"11,078 And Counting Have Died In Palestine. Never Stop Talking.

Hi, I'm genuinely looking for an explanation here and not looking for an argument /srs

Can you explain how calling a transfem a TERF for spreading ideology that I genuinely assumed was included in the definition of TERFism is othering ? Not to be that guy, but I'm autistic and I'm having a very hard time connecting the points you're making, and I genuinely want to learn and understand what you're saying /gen

Again, I do hope this doesn't come off as hostile, I am genuinely trying to learn and understand better, and I want to be able to fix misconceptions about what a TERF is in my own mind, and I haven't seen anyone bring this point up before /gen

You absolutely do not have to answer this, but I hope you have a fabulous rest of your day, and I do apologize for what I said, as it wasn't necessary for me to comment on the situation.

Yeah totally! Okay, I got a lot of this from Ibram X. Kendi's "How to be Antiracist"* where he talks about describing "racist" as an identity means that hardly anyone is going to ever "identify" with it, even if they are a racist. It's much more helpful to talk about actions being racist or anti-racist. Someone committing racist acts speaks far more to the vulnerability of anyone to cause harm, rather than it being something ONLY reserved for someone with the identity of "racist". For example, Clarence Thomas, a black man, has done untold amounts of harm to the black population in the US. If we subscribe to the "oh, (X) can't be racist, they are (a minority)" train of thought, it means people are less likely to understand that Clarence Thomas commits racist acts. In the same way, describing yourself as an anti-racist is not enough, as it can let people be comfortable with racist actions because they think "oh, I'm an anti-racist, I can't commit acts of racial harm." That's why it's more helpful to describe acts as racist and anti-racist rather than framing them as identities.

In a similar way, describing someone as the label of "TERF" can have a similar effect. Because it's specifically a label centered around being anti-trans, transgender people of all kinds will easily assume they cannot be transphobic, because the label of TERF is ideologically opposed to their existence. It invites ridicule rather than introspection. By saying actions can be transphobic, I think it helps a lot more because it's easier to understand that trans people can be transphobic. For example, Blaire White is right there. Despite being a trans woman, she is actively doing transphobic acts. By calling out an action as transphobic rather than describing someone as a "TERF", it helps fight back against the idea that being trans means you cannot be transphobic. For a super duper simple example, I can step on my dogs tail, but it doesn't mean I hate dogs, it means I committed an act of harm against my dog. Describing me as a dog-hater when I LOVE dogs would invite ridicule more than it would a tendency to watch my step when my dog is in the house. I hope this makes sense!

*I'm not trying to say the Black and Trans experience is exactly the same, just that like any oppressed group, there is a lot of overlap in tactics and thinking, especially for people who are Black and Trans. Reading about other groups can really give you a ton of helpful insight on how to work within your own identity!

“I don’t get it, do trans men want to be treated like men (read: like cis men) or not? We treat them like men and they complain, but if we treated them like women they would also complain. I don’t get it!”

How’s about not treating different genders of people differently solely because of their gender?

Why do you treat men and women differently?

Is that not the exact cis patriarchy we’re trying to do away with?

If you're really a cis woman, why are you getting your panties in a twist about "Androhysteria"?

?? Because transmascs are people who don't deserve shit like that being said to them ?? Spoiler alert: people unaffected by transandrophobia can have compassion for, support and stand up for transmascs

We've all gotten just a bit too comfortable being jerks to strangers on the internet I think

Oh! Apparently transandrophobes are now being very mask off with the fact that they are the same community as truscum/transmeds, 2019 exclus, and every other "grrr other queer people" group!

On the topic of trans men experiencing erasure and other problems that are not talked about, we should probably talk about when we actually DO get recognized and it's usually the white skinny trans men who get the most recognition. Which, is awesome and I'm not complaining because getting any recognition is a win. But we need to start also having our black poc, asian, native, hispanic, etc brothers in mind if you have not done so already. They have been erased from history even more than us. The same goes for the fat plus size men, the men who don't pass either because they can't or just don't want to (which is valid!), the men who can't transition or feel comfortable in their agab body (which is also valid), the men who are femme presenting, the men who are butch, men who are disabled etc etc.

Listen to when your black poc, asian, hispanic, native, etc men SPEAK. Listen to them. Listen to the men who are severely underrepresented in our community. Don't you DARE tell them to sit down or shut them out when speaking up about their experiences as trans men. If you see it shut it down immediately! That toxic shit is not safe in our spaces and we will not be quiet about it.

Keep our brothers safe!

I can't take the whole discourse around people going "forcefem is better than forcemasc because it's subversive! People who like forced masculinization are just STEALING from forcefem!" seriously because of these 4 points:

1. Forcefem started with cis men who enjoy being feminized as a form of humiliation, and they make up the majority of practitioners today. Yes, it's also really important to the transfem kink community and it brings many people gender euphoria, so that's great! But... you really can't steal a kink. There's no kink plagiarism. You're not getting kicked out of Kink University for enjoying similar themes.

2. It's not your business what other trans adults do in the bedroom/kink spaces. What causes dysphoria for you might make someone else euphoric. Don't yuck my yum or whatever. Just block the tag if you don't like it, we're all grownups here. I have both tags blocked bc they make me dysphoric, but you don't see me throwing a tantrum about it.

3. Imagine doing this with any other kink.

"Spanking is better than waxplay because it's subversive! You candle-lovers are doing painplay all wrong!"

"Bondage with handcuffs is way better than bondage with ropes, because when you use handcuffs you're RECLAIMING that from cops! Rope bunnies are just coping because their kink doesn't mean anything!"

4. The people who spend all their time arguing online about kink discourse probably aren't getting laid anyway.

So it's really not as pertinent to their lives as they think it is.

I am only going to respond to this once, because I’ve found it isn’t productive to argue with people online about what terms certain queer people are allowed to coin and use.

You clearly have some internalized transphobia you need to work out. You have an incredibly patronizing and dismissive attitude towards trans men and transmascs. You reblog from people who are actively hateful and bigoted, not just towards trans men, but nonbinary and intersex people as well. You reblog posts talking about how much you want to fuck trans men while dismissing their concerns, which comes of as fetishistic.

Being trans yourself does not give you a free pass to act this way.

It doesn’t matter if you think the term “transandrophobia” is valid or not, or if you claim it comes from problematic roots.

You are not a trans man. You are not part of their community. You do not get to say what words they get to use, and they do not need your permission to discuss their oppression. You do not get to say what they do or do not experience, because you do not KNOW their experiences, and you clearly aren’t willing to listen to the ones that disagree with you.

Look at the replies and reblogs here, how many people are saying your attitude towards trans men is insulting and demeaning. Regardless of your opinion on the word transandrophobia, you are behaving inappropriately. This much is clear.

Additionally, you are dismissing not just the struggles of trans men, but intersex and nonbinary people as well. The supreme court is actively hurting these groups, and your refusal to acknowledge this shows that either you are ignorant of the struggles of other LGBT+ identities, or you just don't care.

You are not immune to holding transphobic and bigoted ideals. Everybody in this society has them regardless of identity, and it’s your job to acknowledge your biases and unlearn them. Learn to support the rest of the LBGT+ community outside of the groups you belong to, or at least work on your own internalized transphobia before you try to join these discussions.

Fighting for your rights is not like sharing a pie. I promise you can care about transmisogyny and the issues trans women are facing without dismissing the concerns of your transgender brothers and siblings.

Trans men I love you. Trans-androphobia is not real. Putting ‘trans-‘ on a phenomenon that doesn’t exist does not describe a new thing. What you’re facing is overlapping transphobia and misogyny. I’m sorry people online got mad at you for saying it’s that, but it’s that.

. You are men, regardless of if you dress fem. Bigots and sexists don’t see you as the man you are, or even as trans. It’s not in a “transgender” way they hate you; they see us as bad men or women, to correct however violently the group finds. Which is misogyny. It’s obvious to me, a trans woman who doesn’t easily pass, that misogynists see trans people simply as bad male/females.

Cis women who don’t do femininity (at least the patriarchy’s standards) are treated the same BY THESE PEOPLE as trans men; as something to correct into an incubator. Lesbians, hairy and fat women, racialized women, strong and confident women receive these same things. Women whose muscles are visible are told that their strength makes them ugly. Which is misogyny. And the disgusting things people say about T’s effects on you is rooted in that.

Trans men I love you. I’m sorry that everyone parrots that men are also affected by patriarchy, yet you feel unease at using the word misogyny. Misandry and androphobia are words for League of Legends players though.

Trans men I love you. You do not want your issues to be a Supreme Court decision removing specifically your personhood, nor do I. What you face is misogyny. Let’s call it that, and face it together 💖

With my issues having been ignored for 21 years, I’d rather it than at very best, everyone around me debating how much I should exist in public.

hi, a lot of you need a perspective reset

the average human lifespan globally is 70+ years

taking the threshold of adulthood as 18, you are likely to spend at least 52 years as a fully grown adult

at the age of 30 you have lived less than one quarter of your adult life (12/52 years)

'middle age' is typically considered to be between 45-65

it is extremely common to switch careers, start new relationships, emigrate, go to college for the first or second time, or make other life-changing decisions in middle age

it's wild that I even have to spell it out, but older adults (60+) still have social lives and hobbies and interests.

you can still date when you get old. you can still fuck. you can still learn new skills, be fashionable, be competitive. you can still gossip, you can still travel, you can still read. you can still transition. you can still come out.

young doesn't mean peaked. you're inexperienced in your 20s! you're still learning and practicing! you're developing social skills and muscle memory that will last decades!

there are a million things to do in the world, and they don't vanish overnight because an imaginary number gets too big

i do just want people to be aware that, while "assigned sex at birth" has been widely reclaimed and generalized to general populations, it did not start through personal identification or as a positive term. it was coined between doctors to discuss what sex to surgically and socially assign intersex infants, children, and in some cases, adults. one example of a study using this term is here, mostly inspired by john money [its a heavy read if you decide to open it]. i do just want people to be aware of the history of this term before claiming that it is "coined by the intersex community"—it wasnt, it was forced on us by the medical community.