My Submission For @its-always-ziney-in-philadelphia !

We’re the SAME AGE

oh my gosh can u please provide links for that "favorite list of things glenn howerton has said/done"

[broken links updated 2/22/2025] 

omg i’m so sorry this is like. two months late probably i’m shit at answering asks but here u go (also this is the post in question):

told conan that he’s been with men, thinks brad pitt is hot, and considers himself a 6 on a scale of 1 (straight) to 10 (gay) right after his wife just had their first child

leaned onto his hand when a guy came up to the microphone to ask a question at comic con and interrupted before he could even start talking to say “what’s up beefcake?” [updated link]

said the dennis sex doll’s face is not what he looks like sucking dick

wore a $14 shirt from hot topic to a red carpet premiere of his own show [updated link, see also here and here]

said doing theater gave him opportunities with guys and girls, said “do I want a cock today?” and then in the same sentence as calling himself straight, said “you can have it all” in reference to both women and men

went to juilliard

listed the homosexual undertones in everything they say and do as his favorite running thing on sunny [updated link]

[to rob] “we were talking about what a wonderful lover you are and how caring you are afterwards” - this one’s in a loveline podcast that’s since been taken down, my friend listened to it and transcribed this and a few other parts but i’m not sure where she listened to it

got a comment about dick sucking advice directed at him during an interview instead of kaitlin, the straight woman who was sitting right next to him - same as the previous one, here’s the full quote: 

interviewer: “be aware that if a guy does meth and you swallow his semen you will test positive in a drug test, okay glenn?”

kait: “yeah glenn”

glenn: “i’ll keep that in mind”

responded to someone asking if coffee town was the first time he ever kissed a man by yelling NO, no, no, no, and then not elaborating beyond saying he hadn’t kissed men on sunny

said on tv that being gay is reflective of most people

was completely unfazed by a hot interviewer whose titties were so out that rob and charlie were avoiding looking at her and instead looked her dead in the eyes and asked if she agreed that some actor was a beefcake

listed sixteen candles and mulholland drive as movies that changed his life [udpated link]

listened to sufjan stevens [link is still correct but the tweet he was replying to was deleted so you’re just going to have to trust me]

named his cat ninjabean at the age of 27

said the name dick wolf made him think of “a man constantly hungry for dick” to which the interviewer replied that it was a rorschach test, absolutely dragging him through the mud [updated link]

wrote the words “drinky poo” in an actual script for his actual television show [updated link]

said, and I quote, “the stars aligned” for him and rob (i’m p sure this is the right podcast, idk what time it’s at though i’m sorry) [updated link]

Dennis in season 5 episode 11

these dumbasses + thinking they know what they’re talking about

saw a funny post on pinterest about sunny and saw it had a bunch of comments so I opened them and…

immediately had to close out of the app. like how. dare. you. that’s babygirl. that’s MY babygirl. im taking major personal offense to this and I will find you. trust.

best thing abt the sunny gang is that theyre all in their late 40s but only like two of them have cars on a good day & im pretty sure only one of them has a laptop & half of them r divorced & the only people they interact with on a regular basis r also people theyve known since high school & none of those people even fw them. its helping me set reasonable expectations for the future

"that show is queerbaiting" maybe you just aren't evolved enough to appreciate those freaks being homoerotic but i am

At this point when I die my favorite episodes of it’s always sunny are gonna flash before my eyes instead of memories of my loved ones

Dennis + feeling faint