Finishing Up A Rendered Drawing For This Au!! Hopefully Ill Finish It Today But Ive Gotten A Bit Sick

i’m so starved for bunnydoll content i had to make it myself

they’ve been prominent in my brain for too long

got some new brushes so render test with pompom

one day i will find rendering fun. that day is never but we can hope

" i don't care if it hurts, i wanna have control"

earlier today i opened tumblr in class and this was the first thing in my timeline

HE'S PULLING HIS GLOCK OUT

tadc break for PROTOTYPEEEE AND SCAGGGG my fav npcs :3

i made this on a whim instead of studying this took like 4 hours oops my ass is never gonna finish it either so its really messy but wtv

ignore the many times i forgot zoobs's wing and how i literally completely forgot gangle's head bows it was on purpose i swear

audio : Red Flags but it's lesbian

still sick...... sigh

anyways pomni test from my ipad (rip the quality sigh)

i gotta break my posting everyday streak sigh, i just have not had the energy to draw today

i've also been spending time with friends instead but!!! i will post tomorrow

no tumblr i don't want to add tags

omg

it's my time to ramble, feel free to scroll if you don't wanna read an entire essay on gangle and jax lol (seriously, this turned out to be 900 words long lmao)

also don't send hate to bibi for her opinion, the fact someone called her a MISOGYNIST for disliking a CHARACTER is insane it's giving me flashbacks

as a gangle fan (and as someone who relates to her a lot) AND a jax fan, i had some stuff on my mind hope you don't mind bibi

people tend to generally say that gangle is a victim, but a lot of people fail to mention that they're all victims. gangle, jax, ragatha, pomni, zooble, kinger, everybody who's abstracted, they're ALL victims and what they are going through is absolutely traumatic. and with trauma, people cope in different ways

jax's main way of coping is putting down others, this is obviously clear. he pranks, he teases, he bullies because that's his way of coping with the traumatic situation they're in. to avoid others seeing him as weak, and to avoid seeing himself as weak, he becomes the one to torment. gangle, being reserved, somewhat isolated and, let's admit it, a doormat is the perfect target for jax.

not only is gangle clearly more emotional than jax and will easily deliver the kind of reaction he wants to see, but she does not fight back. zooble will talk back, ragatha will argue, pomni will fight back, but gangle will not. she does not fight back because she believes that she can't. she sees herself just as small as jax sees her. not only does gangle see herself as small and weak, she has never gotten the chance to be anything but that, at least that's what i assume. she's probably never had the chance to be a leader, to be strong, to have control. so when she gets that in ep4, she gets hungry for more

there's almost an immediate shift in gangle when she becomes the manager of spudsy's. obviously there's the mask and her more chipper attitude, but there's also the fact that she immediately loses that fear she has of talking back to jax. she rarely, if not NEVER, talks back to him and his bullying, she usually just accepts it or takes it. but when he dumps ragatha in the air fryer she immediately jumps the gun to tell him off, to test the waters if you will. she immediately pushes further by calling caine to prepare a punishment and that's when she realizes how much power she truly holds. a kind of power she's presumably never had before and that she's been unknowingly craving for the longest time.

gangle honestly reminds me a bit (a VERY TINY bit) of this character from a movie i watched in my english class, barris from "the experiment (2010)". the movie itself is somewhat of a retelling of a version of the stanford prison experiment, but if i were to go into detail we'd be here all day lmao. when we see barris in the beginning of the movie he's a very nice man. he's well-dressed, very polite and quite extroverted. he almost immediately is seen as an ally by the main character. we also learn that barris, who's in his 40s, still lives with his mother and she clearly still bosses him around. when he is assigned role of prison guard and realizes how much power he has he immediately becomes the biggest threat there. i feel like the way gangle switches up is quite similar(tho it could be because of her manic state). the moment she gets this power that she's (again, presumably) never had before she takes advantage of that and punishes jax the way that she feels she has been punished by him.

no matter if jax hurt her first, hurting him back was not an excusable action. hurting him is not something good or a win for gangle. she's stooping down to his level. he uses bullying to cope and gangle, who probably doesn't even HAVE a coping mechanism besides drawing, saw an opportunity to do the same and took advantage of it. gangle never had power in the first place, jax took away even more of that and when gangle had even an ounce of power, she pounced. she did not "give him a taste of his own medicine", she beat him down just like he beats her.

i don't think gangle is a bad person. i don't think jax is a bad person either. however, their behavior is extremely self destructive. people tend to always say "gangle's the victim!" or "jax's the victim!" when both of them are wrong. they're BOTH victims, they just choose to run away from the fear of being said victim by making OTHERS the victims. if they can't have control over their situation, they will have control over others. they will have control.

also as a final lil note. if you excuse or defend gangle's actions because of her manic episode or because she has bpd or something, you are not a good person. i do not have bpd myself, however i am autistic and when i see people use my/their disability as an excuse it feels fucking terrible. people like that, people who use mental illnesses or disabilities as a tool to get away with their own terrible decisions and actions, are only contributing to the daily harassment and discrimination we face. by blaming your shitty actions on your disability instead of taking responsibility, you are actively giving more fuel to the fire and are making me and the others look bad. YOU are contributing to the discrimination the REST OF US face and you are disgusting for that. do not blame a grown ass adult's shitty decisions on their disability or mental illnesses. they may be explanations, but will NEVER be excuses. fuck you if you do that, seriously. grow the fuck up

People who defend Gangle for her actions in episode 4 with the "she was having a manic episode!" excuse piss me off so hard

"B B B B But I'm LITERALLY neurodivergent AND a minor 🥺" OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UPPP!!! YOU ARE STILL RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS EVEN IF YOU HAVE A MENTAL DISORDER!!

God Gangle is unbelievably selfish to me and I hate how nobody else sees it. I hate how her first question to Pomni at the end of episode 3 was "Did you remember to get my comedy mask?" GIRL??? Pomni went through a genuinely traumatizing experience and you're worried about your fucking mask?

At least Jax's first question to Pomni after he got out of the ropes was "What was it like being stuck with the nutcase?" Like, dare I say it's oddly sweet of him to ask about Pomni's experience with Kinger? He's obviously being sarcastic/playful.

I'm actually just gonna say it; Gangle is more selfish than Jax is. You can come kill me now but you can't run from the truth

Also in the pilot, Jax didn't know Kaufmo abstracted before y'know, they found out, and to me it's kind of cute how he wanted to introduce Pomni to one of his friends.

I mean, Jax isn't an angel by any means, he has his flaws, but he's not malicious at all. In fact I think he wants Pomni to have a good time too in the circus, he just speaks a different language that I'm sure she'd be willing to learn, given her track record with all the others.

Sorry if this upset some Gangle fans but I mean, "Jax apologist" isn't in my bio for no reason.