Headcannon That Due To Diligently Monitoring The Wayne Family’s Media Image, Alfred Is Chronically

Stranger Things textposts -> Eddie’s Version

reading fics is all fun and games until you realize you just read the equivalent of three books

steve harrington + textposts

Sometimes i think about the weird crossover i have stored in the back of my mind of Stranger Things, Lucifer, The Good Place, Brooklyn 99 & Community.

Just a big amalgamation of my favorite shows toguether.

It started with Stranger Things with Lucifer and then i just started to put more and more things.

Anyways, i love Stranger Things crossovers that still have the Upside Down.

Thinking about that prompt i found on TikTok about faking your death and then coming back and knocking on your best friend's door like nothing happened.

That but make Steve fake his own death accidentally, so he is clueless why Robin is freaking out when he goes to visit her.

(with a side of Steve going feral a la Jonh Wick and Die Hard over his car, i'm so normal about this, so normal, it's not like i use this like an oportunity to make a b99 reference, pff, Gertie who??? )

Like, i know nothing about witness protection and how faking your death would work, but, but- let's use our imagination.

Steve's father being a lawyer and messing with someone he shouldn't have. He ends up dead and because of this, the cops think they could go after Steve too.

Which, true, Steve has an accident that destroys his car (RIP BMW, I love you, but this is for plot reasons, you would be missed), so now he has to be under witness protection.

Steve, like the ball of repressed trauma and anger issues that he is, decides that the best thing to do is go after the people who destroyed his car, a la John Wick; because:

Going after them to avenge his father: no, thank you.

Going after them to avenge his car: yes, let me go for my bat.

That without forgetting to leave a cryptic message to Eddie's and Robin's voicemail.

While Steve is having his own action movie with handling the 'mob' and cops that kinda want to help, kinda don't care; the rest of the Party is freaking out because "WHAT DO YOU MEAN NO ONE INVITED HIM TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH SOMEONE AND WHAT DO YOU MEAN HIS CAR WAS FOUND IN THE QUARRY???".

Dustin asks Robin if something happened with Steve during christmas, like kissing under the mistletoe or something, only for Robin to say she didn't invite him because Eddie did, but Eddie hears that and goes, "Uh, no? I chicken out; I thought you would invite him after I didn't."

They asking around if someone invited Steve because it's kind of public knowledge that his parents suck, but no one did, and he hasn't come to the Party's Christmas party yet, so he's probably mad at them.

But Eddie and Robin are having a Bad Feeling™ because of the voicemails, and Hopper is being called to identify a car that it was found in the quarry that morning.

And Hopper knows that car, he has seen that car since Steve was a dumb teenager that got his parties busted by the chief. He hasn't seen Steve for a while. He wasn't at the christmas party. Where was he again?

The Party still isn't in the know, but Hopper is already looking for Steve but he can't find him and-

Remember that i told you Steve was in witness protection? Well, i think sometimes they fake their deaths, i'm not sure, but this is the perfect oportunity and cover to pretend that Steve died.

So the government uses it, and The Party doesn't know because different branch of the government and all that.

When Hopper founds out he doesn't know how to tell the other that Steve had an accident and they are still looking for him in the quarry; but they already know, they used Dustin's cerebro to find out what was going on.

Everyone is devastaded, and then, Eddie and Robin hear their voicemail again only to bring out that maybe it wasn't an accident, that maybe Steve did it on porpose.

And grief, pain, mourning, sadness, anger. Just a lot of feelings.

Meanwhile, Steve is kicking ass and using the Bad Guys™ headquarters like his own personal rage room.

Blablabla something something something.

Steve let out his anger, has a few personal realisations, lets himself think about the trauma he's endured all those years and comes back like a new person, ready to confess his feelings for Eddie Munson and let people care about him.

The first thing is go talk with Robin, she's probably worried about him and she probably knows better than him to help him confess to Eddie.

So he goes, only to be utterly confuse by the amount of tears, snot, yells and hugs that Robin welcomes him. It's not like he died.

Then Robin is flabbergasted by his Audacity.

Both of them fall into a bickering that makes Robin cry harder because she thought she wouldn't have this again and Steve starts to cry because Robin is crying and now they're both crying.

Needless to say, they catch up about all the things that happened in both ends.

It's not the end of tears, hugs and yelling, though.

Just give Steve all the confort that he refused to accept because he didn't think he deserved and that people didn't know how to give.

Fluff, Fluffy, Fluff. A bit of Steddie here.

Yeah, that's all.

Adding to this post, imagine them being famous in the future.

Eddie becoming a rising star as soon as he gets out of Hawkins, his band corroded coffin entering the music scene and having massively popular songs. People are getting more intrigue for his past murder charges, but he gets easily defended once he gets a solid fan base (and the fact that he was absolved of those charges).

And Steve entering the acting scene at the same time, him and Robin being just some extras in a movie for the extra cash, but the director falls in love with the sibling-like duo, making them a cameo where Steve acts like a buffer, making the male character jealous so he can make a move.

It was a simple role, just a few minutes of screen with one-liners of dialogue, but to the surprise of everybody—except for Robin—Steve killed the role. Maybe it was his eyes that enamored everyone, his kicked puppy look or his smile, but he became the nation's sweetheart. 

After that, he got cast for more minor roles, and little by little established himself as an actor, to the point of being the lead more frequently. 

With that, the two of them are well established in their own fields, working hard and being well-known. So it's not rare that at some point they end up in the same event.

It could be anything, a festival, some awards, just a party of famous people—the point is, they are in a public space, surrounded by people that have no idea they know each other, and like an instinct, they act like swore enemies.

Their minds are so used to associate:

"being in public" + "hide true relationship and have fun" = "fake hate each other"

Becuase years of pulling that stunt in their teenagehood that like reflex they spit second-hand insults. 

Like– they lock eyes on each other and instantly looked up and down in the bitchiest way possible. Honestly, at this point it has become their own weird way of flirting, the more vicious the comment the more they will drive the other crazy.

Of course, neither of them realize what they were doing until they both were making out in the bathroom, squirreling away from the vent, going to the closest hotel and waking up the next day with friends/acquaintances from their own jobs field asking for the latest gossip of the industry.

The way Robin would laugh her ass off, only to act like a toddler, pointing fingers and giggling at the two dinguses when they realize what they have done.

It was not intentional, and now everyone who was in the event thinks they hate each other's guts like old times.

The public doesn’t know yet, the reporters still not hearing about this until well-respected journalist, Nancy Wheeler (who has already written about each of them, one for Eddie and one for Steve), makes an article about their long complicated story.

(No, she isn't being petty, Mike, she just thinks it’s funny, and it’s not like she is lying, they do have a long and complicated story, it’s just a little to the left, she just isn't saying some things)

The next time someone interviews one of them, they are asking about the other, why they hate each other, if there’s some drama, why they didn't know they knew the other, etc.

Long story short, they pulled the same bit they did in school, but now by accident and to the whole country (and the world when they start getting more international).

They tried to clarify but fell on deaf ears, people thinking is just to safe face or keep appearances, after all the habit doesn’t quite go and they always ended up flirting with insults in every event they are together.

They definitely start to enjoying it and play along after a while.

Not only that, but they enjoyed it even more when years later, in a random day, they posted their X years wedding anniversary photos with their family.

Everyone lost their shit after that.

Steve drove for a while after ditching Tommy and Carol.

He should have realized saying that shit about Nancy and Jonathan wasn't okay. He shouldn't have let his anger get the best of him. He acted like his dad and the more Steve thought about it, the more obvious it was that Tommy and Carol had always encouraged him to behave like that. They constantly were egging him on, making him angrier and angrier until he lashed out.

He didn't want to lash out. He didn't want his so-called friends to encourage that shit. He used to be kinder, gentle. He used to be more like his mom.

It was that thought that made Steve pull over. He couldn't really see the road anymore, his vision completely blurred both by tears and the shiner Jonathan gave him. Steve couldn't remember the last time he cried like this; tears streaming down his cheeks, snot dripping from his nose, his breath growing quicker and more panicked. He felt like he was drowning.

Then someone knocked on his window and scared the shit out of him.

He turned his head to look at the intruder, hastily wiping the tears from his eyes only to wince when he accidentally touched his bruised face. It was some girl he vaguely recognized. They probably went to school together. He thought she might be in band, but he had no way of knowing unless he actually asked her. Then again, that might make the fact that she was an apparent witness to his emotional breakdown even worse. God, he did not need rumors of "Crybaby Steve" circulating the school, especially after his fallout with Tommy and Carol. Desperately trying to calm his breathing, with varying degrees of success, Steve rolled his window down.

"Can I-- Can I help you?"

His voice cracking nearly sent him spiraling again, tears welling up once more.

"Is there a reason you picked my front lawn to shatter to pieces or am I just that lucky?"

He couldn't tell if it was the bluntness of her words, the deadpan delivery, or just the fact that she had the audacity to joke about the whole thing. Whatever it was, Steve burst out laughing. He sounded hysterical to his own ears, but it was a hell of a lot better than crying. He tried to reign himself in when she started looking nervous, but he could only taper his cackling down into breathy giggles.

"S-sorry. I don't know why-y I'm l-laughing."

The girl snorted at him, shaking her head in exasperation that seemed both irritated and fond.

"That's fine. We'll start with something easy. Why are you on my lawn?"

Steve glanced away from her and out the window and, sure enough, his car was halfway on her lawn. He turned back to her, sheepish.

"I, uh, I couldn't see the road. Sorry."

She blinked for a few moments, her expression betraying nothing on how she was feeling. There were a few instances where she looked like she was going to say something and decided against it. To say the least, her silence made Steve increasingly nervous.

"Do you want to sit on the grass for a bit?"

She seemed hesitant to make such an offer, but he could tell it was genuine nonetheless.

"Yeah."

So they sat on her lawn.

They sat on her lawn for hours. Talking, tearing up bits of grass and throwing them at each other, just simply existing in the moment. It was the most calm Steve had felt since he started high school.

"I'm worried that I went too far. That it won't matter if I apologize to them or not."

"It doesn't matter if they forgive you or not. It's important that they know you are aware that you fucked up. Acknowledge that you were in the wrong and don't want to make that same mistake. It sucks, but it's what you have to do if you wanna make it right."

"Yeah. Thanks Robin. You're really cool."

"That's quite the complement coming from The Hair."

Steve groaned, knowing full well what that nickname indicated. He laid back on the grass, gaze fixed on the darkening sky.

"Hey Robin?"

"Yeah Steve?"

"Would you maybe want to be friends? I don't really have any real ones."

And what a depressing thought that was. It was true, though. Tommy and Carol have never been real friends, not in the way he needed them to be. The closest thing he had was Nancy and look at how that turned out so far.

"Are you for real?"

Robin sounded bewildered and it made Steve wonder how isolated he made himself out to be that anyone would question why he might want to befriend them. God, popularity ruined him.

"Yes?"

Now he was anxious that Robin was only humoring him. Of course she wouldn't want to be friends with him. He was a complete loser, just like his dad always said.

"Okay. Yeah. We can be friends, Steve."

The warmth that spread through Steve was lightning fast. It felt almost as good as when Nancy would sneak away with him to make-out at school. Maybe even better.

"Cool. Thanks, uh, for all of this. I didn't mean to just kind of dump my shit on your lap, but I'm glad we met. Yeah. Anyway, I've got apologies to make. I'll see you later?"

He glanced at her from the side, a shy grin taking over his face. She smiled back and gave him a playful shove.

"See you later, Harrington. Tell me how it goes!"

Steve rushed back to his car, determination settling in his gut. He'd apologize to Jonathan first. It was only right.

***

Robin wouldn't go as far as to say that she was worried, but she was definitely curious. A tad concerned maybe. It was just that Steve hadn't been to class for the last three days. Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers hadn't either and perhaps that was why Robin found herself anxious. After all, Barb Holland and Will Byers went missing recently. Who's to say the same thing couldn't have happened to those three?

Robin smacked her cheeks a few times. There was no sense in getting worked up by worst case scenarios. She'd get the facts, one way or another, even if it meant venturing all the way to Loch Nora to find Steve.

That plan turned out to be wholly unnecessary because Steve walked into class right as she had that thought. He looked a little twitchy, his eyes flicking across the classroom like they anticipated danger. It wasn't long before he clocked Robin. She waved and the smile that blossomed on his face was so bright she thought she was going to need sunglasses.

He went straight for his seat right in front of hers and immediately situated himself so that he was facing her.

"Hey Robin!"

"Hey yourself! Did everything go okay? I haven't seen you in class."

He studied his hands for a moment, a distant look passing through his eyes like he was remembering something, before he smiled ruefully at her.

"Yeah. Everything went okay. I would've come in yesterday, but my mom wanted me to rest at home. Wasn't feeling too good. I'm here now though! Ready to actually pay attention for once."

Robin snorted right as their English teacher entered the classroom. Steve spun around quickly to face the front, but every so often he turn his head halfway toward hers and make faces at her. She shoved him every time, a smile playing across her face.

Steve Harrington was a wild card, but Robin had a gut feeling that they'd be good for each other.

***

Happy Platonic Stobin Month! I have no idea how much I'm actually going to participate, but I did write this thing! So I hope y'all enjoy! (Prompts 1 & 20: Alternate Meeting/1983)

NSFW STEDDIE & STOBIN TEXT CHAIN

Steve normal text. Robin’s Bold. Eddie's Italicized Bold

---

___Bird Brain___

Rob

Bobby

Bobin

What? Im literally right next to you

And were at work Dingus get off of your phone.

No.

I'm. Uh.

?

You know the shop across the street???

?

The mecanic

Mecanic

Fuck

Mechanic

Okay.

They have a new guy

Okay.

And?

Gay.

Literally, what?

I think I'm gay.

Steve

Cuz like he's just so pretty

Steven

And that Haut

Stephanie

Hair

Hey whore

Wut

Bathroom talk. Now.

Were working.

You and I both know no one rents movies on a Tuesday at 10am

Bathroom.

Now.

To the porcelain thrown

You know sometimes I forget youre an idiot 20 something

then you go and say shit like that

…

Bitch.

Whore.

---

How do I tell if a mans gay or whatever its is that I am,

,

Fuck

?

Bi schedule

Bi sexual

Ducking auto correct

Babe. I hate to break it to you but your auto correct is as dyslexic as you are. You basically train it

I-

Huh.

Well ghen.

Anywho.

Gay.

Whats he wear? Any piercings? Tattoos? Whats his hair like?

Oh! This is important. DOES. HE. HAVE. A. HANKY. IN. A. BACK. POCKET???

black overalls and a black shirt. Lots. I think. His ears literally look shiny from across the street. Lots of tattoos too.

And yes??? What's that have to do with anything? My papa had a hanky and I'm pretty she he wasn't gay

He probably was. Being Bisexual is genetic.

Actually?

No Dingus.

But like the man was in the navy? Right?

Ya

Gay.

Stfu

ANYWAY

HANKY.

YES.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

FUCK YEAH.

WHATS IT LOOK LIKE AND WHAT POCKET?

???

it's black

Oh hes kinky

What side pocket

It switches.

I bet it does

Gay.

That is a gay man Steven.

Go get your dick sucked or your booty bumped or whatever it is the kids are doing these days.

Eating ass

EXCUSE

yeah. It's a thing.

:0

Robin you literally munch so much carpet. whats the difference if its the rug at the back door.

Never.

Ever.

Say.

That.

Again.

Bubble bath privileges revoked.

You whore.

---

The bath is sad with no bubbles Bob.

Make your own.

…

Okay. Ew. Stop. Stink ass. I can hear you. And the neighbors probably can too.

Are you sorry?

Not really.

Well pretend to be.

Kay.

IM SO SORRY

…

:’(

better

Your bubble bath is under the sink

:D

---

Eddie

Wut.

Thats your new lovers name.

WUT

ROBIN.

WHAT DID YOU DO.

---

*1 new message* Hi -the weirdo with long hair who works across the street (Eddie)

---

I hate you

BTW babe you have a date on Tuesday

ROBIN IT IS TUESDAY

oh ya.

Well you have a date today gay boy

…

I need to leave

The fuck you do

Yeah. I fucking do.

I need to shower

And shave

And

I dont know

What do you do before a gay date

Prep?

For what?

Oh honey

---

Should this hurt?

8⁰

Don't tell me

Are u?

Yes.

Shut up.

…

Does it hurt

Like.

Kinda?

Lube. Oh my god. LUBE. Steve I swear to Dolly, if youre prepping your fucking asshole right now, IN THE FUCKING WORK BATHROOM

I

WILL

END

YOU

:*

Youre a whore. Oh my god.

STEVEN I CAN HEAR YOU.

STOP.

This is nice.

Why havent I done this before.

Where's the protest

Prostate

Rob?

Brain me. Educate me please.

…

Nvm

Oh fuck

Found it

Definitely found it

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

like good for you babe. I love you and support you but OH MY GOD YOU WHORE GET YOUR FINGERS OUT OF YOUR ASS WERE AT WORK.

…

You really think Id do that

Obviously

Im fucking with you

Im just googling shit and well taking a shit.

Fuck you

Love you

---

*2 New messages.* um. So. Im Eddie. Your coworker. Robin? Gave me your number and said we're going out tonight???

---

Dingus have you answered your husband yet

FUCK. NO. WHAT DO I SAY.

well you could send him a picture of your ass

Or your tits

Or your weeeen

Or all of the above

Like a package deal

Hehe. Package.

Robin.

Ugh. Wut.

Be serious.

Fiiiiine. Introduce yourself. Tell him youre excited for tonight. Make a plan for your date. (Other than the reservation I booked you at Enzos) and then tell him you thi know hes pretty and you want to have his babys.

He is pretty.

And like. Id definitely let him try to get me pregnant

ANSWER HIM.

FINE.

---

___Future Husband___

um. Hi. First of all I'm so sorry for my friend. She likes to get her nose into my business. Second.

…

Ithinkyourereallyprettyandimexcitedfortonight.

At the risk of being too forward. I like literally saw you my first day at the shop and have wanted to talk to you since. Cuz. Yeah. Pretty doesnt even begin to explain what you are. Like. Bro. Have my babies.

FUCK

I CANT BELIEVE I SAID THAT

disregard the baby thing

I dont know about getting pregnant. But Im up for practice.

Like.

If you are???

8⁰

… like

Now?

My breaks in 20

Fuck

Really?

Meet me at the van across the street

:*

---

___Bird Brain___

STEVE

STEVEN

YOU WHORE

ARE YOU GETTING YOUR BACKDOOR RUG MUNCHED ???

OMG

YOU ARE

THE VAN ACROSS THE STREET IS SHAKING

AND ID BET YOUR LEFT NUT THAT YOURE IN IT

…

GET IT I GUESS BABE

DONT GET PREGNANT

OR DO

YOU DO YOU BOO

…

youre on your own for the rest of the day Birdie

And where the fuck do you think youre going

Eddies

…

Boo you whore

But like. Get it babe.

But I also hate you.

I dont want to work in this shithole alone

Steven

Answer me

Hi Robin

This is Eddie

On Steves phone

Steve's a little… preoccupied

OH MY GOD

WHAT HAVE I DONE

YOU TWO ARE GOING TO BE DISGUSTING

BUT BRO. ILL END YOU IF YOU BREAK HIS HEART

STRAIGHT UP DIG YOU A GRAVE IN THE DITCH AND BURN OFF YOUR FINGERPRINTS AND BREAK YOUR TEETH SO NO ONE CAN IDENTIFY YOUR BODY.

COLD CASE BRO

what would you do about my tattoos

Fuck you

Sorry. Positions taken.

Id burn your whole body. No skin = no tattoos

I like the way you think

But in all seriousness

Mmmm imma gonna marry this boy

Hopefully before the end of the week

Fuck yeah

I call best man

I love when people are like “I can’t believe you reblogged that despite their user name, icon, bio, and last twenty posts” bc to me my dash is the only part of this website and I’m not slowing down to look at urls you could all be the same person

Steve has a bit of anger issues and a problem with repressed trauma, so i thought it would be so funny if he had got vecna'ed and talked back at vecna like if the mf can't just kill him on the spot.

I just imagine Steve being done with all his bullshit villain talk and calling him a manchild freddy krueger wannabe who is so full of himself even when he has been defeated for three consecutive years by literally kids and teenagers.

Anyway, something something, here is something i wrote about it that i never finished.

—

And okay, Stress Steve didn't know how not to say things; he just gave away whatever thought he may have, it didn't matter if it was venomous or vulnerable, but most of the time just works to embarrass himself saying out loud his dumb thoughts, he just talks and, oh boy, he talks. 

Stress Steve didn't know when to shut up. Steve would say that he could be a Robin 2.0, but it was more about what he said than how much he talked (or rambled in Robin's case), which was more than he liked to admit.

Now, Afraid Steve wasn't much of a talker; he was more of actions, from freezing in place to just move. He gave barely any thought to what he would do, but he did. Maybe just a few seconds, but he analyzed and thought about it. 

Contrary to popular belief, he did think before acting, probably not enough, but he didn't have time to do that (Robin would– and did– argue with him about it).

The point is, when Upside Down shit happens, Stress Steve and Afraid Steve kick in, so he has a weird combination of saying dumb shit and doing even dumber shit, like when he was literally yelling at a child, that child was Erica, and she didn't even bat an eye, but still, you can get the point.

[Insert Steve and Vecna's talk]

So now not only he has Stress Steve and Afraid Steve in his system, Angry Steve has joined the mix, and… listen, Steve is trying really hard to be a better person, he really is, scout's honor, but he knows that he can hurt people with his words. 

He would see the deepest insecurity and sore spot he could find and spit in it to make the other bleed, make them hurt, and if he couldn't find it, he would instead make them snap. Yeah, he is trying to stop, but it is a part of him that it doesn’t quite go. It's in his blood. His DNA, or whatever.

He knows himself (he had to know himself if he wanted to be a better person– he doesn’t dare to think he can be a good person, just better, never good). That’s why he tries to just have Stress and Afraid Steve around when shit hits the fan because in the first round, Angry Steve appeared, and everyone knows how that went (I'm sorry Jonathan, I did deserve that punch). So Angry Steve is most of the time locked in a cage, deep down in some part of the still healthy brain that Steve has left.

Anyway, that doesn’t matter now, because Angry Steve has come out and is ready to spit at anyone who crosses his path, and maybe Stress and Afraid Steve can keep him on a leash, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t there. Steve is just lucky enough that the one who crosses his path is Vecna.

How good is his luck that the moment he wants to make someone angry just like him, the other one is a monster from another dimension that has quite literally his life in his hands and can kill him in any moment, ha.

Just his luck.

—

“Steve, What did you do?”

"I may or may not have called Vecna a Freddy Kruger wanna be"