Any Time.

you are not meant to be afraid of someone who loves you. if they have made you afraid of them, they do not love you.

Hiking presents all sorts of fun activities to help bring a couple closer together.

btw, with the right people, consent checks are sexy and work well in scenes actually

Choking Safety

I've been seeing some kind of scare-mongering type posts going around about choking during sex, so I wanted to address how to approach choking in a safe way. Choking is not a 0 risk activity, but it is also not so dangerous that you will just randomly die either. Anyone who does martial arts will confirm that thousands of teenagers are being successfully trained to choke each other safely (for self defense) every day! There's no reason you can't learn to do it too.

First you should be familiar with some basic anatomy of the neck and throat:

The carotid veins on both sides of the neck and the trachea/windpipe in the center are the most important things to be aware of. If you want to enjoy the psychological element of having someone's hands around your neck with relatively little risk, you can do "choking" play that avoids putting any pressure on those arteries or the trachea. As with all choking play, safety is highest when both parties are fully sober. I'm not actually sure if there are people out there who are into having the windpipe or trachea blocked. This tends to hurt like fuck and cause an autonomic choking response. You'll know if you went too far center because generally the bottom will be like "WTH". I don't know if there is a way to do this play safely or not as I don't have experience with it. It probably carries some risk of the trachea collapsing which would be a hospital trip for sure. Most choking play is done with the intention of cutting off the blood supply to the brain by applying pressure to both the left and right carotid arteries. This type of choking is not really "breath play" because of the way it works (though many people refer to it that way.) This creates a pleasant light headed feeling, but is also where the higher risk comes in. It often doesn't take long for a person to lose consciousness once these arteries are blocked, often less than 10 seconds. Sometimes getting completely choked out is the goal, sometimes not. Either way, the top has to pay very very careful attention to every aspect of their bottom's body language. Once you realize that a person has lost consciousness, the choking must stop immediately. Because of this: the most dangerous way to do this kind of play is alone. (hence all the auto-erotic asphyxiation deaths you hear about) It goes without saying that intoxication also dramatically increases the risks. It's not recommended to lose consciousness this way on a regular basis. It's just not good for your brain to repeatedly go through, especially in rapid succession. Generally, the more time spaced out between this type of play: the better. Though some people may have medical conditions that make the risk higher, as long as you stop choking when you reach the desired headspace, this play is approachable. Anyone who's REALLY into the idea but feels unsure or scared, I highly recommend taking a few martial arts classes. MMA guys do this to each other all the time! For sports! The key is just stopping at the right time. There are two main ways to go about blocking the carotid arteries. The main one used in martial arts and self defense is the rear naked choke.

This type of choke is incredible effective at choking someone out quickly and easily. The forearm and the bicep are squeezing each artery until the desired effect is achieved. The risk here is how quickly it works in combination with not being able to have a visual on your bottom's facial response. When someone loses consciousness they will go limp and begin twitching somewhat. This is normal, and you should stop immediately if you notice those signs. The more common method of choking play during sex is what looks more like typical choking. Facing your partner, using both hands.

You want to find the arteries with both hands, and use the meat at the base of your thumbs to apply gradually increasing pressure upwards towards your partner's head. You can keep the thumbs tucked to avoid accidental pressure on the windpipe. (Though this is not required so long as you remember not to apply pressure to the windpipe.) This type of play has a few safety benefits. First, you can see your partner's face so it's more obvious when you can see they've hit a headspace that is desirable. Additionally, it's just a little more difficult to find the arteries and push up on them correctly. If your goal is to get a little light headed without losing consciousness, this is more easily accomplished with this type of choke. However, losing consciousness is still a risk and both partners being fully alert will ensure the lowest risk environment. I know choking play is incredibly popular, even 'vanilla' people participate in this type of play on a regular basis without really knowing the technical details. Most of them don't get seriously hurt...but knowing what you're actually doing with risky play is a base component of risk aware consensual kink. Anyway I hope people find this helpful! Happy choking!!

This applies on all sides of play.

How to engage in orientation play/detrans/misgendering ethically

There's a lot of y'all into this kink, and not a lot of education going around. So, here's a little primer. This will focus on online play, because that's what I'm familiar with. First off, an introduction if you're unfamiliar.

What do all these mean?

All of these are kinks that play on expectations of gender and sexuality. They can use bioessentialist elements or simplistic definitions of gender and sexuality to create a framework for kink. This often includes aspects of degradation, dominance and submission, CNC, and more.

Some people may be playing at this and identify strongly as the identity they're playing at (lesbian, trans, ect), some people play at an identity they're not. Both are fine, but it's important to know what you're doing with any given partner.

How do I do it?

That depends on what you want. Some people just follow blogs and get off to it, and if that's all you do that's ok.

Next you'd have making a sideblog (or a new blog) and reblogging some content. Again, cool if you just want to do that.

Some people make text posts, but aren't really willing to engage in it. But where most issues come in is once you start letting people message you, send asks, ect.

How do I keep myself safe?

The most important part is to have a way to recenter after a session. This can fuck with your head, so aftercare, even if you're alone, is important.

Next, boundaries. There's two responsibilities here: following them well and making them clear. In some cases you would do this in a negotiation, but Tumblr can be different. Often, putting your boundaries in your blog in a pinned post or a bio is expected. This can include who you want to talk to you, what kind of negotiations you want before roleplaying or whatever, what play you're here for, what you don't want, what kind of "cold open" messages you want (messages without pre negotiations), ect.

If someone violates them, don't be afraid to speak up. Call a safeword, ghost them, block them if it's too bad. You don't have to take your boundaries being pushed or broken, no matter how long you've talked to them, what you promised, or how popular they are.

But I have no boundaries!

I get it, you're a depraved pervert and you want nothing more than to be fucked with. But most people have boundaries, even if you don't know them. If you find a boundary you didn't know you had, safeword and say something. You're no less of a perverted freak for it.

But even if you truly don't have hard lines in the sand of shit you wouldn't do, you probably have preferences, and it's important to voice that too. Maybe youre ok with being corrupted however, but you really want a dom to detransition you, with a bit of a mommy angle. Say that!!! Advocate for yourself.

Finally, again, block liberally. Don't take shit. And tell people what you want.

Make her wet in a public place.

<3

Was taken down had to bring it back