Nazusuki - ๋࣭. Rey ♡

Sayaka Murata and Autism

Recently I read both Convenience Store Woman and Earthlings, and from my perspective, I see these books as two sides of the same coin. CSW is My Neighbour Totoro as Earthlings is Grave of the Fireflies in the way that they’re twin media, with one being exponentially darker than the other.

Reading from an autistic lens, I see CSW as being from the perspective of an autistic person that easily masks and wants to fit into allistic society (or “The Factory” as they call it in Earthlings); the convenience store is a representation of larger society with the main character having found her role in it, a role that she loves despite the shit she gets for not having a “real job” in her mid-30s. She grew up with a loving family that albeit saw her as odd, she has perfectly catered her very being to please others, using scripts and practised expressions and emotional responses to fit in with others and maintain her position as a convenience store worker, aka, her place as a highly masked autistic in society.

In comparison, in Earthlings, our main character is deeply traumatised, and abused by her family. Similarly to CSW, she is seen as odd, but is treated worse since she struggles to mask and fit in according to society’s standards. The fact that she, her cousin, and her partner see themselves as belonging to another extraterrestrial race is an act of literal and metaphorical alienation by perceiving themselves as aliens for being autistic and unable to gel with allistic society — and this isn’t an uncommon occurrence for autistic people, seeing yourself as non-human! And when she grows up and we learn that her cousin “stopped believing” in being an alien, it’s not because he’s matured, but because he’s learnt to mask.

While the cannibalism and incest in Earthlings is shocking at first, especially in comparison to CSW, I see it as symbolic of them accepting who they are by fully unmasking. Since they’ve been treated as grotesque monsters their whole life for being autistic, it would only make sense to me that by fully committing to the depravity depicted in the book that it’s supposed to be representative of them embracing themselves wholly.

Something something marginalised groups treated like filth will embrace filth and find beauty in it something something

I see you like to write as well! How sweet.

May I ask for something about SE Saeran? He's my favorite little bean.

Whatever comes to your mind is fine^^

you may!! i love writing for all saerans <33

this is set if saeyoungs route happened but was platonic,, flower meanings courtesy of rays guide

- mod kokichi

[se] saeran x reader

-> flower language

cws : none

you closed the door behind you, stepping into the silence.

“hi.” your voices echoes, for a moment you feel consciously aware of it all, of the silence that deafened you, of the sound of your clothes rustling as you moved. you hoped you weren't alone.

“hello.” – this was your only reply. the only proof someone was actually here. you imagined Saeyoung was out somewhere, you remember him mentioning going shopping or something, perhaps Vanderwood had come along as well (he always said Saeyoung was clueless when it came to shopping for cleaning supplies. you didn’t think that was true, but you let him have his excuse.) your heart fluttered regardless, the silence had been shattered, broken, gone. and it had been him who'd ended it.

you placed your shoes and coat aside, stepping towards the location of the voice. Despite Saeyoung having seemingly insane amounts of items – it always felt empty. maybe that’s why had so many. but, it was nice to see it filled slightly. keys in a bowl on a table, coats hung up, a vase of flowers. daffodils. “new beginning” – that was one of their meanings, and you spoke it aloud, throwing it into the silence without expecting a reply.

“Yes.” you turned in surprise, jumping slightly, and meeting his curious gaze. “you remember?”

“of course. don’t they also have other meanings? self-love was one.”

he nodded, “yeah. ironic, because they also mean unrequited love.”

“and... 'you’re the only one'. perhaps they mean finding a new start in loving yourself, finding comfort and joy with yourself, even if the one you love doesn’t feel the same. but... not forgetting them. ‘the sun shines when i’m with you' – you still stay with them. because you ... care for them.” you spoke softly, staring at the bright petals. you quickly turned to him again, and his gaze was soft, maybe bittersweet. “ah, sorry, i didn’t mean to ramble.” yeah, indirectly ramble about your own feelings to the man, you hoped he didn’t pick up on it. you didn’t expect him to return those feelings, and he was still recovering anyways. you didn't want to bring it up now, not now. possible never.

“it’s fine. i’m pleased you like them and remember the meanings. you’re correct by the way, it holds a very deep meaning.” he thought for a moment, and then gestured for you to follow him. “come. i was watering a new one.”

“the chrysanthemums?”

“yes!” his eyes shone when he looked at you, and you couldn’t hold back your bright smile at the sight. he was pretty. and he was so much more lively than before, his hair dyed back to that akin to his brother's , beautiful and vibrant. it was amusing that you were thinking of his hair, considering the flowers he showed you were the same colour.

"they're beautiful..." you mused, leaning down to stare properly. "what do these ones mean?" each flower he had planted held a different meaning, they were all so colourful, yet they stood out from the other, while also blending together nicely. it gave the place so much life. and he looked so peaceful when he talked about them. "these mean...'you're a wonderful friend'. i..." he hesitated, glancing over at you.

"...you?"

"nothing, never mind."

"ah." comfortable silence fell over you both. "the colour."

"hm?"

"does the colour of the flower mean anything?"

"it means... 'I love'"

"thats nice. i like that."

"it's for you. the flower, i mean."

he wasn't looking at you. you knew exactly what he mean. "you...?"

"you don't need to say anything. it has two meanings, take it as either."

"can i take it as both?" his eyes snapped to you, brilliant mint staring directly at you. "saeran, i love you, as well."

"you...do..?"

"i love you." he blinked for a second, and then smiled. he smiled, and it was so pretty you couldn't help but lean forward towards him, pressing a light kiss to his cheek, his cheeks turning almost the same colour as the flowers in the pot, or the new colour of his hair.

"the daffodils," he whispered. "they were a reminder of you as well. i didn't know if you felt the same, i didn't intend to tell you at first. but now... i thought that if you didn't, at least i'd have confirmation." his voice was so quiet, something low, barely there, as though this was a dream and he'd wake up soon. quiet enough, that only you heard him.

*

ada limón, after the fire

Dows this mean anything

Just started their story and am liking it a LOT so far :3 have goobers

part 7 of 7 - confessions

[« previous] [full story in chronological order]

Thank you all for reading! Especially if you've been following since day 1 lol :) as a side note, this was meant to be only 1 page per day, but the final two parts got a little out of hand... for a total of 16 pages! (9 just for this finale)

'Why do you love rika. I love rika myself as well. Tbh for me its like, the more I stay in mysme fandom the more my love and appreciation for rika grows. It initially started as me being angry at the double standards of the most asian media fandoms in general cuz i realised that rika would have been more well loved if she was a man, people would use the male!rika's trauma to justify his actions and this thought has made me angry and made me "appreciate" rika out of spite. But it eventually has grown into a genuine appreciation for her. Idk how to explain but something inside me makes me want to protect her and save her from everything happened to her leading upto the current situation. And more hate she gets more i feel the desire to defend her.

Actually my no 1 is another character and he has a place of his own which no one could take (its yoosung btw) but rika...i think she might be a close second fave i guess - anon'

I accidentally messed up your ask, so I'll be replying in this way instead!

Thank you for the question, dear anon! I'm always giddy to chitchat about these things. I do want to prelude this by saying that this is not really a proper analysis, but more of me just writing out my personal feelings. I might try my hand at actual analysis one day, but, for now, I'm just sharing my own interpretations!

Mystic Messenger is probably the only fandom I have been in since... well, since it has formed, basically. It's wild to think about sometimes. Things are very different in our little space now, compared to how it was before. Public perception of Rika is one of those things. I can totally resonate with your frustrations on that front, unfortunately. I know many folks miss the time when the fandom was bigger, but... personally, I don't. Especially as a Rika fan. It was borderline exhausting trying to curate your fandom space as a Rika fan at the time. Hell, we had full blogs dedicated to solely hating on her, a fictional character, and people who expressed their love for her. And that's just here on Tumblr. People used to full on write hate comments under every single seasonal CG with Rika in it. It was terrible, and very, very disheartening to see. Especially since most Rika fans I've met over the years are the sweetest people. Granted, there is a case to be made for practically every mm character, and how the fandom may have misinterpreted them in one way or another, so it's not just a Rika problem. Just that she was majorly disliked.

If anything, I'm very happy Cheritz still continued to include Rika in the seasonal events despite it all. Props to them on that front.

Right now, thankfully, things are much more peaceful and respectful. Rika is definitely not the more popular character, but now you can openly express your love for her in the fandom space, without fear of being harassed. I'd say that's a great win for us!

That being said, as to why I love Rika... Hm, it's interesting to put it into words. I didn't have a strong opinion on her until V's route came out. I never really shared the collective hatred of her, but I didn't love her either, you know? V's route came out during a pretty rough patch in my life, and I think that helped me get personally invested in what it had to tell. Rika actually feels like a fleshed out character with many nuances, and that instantly made me interested in paying close attention to what they wanted to do with her.

Rika is complicated, to say the least. She always was, but, with all the added content to her story that Cheritz have put out over the years, her complexity only evolved further. I love that about her. I love morally dubious characters who's mind you have to carefully study and pick apart piece by piece in order to understand them. I love how she is not really a villain in a traditional sense. She is not actively pursuing harm on anybody, not in her eyes. It is fascinating to me how different her view point is, compared to those around her. How skewed her perception of the world around her grows over the years. It's both scary and captivating.

So, it started with fascination. Appreciation for her character and a desire to delve deeper into what makes her who she is today. I think... my appreciation has grown into love when her Behind Story came out. I know many folks have very complicated feelings towards it, especially since it came out alongside V's After End and its unfortunate push for forgiveness, but I never really viewed Cheritz establishing Rika's past as an attempt to wash her of her sins. It just came out at a very bad timing is all. If her Behind Story came out a bit later, I think public opinion of it would have been different. It's a shame that their huge mess up with the message in V's After Ending sabotaged it like that.

Thing is, Rika wouldn't be as compelling and interesting as she is, if she was truly innocent. That being said, I... relate to her struggles on a deeply personal level. Not as deeply as I do with Saeran, but her story and her struggles do make me choke up to this day. Because, in a way, I see my past self in her. Being able to read through her story, her thoughts, and her feelings have really made me form a genuine fondness to her. Her religious trauma, her painful path of learning to survive in an environment that actively tries to harm you at every possibility, her fears of being the devil everyone says she is, her inability to accept and love herself, because all she has ever known is pain, danger and hatred... It hurts. I think, everyone has that little voice inside their head. Telling them that they are bad and undeserving of the love people close to them are expressing. That everyone actually hates them. That there is something inherently wrong with them. It's heartbreaking that, in Rika's case, this voice has eventually consumed her to the point of no return.

When you are an abused child, who knows nothing but the hostile world they have at home, it will follow you into every crook and cranny of your life. Even when you're not home, even when you're 'safe', your mind and body will still be on high alert, as it's natural to try and keep yourself safe from harm. Rika's fear of the world around her, her deep inner self-hatred is something I have experienced as an abused child/young teen. It's debilitating, and it's heartwrenching to think that so many people have to suffer like this.

I think the beauty of her story to me is the sheer tragedy of it. It's a tough pill to swallow, but people are not born evil. She has done horrible, immoral and unforgivable things, and yet, in some twisted sense, her heart was not filled with malice as she did so. She believed she was saving Saeran, she believed she was providing her believers the safety and love they couldn't get elsewhere, she believed she was trying to show her old friends the truth by taking them to her side. Of course, none of those things are actually true. Her real intentions were selfish, albeit not evil. A desperation to be loved and not abandoned. That dichotomy is both beautiful and tragic to me. (Some of these are very bad quality bc I can't screenshot stuff right now)

Of course, there's also the whole V/Rika debacle. Personally, I never put all of the responsibility onto either one of them. That takes away the beautiful tragedy of their shared bond. V - or, Jihyun - genuinely cares deeply for her. He is heartbroken at all the suffering he sees her go through during his route. Of course, it's not just his care for Rika at play, but we're not talking about him right now. While, for Rika, he was her only anchor, her light, the one person who saw the real her and accepted her instead of forsaking her. At least that's what she thought. Rika and V are two very hurt and troubled individuals who have met each other at the worst possible time. And that makes it so sad to me. Neither him nor Rika truly wanted to harm one another. Whether there was any romantic love between them or not, they did care for one another deeply. Too deeply, even. Clinging to one another in order to satiate the emptiness they had inside, each in their own toxic way. It was not healthy. But it was genuine.

And I love tragic bonds, be it romantic or not. There is something compelling about two people who do want the best for one another just causing more harm than good. It's also painfully truthful. Not to such an extreme, but the struggle of doing what's best with no direction is one many can relate to.

I guess, to conclude this all, I'd say I love Rika for her complexity most of all. There are so many layers to her, and her story is truly a heartbreaking one to behold. But, God, is it beautiful, too.

Also, may I just add, her voice actress is absolutely amazing? She puts her all into playing Rika, and her story wouldn't be as moving if it wasn't for her breathtaking work. Her voice acting made me cry a whole lot of times.

Shoutout to men with long hair, gotta be one of my favorite genders

can we talk about how rui is the most girl's guy ever. he's so ride or die for nene that he wanted to leave wxs because tsukasa upset her. he's one of few who understands emu's language and he always tries to turn her outlandish ideas into reality. and with mizuki, where do i even begin. we all know how much they mean to each other. even smaller interactions in mixed events, like with shizuku, mafuyu, or an, tend to reveal a sweet and thoughtful side to him. rui kamishiro, everyone, the best guy friend any girl could ask for