[wip] Want You Down On All Fours

ıllı ⋆ Nocturnis. ★⋆

he/they. neos: aby/abyss/abysself, eldri/eldritch/eldritchself˚★

ageless ⋆ agender???

I do not care for romantic endeavors or otherwise.

Primary magickal researcher.

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PERSONAL BELOW THE CUT:

system questions:

written in the voice *of* Nocturnis, not necessarily Nocturnis themself.

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Basics:

1. Nocturnis.

2. Gold. Black. Silver.

3. Regality, stature. Darkness. Illumination.

4. I percieve myself as an educator and a researcher of the eldritch.

Personal Goals:

5. To not have my rites interrupted.

6. To get out of this house to an environment more conducive to magick. Furthermore, a lifetime goal-- apotheosis.

Internal and External Goals:

7. I would like more organization and to front more.

8. Control. Stasis. Growth. Autonomy.

Positive Triggers:

9. Rites themselves. Creating for our Gods. Researching occult materia. Bloodletting and similar endeavors.

10. Religious ecstasy, a meditative state.

11. Preparing for rites, particually important ones.

Negative Triggers:

12 and 13. Activities and Emotions: non-applicable unless I am significantly irritated, which is difficult to accomplish.

14. Situations: Having a rite or any aspect of our (especially my own) magick be interrupted.

15. I prefer to support myself when I am fronting. I wish to be helped with my magick or research if I am encountering difficulties. I would like to be left alone if that is what is required. I can handle myself.

16. I love the occult and my Gods and deities. I despise close-minded people, evangelicals, and cults.

17. Irritants: Having my magick interrupted (sorry to repeat myself).

Safety

18. Practically I need space and time to conduct my rites and research, to meditate, and to work on our energy body. I suppose "relaxation" and "taking care of this vessel" are regrettably important elements as well...

19. Emotionally: Emotional needs are not my prerogative. I have emotions but can more easily put them to the side if they are not required or needed in some fashion.

How can we best collaborate with them?:

20. Communication: Address me as myself. Be assertive in your tone and actions.

21. Sharing tasks: I do this when it is required, or when it is an unspoken rule. Generally I do not mind doing tasks "for" the body or the system as long as my time and energy are respected.

22. Mutual support: I will help guide you all.

23. Lesson: Learn to stand for yourself and your beliefs and be assertive. Claim your power.

24. I would want to make fronting significantly easier, and make sure it actually occurs.

25. Aspirations: To come into our own as a person and as a magickal being. To continue the work we have started.

26. I do not instigate conflicts, nor get involved in them. I mostly came after all of that was finished.

27. I find joy in the occult, in Enn chants, in my research, in formulating new ideas and putting them to word. I quite like being educated on topics that I like.

28. I want to say our shared experiences are a human outlier of patheticness, but perhaps that is too harsh. We were dealt a harsh hand but did nothing to reject it, and for that I am extremely resentful, for we could have progressed much more as a person despite our trauma and lack of favorable emotional response from our parents.

29. My strengths are research, record-keeping (to an extent), and utilizing what magickal knowledge we have to come up with ideas for rites and the energy to carry them through.

30. My weaknesses are thinking I am too smart to be deluded. Not being able to step up to the plate when it is needed. Not being grounded in the corporeal due to desire for the ethereal and godhood.

I suppose... I need someone to keep me in check and remind me that I must take care of this fleshsuit of a vessel, for we are but a spirit in human form.

31. Our communication is quite fluid, seeing as we all maintain co-consciousness and a certain continuity of self, but it is also poor, considering-- like in our own trapping abode-- we never talk amongst ourselves as if we are seperate beings, only as if we were one individual. For the times when this is not the case, or when you want it not to be the case, I believe a certain amount of differenitiation and sense of plurality needs to be essential moving forward.

32. I am concerned I will never get out of this house to be able to properly practice magick, which would certainly make both I and our spirit team both upset.

33. I suppose grounding, centering, and meditation, though I do not think of them as lovey-dovey self care as much as maintenance we/I must regrettably take on in order to live more comfortably.

Harmony, support, and how to achieve this. . .

For me: Get me out of this fucking maddening house before I lose my shit and curse everyone in it, or something worse.

As the Gods have said several times, it shall not be served to you on a silver platter. You must work for it.

V O I D

I wsnt to front. I need to front. I want to. I need to perform that rite.

A silver sky

Breathe.

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