yourself more than 43 minutes rest in between one orgasm ending and beginning to work yourself up for the next orgasm. Ideally, you should simply not stop thrusting for the entirety of the roughly 78 hour pregnancy.

It's completely absurd. More than three days of non-stop pregnant sex while high as a kite on alien aphrodisiac venom.

Gods what he wouldn't give for it to be real.

Tim unbuttons his pants, widening his stance and slipping a hand over his underwear, lightly rubbing the head of his clit through the fabric.

"And just what the fuck do you think you're reading?"

It takes every second worth of Tim's years of training not to startle out of his skin at the sound of Jason's voice.

"Really hot porn." He replies coolly.

Jason's still got his mask on and his hood up but it's clear to see he's taken aback (as was the intent).

"Really?"

"What? You think I don't have kinks?"

His head tilts, his lenses narrowing.

"...Guess you are exactly the right kinda tight laced to be into some freak shit."

"Rude. True, mind you, and pretty fucking hypocritical, but still rude."

Jason hmms acknowledgment of his hypocrisy. His gaze drops from Tim's face to the book and finally down to the hand still in his pants. It is so very hard to read any sort of expression through the masks, but Tim feels like he's got a damn solid bet as to what Jason's feeling right now.

He rolls the dice and starts stroking his clit again, deliberately making it obvious.

Jason's breathing gets heavier, his adam's apple bobs as he swallows thickly, his shoulders go tense - all good signs. Then his hips rock in sympathy with one of Tim's strokes and he knows without a shadow of a doubt that Jason is into this.

Tim grins.

There's something deeply gratifying in getting caught and then shamelessly continuing to pleasure himself. It makes him feel depraved - sinfully self indulgent in the best kind of way.

"So you like imagining yourself as a big scary monster who lives to fuck his eggs into people, huh? Got jealous of the xenomorphs while watching Aliens?"

"Yup. Clearly I don't have to explain the appeal to you."

"Actually, I think you do. I'm only interested in being the one getting bred; I don't honestly get the deal about being the one doing the topping."

Jason grips and leans against the bookshelf, clearly aiming for casual and missing by about a million miles to land firmly in 'seems like he's so horny he might faint' territory.

"Oh, cool. Coolcoolcool- uh, what if I get a towel and get you comfortable on the couch and we compare notes?"

Tim just barely holds himself back from laughing and says, "Sounds great!"

i know we’re both just messing around pretending to be whole but look at me. if the train was coming would you move. if the ground was falling from under your feet would you even notice or would it just be another tuesday for you. if somebody stabbed you could it hurt worse than you already do. what i’m saying is that i love you but i think we both drive over the speed limit when it’s raining. what i’m saying is that i want to hold your hand and i understand about how you sometimes have to sit down in the shower. what i’m saying is that i’m here for you and if the train comes please move.

I think this is my first Tumblr post? Thought I’d check out this white hot new app

(It’s James Roberts — just realised that my username gives nothing away)

There may be some MTMTE fans on here who (wisely) avoid Twitter etc and so may not know about the MTMTE Notebooks and Scriptbooks that I make available once a year

These exclusive behind-the-scenes books are essentially creator journals chronicling the evolution of the series, containing pitches, concepts, character thumbnails etc that I worked on ahead of and during the comic’s run

If you’d like to find out more, email mtmte.books@gmail.com and I’ll send you the details

Oh, and I have zero reach on here, so I’d be grateful if anyone who finds this and is a MTMTE fan could repost, or whatever the Tumblr term is

Thank you!

i feel like playing kon-el-themed eleven truths and a lie again!!!

More Star Sapphire Jason from the batfam lantern AU because you gotta feed the hounds:

Jason: *makes a gun construt*

Jason: *makes a shotgun construct*

Jason: *makes a machine gun construct*

Jason: Okay, fine. I understand the appeal.

*****

Jason: *passive aggressively drops a detailed rendition of the Joker's severed head as a construct at Bruce's feet.*

Bruce: And who exactly is fueling your emotion to maintain such a complex construct?

Jason: It's called self-love.

Bruce: Now see, that I will not believe.

****

Jason plays Go Fetch with Dog using construct balls and sticks as practice. It works great, because Jason loves Dog.

***

Jason: hey Kyle, you don't have to look at them like that, you know I don't have tasers there in that uniform right? I really tried, but the space magic won't let me incorporate most of my Red Hood suit features into it.

Kyle, who definitely was staring at Jason's uniform's boob window : What? I wasn't looking, why would I be looking- wait, your other uniform has tasers where?

*****

Jason: *tries his best to make a flamethrower construct, cannot construct the necessary chemical reaction*

Jason: *tries to make a construct of a book he has been wanting to read but hasn't gotten to yet, the pages are blank.*

Jason: *tries to construct himself a cup of tea and drink it, fails.*

Jason: *tries to construct an actual living breathing cat. Obviously fails.*

Jason: I think God hates me.

*****

Jason, beating Bruce up with a baseball bat construct made out of his love for him: So, my relationship with my dad is going great-

_____

Alternate Lantern Lore explained in this post:

"Lex Luthor's latest character flaw" poll winner, "deciding he wants grandbabies and giving Robin a cloning lab about it". Behold, a new WIP strikes!!

“What,” Tim says, staring blankly at the brightly-lit and airy sunroom full of very obvious cloning technology in the very expensive penthouse that Lex Luthor’s bodyguards just dragged a handcuffed Red Robin and Spoiler into after kidnapping them straight off patrol in the Diamond District in the middle of an active crisis situation with the League of Assassins and disabling all their tech and every single one of their trackers six and a half hours ago, down to the bastardized Kryptonian-tech ones in their back molars and two more in both of their suits that Tim didn’t even know existed, plus the one he put in Steph’s collar that she didn’t know existed. Babs is probably just about feral by now. Bruce is definitely feral by now. 

And Lex Luthor is drinking what appears to be a neon purple protein shake out of a rocks glass while sitting at a neatly-arranged desk in the center of the sunroom lab, looking idly bored and scrolling through whatever’s on his phone with his free hand. 

Alright then, Tim thinks carefully. 

“There you are, I was starting to wonder if I’d gotten al Ghul riled up for nothing,” Luthor says, barely glancing up from his tablet. 

“. . . which al Ghul,” Tim asks with wary dread. 

“All of them,” Luthor says, setting down his tablet to give him a pleasant smile. 

Well, now Tim knows why nobody’s dropped in a skylight to rescue them yet. And also why half of Gotham is currently on fire. 

“Uh,” Steph says, glancing around the sunroom lab. “So like, lead-lined glass in here, then, or . . . ?” 

“We’re in Connecticut, so no,” Luthor replies dismissively. “Anyway, the Boy Scout always gets suspicious of too much lead in one place. Which I personally find darling, since anyone in Metropolis without at least a lead-lined and soundproofed bedroom is essentially asking for Kryptonian voyeurs, whether intentionally or not on said Kryptonians’ parts. Also, privacy laws exist for a reason. As do patents, copyrights, attorney-client privilege, HIPAA . . .” 

“Connecticut?” Steph repeats incredulously. “What the frick is in Connecticut?” 

“Currently, us,” Luthor replies matter-of-factly. “Hope, Mercy, do me a favor and go check the security systems manually, just in case any invasive species of vermin have gotten into them. Also, yes, there is kryptonite, and no, there is actually much more than you’re theorizing.” 

“You have literally no idea how much kryptonite we’re theorizing,” Steph says as the bodyguards both leave with an affirming nod. Luthor gives her a pitying look, then turns his chair a few degrees towards Tim. Tim immediately expects the inevitable threat or ultimatum, and braces himself for–

“I’d apologize for all the fuss, but I don’t actually care about inconveniencing you and don’t see the point in pretending I ever would,” Luthor informs him. Tim stares blankly at him again. What is even happening right now? “Now then, what are your intentions in regards to ‘Supernova’, as I hear someone’s started calling himself now. ‘Themself’? I’m not sure if ‘Supernova’ is meant to be gender-affirming or more a ‘too old to stick with ‘Superboy’ but there are already three ‘Supermen’ active and the whole, you know, general stubborn individualism they’re so fond of. Or ‘he’s’ so fond of. Whichever."

Tim stares at him. 

“Is this supposed to be a trap for Supernova or a shovel talk for me?” he asks, because a) he’s not telling Lex Luthor anything about Kon’s gender or personal choices that Kon hasn’t publicly stated, and b) only Lex Luthor would actually kidnap two active vigilantes in the middle of a crisis he’d apparently pre-arranged to give a–well, no, Bruce would also do that, definitely. But this is not a Batman talk, either way. 

Batman’s “talks” all involve tests, for one thing, so actually so far this is an improvement. 

“It’s an engagement present,” Luthor says pleasantly. 

Tim’s brain crashes, then does the slowest reboot of his life. He’s recovered from concussions faster, he’s pretty sure. 

“They’re . . . not engaged, though?” Steph says skeptically. “Or, like, even dating?” 

“Red Robin’s commitment issues are his own problem, not mine. I’ve got a schedule to keep,” Luthor replies dismissively.

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been feeling nauseous and tired so.spending the day noodling through some backstory stuff

and bonus