Nimcoconut - Nimco

please god give me a soft unconditional patient love like james and regulus in choices. the kind that makes you question everything you believe in and makes a home in your chest and makes you feel full and seen and understood and accepted

his mother's fears coming true oh just let me end it all god

james telling remus they will always have his back and he will never be alone and after everything happens it’s remus of all people who ends up all alone, with best friends dead and a soulmate to blame. fuck. that hurt. 

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

｡･ﾟﾟ･　　 ･ﾟﾟ･｡

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Regulus Black in choices:

the pov switch was kinda funny when you think about it he was STRESSING

i think reading crimson rivers as my first jegulus fic and then choices did something irreparable to my psyche.

finished choices and i genuinely feel like i've just served on the front lines of a battle and barely made it out alive holy shit. fic so devastating i was crying for hours dry heaving and retching like i genuinely LOOKED sick. so devastating it had me crying in public (which I haven't been able to do for years) So heartbreaking It feels like it carved out a piece of me.

it makes me feel physically sick to think about actually

when regulus finally agreed to escape to the potters only to die in the cave before he could even go

"leave the heroics to people who have less to offer the world."

Even in his final moments Regulus Black never fully grasped how fucking important he was, never understood his own worth. He never got the chance to. Because Regulus actually DID have a lot to offer the world. He was a potions prodigy. Outsmarted the 7th year advanced students when he was just a kid, altered the laws of potions magic, making a gaseous potion on the first try. He was an amazing seeker, he was getting scouted before he even left school. Even beyond that, he had so much love to give, quiet hesitant love, but LOVE. He could've been so fucking great if he was released out in the world. He had so much to offer.

you couldn't pay me enough money. absolute masterpiece but i'm never touching that thing with a ten foot pole. i didn't even know i could feel pain on that level

When your card declines at therapy so they make you read choices for the first time again.

i think one of the most devastating parts of choices for me was all the things that were left unsaid between all of them. all the words they chose to swallow and never say. james and sirius never really processed or talked about how he was in love with regulus, what he saw in him, never learned the full truth of how much it hurt sirius. even close to the end of the story, when reg visits sirius' dreams it's clear he's not over it. that they just brushed it away and then reg dies and you can tell that he really doesn't have a clue just how much this destroys james.

the same for sirius and reg. they never hash it out, they never fully understand the depths of which they care about each other because they never let themselves really talk about it. they both echo this sentiment, saying they thought they'd have more time. more time to say all thats unsaid, that sirius DID write those letters, regulus DID love sirius, that they both felt abandoned by each other but loved each other so much. it's just so tragic to me.