Enduring Love

They say a picture of you is worth a Thousand words,

But looking at you my memory is Somewhat blurred

Watched my efforts end in vain like blood

Thought my memories of you would stick like glue

Scrolling through my gallery

Pictures of you once took they toll

But now my heart feels nothing

In the midst of our forgotten dialogues

I shed no tears for what remains

I'm always one to remember the good Times

Yet with you I remember nothing

They always teach of true love

Never of true heartbreak

So, like they say in the scriptures

Blessed are those,

who have never met you they shall never know the meaning of true heartbreak

2017.12.17

Thinking of how writings and bathrooms have become my safe spaces, to the point where I can be around other people, and instead just go to a bathroom and just write, but it's also a balancing act, the act of trying not feel everything at once lest you break down...And how to actually allow your emotions to flow and let them not define you. It's an uncomfortable, comfortable safe space where I know this writing helps, but I don't would rather not feel anything, life is weird but true like that, we are all somewhat prisoners of some memory, or fear, or disappointment—we at certain points in our lives are all defined by something we cannot change

In my bed in my head in my heart

I walk down memory lane because

I love running into you

Rose tinted memories come flooding in

And I have you back for a few

Its hard to think

That not everything is cataclysmic

That the universe didn't plan for us

When all the pieces seemed to have fallen into place

Wrong person right timing?

Maybe next time around

When you're brought into my orbit

Ill have new moons and might finally know my place in this galaxy

But will our gravity be enough to make you stay

3 years ago I wasn't enough

3 hours ago I was too much

And what a shame

I had already imagined us

I dont know if I loved you, or the space you filled

In my bed, in my head, in my heart

And I can still see it

Concerts in your boxers and rooftop philosophies

I loved the thought of being with you

Or maybe it was the thought of not being on my own anymore

Alone

In my bed, in my head, in my heart

How do I ask the universe for anything other than you?

.

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IMBIMHIMH 28/12/21

I wanted to write honestly what I really think of the girl I love so I did, I won't be able to tell but hear Tumblr

when I think about sunshine and laughter  it is your face that comes to my mind.

I'm holding you tightly so you don't slip away away, I think  I'm holding on too tight my finger lingering slowly up, it strokes your soft hand, along your cheeks, I twist my finger around your hair. damn, I forgot  you don't like that.

I see something in your eyes fuck, I'm stranded in an art museum.

I'm alone in your garden and my head is full of you. I like you too much I want you all to myself. What is your dream, this world. Our Dreamworld. The garden we are laying seeds down for. I think, what if one day I have to forget your eyes? Your voice ?   I wonder will I lose you? I'm holding on so tight, it feels like I'm fighting a whole city.

The seeds, what will happen to the seeds I'm planting. the trees, the flowers, the lilies, the roses, the sunflowers and avo trees - they always were too expensive in shops. will they have blossomed? Have you tasted its fruit? will I have to tear it down, Will I have to burn this garden too? I can't,

I will water it forever and wait but what if you return only with a firestick? My tears fill up rivers for you. But my feelings fill the ocean. Is this an endless garden? don't plant thistles or ivy! My heart pains, I hate tearing down gardens, Have I already? Tell me what it is that you see? In the mirror I see, no lily, no rose, no sunflower. I turn and see baby blue Cadillacs driven by peg-legged nuns on pogo sticks. I lay my head on your heart I hear one, two, three heartbeats.

Will I be turned into a person who's text is left on read. but don't worry I say. I will never say a word

(my favorite) ways to say i love you

you’re really something, aren’t you

come here

sit next to me?

you’re my favorite

i was just thinking about you

i notice you all the time

here, i made this for you

this song reminds me of you

if you do it, i’ll do it

i miss you so much

i wish i had known you sooner

you’re warm

It's silence I crave, it's why I swim

The weight of water

Over me

Around me-

The safe silence of submergence.

At the waters edge I may be ugly,

But underwater, we are made equal And

When I speak strokes

I Am Beautiful.

-Adaptation of my favourite book, the weight of water by Sarah Crossan

If you wanna love the world, where do you start?

I wanna write a story

about the sun that was once my chest,

about the cloud that was once my head,

about reaching for air, how I was finally able

to fill my lungs with a single breath,

how I've learned about peace and then heard

something inside me crack.

If you wanna love the world, where do you start?

I move too fast, it's my thing

to set a pace and outrun it;

it's my thing to collect my tears just in case

all drinking water gets poisoned -

can only hope that I've cried enough

so I won't die of thirst.

If you wanna love the world, where do you start?

'Cause I can feel like I'm about to break,

again;

I remember so very clearly

how I was making deals back then

for just a splinter of, not joy,

but potential.

Cycles over cycles, little athlete, tell me -

didn't you pass yourself a million times?

Do you still mourn the dreams

you once had when you were more than stuck

and just needed to get out?

If you wanna love the world, step by step,

how do you do that without needing to resurrect;

I found my place in the world and came back from the dead,

but casket diaries, they become quite exhausting -

take a second, just imagine it,

it's no fun anymore the millionth time

'cause I know by now

how my coffin's shaped and

my fear has turned to resignation.

So how does it come the sun still hurts as badly,

so how does it come that the light on my skin

still feels like it did on the first day?

I Always Feel You