In Which She’s Jealous Of Herself

In Which She’s Jealous Of Herself

Summary: You have been crushing on Bucky Barnes for a while now. And after overhearing something, you conclude that you aren’t the right person for the Winter Soldier. Little did you know how wrong you were.

Warnings: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader, Fluff.

Note: Please enjoy this! It’s an order. Also, I know I’m still a fetus at writing but thank you so much for the support for the last one.

You didn’t know how it started.

You thought maybe it was the way his eyes blended so perfectly against the sun, shining as if it were the perfect cerulean glass. Or the way his lips tipped into a smirk whenever he laughed. But it was also the way you saw past the distant exterior that he put up everyday. Perhaps, it was the way your skin tingled at his touch.

Either way, it was clear that you liked James Buchanan Barnes.

During the day, when you weren’t out busy getting shot out, you found yourself constantly looking at Bucky, falling in love with every detail of his face. His laugh, his voice. Just him in general.

“I don’t like Bucky,” You told Wanda and Natasha as the three of you decided that it was a perfect day to have a girls’ day. Somehow, the topics of you conversation landed on your crush on Bucky. This time, they didn’t believe your attempts on denying it.

“Oh, please,” Wanda scoffed. “I see you drooling when you stare at him from across the room.”

“I do not drool over him!” You shot back, heat creeping up your cheeks. Embarrassment settled at the pit of your stomach. You couldn’t bare to look at the girls so you cast your eyes to the floor.

“Yes, you do, sweetheart.” Natasha pointed out. “If you weren’t so adorable, I’d say that it was disgusting.”

“Oh!” Wanda jumped up immediately, startling you for a bit. “You have to ask him out, Y/N. He totally likes you.”

A soft sigh emanated from your lips. “How I wish.”

Natasha paused in the midst of painting her fingernails, she looked straight into your eyes. “Who are you and what have you done to my precious Y/N?”

“What?” You felt the crease in your eyebrows furrowing. The nervousness grew in your stomach feverishly.

“The Y/N I know would never put herself down like that.” Wanda piped in with a toothy smile. “Because the Y/N I know, is absolutely badass.”

“Not to mention incredibly beautiful, smart, and strong.” Nat said, warming your heart to no extent.

“How would you even know he likes me?” You said, lowering your voice just in case the teasing began.

A scoff came from Wanda, “Are we going to ignore the fact that I’m a mind reader?”

A little flutter went to your heart. She did have a point. But you refused to let go of the doubt circling your mind. After a few seconds you exhaled a breath, “Alright. I’ll ask him.”

Claps and hollers echoed from the room. Eventually, you had to throw a pillow at them to shut their mouths. You couldn’t risk anyone hearing you.

“That’s my girl.” Natasha sent you a smile before returning to her nail polish. “Now go get your man.”

“Because I really don’t want to live for the rest of my life listening to you mope about how you didn’t ask him out.” Wanda said with a giggled.

Before you could say something else. Something had pushed you out of the door. A red mist surrounded you before slowly disappearing.

You stared at the empty hallway, desperately trying to calm your erratic nerves. Your heart was beating heavily as if it would burst out of your chest any moment now.

The thought of staying put in front of your bedroom door did seem quite alright. You knew that the rejection would bring a lot of pain. It was ironic how an Avenger who could withstand hours of torture was afraid of heartbreak.

You accepted long ago that you’d rather let Bucky play with your heart and love him from afar than him breaking your heart and be despised by him.

You took a step towards Bucky’s room, which coincidentally was three minutes away from yours. Within the first few steps, confidence was your friend. And with a chin held high, you kept telling yourself, I can do this.

Eventually, you stopped in your path. You spun around and headed back to your room. Nope, I can’t do this.

It was humiliating, the way you cowered. Glimpses of Natasha and Wanda giving you looks of disapproval sent you back on your way to Bucky’s room. Damn your pride and stubbornness.

For a while, you knew that you looked like a madwoman. You spent minutes going back and forth from the hallway.

“How hard can asking someone out be.” The mantra kept replaying in your own head. Unfortunately, it didn’t bring you as much comfort as you thought it would.

So you spent there, back against the wall in a sitting position. Wallowing in your self pity and questioning your existence. You spent a few moments like that. Suddenly, you stood up and felt ready as ever.

You took big albeit hesitant steps. Slowly but surely, you reached the door to Bucky’s room. Muffled voices came from his room. You were about to open the door when you heard something that shattered your heart to pieces.

“Of course I know she likes me, Steve.”

It was Bucky.

Your heart raced harder and faster. And as you laid your ear close to the door, you thought of the anyone who could have possibly told Bucky about your crush on him. It could have been either Natasha or Wanda since they were really the only ones that knew. But you trusted them.

“You don’t think I see how she looks at me everyday? It’s weird.”

Your breathing became shallow and ragged. And as your confidence broke, so did your heart. You didn’t mean to make it so obvious.

“Besides, I like someone else.”

By now, your sight became blurry with your unshed tears. You wanted to turn back and just go away, but you couldn’t. A dark side of you begged to stay, knowing how much you deserved it. But it hurt too damn much.

“I’ll tell her tomorrow. Maybe that’ll get her off my back.”

You didn’t stick around to hear anymore of it. Bucky began to drone about how the girl he loved, how magical her eyes were, how entrancing her smile was, and about how strong she was a woman. A part of you wished that were you, but in the real world, hearts break because of wishes and expectations.

Running into your room with tears in your eyes was a complete shock for Nat and Wanda. You didn’t stop for anything as you dived in headfirst into your pillow. The frustration and humiliation poured into your sobs.

“Oh, darling, what happened?” Natasha ran up to you first, you felt her arm massaging your back in comfort.

“I told you he didn’t like me!” You cried out.

After that, you felt the last piece of your heart break.

• • •

The next day you were extra careful to avoid Bucky at all costs. Although you spent the night preparing your poker face when he told you about his hatred for you, it was nice to delay the rejection. As the day ended, you realized it was an easy feat.

Disappearing from Bucky’s life became like clockwork. As the days progressed, you found yourself healing a bit, too. You intentionally woke up late so you didn’t have to face him during breakfast. Wanda helped you clear the training rooms before you started the day. Even Nat distracted Steve whenever he tried to talk to you.

There were times you thought about caving in and swallowing your pride. It didn’t matter if Bucky was going to stomp on your heart, you just wanted to see him again. Then you remembered how he spoke with such hostility the other day, you didn’t want to seem clingy or desperate.

It was a Monday, you just came from picking up the groceries since everyone else was lazy. As you entered the compound, you noticed that the place wasn’t filled with the Maximoff twins’ bickering, Sam’s video games, Peter’s random yelling, and Thor demands of a puppy. It was silent for once.

It was scary, if you were to be honest.

“Hello? Is anyone here?” You called out in the kitchen, setting the bags of food onto the counter. Once more, the room was ghostly quiet. “I’m gonna make dinner, if anyone cares!”

“I care, Doll.”

Everywhere you went, it was empty and peacefully quiet. So it was a complete surprise when you heard someone’s voice behind you. Safe to say, you shrieked like a banshee in shock.

You spun around to see Bucky standing there behind you with the smile you knew and love. This time your heart spiked, and you knew it wasn’t from surprise. It took you a few moments to register that this was the Bucky that you managed to ignore for days.

You turned your back to him immediately. Your hands hovered everywhere to find a frying pan as your mind was sent into a frenzy.

“Doll, why are you ignoring me?” Bucky moved closer to you now, his breath fanning across your ear as he settled his hands across your waist. It took everything in your power to not shudder from the extreme contact.

“What? Me? Ignore you? Never.” Awkward laughs spluttered from you. Quite hesitantly, you maneuvered your way out of his grasp and faced him. You weren’t sure if you were trying to escape him or find an excuse to look at his eyes again.

One look at those magnificent blue eyes and you were putty once more. You reminded yourself about why he was here therefore you needed to get out before your heart broke all over again.

“Yes, you are ignoring me. Every time I see you, you just go down the opposite way. You even get Wanda, Nat, Pietro, and Bruce to distract Steve and I. Then when I look back, you’re gone. Don’t you know how much that breaks my heart, Doll?”

You tried to not focus on the fact that he was much closer than before. You couldn’t bare to look at him so you diverted your eyes to anywhere but him. You scoffed mentally, it was ironic how he’d talk about his heart being broken when he came here to break yours.

“Bucky,” You moved away, settling for the spot across the room. Whispering softly, “I have to make dinner. You should go.”

Bucky was quicker. Before you could move any farther, he had you trapped, enclosed with his arms on both sides of your head, with your back against the wall. He leaned closer to your face, his sweet lemony scent overwhelming your senses. “What if I don’t want to, Y/N?”

“Then your girlfriend might be angry at me.” For a split second, there was regret coursing through you but then you realized that it was better if this ended now. You tried to shove him away but he wouldn’t budge, your hands ended laying flat on his chest.

“The only girl I want is right here.”

You’d be lying if you said that didn’t turn your heart into a beating mess and your mind into a whirlwind of thoughts. “Bucky, don’t toy with me. I heard you talking about me with Steve a few days ago.”

“Oh, yeah? What did I say?” Bucky actually had the freaking nerve to smile at you.

You took a deep breath before answering him. It was now or never. “You told Steve that you knew I liked you and that you noticed how I stare at you.”

There was a beat of silence. Bucky spent his time just staring blankly at your eyes before smiling wider than before. “Oh, you mean Jenny.”

And there it was. You were envious of the way that woman brought happiness to Bucky, but you knew better than to be special. “I’d like to keep my dignity so if you could excuse me. I need to make dinner now.”

Finally, you got yourself out of Bucky’s hold. Before you could move any further, you felt pressure in your wrist.

“No.”

Bucky pulled you back to his chest, his arms wrapping around you. On instinct, you tightened your arms around him, basking in the warmth he gave you.

“Bucky, let me go.” You said softly, holding on to the last of your pride. Since he was a tall giant, your face was pressed up against his chest.

“I said no.”

“But Jenny—” You were interrupted by Bucky lifting your chin up with his hand.

“Jenny is the florist of that store I’ve been buying flowers from to give to you when I had the guts to ask you out. I didn’t like the way she kept looking at me and kept asking for my number. Do you wanna know why?” Bucky’s lips moved so sensually that you almost didn’t hear what he said and instead focus on the movements.

You kept your gaze locked on him as you shook your head, “No.”

“Because I’m in love with you, Y/N.”

You became drunk with overjoy and excitement that you couldn’t think of anything else to say, you just burrowed your head deeper into his neck as you grabbed him in a tight hug. “Oh.”

For a few moments, you stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s embrace. You bit your lips to suppress the smile that threatened to come out. A certain thought floated through your mind that brought a crease to your forehead. “Buck?”

“Hmm?”

“Why do I have a feeling that you’re the reason that no one’s here right now?” You asked, wondering why none of your friends weren’t anywhere to be found.

Bucky’s laughter vibrated against his chest, honestly bringing a shiver through your spine. “I got Tony to trap Bruce in the lab, Vision is distracting Wanda with videos of puppies, Peter has Pietro stuck in his web, and Steve tied Natasha with a rope.”

At this point, you didn’t care about the series of giggles that came from you. “Do you think you could let me go now? I’m really hungry and I need to make dinner now.”

“For you, Doll?” He began, looking down on you with the eyes of his that you came to know and love.

“I’d give you the world.”

(tag list: @not-jk-rowling)