Megamind, Getting Out Of A Car: Thanks! See You On Monday!!!

It’s okay to have low pain tolerance.

It’s okay to cry because your pain is at a 2 out of 10.

It’s okay to have higher tolerance for certain types of pain and lower tolerance for others.

It’s okay to be upset that your pain makes you dissociate, but not know any other way to deal with it.

Chronic pain is awful, period. Everyone who deals with it deserves compassion.

How is Snape described in the books: a relatively complete compilation

Okay, so this is my attempt at gathering what we have regarding Severus Snape's appearance based on the HP books. It's long, since rowling loved obsessively writing about Snape's looks. It's likely I've missed something, but I hope not much. I didn't dive into what he's wearing or into his self-presentation, just his physical characteristics that are present in canon – people get stupid about that topic sometimes.

Disclaimer: body positivity/neutrality to everyone, I don't support JKR's lookism just as much as all of her other bigotry. Beauty is a deeply subjective concept, no features are objectively beautiful or ugly and none of them identify us as people. The way my imagination and your imagination recreate a picture from the identical textual description might be different.

Snape's nose is constantly described as "hooked":

○"Snape approached their table, stared down his hooked nose at the roots."

○"Snape stared down his hooked nose at Colin."

○"...as Snape swept by he looked down his hooked nose at it without comment" etc.

Altogether I found Snape's nose being called hooked 10 times in the series. There are places where we're shown it's rather big, but they aren't very definitive:

1) “Mr. Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people’s business.” – Marauders map, so basically bullies behaving like bullies;

2) "...hatred which had, if possible, intensified last year, when Harry had helped Sirius escape right under Snape’s overlarge nose" – Harry is very mad at Snape and the phrase is clearly used figuratively, not as a direct appearance description;

3)"In the very center of the group Harry saw the dark, greasy-haired head and prominent nose of his least favorite teacher at Hogwarts, Professor Snape" – "prominent" is a broader conception while referring to size, I'd say;

4) "[Tonks'] nose swelled to a beaklike protuberance like Snape’s" – again, the size is mentioned, but not through the words "big" or "large" or "long", and the form is given more empathis.

Undoubtedly it's supposed to be on the bigger side, but it does not, in fact, seem to be "abnormally" large. Making it straight should be a crime though – how can you make anything about that man straight?..

Snape's black eyes are often described glittering or sparkling, but also empty and cold:

○"They were cold and empty and made you think of dark tunnels"

○"Harry forced himself to keep looking straight into those cold eyes"

○“But why not join the feast afterward?” said Snape, his black eyes glittering in the candlelight"

○"He glanced at Snape, whose black eyes glinted, and looked quickly away."

○"He didn’t care that Snape’s face had gone rigid, the black eyes flashing dangerously."

○"Harry blinked. Snape’s eyes gleamed."

○“Don’t lie to me,” Snape hissed, his fathomless black eyes boring into Harry’s"

Snape's eyebrows aren't described in detail, we don't known if they're bushy or thin, but he does that raising one up thing:

○“Yes,” said Harry. “Who’s going to be teaching me?” Snape raised an eyebrow."

And he raises two as well:

○"Snape looked back at her, his eyebrows slightly raised"

○"Snape raised his eyebrows and his tone was sardonic as he asked, “Are you intending to let him kill you?”

Snape's skin is constantly described as sallow – about 11 times through the books. Whatever that word means. Is it like... muted and dull coloured with yellow undertones? Cool!

It's also described as pale, or white due to strong emotions:

○"An ugly flush suffused Snape’s pallid face."

○"Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs"

○"Snape’s pale face, illuminated by the flaming cabin, was suffused with hatred just as it had been before he had cursed Dumbledore."

○"As Gryffindors came spilling onto the field, he saw Snape land nearby, white-faced and tight-lipped"

○"[Snape's face] was marble white and so still that when he spoke, it was a shock to see that anyone lived behind the blank eyes."

○"Snape’s sallow skin had gone the color of sour milk." (very poetic Harry, you should try writing poetry too)

Also idk what's an ugly flush (also: Harry saw the edge of Snape’s sallow face turn a nasty brick color, the vein in his temple pulsing more rapidly; a dull flush of color mounted the sallow cheeks as he looked at Lily), have never seen one in my life, but Snape's face canonically goes full red very quickly and this is the most important part of that meta don't forget about it folks.

His skin is described as greasy twice in the saga, but both times with not much credibility:

1) "Harry could see a vein flickering horribly on Snape’s greasy temple" – temple is the area of the face in close proximity to hair and we'll get there, although aren't Snape's "hair curtains" hiding the sides of his face, including temples? Is he wearing his it freaking braided or what? Overall, I'd say this is just another jab at his hair.

2)"Iwas watching him, his nose was touching the parchment,” said Sirius viciously. “There’ll be great grease marks all over it, they won’t be able to read a word" – Sirius can go fuck himself.

Harry does not comment that at any age there is acne or post-acne on Snape's face so I'd assume his skin isn't greasy. He has visible veins on his temples though (also no eyebags mentioned?? a crime).

Snape's lips are described as thin:

○“Now, now, Malfoy,” said Snape, though he couldn’t suppress a thin-lipped smile"

○"A muscle twitched unpleasantly at the corner of Snape’s thin mouth every time he looked at Harry"

○"The dungeon rang with the Slytherins’ laughter, and an unpleasant smile curled Snape’s thin mouth."

Characteristics of Snape's teeth got two mentions.

○"Snape’s uneven, yellowish teeth were bared." PoA

○“Ten o’clock,” whispered Snape, with a smile that showed his yellow teeth. “Poor Gryffindor ... fourth place this year, I fear ...” HPB

(Also I've literally always hc'ed that Snape is a stress smoker, and since Voldemort came back Snape just started to destroy his enamel with fervour so it coloured up more, everyone should share my headcanons i prove them so well!!!)

Snape bares his teeth some other times ("I wouldn’t bet on that,” Harry murmured, watching Snape baring his teeth"; "It was scary: Snape’s lips were shaking, his face was white, his teeth were bared) or smiles (not pleasantly let me assure you) and most times Harry doesn't comment on it. Actually, it's hilarious how the very first time Harry saw Karkaroff he thought "his teeth were rather yellow", man, do you wanna steal Hermione parents' job? Also yellow teeth are mentioned twice for Sirius in PoA (and no one dares to not notice Gilderoy's perfect teeth, of course, he asked me to mention it). So I'd say Snape has moderately imperfect teeth like a working class kid he is, otherwise Harry would've probably commented on that as much as on Snape's hair, hence almost every time we encounter him.

(but I'm totally headcanoning high canine teeth for him, Snape deserves the privilege of having some more vampirish vibe for free)

Severus' body type and face are described as "thin":

○"He was a thin man with sallow skin, a hooked nose, and greasy, shoulder-length black hair"

○Snape was hanging upside down in the air, his robes falling over his head to reveal skinny, pallid legs"

○"even Harry, who hated Snape, was startled at the expression twisting his thin, sallow face"

○"He had forgotten the details of Snape’s appearance in the magnitude of his crimes, forgotten how his greasy black hair hung in curtains around his thin face, how his black eyes had a dead, cold look (I fucking love that quote, have you forgotten his lesser crimes which are not looking the way you enjoy, Harry, after he committed bigger ones like murder? good god)

He isn't probably looking very thin, since that description mostly applies to his face. Rather logical, I mean he wears all those big flowy robes that make him look bigger.

Also Snape is average height like about 177 cm/5'10, he's shorter than Yaxley and Sirius, taller than "tall and slim" Narcissa, so somewhere in this range.

The fact that Severus has hunched posture is mentioned twice for a kid/teen!Snape:

○"He was on platform nine and three-quarters, and Snape stood beside him, slightly hunched, next to a thin, sallow-faced, sour-looking woman who greatly resembled him"

○"Round-shouldered yet angular, he walked in a twitchy manner that recalled a spider, his oily hair swinging about his face."

I didn't find any mentions in the books that adult!Snape had hunched posture. It is possible that, like many behaviors and habits, such as the way he speaks, moves, and perhaps writes, it had been deliberately changed by Snape himself.

His fingers are thin and long:

○Snape eyed Harry, tracing his mouth with one long, thin finger as he did so.

○Snape pointed a long yellow finger at Malfoy and said, “Explain.” – yellow can be a way to call sallow skin; a result of working with potions (Snape having potions stained fingers is not book canon, which is a shame) or smoking. Them being thin is noted once, but that goes cohesively with his thinness overall.

The star of the show – Snape's hair, ofc. It gets more attention than James Potter's charachter development. The fact that it's greasy appears in the books minimum 17 times + it's called oily 2 times and dirty once when he's a 9yo kid. People who comment on that, except Harry in his head, are Sirius, Peter through the Map, Fred and George in DH ("Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t, but the fact remains he can move faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo when he wants to"), kinda Ron with grinning on Sirius' comment. Actually it's not described as greasy in "Spinners End" and "The Dark Lord Ascending" (so it might as well be your ordinary oily hair with a tad of drama from people who dislike Snape).

It's black – obviously, shoulder-length or "long", which I assume is just a variation for shoulder-length. It's often forming "curtains":

○"Snape went quiet, though his eyes still glinted malevolently through his curtain of greasy black hair."

○"Snape looked around at him, his face framed between curtains of greasy black hair."

○"A sliver of a man could be seen looking out at them, a man with long black hair parted in curtains around a sallow face and black eyes."

At the hilltop scene they're described as straggling:

○"Snape was wringing his hands: He looked a little mad, with his straggling black hair flying around him."

as opposed to being lank before:

○"His hair was lank and greasy and was flopping onto the table".

He had it poorly cut when he was a kid:

○“Definitely,” said Snape, and even with his poorly cut hair and his odd clothes, he struck an oddly impressive figure..."

So as an adult he supposedly cared enough to regularly cut his hair up to Harry's (fashionable) standard. It also doesn't look "dirty", like Harry calls internally his hair when Severus is 9.

Well, as someone with naturally oily hair, depression and neurodivent sensory issues, I can say that if your hair loosely hangs in "curtains" covering/framing your face, you're probably not doing that bad with it! There are a lot of headcanons about why Snape has greasy hair, but honestly, I don't understand why would he need an exuse? Having oily hair doesn't make you unhygienic, that's ridiculous, and there are no signs that Snape (noticeably) neglects his hygiene. Hair types exist, and some of them just need extra-spesial care to look "socially acceptable" or whatever, but people have the right to not bother about it. Whether his occupation and/or upbringing and/or mental health problems affected it – maybe to an extent, but excluding just genetics or physical well-being from it is kinda weird. Let different hair types live and be pretty.

Snape's mom was thin, sallow faced and sour looking, and Harry thinks Severus resembles her greatly; while Severus' hooked nose was inherited from Tobias – "a hook-nosed man was shouting at a cowering woman, while a small dark-haired boy cried in a corner". Harry also does think Eileen isn't pretty since she's described as a "skinny girl; ...she looked simultaneously cross and sullen, with heavy brows and a long, pallid face" (so evidently that's not Harry's type aside from his prejudice to Snape. Harry's admiration towards Krum hadn't made Harry think he's attractive either. Just to remind you: "Viktor Krum was thin, dark, and sallow-skinned, with a large curved nose and thick black eyebrows. He looked like an overgrown bird of prey". Literally Snape's lost cousin).

Honestly, after going through those descriptions specifically, if I remove the evaluative vocabulary and the labels of ugly/nasty/unpleasant/etc., I don't really understand what exactly I should've found ugly? Snape is just not Harry's type of preferred visual, and on top of that they quickly developed a mutual dislike. Nevertheless, no one is obliged to transfer subjective ideas of the (author) protagonist to their own perception. Writing "ugly" after a characteristic doesn't make it "ugly".

That had been a long conclusion.

My short conclusion is that Severus Snape is a babygirl and Harry has poor taste (sorry, no hard feelings).

The Stone On The Wall

What if instead of giving the Arkenstone to Thranduil and Bard, Bilbo waits to give it to Thorin on the ramparts?

Chapter 1 of (?)

I will also be posting this to my AO3 once I figure out how to format over there (it has been so long)

@marvelruinedmyspirit @moralesmarkers <3

Bilbo wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but here he was. Climbing up to the ramparts to join the dwarves, Thorin cursing at Thranduil in Khuzdul. He’d have to ask Balin for some books to learn, maybe use it to surprise the others after this is all over. What was Thorin yelling about? Bilbo had been late climbing up, having difficulty maneuvering around the broken statues used as steps. The Arkenstone felt heavy in his jacket, a reminder as to what they were here for. Thorin switched to the common tongue, bellowing out for all to hear. “I will not part with a single piece of gold from this mountain, not until we find the Arkenstone! Then, I will be king under the mountain. I will have no further talk with outsiders. Leave!” This was it. This was the opportunity to show Thorin the stone, maybe then he would come to his senses and work with Bard and Thranduil. Pulling together all the courage he had, Bilbo clambered up to stand on the stone wall shielding the dwarves. “Wait! Thorin, wait. I found it. I found the Arkenstone,” Bilbo breathed out hastily, pulling the stone from the inside of his jacket to show Thorin he was telling the truth, “Don’t burn the bridges you’ve barely built, we can work together!” With that, he held the stone high for all to see. The company cheered, Thorin loudest of all.

Bilbo was grinning ear to ear, starting to pull the stone closer to him. That was when he felt it, a small stabbing pain in his back. He staggered forward, losing his footing on the barrier. He felt himself start to slip off the edge, just as he was slipping from consciousness. The last thing he heard were the dwarves and Gandalf yelling before he succumbed to the darkness.

Nori was the closest to Bilbo when he started to slip, and he lunged forward to grab the hobbit by his ankle. The others were cursing, and he could see Kili stringing his bow, trying to see what had caused the hobbit to collapse. Bofur rushed to Nori’s side, grabbing Bilbo to help pull him up. Down below he could see chaos unfolding. Thranduil and Bard were trying to figure out if one of their men had attacked while Gandalf charged towards the wall. Once Nori and Bofur had pulled Bilbo up and over the wall, they placed him down on his side while Oin rushed over to check for wounds. As Oin got down to look properly, he noticed something sticking out of Bilbo’s back. He pulled it out and saw it was a dart with a barbed tip, possibly coated in a paralyzing agent. It was crudely made, so it could not have been from an elf. He looked up as he heard Fili shouting at Kili, “Over there! On the side of the mountain!” Kili released his arrow, hitting the orc trying to escape square in the back of his head. Looking back down, Oin rolled Bilbo onto his back to check for any severe side effects of the dart. There were no obvious side effects, so Oin relaxed a little at that. He looked up to see what was happening, only to notice Dwalin and Dori holding Thorin back from throwing himself over the side of the rampart.

“Get ahold of yourself Thorin! We have bigger problems to worry about than the Arkenstone right now!” Dwalin was trying his best to control his best friend’s temper while also holding him back. The Arkenstone had fallen over the wall with Bilbo, but it had been forgotten about while Nori and Bofur scrambled to save Bilbo. Thorin roared in anger, still fighting against the two dwarves. He needed to see what had become of the stone! It was his birthright, the one thing proving he was worthy to be king. He stopped resisting once he heard Gandalf. “I have the Arkenstone, Thorin Oakenshield. Check on my hobbit, or there will be dire consequences!” Who did Gandalf think he was? Threatening a king, worrying over a mere burglar. Still, if this is what it took to get the stone back, he would do it. He shook Dwalin and Dori off of him before turning towards where Bilbo had been laid down. The rest of the company had gathered around, making sure their burglar was still alive and seeing if Oin needed anything to help him. They backed away when they saw Thorin making his way over, giving him room to drop to his knees to look at Bilbo. 

“What happened?” He barked at Oin, before noticing the dart lying beside Bilbo. Anger surged through him again, realizing his burglar had become a target once he revealed the Arkenstone. ‘His burglar’, Thorin thought to himself. He hadn’t noticed when he started referring to Bilbo as this, instead of just the burglar, but he knew it was not a new development. His head began to swim, anger and concern filling his body. He shot his head up, barking orders. “Fili! Kili! See if any more orcs are waiting to attack, and take Dwalin with you.” They nodded before taking off down the rampart. “Oin, take Nori and see if there are any supplies that can be used to help Bilbo. Do you think he can be moved safely?” Oin furrowed his brow before responding, “I’m not sure what was used on the dart, but he should be brought down so I can examine him better.” Thorin nodded, before slipping his arms under the burglar, standing up while lifting Bilbo with him. He made sure to not jostle him too much, unsure of what the dart had caused. Oin and Nori rushed down the steps, Bofur and Ori following, turning around now and then to make sure Thorin didn’t slip while carrying Bilbo. Dori and Balin followed close behind, leaving Gloin, Bifur, and Bombur on the rampart to stay on the lookout. 

Upon reaching the bottom of the steps, Thorin noticed that Bofur and Ori had moved some of the debris to the side to create a spot for him to place Bilbo. Kneeling down, he gently placed Bilbo onto the hard stone. He thought about taking off his coat to place underneath the hobbit but thought against it as he did not want to draw too much attention to the care he was giving. He stood back up, just as Oin and Nori came back with bottles of various medicinal herbs and liquids. He stepped to the side to give them room to lay out the bottles and work, but hovered nearby to make sure nothing went awry.

Oin busied himself with the herbs he and Nori gathered, throwing some into a bowl before grinding them into a paste. He wasn’t exactly sure what was on the dart, but he could narrow it down since he knew it came from an orc. If it had been elvish, then Bilbo was in deep trouble. Oin set the paste aside before motioning to Nori to help him roll Bilbo onto his side again. He lifted the coat Bilbo was wearing, along with the mithril shirt Thorin had given him. The dart had somehow hit him in just the right spot to get through some of the chains in the mithril. It didn’t penetrate deep into his skin, but it was enough to get whatever was on the dart into his system. He could feel Thorin glowering above him, and had a feeling that if Bilbo were conscious, he would feel Thorin’s eyes boring into him. He made quick work of applying the paste, making sure to fully massage it into the wound. Once he was satisfied with his work, he applied a bandage to cover the paste, allowing it to absorb into the hobbit’s skin without risk of it being rubbed off. He pulled the mithril and his coat back down, before rolling him back onto his back. It would take awhile for the medicine to work, if it did, but in the meantime he would try to come up with something for the hobbit to drink once he came to, to help with any pain or drowsiness. Looking closely at the bottles, he picked out one containing a blue liquid, and mixed it with one containing an orange liquid. Swirling this around, it became an earthy brown mixture that smelled sweet. He set down the bottle and sighed, rubbing his face before smoothing his hair back. All they could do now was wait, and pray to Durin that this worked.

Thorin was pacing now, fidgeting with his hands. He was unable to stay still, trying to think of what could have spurred this attack from the orcs. They knew they were coming to Erebor, but how did they know Bilbo would be the one with the Arkenstone? His head shot up at the sound of pounding footsteps, pulling him from his spiral. Dwalin, Fili, and Kili had returned, out of breath. “Well?” He didn’t even give them time to say anything before continuing, “Are there more? Should we prepare to attack?” Kili spoke up, “We couldn’t find any more scouts nearby, but the elves are growing restless outside. What do you want to do uncle?” Thorin threw his hands up in the air in disgust, “Those filthy tree huggers! They will wait until Bilbo wakes before I even think of going to talk to them. And what of Gandalf? Did you see him with the Arkenstone?” The dwarves looked between each other, worry etched onto their faces before Dwalin stepped forward, “We did not see the wizard, or any sign of the stone.” Before Thorin could spit out more Khuzdul to curse Gandalf, Balin interjected, “Maybe it is best that the Arkenstone is with Gandalf for now, he knows of its value to us and will protect it until he deems it safe enough in our hands. For now, we should focus on the elves and Bilbo.” With that, everyone turned to said hobbit, Oin still sitting beside him watching for any signs of movement.

‘Ghivashel, please awake’ Thorin thought to himself, praying to Durin that his hobbit was alright. He shook his head when he realized what was going through his mind, trying not to dwell on the matter. The burglar had done his job. Thorin was just making sure he kept to his end of the contract, give him his share of the gold and send him home. That was all, nothing more. Before he could turn away to continue pacing, he noticed a twitch in Bilbo’s face. Looking closer, he could see his eyes moving behind his eyelids, as if trying to wake from a deep slumber. He held his breath without realizing it, hoping for another sign that Bilbo was alright. His face broke into a wide grin when the hobbit began to groan and his eyes fluttered open, “Good morning, master burglar.” Bilbo looked around, eyes squinted, before landing on Thorin. “What happened? Where’s the Arkenstone? Were we ambushed?” Thorin’s heart swelled, after everything Bilbo was still most concerned about the company and the Arkenstone.

“Calm down lad, we’re still figuring everything out along with you. You just stay there for a moment while Oin looks you over before we talk a plan.” Balin made quick work to soothe the hobbit, as being the oldest he always knew what to say to calm the others. Oin began to fuss over Bilbo, coaxing him into sitting up so he could drink the medicine without choking. Bilbo coughed a bit at the taste, but managed to get it all down without complaint. “That should help with any pain ya got, especially from hittin’ the wall on yer way down.” Oin collected his bottles and stood up, giving the hobbit room to collect his bearings and breathe.

Bilbo’s head was throbbing, and knew he would have a lump wherever he smacked it. He had faith that the concoction that Oin mixed up would kick in, he just couldn’t think straight at the moment. He looked up at the company, “What exactly happened? I remember being on the wall and then it was like a light went out.” The dwarves exchanged glances, before Thorin cleared his throat. “You were targeted by an orc scout. We believe the moment you held out the Arkenstone, they blew a dart at you, we don’t know why yet.” He held Bilbo’s gaze before continuing, “Fili, Kili, and Dwalin went out to make sure it wasn’t an ambush, and came back with nothing. The Arkenstone fell, but Gandalf claims to have it secured now.” Bilbo felt ashamed at this, he had one job and he had messed it up. Bofur seemed to notice the hobbit’s mood sour at this, so he chimed in, “We were more worried about losin’ you with it, so Nori and I grabbed ya before you were a goner.” He smiled at Bilbo, hoping to cheer him up even if just a little bit. 

Gloin came running down the steps, drawing everyone’s attention. “Thorin! Thranduil and Bard are demanding to see you, and Gandalf is back.” Thorin turned back to face Bilbo once more, “The wizard wishes to make sure you are well. Will you accompany me to show him you are still breathing?” He held his hand out to help the hobbit up, and was glad when it was accepted. After making sure he was steady on his feet, Thorin led the way to the passage out the side of the mountain. Behind him followed Bilbo, Balin, Dwalin, Fili, and Kili. He assumed Balin was coming to make sure things stayed civil, and the others were coming in case it didn’t. He had no idea what was going to happen when they got out there, he just needed to make sure it ended with him getting the Arkenstone back.

Red Riding Hood

I'm quite sure most people on tumblr have already read of a story with Red Riding Hood falling for the wolf and what not, but has anyone ever found one about the wolf finding this child alone in the woods and thinking: Why are you ALONE in a forest full of wild animals and monsters?!?! Where are your parents?!?!?

Then the wolf realises that the girl is being neglected to a practically critical point and decides to adopt her or perhaps the little girl starts following the nice man that took her to visit her granny safely and knows where to find the best and juiciest berries.

Anyways, eventually there is a missing report filled not by the girl's parents but by Hood's grandma. And of course, noone would even think abount getting into the deep part of the forest. Cue to bounty hunter, a.k.a The Woodman, who takes the job mainly on principle (granny is not exactly a wealthy woman) an goes looking for the girl.

He finds her and tries to make her go with him when he is suddenly attacked by this huge creature who then turns into a man an treathens to maim him if he even DARES looking at his little Hood the wrong way.

Woodman tries to explain himself and tells him that the girl's grandma is worried beyond words.

Wolf hesitates before looking at his little girl who smiles gleefuly only thinking about visiting her grandma.

And Wolf doesn't want to part from Hood, but he wants her to be her happiest, so he mentally prepares himself for the moment he has to let her go and allows Woodman to lead the way to granny's.

Woodman is kinda shocked, kinda confused when the Wolf scoops the little girl and carries her most of the way, chatting and laughing with her until she asks to walk so she can look for bugs on the way.

He sees the sadness in his eyes the moment the girl is distracted and a pang of sympathy stirres in his chest at those pretty green eyes filled with sorrow and loneliness.

But then they make it to granny's. That woman opens the door, looks at the Woodman, the Wolf and Hood, the later with her little hand in the shifter's big one, all smiles and sunshine as if she hadn't disappeared for MONTHS, and drags the three of them into her house, practicaly shoving snacks and hot chocolated in front of them because her little grandaughter had never before been so happy and relaxed with anyone else above her own age (if even). In short, if this wolf/man of a shifter was her family of choice, then she'll bake extra brownie.

And maybe some cake... that should be enough to feed the blushing woodman sitting next to the happy wolf.

So...

Does anyone know about a retelling of the Minotaur myth where Ariadne pretends to be in love with Theseus so he'll lead her into the labyrinth where she'll be able to rescue her brother?

Thinking about alcohol and alcohol tolerance in my lotr headcanons.

Cause like, okay weakest drinkers? Dwarves. Such a low alcohol tolerance, their drinks are like 0.5 to 0.7. The real hard hitters to them is like 1.2, and then you’re getting bold with it. During their journey, one of the dwarves offered Bilbo a sip of dwarven mead, and it was like fucking water to him, like he somehow got less drunk than he was before.

Humans, we’re humans. Just, average tolerance

Elves? Mainly wine drinkers this lot, and they have fairly high tolerance. Their beverages are usually like, 60%. In reality elves have like, average tolerance, they just have had like thousands of years to build it up.

Now Hobbits? Insane little dudes. Their drinks are actually lethal to most other species. Just as big of drinkers as they are eaters, mainly cause if they drink anything that’s not tailor made for hobbits, they will have to drink a lot to feel like anything. They have livers of steel this lot.

And orcs? Orcs don’t drink. Kay they working that none to five, they got jobs, they busy. They’re huge stoner bros, but alcohol is not their thing.

So...

If magic is unexplained science, is science just explained magic?

Magic is real?

*Person A does unhinged shit.*

Person B: "How in the fuck does your brain work?"

Person A: "Against my will."

Do you remember that scene in the Rise of the Guardians movie when Pitch starts running and when the Guardians find him at the entrance of his lair, Pitch is dragged away by his own nightmares?

Well, I'd like to change that part.

So, when Pitch looks around and find his nightmares surrounding him, and after hearing Jack say that it was Pitch's own fear the mares were after, he squares his shoulders and rises his guard.

One of the nightmares charges then, intent on feeding itself from his master.

Pitch looks at it, waiting for the nightmare to catch up to him, staring straight at the creature's eyes.

Then the nightmare hesitates mid-run, walking the last steps separating it from the Boogeyman.

It watches the Shadow Man for long moments, moving its head from side to side, assesing. Pitch waits, unblinking.

All the while, the nightmares await, impatient and anxious to attack, to eat. The Guardians watch confused, with a strange sort of anticipation and dread.

Then the nightmare finds what it was looking for. It stands tall, facing Pitch, before tamely bowing its head to the Nightmare King.

Pitch pats its muzzle with something that may could have been affection, but who knows?

In a swift move Pitch climbs on the nightmare's back. He straightens his posture and places his tumb and index finger between his lips, letting out a high-pitched whistle, calling his nightmares to assemble around him.

The Guardians prepare to make their stand, strength and power back full-force.

But the Boogeyman knows when a battle is lost... for now.

With a last glance to the Guardians, he leads his herd of nightmares into his lair.

He'd be back, sooner or later, because fear can't be killed. The only way to defeat fear is to face it.

tired: mermaids are all women

wired: much like elves, merfolk are mistaken by sailors for being all women because they have long hair and are very pretty