I've Just Decided You're All Wrong And The Actual Funniest Scenario Of The League Not Knowing Bruce Has

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Family Dinners - dpxdc

"Holy shit, you're Bruce Wayne!" Danny gaped, jabbing a finger at the man sitting at the head of the table.

The bustling dining room goes silent as everyone turns to look at him.

"Danny, who did you think was going to be here?" Tim asks, disbelief plain in his voice and Danny feels his face flush red.

"Sorry, I, uh, I guess I just never put it together. Tim Drake-Wayne. Wayne Manor. It, uh, makes sense now." He laughs sheepishly and scrubs at his neck before slumping back down into his chair.

"Well," Tim says with an indulgent sigh, "at least I know you're not just friends with me for my connections."

"Yeah, I'm really sorry, I just never thought about it, I guess."

Danny sinks lower as everyone around him laughs. Come to dinner, he said, the food is the best, he said, ignore the family, he said. Danny really wishes he'd listened to Tim and just ignored them—almost as much as he's regretting accepting the offer in the first place—but... he's having dinner with Batman.

Ancients, that's so weird!

The last time he saw Batman was in the future and, suffice it to say, it was not going well. There hadn't really been time for family dinners there.

Wait. Family dinners?

He peers around the table, openly gawking at everyone as it all clicks into place.

"Everything alright, Danny? Now realising who everyone else is?" Tim asks with a roll of his eyes.

"Uh... something like that..." Danny mumbles as everyone laughs again.

From further down the table, the smallest Wayne scoffs and clicks his tongue.

"I thought you said he was smart, Drake?"

"So, you all do it, too, then?" he asks, ignoring the jibe. Danny's only a little bit jealous as he thinks of how much easier they must have it, how much easier it'd be if his family had been on his side, too. "You all work together?"

"Nah," Dick says from across the table with a brilliant grin. "Tim's the only one that works with Bruce, we all have different jobs. I'm a police officer in Bludhaven."

"Disgusting." Danny blurts out without thinking—because seriously, what kind of self-respecting vigilante would also be a police officer?—before clapping a hand over his mouth. "Sorry."

The whole table laughs again, the loudest being the blonde girl a few spaces down from Dick. Look, Danny wasn't really paying attention to names when they were all paraded in front of him. Dick only gets remembered because his name is a joke.

Come on, Danny, recover!

"That's, uh, not what I meant, though."

"Oh?" Dick asks, cocking his head slightly to the side. Is it Danny's imagination or does his smile tense slightly?

"Yeah, I mean like, you know, in costume. It must make it so much easier to have everyone together like this."

"Costume? What do you mean?"

Yeah, Danny's not imagining it, everyone tenses up at that. It's really only now that he's realising that this probably isn't how he should bring up that he knows about their... night time activities. In fact, he probably shouldn't be bringing it up at all.

"Uuhhh..." Danny looks wildly around the table as he continues making his stupid noise. Think, think, think! There must be a way out of this!

"Danny?" Tim asks, looking concerned.

"Oh, Ancients, this isn't how I wanted it to go at all," he mutters, slipping even further into his chair. He's almost on the floor now and he so, so wishes it could just swallow him up.

His real first meeting with Batman was meant to be cool! He had planned to be Phantom, maybe save them from a tight spot, prove his worth as a mysterious and powerful ally as thanks for the help Batman gave him in the future.

"Danny, what are you talking about?" Tim starts tugging on his sleeve in an attempt to pull him back up from his pit of despair.

Eventually, Danny relents and sits up straighter, hiding his face in his hands and whining all the while.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't expect him to be here and it threw me off so now I look stupid and it's so embarrassing!" he wails, flailing his arms wide. "Why wouldn't you warn me that Batman was your adopted dad, Tim? Couldn't you have let me know?"

"I'm sorry, what? Danny are you alright? There's no way Bruce can be Batman, look at him!"

"Yeah," the blonde girl laughs from the bottom of the table, "look at him! That's a wet noodle of a man! Batman can actually do things, B is incapable of pretty much everything."

"Thank you, Stephanie," Bruce sighs, massaging his forehead.

It's... Those are the first words Danny's heard Batman say since everything went down and it's enough to knock him out of his embarrassment.

It's really good to hear his voice again. Especially now, when it's strong and healthy and full of personality—even if that personality is little more than a tired father right now—far better than how it had been, at the end.

Danny sits up, back straight, and grins. He's got this. He remembers it perfectly. Some people count sheep to fall asleep, Danny repeats his mantra to be certain that he'll never forget it.

"Gamma alpha upsilon tau iota mu epsilon, 42, 63, 28, 1 colon 65 dash 9."

Once again, the whole table falls into silence.

"Holy shit..." breathes the other D name (Duke? Danny's pretty sure he's Signal) from opposite Stephanie. "Isn't that...?"

"The time travelling code." The littlest Wayne says stiffly. "We have met in the future?"

"That's not just the time travelling code, Dami." Dick says, looking between Danny and Bruce. "That's the family time travelling code."

Danny's grin freezes in place.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"1 colon 65 dash 9." Dick explains, still flicking between him and Bruce. "It means you've been adopted into the family and we should all treat you as such, no questions asked."

"Tell you what, I'm about to ask a question." Danny says, dumbstruck. "You just told me it was a code to identify time travellers, not anything about being adopted! What the hell, B?"

Bruce looks about as shellshocked as Danny feels.

"We must have been close," he says finally, after opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water a few times.

"No! Not that close!" Danny reels back, taking a deep breath ready to refute it all, but... "Well, I mean, you found me when I first got stuck, and you helped me get better despite being... And then we fought together against the, uh, bad guy, before he, um, he... before you couldn't."

An uncomfortable beat passes while they all pick up on what Danny tried so hard not to say.

"So, you're not from the future, then, you travelled there and came back?" Tim asks, breaking the tension and leaning forward with a glint in his eye.

"Yeah, it was a whole end of the world thing, but don't worry about it," Danny says with a hand wave, "It's all kosher now, won't ever happen."

"What did happen?"

"Seriously, don't worry about it, we cool."

"How long in the future was it?"

"About ten years? You were pretty spry for an old man, B," Danny laughs, wishing they'd get off the topic of what happened and get back to the adoption bit.

Everyone shares degrees of a cautious smile as they relax out of the shock, and Dick—whose grin is the biggest—says, "No wonder you got the family code, you're already riffing on him like one of us. How long were you there for?"

"A week, before I managed to get back to my present and stop him then."

"A week? Jeez, B, that has to set some kind of record, seriously."

"Oh!" Danny says, sitting bolt upright and blinking in surprise before pointing at Dick and bouncing in his seat. "You're Nightwing!"

"What?"

"That's exactly what Nightwing said when Batman told me the code! Makes so much more sense now."

Dick laughs and claps his hands, delighted.

"You were not formally adopted?" The grumpy small one—Dami?—asks, his face pinched.

"I didn't even know I was informally adopted."

"And your parents? Are they alive or dead?"

"Damian, stop—"

"They were dead in the future, but they're alive now." Danny says, looking down. He fiddles with the tablecloth, twisting the fabric around his fingers as he fights down the pang of sadness that he always feels when he thinks of them now. He forces a bright smile on his face and hopes it doesn’t look too strained. "I just, uh, can't talk to them much, anymore."

"Damian," Dick warns, "1 colon 65 dash 9. Treat them as family, no questions asked."

"This is Damian treating him as family, the little turd has no manners." Tim scoffs, rolling his eyes, but he gently bumps shoulders with Danny to knock him out of his funk. Danny can't help but send him a watery smile.

"I have the most exemplary manners, Drake, unlike some people." Damian spits, crossing his arms with a pout. "I was merely ascertaining his status to see how he could possibly fit into the family."

"I know this is all a bit sudden, Danny," Bruce smiles, ignoring Damian and reaching out to lay a warm hand on his arm, "for all of us. But if I felt strongly enough to give you that code after spending a week with you in the future, then you are more than welcome in this family, if you so choose it. I think I can speak for all of us when I say we'd like to get to know you a bit more."

"I know a threat when I hear it, Bruce." Danny snorts. "But, yeah, I get it. I'm sorry this is all so weird, it really wasn't how I wanted to find you again, but... I'm glad I did."

"So are we, Danny." Dick says, with a warm smile. "And formally or not, 1 colon 65 dash 9 means you're family. Welcome to the fun house! No take backs or refunds, sorry. You're stuck with us."

people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

DPxDC Prompt where when Damian has grown comfortable with the Waynes, settling into the household more firmly, he finally tells them about his late brother, Danyal.

With his family's help, he makes a proper grave for his twin on the Wayne Manor grounds, on a little hill with the best view of the night sky.

Hundreds of miles away in Amity Park, Illinois, Danny's core resonates, recognizing something he's lacked.

Imagine the batkids fuck up major and a batdad had to step in and clean up their mistake

Everyone kinda embarrassed because of their blunder and Jason is lashing out to protect himself from shame

Dick is joining is cause well he feels bad about it being his idea

Now Tim is arguing too

Damian wants to feel involved and u can’t convince me other wise

Bruce is trying ti make a point about safety thats just fully derailed

Anyway Danny as Fenton is just there in the background around all the bad guys he took out before Bruce actually got there like “awkward” but the moment he tries to just tippytoe his way out Bruce turns to point at him “and don’t think you are getting out of this. Your grounded too”

He just freezes. Can batman do that? Is he legally allowed to do that? Wait what does Batman mean by grounded?!!? Whats his move here.

“Everyone in the batmobile we will discuss this more in the morning”

Oh ok thats his move. Ok yea Batman just grounded him. He better go.

So they r having the ride home and everyone is sulking and Danny is just there confused but doesn’t say anything because hes probably tired and it’s batman wtf you gonna do.

So they are at the cave and Danny finally just “so can I call my family to tell them I wont be home tonight?”

You everyone just stops. And slowly turns to face him. “Ah yea dumb question. I guess uhhh no phones huh?” No one moves. Everyone is pretty shocked. Cause one bruce kidnapped some kid. Two theres a civi in the batcave. Three bruce kidnapped some fucking kid. Four some random kid just got in the car with them. Five holy fuck bruce kidnapped some kid.

Breaks over enjoy post

I've seen "Danny is Dick Graysons clone/son", "Dick Grayson is over sexualized by people in the comics", "Dick Grayson is protective of Bruce Wayne when it comes to romance" and "Danny is just as farel if not moreso than Dick"

But I haven't seen them combined yet.

Let's fix that >:)

----

Dick was a bit antsy. Someone had been putting his rogues and allies in the critical care units for the past two weeks and hes no closer to figuring out who it is or what thier motivations are.

He didn't want to ask his family for help since they were all busy with cases themselves. Apparently Gotham had its own new rogue that was giving them trouble. Figures. Well, thats fine, he could always be up for seeing Kori again-

Kgnk

The sound of an empty soda can falling out of a trash bin behind him had him whirling around, locking his eyes with that of a startled child.

A child who was stick thin. Walking the streets at night. Alone. Following him around quietly.

Well, at least this one didn't have a camera.

"Hey, kiddo. Who are you?" He asked as he approached slowly, body purposely relaxed as to not scare the child into bolting.

"Danny." The kid just stared at him as if lost in thought. Huh. It's not the typical little kid reaction Nightwing normally gets and it kinda stings his ego. "Okay Danny," Nightwing says softly as he enters grabbing distance, "Were are your mommy and daddy? Do you know you shouldn't be out this late?"

"I don't have a mommy," the kid replies, "But I followed my daddy here!"

Dick looked around, his bad feeling growing worse as he saw no one else but him. "Where's your daddy?"

Danny pointed at him.

"What?! How??!"

"Clone."

Dick stared at him. Yep. That would do it.

-----

Danny was a little terror. Dick and his family had discovered the connection between all of the people that were attacked. They had all harmed Dick or his family at some point...or, to his shock, hit on them.

The bats had thought little of bringing him to the Watchtower after five heroes were assigned to watch him so he didn't get into anything or in case this was a trap set up by someone.

Nightwing wasn't even gone more than 20 minutes but when he had returned, Kon was tied up with an apple stuck in his mouth as he inched across the floor and away from the pile of kryptonite was was currently on fire (How?! Where did he even-) with what looked like one of those rotisserie things over it big enough for Kon to be on.

Bart was on the floor with what looked liked cookies around him. Was he drugged?

Cassie was face down on the couch looking like she had been thrown there like a rag doll.

Superman himself was standing perfectly still and staring blankly at the wall, clearly in some sort of trance.

Finally his Baby Bird, Tim, was sitting in a recliner with Danny curled into his side. Danny listened with rapt attention as Tim told him the story of one of his adventures.

Dick thought this was karma for how he had acted as a kid. But first, he had to go rescue Red Robin who was giving him pleading looks every few seconds.

Okay, darlings. This fandom has managed to drive an author from it and they went out with a nuke. All of their work, gone. So it's time to have a talk. I'd love to think none of you were involved in it, so hopefully this is more a reminder to reblog than to have to apply, but it's time to have a talk.

First off, I'm not going to name the author. Their story is theirs. I'm just going to talk generally.

You DO NOT tell an author to kill themselves (kys) or threaten to harm them or that you'll find them or that they're writing their story wrong. YOU JUST DON'T.

"Well that's how I joke with my friends--" Stop. Authors are not your friends. They are at best acquaintances and more likely strangers. They might be friendly with you. I'm friendly with many of you because I see you often in comments/replies and such. And some of you have become friends. But the average author is not your friend, they are a stranger. And if you're the type of person who would tell a stranger to kill themselves, you need professional help in dealing with something deep inside you and I hope you find it.

Authors are out here writing entertainment and sharing it for free. You respect that and be kind. If you can't be kind, you leave. The back button is right there.

This is not an airport, you do not need to announce your departure. If a fic goes a way that you do not like, you unsubscribe and hit that back button. If it turns too angsty or sappy or violent, back button. If their characterization bothers you, back button. You do not need to tell as stranger providing free effort that you hate what they are producing. This fandom is so damn prolific, there's something out there for you, it doesn't have to be that fic.

Please just be kind. The world is horrible enough right now. And if you can't be kind, back button.

Two names that start with an ”A”

For Cosmic - who introduced me to the theory that inspired this short thing

Disclaimer: this work is not a mirror of my Personal feelings towards Riddle Rosehearts, it Is merely a mirror of, what I think, is early game Ace way of thinking in this au.

____________________________

Ace Trappola never liked to be constricted in his right to freedom. It started when he was mere days old, trying to wiggle out of his crib with wooden bars to ensure he wouldn't fall out and continued like this through his whole life. Primary school, middle school, home life, in all possible areas. So it came as no surprise, at least to his mother and brother when his magic manifested as wind. The element of freedom that blew freely throughout the World changing its course and finding no obstacles in whatever direction it wanted to go.

It would also come to no surprise, with that information, that Ace did not take the housewarden's Riddle collar all too well.

His freedom, his magic was constricted. It was confined to the very centre of his body, and couldn't even flow right beneath his skin.

Ace felt terrible.

Ace felt fury.

**

There once was a girl, a little girl who fell below, down the rabbit hole.

The little girl's name was Alice and she had a wonderful imagination.

Her imagination led her through wonderland, though everything that tried to take her freedom away from her.

Through everything that made Her blood boil.

**

Ace was becoming more angry by the minute. His hosewarden was a little tyrant that imposed crazy rules onto everyone. He ruled with fear and iron collars that took what every mage had and couldn't live without in the long run.

Riddle Rosehearts was everything Ace despised.

**

Alice met the Queen of Hearts and at first she tried to understand. Queen of hearts explained that Wonderland drove everyone mad, and that her rules were necessary to keep everyone from going insane. But in Alice's eyes, the Queen had everything she wanted, she was the ruler, had her kingdom, and her servants. There was nothing that stopped her from her freedom.

Yet she ruled with an iron fist and took what everyone needed to live.

She took not only their freedom but their heads. She kept taking the one thing that made it impossible to choose freedom, their Life.

The Queen was everything Alice hated.

Alice wondered if it was Wonderland who drove everyone insane or its ruler.

**

Riddle Rosehearts imposed crazy rules, he claimed it was for the need for discipline. He claimed it was necessary to grow and become the best mages they could become. Ace soon realised that Riddle lacked the one thing he kept taking from everyone.

Riddle Rosehearts lacked freedom.

Ace pitied him for it for a grand Total of five seconds.

Just then Little tyrant threw away their hard made tart.

And just like that Ace felt no remorse.

**

Alice saw what the queen was doing to her subject, she knew what madness she brought to her own queendom. She was beyond reason and so there was only one way to deal with her, direct confrontation.

Alice found herself in Court.

**

Ace may have been a bit harsh towards Hertsybull's house warden. He learned some new facts after the disastrous tea party from Trey, who turned out to be a childhood friend with the teapot tyrant. That didn't really change anything, in fact thanks to Headmage, Ace realised there was only one way to deal with him, direct confrontation.

Ace was going to challenge Riddle in a duel.

**

Alice failed to see one, quite obvious, point. Queen of hearts was a tyrant, yes but she was still The ruler of Wonderland.

And the Queen's word was absolute. So when she ordered card soldiers to grab her it didn't matter that they were in court. It didn't matter that they were having a discussion, it didn't even matter that she was supposed to have rights as a side in that proceeding. Nothing mattered as long as the Queen said so.

And so, when Alice was restrained and brought onto a platform with an officer meant to enact her final verdict, she knew no one would help her this time.

She glared defiantly at The Queen to the last second, until her head was forced onto the chopping block.

,,Off with Her Head!” yelled the ruler.

And in her last moments Alice woved, if there was a chance, if she could get a second one, she would never again fall to the tyranny of another.

**

Ace stared at his housewarden as they prepared for the duel.

Riddle Rosehearts was a sad, caged boy who craved freedom all the same he did, the difference between the two of them was, that Ace was never afraid to grab his, while Riddle choose to stay in a cage.

It was easier for read haired boy, it was his way of life, it was disgusting to Ace.

How could this boy, not much older than him bear being locked in a prison that had a lock and key on his own side. How could he delude himself into thinking that those restrictions were love?

“And how dare he take what he himself could have all this time?” hissed something deep within Ace.

Riddle could have everything, power, his rules, friends and freedom.

If only he wasn't a coward.

If only he wasn't like Her.

Ace looked at the boy as the headmage announced that he was to remove The collars.

Ace looked at him and saw a different figure, from a different time.

Ace looked and saw the Queen of Hearts.

He would never bow to the queen.

Not again and not ever.

Deep withing him something stirred, more pronounced this time.

Collar came off and it wasn't only wind magic that got released.

Ace smirk found itself on his face and as Riddle raised his arm to cast a spell, just as mirror shattered starting the duel.

Both of them raised their hand too.

,,Down with The Queen”

His unique magic, their unique magic swelled. Spell capable of dispelling other spells, spell created for a sheet want of freedom. Spell that allowed him to destroy everything that could confide him. Everything that could constrict his freedom, everything that included heart shaped collars.

A second of shock whas all they needed to send The burst of wind magic towards their opponent.

Ace and Alice grinned as one.

,Down with The Queen indeed’

Dead on Main au where Jason is of course Danny’s Fright Knight and like all knights do he has a weapon—except it’s his gun.

The batfam + justice league + everyone (except ghosts duh) don’t know that his normal average everyday gun is actually like a super powerful spiritual soul shooter that is, yaknow, capable of blasting someone into an alternate dimension where their greatest fears become real.

So imagine there’s like a big battle where a ghastly ghoul reigns terror on Gotham. The world sends their best hero’s—wizards and occultists are notably high highest in demand—to stop the ghost but, nothing works. All of the weapons and spells and chants fail.

But,

As the fights worsens and the heros scream for people to flee suddenly--

Loud squeaking footsteps echo across the ground. Jason yawns strolling into the battle zone in a ghostbusters t-shirt plaid pants bunny slippers--he strolls up in pajamas--as if annoyed at being woken up and cocks his fucking normal 'i could buy you at walmart' gun at the ghost.

His brothers screech at him yelling ”Are you insane” and to "get the hell out of here" in fear and panic because their idiot brother is trying to kill a real life ghost with a damn gun.

But then Jason shoots the ghost and it works.

The ghost fizzles down with a cry into just a little blob.

The young man then spends 30 minutes lecturing the spirit saying things like “you’re glad I’m not calling the big guy” and “you know our highness would not be happy learning what you’ve been doing” before taking out a thermos of all things and sucking the ghost into it.

Jason then sighs and walks away as if he hadn’t just defeated a hell raising ghost with a gun people can buy off a corner pawn store and a soup container.

Immediately the bat family swarms him with questions

Dick grabs him by his shoulders tense with worry, “Are you okay?”

“Um yeah—“ Jason tries to reply squirming in his hold

Damian cuts him off, “How the hell did your gun a physical weapon hurt that ghastly demonic spirit!”

“Uh that ghost is actually pretty chill you guys just pissed him off." Jason replies plainly

They stare at him with a look saying 'you did not call a ghost that has been decimating gotham chill' probably because he did just that.

Tim is the first to break out of the disbelief stupor as he very inteligently says, "What?"

Jason responds easily with a confused quirk in his brow, "Second, my gun affects entities of all sorts, perks to my job and all that."

"How did being a vigilante and also probably crime boss give you a gun that could do that?" Dick asks

Jason sends him a look saying "are you an idiot" as he replies, "Yea, sure, kicking petty thieves and druggies got me my all powerful spirit weapon--No you dumbass, it's from being the bodyguard of the King of the Infinite Realms! How the hell did you guys not think of that!”

Tim breathes in, then breathes out, then breathes in again and screams, "Why the HELL WOULD WE THINK OF THAT JAY?!"

"The--" Batman, suddenly beside them, chokes, "Bodyguard of T-the what."

Jason blinks at his family then his eyes widen, "Oh shit."

"What?!" His family screech in panic

"Oh fuck," Jason says with a growing hysteric smile, "Danny's gonna have a big ol' fucking laugh with this."

"Brother who is Danny!" Damian demands for an answer

Jason coughs into his palm, "Oh yeah you guys really dont dont know. So I may have forgotten to explain some... things."

Bruce levels him with a stare that says "you think?"

Jason chuckles nervously, "So y'know how I'm half dead?"

pause

Damian very eloquently responds for the suddenly dying screaming combusting members of his family, "...sure."

"Well I met the King of the afterlife which is like the Ruler of Everything and he was really cute--" Jason says distant in his own world

"Theres a afterlife?" Superman asks casually appearing beside the emotionally wrecked family

"Yea its pretty cool. So I start flirting a bit with the guy and we hit it off, I now im his zombie ghost knight boyfriend lover for all time. Oh and i got this sickass gun." Jason says with a happy grin

"That is a pretty sick gun." John Constantine nods

"I know right?" Jason chirps

"You wouldn't mind if I inspected--" John reaches his hand

Jason slaps it away, "Not a chance you soul whore. Y'know your basically the tax evasionist of the Ghost Zone right?"

John only sighs and leaves

"But yea so I'm like the ghost world equivalent to married with the king and became his knight and thats how I was able to stop that ghost guy." Jason reiterates as if explaining a simple question, "Y'guys get that?"

Tim is on the ground trying to decide whether; sobbing hysterically, interogating jason to find out all the things he doesn't want to know or sleeping would be a better use of his time.

Dick has decided to blame himself and has started to draft a reddit post in the middle of the street starting with "I (23 m) have a younger brother (19 m), who I used to resent but really regret now, he died and came back and doesn't even tell me about what goes on in his life anymore. How do I fix our--"

Damian is just staring at the gun and... Jason pushes it deeper in his holster and shifts to the side, better to be safe than sorry with this thieving shit.

As Jason adjusts his weaponry he hears Bruce sob in the background, "He didn't even invite me to the wedding! Am I that horrible of a father!"

Wonder Woman pats his shoulder reasuringly whilst the rest of the League seem to be trying to calm him down

Jason looks around tiredly at the mess he had created and decides fuck it

"Alright I'm heading out for the night, you guys get home safe!" He yells and without caring to listen to anyone and everyone voicing their confusion he zips open a green portal and stumbles in

He crashes down on an unbelievably comfortable bed

Danny blinks blearily before sending the young man a sleepy smile, "Hey Jay, what kept you up so long?"

Jason slipping under the blankets with a yawn says, "You would not believe the night I just had."

Duke: I know I'm new, but are we going to talk about the thing clinging to Alfred? Damian: What are you babbling about? Duke: The thing made of shadows and glowing green eyes. It's wrapped around Alfred like 24/7 Jason: I've never seen anything like that around Alfred. Tim: Me neither. Duke: Are you sure? I used to see it even before I was officially taken in. There are some photos online, too. See? Damian: *squints* That just looks like some bad lighting. Hey, isn't this your paramour's conspiracy blog, Drake? Tim: Yeah, that's Bernad's page. Hold on, let me give him a call and see if he knows anything. A few hours later Tim: According to Bernard, there is this whole theory that Alfred is being haunted by some demon because before the Waynes were killed, many photos with the butler in them always had some kind of shadowy figure wrapped around him. In Batman's early days, some thought the shadowy figure was Batman. Duke: Yeah, I've always been able to see that thing around Alfred. I just assumed it was Batman's kind of BS that we all ignored. Dick: Are you guys talking about Danny? Damian: It has a name? Dick: Yeah, apparently, it was a family friend. Alfred's mother, Samantha, knew him in life, but he vanished when they were fourteen. He supposedly came back and just stuck around when she got married. Then Danny moved to Alfred when his mother died. Maybe one day he'll pick one of us! Bruce spraying on holy water: That someone will not be me. Alfred cleaning a vase: Danny says not to fight the inevitable Master Bruce. Bruce: You tell Danny to GET OUT OF MY HOUSE.