Sighs.

hello !! i’ve been having some trouble making the most of my day, hence this rly mini guide on it ! it sort of works together with my guide to getting ur life back on track !!! hope this helps ! :]

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In a reading slump, not novels. Obviously. State exams are in 30 days. What am I doing with my life?

Send help.

I always thought girls acting out, being cold and doing weird things in a relationship was weird. You like this boy, what are you doing? What do you mean you don't pick up until he calls the second time. What do you mean you wait for a minute or two to text back? What's going on? Who wrote these rules? No double texting, no public confessions, just alluding to the fact you are in love and no one needs to know the details.

Sadly, I understand now. Like mad. It's a silent shouting for receiving affection first, you want to be needed the way you need. You want to be liked just as much as you like the other person or even more than you like them. That way you know your affection isn't wasted. Because what is more comforting than knowing that you love and you're loved back in return?

When your love is reciprocated in the actions just as much, when they do call back the second time, double text you, put up with the attitude even you know, is silly, you are comforted. 'I love and I'm loved. All is right with the world.'

I see you, you don't want a love that's complacent, comfortable in a way that is lazy. You want to be pined for in the way you pine, nothing is more human than that.

Babies. Are. So. Uglyyyy.

I swear I'm not a bad person, I just think they look weird, I don't see the beauty y'all see. They loook so weird and wrinkled and frowny and I just saw a video and twitter and my God. 'A face only a mother would love' applies to all of them, I'm not even lying.

I'm trying to restrain myself from complaining about my results here but that's just making this space redundant. This is my diary, no one knows me here. No one ever will.

Here goes:

What. The. Heck? I didn't slave through notes and PDFs and PDFs on end to see my results and be groaning in pain. It's an ugly little feeling when my hardwork doesn't translate to my grades and I hate it here.

Don't know when and how it happened but I've slowly come to terms with my adulthood. From a child who didn't want to turn 13 because she was sure that was when adult's problems started to a 19 year old calling herself an ex-child.

I can't relate with most sentiments and call it a journey but there's more to me than there was last year, may be the more isn't admirable even but I'm no longer at odds with the words 'adult'. I accept it, I'm responsible for stuff now, it's on me, most of it is. I won't let that thought weigh me down, it's rather liberating when I think about it. I, not anyone else, get to decide what I can be and when it should happen.

Oh, what wonder, I'm not an empty canvas, neither am I finished. I'm in between an incompleteness and perfection; an incomplete yet perfect being.

one of the biggest things I can advocate for (in academia, but also just in life) is to build credibility with yourself. It’s easy to fall into the habit of thinking of yourself as someone who does things last minute or who struggles to start tasks. people will tell you that you just need to build different habits, but I know for me at least the idea of ‘habit’ is sort of abstract and dehumanizing. Credibility is more like ‘I’ve done this before, so I know I can do it, and more importantly I trust myself to do it’. you set an assignment goal for the day and you meet it, and then you feel stronger setting one the next day. You establish a relationship with yourself that’s built on confidence and trust. That in turn starts to erode the barrier of insecurity and perfectionism and makes it easier to start and finish tasks. reframing the narrative as a process of building credibility makes it easier to celebrate each step and recognize how strong your relationship with yourself can become

I see the results from one of my professional exams tomorrow and I can't deal. I've never been this worried. I'm worried for myself, for my parents, for my friends, worried all around.

God please.

Pretending i forgot my tumblr existed lol.

Update: the love I held on to, the one where I'd rather type in an obscure corner of my room than express myself too much to, I let it go. I let it go and I am vindictive enough to hope that it hurts them more than it hurts me.

I'm in a new one that I feel will end badly but at least I think I'd be the least hurt.

I think it says something about me that my comfort book is Twilight 1 (not the other books, just the 1st one) and the movie I never delete from my phone is 50 shades.

I don't know what it says but it says something.