RIKI MASTERLIST ↴

I’m kicking my feet and blushing so hard rn🤭🤭

I HATE THAT I LOVE YOU | 리키

PAIRINGS. fwb!riki x reader

GENRE. angst, friends to ???

WARNINGS. swearing, kissing

SYNOPSIS. you didn't know being in a situationship was this complicated, especially when the person you're with it is your bestfriend.

SHO'S NOTE. inspired by my bae's ( @nishikio ) fic “It was never just fun” go check it out :]

YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED A LOVE LIFE, watching the cheesy couples act all lovey-dovey during the love month was an eyesore. only becuase you didn't have one of your own.

well, you kind of had one.

your bestfriend, riki. you wouldn't really call him your lover, it's not really official. you don't even remember how it happened. you both just flirted with one another and it flowed into.. whatever this is.

he'd buy you flowers, call you “baby” or “pretty”, take you out on dates, but he'd also ignore your texts, tease you too much, and just simply be a jerk.

you're lying if you said you didn't actually like him. you did, you really do. but it pains you that you don't even know if he does too, or all of this is just some fun to him.

and it doesn't help that he constantly gives you mixed signals.

KI : hello, pretty

: morning, riki :)

KI : you free after school?

: i think so, yeah. why?

KI : go to a party with me. I'll pick you up at 7.

: see you there <3

[ KI reacted '♡' to your message.]

great, a party. you enjoyed being in some, but you really didn't want to go in a party on the night of valentines, you're positive that the room will just be filled with your friends with their partners.

and well, you can't really call him that.

you spent the rest of the afternoon getting ready, putting on your silky red dress, and a plump pink lipstick. you kept your hair simply by just wearing it down. you made your way over to your living room, the sound of your velvety heels making contact with each step.

not long after your doorbell rang, you opened it as your eyes were met with rikis, his outfit simple yet still giving him the elegant look. his chrome hearts hoodie with his pants.

“good evening, gorgeous.”

you chuckled, “oh don't bait me with flattery. let's go,” he grinned as he took your hand and led you to his car as he drove you both to the party. as you expected, it was filled with lovebirds, some even kissing here and there. others are already wasted.

you both made your way to your friendgroup, they knew you and riki weren't just friends, but they were aware you weren't really something. the night went on with you and riki gulping down a few shots. you weren't much of a big drinker. you were starting to get tipsy.

you and riki were on the corner of the room, absentmindedly observing everyone dance and go out and about. you turned to riki, admiring his features. “you're s'handsome,” he chuckled at your giggly tone. “mmh you're just drunk, pretty.” he held your waist gently, just incase your legs begin to give out. “'m not, your lips are plump too.” you stared into them, the gap between you two ever so close.

fuck it. he pressed his lips onto yours, closing his eyes as he melted onto you, for the very first time. he pulled away slowly, realizing what he just did.

fuck, you've never kissed before. and he did it without your consent. this was you and him's first kiss too.

he wiped his lips, your strawberry flavored lippie still lingering within his.

as the night buried on more, he decided to drive you back home. and afterwards went home to his own apartment.

all he could think about was how wrong it was for him to kiss you. you were drunk, what if you didn't want that at all? plus, in you whole 'relationship' you've never kissed before. he doesn't even know if you truly like him or if this is just some no-strings-attached thing.

whatever it was, he knew the solution was to get rid of his feelings. he hated you, he hated your smile, he hated your laugh, he hated your voice. and most of all, he hated how he didn't even hate you one bit.

the day after that you went to school, looking for him. completely oblivious to what happened the previous night. the only recent memory that was left in your mind was you swallowing lots of alcohol.

you spotted him in his usual spot in the cafeteria, you approached him, but he simply gave you a cold look.

“soo, did you have fun last night?” he hummed. that's it. you sighed. this wasn't new. he would always be sweet & charming one moment, then the next it's like he doesn't want you at all. it annoyed you.

you thought it'd be a pattern, sweet then not, sweet then not. but to your surprise the next couple of days were silent. he didn't approach you, call you pretty, or give you any affection. you were curious. and a little hurt angry. did something happen that night? did you do something wrong?

you were going to talk to him but as you went to where you usually saw him, there he was, standing beside his locker with some girl clinging onto him. she looked at him with heart eyes. and he laughed, smiling with her.

that made your heart break into little pieces. yeah sure, he wasn't your boyfriend, but that 'moments' you have together mean nothing to him? were you really just a pawn?

you watched from afar as you clutched your jacket. you didn't even notice the tears in your eyes. why was he so important to you? worst of all, why him?

you went home that day with a heavy heart pounding in your chest. you barely got any sleep. your mind occupied with the memory of him with that girl.

it shouldn't hurt. but it did.

the next few days, the only view that clouded the school was him and that stupid girl. you see him doing the things he did to you, accompany her, buy her snacks from the caféteria, and just simply be there. each moment hurt more than the last.

the last class of the day finally ended. you went out the classroom, only to be met with the sight of him and the girl, again. you were going to tear your eyes off them, but was distracted when she kisses him.

she kissed him. his first kiss.

your heart shattered, once again. he never did that with you.

your tears formed quickly, you rub your eyes and ran. not knowing riki saw you and followed quickly.

you stormed off the school, your brain mindlessly fogged with that scene. why? why was it so easy for him to replace you?

“___!” you heard him call out, his hand grabbed your fist and turned you around. “please, hear me out-” he pleaded, you yelled, “what? that you suddenly went distant then found a girl better than me?” you wiped your tears, not wanting your eyes to meet his.

“it's not like that!” “then what?” you pulled your wrist out of his grasp, “was I that replaceable to you? I thought we had something- but.. I guess not! you even had your first kiss with he—” he cut you off, “she's not my first kiss, you are!” your eyes widened, in complete disbelief. “h-huh?..” you stared at him.

“look, the night at the party—you were drunk, and you caressed my lips and I wasn't thinking so I just kissed you, and I really fucking wanted to do that for a long time, but I don't even know if you liked me seriously or not, and I swear nothing else happened, but I felt really REALLY bad because I just kissed you even if I didn't know if you want to- and I was so in pain because I like you a lot, and I wanted it to go away, so I pretended to like this girl who liked me and she sucks, and then she suddenly kissed me and I wanted nothing but to reel your lips again, because I hate you so much and I hate that I love you, but really I don't!”

he flipped his hair, sighing. “and I completely understand if you don't feel the sa—” you cut him off, pulling him by his collar and pressing your lips against his. for a moment, he freezes. but he soon melts into your lips, kissing you back, just like the first time.

“I.. that was..” he panted, breathless.

“I love you, pretty. I mean it.” you hugged him. and his hands wrapped around your waist, he kissed your forehead. you giggled. “I love you too,”

“you promise?”

“pinky promise.”

⩩ ( @nishikio , @stvrriki ) ⊹ ࣪ ˖

© work of httpzsho | sho

This is so me omg 😭

GIRL STAND UP!!

haiii new moot :3 i love the theme, ur acc is so pretty!!

ahhh omg thank you sm angel mwahh <33

It Was Never Just Fun

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟPairing: fwb!riki x female!reader

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟGenre: angst

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟWarnings: curse words

──── ୨୧ ────

The music inside the party was deafening, the bass rattling through y/n’s chest as she weaved through the crowd. It smelled like expensive perfume and alcohol, bodies pressed together in the dimly lit room, but she didn’t care about any of it. Not when her eyes were locked on him.

Riki was leaning against the bar, laughing at something a girl whispered in his ear. She was close—too close—her manicured nails tracing along the sleeve of his jacket like she had every right to be there. And the worst part? He wasn’t stopping her.

Y/n felt her stomach twist, a sick, ugly feeling clawing at her insides. She didn’t move, didn’t say anything. She just stood there, watching, feeling like an idiot for expecting anything different.

She should have left. Should have turned around and walked right out of the party like none of this mattered. But instead, she grabbed a drink off the nearest table and downed it in one go, ignoring the burn in her throat. She needed something—anything—to drown out the anger rising in her chest.

Because this wasn’t supposed to hurt.

They weren’t supposed to be like this.

They were just messing around—no strings, no feelings. That was the deal. That was what Riki wanted.

So why the fuck did it feel like she was suffocating?

She didn’t wait for him to notice her before she turned on her heel and stormed outside, the cold air slapping her in the face as she stepped onto the empty street.

She shouldn’t care. She shouldn’t care. She shouldn’t care.

But she did.

And she hated herself for it.

y/n was halfway down the sidewalk when she heard footsteps behind her, heavy and hurried.

“Y/n—”

She clenched her jaw, her steps quickening. “Don’t.”

“Y/n, stop.”

His voice was sharp, cutting through the night like a knife. She let out a bitter laugh but stopped anyway, turning to face him.

Riki stood there, breathing hard, his jaw tight. He looked frustrated—maybe even angry. Like she was the problem. Like she was the one making things complicated.

“What the fuck was that?” he demanded.

She let out a harsh laugh. “Are you seriously asking me that right now?”

“Yes, I am.” His voice was lower now, more serious. “You just disappeared. You could’ve at least told me—”

“Told you what, Riki?” she snapped, cutting him off. “That I was sick of standing there, watching you flirt with someone else like I don’t even fucking exist?”

His expression flickered, something unreadable passing through his eyes. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Oh, fuck off,” she spat. “It’s always like that. Every single time.”

Riki dragged a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. “y/n, you knew what this was.”

She laughed again, but this time, it was empty. “Right. No feelings, no expectations. Just fucking and pretending like it means nothing.” She took a step closer, her voice lowering. “But here’s the thing, Riki—I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep acting like I don’t care when I do. I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with being just another girl you push aside when you get bored.”

His eyes darkened. “That’s not what this is.”

“Then what is it?” she challenged.

He opened his mouth, then closed it.

And that was the problem, wasn’t it?

Riki felt something. She knew he did. It was in the way he kissed her when no one was looking, the way he always pulled her back in after every argument, the way he always found her in a crowded room like he couldn’t help himself.

But he would never say it.

Because if he admitted it, then it would be real. And if it was real, then he couldn’t just walk away when it got too much.

“Say it,” she pushed, her voice trembling now. “Say you don’t feel anything for me, and I’ll walk away right now.”

He stared at her, his chest rising and falling, his hands clenched into fists like he was fighting some invisible war.

Seconds passed. Then more.

And then he shook his head. “You don’t get it.”

“No, you don’t get it,” she shot back. “You’re scared. You’re so fucking scared of actually feeling something that you’d rather push me away than admit it.”

His jaw tightened, but he didn’t deny it.

And that was all the confirmation she needed.

y/n exhaled, taking a step back. Her heart felt like it was being ripped apart, but she forced herself to meet his gaze one last time.

“I can’t be the only one fighting for this, Riki.” Her voice was barely above a whisper now. “If you don’t want me, just say it. Say it so I can stop fucking hurting like this.”

Silence.

His lips parted like he wanted to say something—anything—but nothing came out.

Y/n nodded to herself, swallowing the lump in her throat. “That’s what I thought.”

She turned around and started walking, ignoring the way her vision blurred, ignoring the way her chest ached.

She kept waiting for him to stop her.

But he didn’t.

And that hurt more than anything else ever could.

──── ୨୧ ────

masterlist

Idk if I like thisss but I already have part two done so just lmk if you guys want it!!

reblog and comment <3

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☁︎｡⋆｡ enter my riki blog ☁︎｡⋆｡

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The Breaking Point

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟPairing: idolbf!riki x f!reader

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟGenre: angst

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟWarnings: none

──── ୨୧ ────

It’s late. The lights from the concert stage have long faded, leaving only the quiet hum of the city beneath the hotel room. Y/n sits by the window, watching the lights flicker below. The glass feels cold against her fingertips, a contrast to the warmth that used to exist between her and riki. But that warmth has been fading—slowly at first, then all at once, like the last ember of a fire dying out.

The door clicks open behind her. She doesn’t turn around. She doesn’t have to. She knows it’s him.

Riki steps inside, still in his stage clothes, his hair a little messy from the performance, but there’s no exhaustion in his posture—only distance. His presence doesn’t fill the room the way it used to. If anything, it makes it feel smaller, suffocating.

y/n swallows the lump in her throat and stands, her heart already racing. “Riki,” she says softly, trying to keep her voice steady. “Are you okay?”

He doesn’t answer right away. He just exhales sharply, dragging a hand through his hair before tossing his bag onto the bed with more force than necessary. The silence stretches between them, thick and unbearable.

And then, without even looking at her, he says, “We need to talk.”

The words hit like a slap. Y/n’s stomach twists painfully, but she forces herself to nod. “Okay,” she whispers. “Then talk.”

Riki finally meets her gaze, and for the first time in weeks, she realizes how far away he already is. There’s something cold in his expression—indifference, maybe, or something even worse.

“I can’t do this anymore,” he says bluntly. “Us.”

y/n flinches. It’s not what he’s saying, it’s how he’s saying it. Detached. Like she’s a problem he’s finally found the courage to get rid of.

“What?” Her voice cracks, but she doesn’t care. “You can’t just—riki, where is this coming from?”

His jaw clenches. He looks away, shaking his head. “Don’t act like you didn’t see this coming. You had to have felt it, too.”

She takes a step forward, desperate, grasping at something—anything. “Felt what? That you’ve been ignoring me? That you’ve been pushing me away?” She exhales shakily. “I thought we were just going through a rough patch. I thought you just needed time.”

Riki scoffs, and the sound cuts through her like a knife. “Time?” He lets out a bitter laugh, finally meeting her eyes again. “Y/n, I’ve been trying. I really have. But I just… I don’t feel the same way anymore.”

The room spins.

No. No, he’s lying. He has to be.

Her hands tremble as she shakes her head. “You don’t mean that.”

“Yeah,” he breathes. “I do.”

The finality in his tone makes her knees go weak.

She lets out a shuddering breath, forcing herself to stand her ground. “So that’s it? You’re just done? Just like that?”

Riki shrugs, like it doesn’t even matter. Like she doesn’t even matter. “It’s not working anymore.”

Y/n stares at him, trying to find something—anything—that resembles the boy she fell in love with. But she can’t. He’s already gone.

“You’re a coward,” she whispers, her voice thick with tears. “You don’t get to stand here and act like I’m the problem. You’re the one who gave up.”

riki’s expression hardens, his gaze sharp. “Maybe I did,” he says coldly. “And maybe you should, too.”

The words steal the air from her lungs.

She bites her lip to stop the sob from escaping, blinking rapidly to clear her vision. But it’s useless. She’s breaking, and he’s just standing there, watching it happen.

Y/n inhales shakily, straightening her posture even though her heart is in pieces. “I hope you realize what you’re throwing away,” she murmurs. “I hope you regret this.”

Riki doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t even blink. “I won’t.”

And that’s what finally makes her stop fighting.

She nods slowly, taking a step back. “Okay,” she whispers. “Then I won’t, either.”

She turns before he can see her cry. Before she can change her mind.

She doesn’t slam the door when she leaves. She doesn’t say goodbye.

She just walks away.

And this time, he doesn’t stop her.

It Was Never Just Fun

part two

part three

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟPairing: fwb!riki x female!reader

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟGenre: angst

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟWarnings: curse words

──── ୨୧ ────

The music inside the party was deafening, the bass rattling through y/n’s chest as she weaved through the crowd. It smelled like expensive perfume and alcohol, bodies pressed together in the dimly lit room, but she didn’t care about any of it. Not when her eyes were locked on him.

Riki was leaning against the bar, laughing at something a girl whispered in his ear. She was close—too close—her manicured nails tracing along the sleeve of his jacket like she had every right to be there. And the worst part? He wasn’t stopping her.

Y/n felt her stomach twist, a sick, ugly feeling clawing at her insides. She didn’t move, didn’t say anything. She just stood there, watching, feeling like an idiot for expecting anything different.

She should have left. Should have turned around and walked right out of the party like none of this mattered. But instead, she grabbed a drink off the nearest table and downed it in one go, ignoring the burn in her throat. She needed something—anything—to drown out the anger rising in her chest.

Because this wasn’t supposed to hurt.

They weren’t supposed to be like this.

They were just messing around—no strings, no feelings. That was the deal. That was what Riki wanted.

So why the fuck did it feel like she was suffocating?

She didn’t wait for him to notice her before she turned on her heel and stormed outside, the cold air slapping her in the face as she stepped onto the empty street.

She shouldn’t care. She shouldn’t care. She shouldn’t care.

But she did.

And she hated herself for it.

y/n was halfway down the sidewalk when she heard footsteps behind her, heavy and hurried.

“Y/n—”

She clenched her jaw, her steps quickening. “Don’t.”

“Y/n, stop.”

His voice was sharp, cutting through the night like a knife. She let out a bitter laugh but stopped anyway, turning to face him.

Riki stood there, breathing hard, his jaw tight. He looked frustrated—maybe even angry. Like she was the problem. Like she was the one making things complicated.

“What the fuck was that?” he demanded.

She let out a harsh laugh. “Are you seriously asking me that right now?”

“Yes, I am.” His voice was lower now, more serious. “You just disappeared. You could’ve at least told me—”

“Told you what, Riki?” she snapped, cutting him off. “That I was sick of standing there, watching you flirt with someone else like I don’t even fucking exist?”

His expression flickered, something unreadable passing through his eyes. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Oh, fuck off,” she spat. “It’s always like that. Every single time.”

Riki dragged a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. “y/n, you knew what this was.”

She laughed again, but this time, it was empty. “Right. No feelings, no expectations. Just fucking and pretending like it means nothing.” She took a step closer, her voice lowering. “But here’s the thing, Riki—I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep acting like I don’t care when I do. I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with being just another girl you push aside when you get bored.”

His eyes darkened. “That’s not what this is.”

“Then what is it?” she challenged.

He opened his mouth, then closed it.

And that was the problem, wasn’t it?

Riki felt something. She knew he did. It was in the way he kissed her when no one was looking, the way he always pulled her back in after every argument, the way he always found her in a crowded room like he couldn’t help himself.

But he would never say it.

Because if he admitted it, then it would be real. And if it was real, then he couldn’t just walk away when it got too much.

“Say it,” she pushed, her voice trembling now. “Say you don’t feel anything for me, and I’ll walk away right now.”

He stared at her, his chest rising and falling, his hands clenched into fists like he was fighting some invisible war.

Seconds passed. Then more.

And then he shook his head. “You don’t get it.”

“No, you don’t get it,” she shot back. “You’re scared. You’re so fucking scared of actually feeling something that you’d rather push me away than admit it.”

His jaw tightened, but he didn’t deny it.

And that was all the confirmation she needed.

y/n exhaled, taking a step back. Her heart felt like it was being ripped apart, but she forced herself to meet his gaze one last time.

“I can’t be the only one fighting for this, Riki.” Her voice was barely above a whisper now. “If you don’t want me, just say it. Say it so I can stop fucking hurting like this.”

Silence.

His lips parted like he wanted to say something—anything—but nothing came out.

Y/n nodded to herself, swallowing the lump in her throat. “That’s what I thought.”

She turned around and started walking, ignoring the way her vision blurred, ignoring the way her chest ached.

She kept waiting for him to stop her.

But he didn’t.

And that hurt more than anything else ever could.

──── ୨୧ ────

masterlist

Idk if I like thisss but I already have part two done so just lmk if you guys want it!!

reblog and comment <3

It Was Never Just Fun (two)

part one.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟPairing: fwb!rikix female!reader

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟGenre: angst

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟWarnings: curse words

──── ୨୧ ────

Riki didn’t go back inside the party. He couldn’t.

Not when his mind was still stuck on the way y/n had looked at him—like she was done, like she was finally slipping through his fingers, and he had no one to blame but himself.

He stood there on the sidewalk long after she left, staring at the empty street, fists clenched at his sides. His whole body felt tense, like he was seconds away from breaking something.

She wanted him to say it.

To admit it.

But how the fuck was he supposed to say something that terrified him?

riki had never been good at feelings. He didn’t do relationships. Didn’t do commitment. It was easier not to care, to keep things simple.

But y/n wasn’t simple, She never had been.

And now, she was gone.

The thought alone made his stomach sink.

He pulled his phone out, fingers hovering over her contact. He wanted to text her—say something, anything to fix this. But what the fuck was he supposed to say?

“Sorry for being emotionally unavailable?”

“Sorry for acting like you didn’t mean something when you fucking do?”

He scoffed, shoving his phone back into his pocket. He had no right to text her. No right to chase after her when he was the one who pushed her away.

But that didn’t stop him from wanting to.

y/n was still wide awake when her phone buzzed at 2 a.m.

She knew who it was before she even looked.

Riki.

She stared at the screen for a long moment, her chest tightening. She wanted to ignore it. She should ignore it.

But she didn’t.

Riki: Are you home?

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard. Her first instinct was to leave him on read. Let him wonder. Let him feel even an ounce of what she felt tonight.

But she hated that she still cared.

y/n: Why do you care?

Three dots appeared. Then disappeared. Then came back again.

Riki: Just answer the goddamn question.

She exhaled sharply, rolling onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. He wasn’t even trying to be subtle. He wanted to know she was safe, but he couldn’t just say that.

y/n: Yeah, I’m home.

She expected him to leave it at that. Maybe even say good. But instead—

Riki: Open the door.

Her breath caught.

She sat up so fast she got dizzy, eyes widening at the message. He’s here?

y/n hesitated for half a second before throwing the covers off and heading for the door. When she swung it open, Riki was standing there, hood up, hands shoved into his pockets, looking every bit as reckless and conflicted as she felt.

She crossed her arms. “What the hell are you doing here?”

He exhaled, dragging a hand down his face. “I don’t know.”

“Bullshit.”

His jaw clenched. “I just—I couldn’t—” He let out a frustrated sigh. “I didn’t want to leave it like that.”

She laughed dryly. “So what? You’re here to apologize?”

Riki looked at her, and something in his gaze made her stomach twist. “I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, y/n. I just know I couldn’t sleep knowing you were pissed at me.”

She shook her head, swallowing the lump in her throat. “You don’t get to do this, Riki. You don’t get to act like you care but refuse to actually say it.”

His expression hardened. “You think this is easy for me?”

“Yes!” she snapped. “Because you get to have it both ways. You get to keep me close enough when you need me but push me away when it gets too fucking real.”

He flinched, and for the first time, she saw it—fear. Not anger. Not frustration. Just pure, unfiltered fear in his eyes.

She softened. Just a little.

“Why are you so scared of me?” she asked, voice quieter now.

He looked away, jaw tight. “I’m not.”

“Yes, you are,” she insisted. “You’re scared of us. Of what this could be. And you’d rather destroy it before it even happens than admit that you actually—”

“Don’t,” he cut her off, voice strained.

She sucked in a breath. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t fucking say it.”

“Say what?” she pressed. “That you care?”

He exhaled sharply, like the word itself was suffocating him.

y/n let out a humorless laugh. “You know what’s funny? You’ve already lost me, riki. And you still can’t say it.”

Silence.

Just his heavy breathing, her pounding heart, and the tension so thick she felt like she might choke on it.

She took a slow step back. “Go home, riki.”

His jaw clenched, hands twitching at his sides, like he wanted to reach for her but didn’t know how.

He didn’t move.

Neither did she.

Until finally, she took another step back and shut the door in his face.

And this time, he let her.

──── ୨୧ ────

masterlist

sooo what do we thinkkk??? I’m almost done writing the last part and I’m so tempted to finish it todayyy

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It Was Never Just Fun

part two

⋆⁺₊⋆ ━━━━⊱༒︎ • ༒︎⊰━━━━ ⋆⁺₊⋆

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟPairing: fwb!riki x female!reader

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟGenre: angst

࿐ ࿔:･ﾟWarnings: curse words

──── ୨୧ ────

The music inside the party was deafening, the bass rattling through y/n’s chest as she weaved through the crowd. It smelled like expensive perfume and alcohol, bodies pressed together in the dimly lit room, but she didn’t care about any of it. Not when her eyes were locked on him.

Riki was leaning against the bar, laughing at something a girl whispered in his ear. She was close—too close—her manicured nails tracing along the sleeve of his jacket like she had every right to be there. And the worst part? He wasn’t stopping her.

Y/n felt her stomach twist, a sick, ugly feeling clawing at her insides. She didn’t move, didn’t say anything. She just stood there, watching, feeling like an idiot for expecting anything different.

She should have left. Should have turned around and walked right out of the party like none of this mattered. But instead, she grabbed a drink off the nearest table and downed it in one go, ignoring the burn in her throat. She needed something—anything—to drown out the anger rising in her chest.

Because this wasn’t supposed to hurt.

They weren’t supposed to be like this.

They were just messing around—no strings, no feelings. That was the deal. That was what Riki wanted.

So why the fuck did it feel like she was suffocating?

She didn’t wait for him to notice her before she turned on her heel and stormed outside, the cold air slapping her in the face as she stepped onto the empty street.

She shouldn’t care. She shouldn’t care. She shouldn’t care.

But she did.

And she hated herself for it.

y/n was halfway down the sidewalk when she heard footsteps behind her, heavy and hurried.

“Y/n—”

She clenched her jaw, her steps quickening. “Don’t.”

“Y/n, stop.”

His voice was sharp, cutting through the night like a knife. She let out a bitter laugh but stopped anyway, turning to face him.

Riki stood there, breathing hard, his jaw tight. He looked frustrated—maybe even angry. Like she was the problem. Like she was the one making things complicated.

“What the fuck was that?” he demanded.

She let out a harsh laugh. “Are you seriously asking me that right now?”

“Yes, I am.” His voice was lower now, more serious. “You just disappeared. You could’ve at least told me—”

“Told you what, Riki?” she snapped, cutting him off. “That I was sick of standing there, watching you flirt with someone else like I don’t even fucking exist?”

His expression flickered, something unreadable passing through his eyes. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Oh, fuck off,” she spat. “It’s always like that. Every single time.”

Riki dragged a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply. “y/n, you knew what this was.”

She laughed again, but this time, it was empty. “Right. No feelings, no expectations. Just fucking and pretending like it means nothing.” She took a step closer, her voice lowering. “But here’s the thing, Riki—I can’t do it anymore. I can’t keep acting like I don’t care when I do. I can’t keep pretending I’m okay with being just another girl you push aside when you get bored.”

His eyes darkened. “That’s not what this is.”

“Then what is it?” she challenged.

He opened his mouth, then closed it.

And that was the problem, wasn’t it?

Riki felt something. She knew he did. It was in the way he kissed her when no one was looking, the way he always pulled her back in after every argument, the way he always found her in a crowded room like he couldn’t help himself.

But he would never say it.

Because if he admitted it, then it would be real. And if it was real, then he couldn’t just walk away when it got too much.

“Say it,” she pushed, her voice trembling now. “Say you don’t feel anything for me, and I’ll walk away right now.”

He stared at her, his chest rising and falling, his hands clenched into fists like he was fighting some invisible war.

Seconds passed. Then more.

And then he shook his head. “You don’t get it.”

“No, you don’t get it,” she shot back. “You’re scared. You’re so fucking scared of actually feeling something that you’d rather push me away than admit it.”

His jaw tightened, but he didn’t deny it.

And that was all the confirmation she needed.

y/n exhaled, taking a step back. Her heart felt like it was being ripped apart, but she forced herself to meet his gaze one last time.

“I can’t be the only one fighting for this, Riki.” Her voice was barely above a whisper now. “If you don’t want me, just say it. Say it so I can stop fucking hurting like this.”

Silence.

His lips parted like he wanted to say something—anything—but nothing came out.

Y/n nodded to herself, swallowing the lump in her throat. “That’s what I thought.”

She turned around and started walking, ignoring the way her vision blurred, ignoring the way her chest ached.

She kept waiting for him to stop her.

But he didn’t.

And that hurt more than anything else ever could.

──── ୨୧ ────

masterlist

Idk if I like thisss but I already have part two done so just lmk if you guys want it!!

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NEVER FORGET