Hey, How's Life? I Really Like Your Works! They're Very Interesting And I'm Always Excited When You Bless

+32° 37’ 39.72”, +129° 44’ 17.73” abandoned buildings on ha island, japan

Me when I wanna read something gud even tho I’ve read most of it 16769420 times: n0irrrr, here I come-

omg u make me blush \(//∇//)\ thank you so much for your kind words! it makes me feel a little bad how I can’t be consistent for you guys 😔 but pls bear with me! 💕💕 I’m just really happy you can re-read my stories! 😭

Please! 🙏🏽Make Empty rise from the ashes like a phoenix 🦅🦅

im gonna take your hand when i say this but that is very unlikely (꒦ີ﹏꒦ີ｡) that story makes me cringe so i NEED to rewrite it (even though my writing hasn't improved LOL), but it just makes me ugggghh and it is so damn long LOL. i would love to continue it, but for now it's in the limbo until i get around it.......

e m p t y | 2

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

Beatrice knocked on the door, and turned to smile at you. Surprisingly enough, her smiles calms you, so you try and relax.

The door opens to reveal a woman with dark hair tied up. Her face changes into a smile when she spots Beatrice, and speaks in a friendly tone, “Beatrice! Nice to see you! How have you been? Come in, come in!” The woman opens the door to make way.

Beatrice smiles to the woman, “Hello Carla! I’ve been good, thank you! It’s just that I came to see Dr. Jaeger. Is he home?”

“He is! But oh my, are you feeling sick? Is working non-stop making you stressed again? How many times I’ve told you, woman!”

“No, no! It’s not me this time— uhm, how can I explain it…” Laughing quietly, Beatrice turns to see you, and then moves a step on the right so Carla can see you. Beatrice pats your hair, “this little guy needs a check up.”

You try to hide behind her leg, looking carefully at the dark haired woman, who’s eyes are widened in surprise.

“Honey, don’t be rude. Say hi.” Beatrice tries to make you greet the woman, speaking to you gently.

“Hi.” You only say, not feeling comfortable at all. “Hello there,” she greeted back with a smile, regaining her composure. She looks at Beatrice again, raising an eyebrow, “I thought you didn’t have more kids?”

“It’s… complicated. Maybe I can explain inside…?” Beatrice nervously smiles, and Carla only shakes her head jokingly with a smile plastered on her face. She makes way for you, allowing both of you came in.

The house looks cozy— there’s a small kitchen and table where a man sits with a journal? on the table. He seems to be writing something in it, but when he spots you, he stops his actions and stands up to greet both of you.

“Beatrice, nice to see you again.” He smiles and then spots someone hiding behind Beatrice’s leg, “and who may this be?”

“Hello Grisha. Well… I have to explain first, may I?” Beatrice then proceeds to explain everything that happened. When he found you returning with the scouts —which did change Grisha’s face drastically for a second—, what they said about how they found you, your headaches and the lack of memories you had. Carla and Grisha listened carefully, but you could tell the man did look… strange. His calm aura he once had changed to one cold and tensed. His expression hardened, looking deep in thought.

Strangely enough, something deep inside you told him he was… good. As if a low voice in the depths of your head whispered to you, telling you things you should hear.

But just as you meet his serious gaze, the whispering disappeared. Trying to hide behind Beatrice, you averted his gaze. It didn’t matter, because he crouched to be at your height. “Hello. I’m Dr. Grisha, it’s nice to meet you. Beatrice told me everything— you can trust me. Can you please look at me?”

You didn’t want to look at him— his aura changing intimidated you. Unfortunately, Beatrice tried to push you to talk, and spoke, “come on, dear. Don’t be rude, Dr. Grisha is going to help you.”

Beatrice’s words motivate you enough to look at him in the eyes, and when you do, you can catch the change his eyes suffered when he looked at your eyes. His eyebrows raised and his eyes slightly widened— his whole body froze for a couple of seconds. But he composed himself once again, nodding to himself and stands back up. “His eyes are… different, right? Never… seen them before.”

“They are pretty unique— I’m telling you, this kid is special.” Beatrice whispered the last sentence, as if she was telling a big secret. You didn’t show it, but her comment quite warmed you inside. “So, Grisha, can you check him? I haven’t seen any injuries on him, but I can’t be sure.”

Grisha nods, “of course. Will do a checkup first and then we’ll see about his memory loss.” The doctor turns at you, looking at you gently, “can you sit here, please? Don’t worry, I will just check if you have any injuries.”

You obey, and he begins to work. He touched certain parts of your body— he takes your arm and move it, and then asks if it hurts. You say no, and he moves to your legs, but its the same. Nothing hurts, the only problem you have is your memory loss and the headaches.

Before Grisha could ask more, Beatrice let out a yelp, the three of you turned at her. “I forgot I have to delivery this!” she gestured the one of the boxes on her hands. “Ah! And I completely forgot to give you this!” She handed a box to Carla, “it’s apple pie. To thank you for your help.”

Beatrice hurriedly gets to the door, and you try and follow her. She could see your form moving, and before you could get closer, she stopped you. “No, no, love! You stay here. Your check up is not over yet, don’t worry, I will return soon! Stay here and follow Dr. Jaeger’s orders, alright?”

It seems your face told her you were unsure. Beatrice approached you and crouched to get at your height, and gently caressed your face. “I promise I will return soon, dear. You can trust Dr. Jaeger and Carla, they will take care of you. Be a big boy for me, okay?”

Staying in silence, you eventually reluctantly nodded. Beatrice smiled, somehow proud of you. “Alright! It won’t be long— Grisha, Carla, take care of my boy, please~!”

Carla laughs, “just finish your delivery, woman! Will talk to you very seriously once you return.” Your caretaker laughs and leaves. Your attention is back to the doctor, who is writing something on his book. He begins to ask you if you had any memories, anything you can remember. Trying to collect memories only hurts your head, and Grisha can see that. He decides to stop you from trying, and orders Carla to do a certain tea for you. Before the check up could continue, someone came in— the door abruptly opened, revealing two children. The girl had black long hair, and she was wearing a red scarf on, the boy had brown hair. They appeared to have something on their backs— wood?

“Who is he?” The boy harshly asked, eyeing you carefully while he and the girl take the wood and place it in a box. You just blinked in return, with no exact expression showing.

“He is our new neighbor, Eren. Be nice.” Dr. Grisha says, smiling softly at his son.

The brunette looks at you, frowning. It’s evident he’s… judging you? His eyes were locking into your unusual ones, meeting with an emotionless face. You could tell he’s not that interested or friendly enough by the expression on his face. “He’s weird…” He whispers, but is still audible to everyone in the room. The comment makes your chest ache, but no emotion shows. You just look away, not meeting anybody’s gaze, but a frown is present on your face.

“Eren!” His mother yells at the same time the black haired girl pull his ear, gaining a yelp from him. His face is flustered and he looks angry, “good, Mikasa!” Carla says, quickly approaching her son, and her, too, pulls his other ear. “What are these manners, young man?! Apologize right now to our neighbor!”

“But he’s strange!” He yells, gaining another ear pull from his mother. She demands him to apologize, and Eren doesn’t look happy nor regretful— but he still apologizes, gaze locked on the floor, with his cheeks blushing in embarrassment. He rubs his ears. “I’m… sorry.” Looking at him for a couple of seconds, you can tell he only apologized because his mother told him to, not because he realized what he said was not very comforting. What he said hurt you, even if you didn’t show it.

The room is quiet, and everyone is waiting for your answer.

Looking away, you softly spoke,“…an empty apology has no value to me.”

The brunette’s gaze immediately falls on you, and even if you can’t see him, you can certainly feel he’s angry and maybe ashamed of the response he got. You don’t want to look at him nor talk to him— he’s loud and has no manners. All interest you had in him was completely lost the moment you heard what he said.

“I told you he’s a weirdo!” Eren yells, before leaving his house with the girl quickly on his tracks. You don’t spare him a glance nor say anything— you stare at the table, emotionless. “When is miss Beatrice going to return? I don’t like it here.” You thought.

His mother yells at him on the door, trying to make him come back. Failing, Carla sighs in defeat, rubbing her temples. Grisha sympathetically looked at you, reassuring his son talked without thinking. You stay in silence, not caring about his’ son motives.

Carla approaches you and places a hand on your shoulder in an apologetic manner, “I’m so sorry, honey! Eren is not a bad kid, he’s just… a complete brat.” Sighing, she passes a hair trough her hair, “don’t listen to him, alright? I will talk to him once he returns.” She returns to her duty in the kitchen, giving you the tea and then busying herself in the kitchen cutting vegetables for the upcoming lunch.

“I apologize for his behavior, he doesn’t have a lot of friends.” The doctor laughs, “now, where were we?”

Dr. Jaeger asks more questions about your state— where it exactly hurts, your last memory, any injuries… The tea certainly helped you calm the pain.

You don’t know how much time passes, but the only thing that was in your mind was when Beatrice was going to come back. The meeting with Carla’s son took a toll on your confidence, and you wanted to leave.

“Looks like you have a severe case of amnesia… No prior memories, and no name. You don’t know anything about who you are, and you say you have headaches everytime you try to remember, right?” Shacking your head was the answer you gave to him. He humms, writing something on his book. “It would be better if you don’t try and remember— that only will hurt you.”

“But… my name…” You worry, feeling down by hearing that.

“Don’t worry too much— your memories may come back sooner or later. I will help you, but your health comes first, alright?”

You nod, upset. Before any of you can speak, there’s a knock on the door. Carla opens it, revealing a patting and sweaty Beatrice. “I came back! I’m so sorry, love. How was everything? Dr. Jaeger…?”

The brunette stands, walking to Beatrice’s to talk about your situation. You just stay still on the chair, tensed and upset. Thinking this ‘marvelous’ doctor could help you was a mistake— maybe nobody can help. Maybe you are a lost cause, and Beatrice will dispose you after she knows your state.

What will happen to you once this is over? Where would you go? You don’t even remember your own name— you are a nameless child in an unknown world. What good can you bring?

Staying in silence, the only thing you can do is keep quiet. You can’t even shed a tear— even if your insides are a complete mess, you felt emptiness. Your eyes are unfocused. You have to remember— you have to.

Feeling desperate, you tried to remember something before waking up in the forest. A voice, right? You heard something— try to remember! Something, anything!

Feeling a sharp pain on your head didn’t stop you from trying— even if you felt as if something was bashing your head, you tried to remember.

Remember, remember, remember, remember! Stop!

Holding your head with both of your hands, you grunted in pain. Your eyes were tightly shut, your teeth were clenching — it was painful.

Remembering was painful. Something warm could be felt pouring from your nose— but you can’t see it. The pain is bad enough that it doesn’t let you open your eyes.

Feeling a hand on your shoulder, you turn your head to see Beatrice looking at you with a worried look. She gasped as she saw your bleeding nose, and hurriedly got her handkerchief to clean you. Doctor Jaeger, seeing the state you were in, commanded Carla to do a another tea with special herbs. The woman nodded, hastily going to the kitchen and boiling the water. The brown haired man approached you with a sympathetic look, “I told you it was dangerous to remember. What happened?”

Holding your head, you looked at him with a frown. Feeling disappointed and ashamed of your failed attempt as you saw his soft expression, you averted his gaze, looking at the floor, “I was… scared.” You tried to explain your feelings, but maybe you were just desperate. Desperate to know you had no choices, no opportunities to gain your memories again.

“Scared? Of what, If I may ask?” Grisha raised an eyebrow, curiously looking at you. The man was interested on what you had to say— after all, you surely were an interesting fellow he had the luck to met.

Shifting uncomfortably, you played with your hands. Feeling embarrassed of saying your thoughts out loud, you reluctantly confessed by the looks everyone was giving you. “Of being useless and… being disposed…”

Beatrice gasped by hearing your words, “of course you are not useless by any means, dear! You are important and special— you are staying with me no matter your condition. Don’t say these type of thing ever again, because they aren’t true.”

Feeling better, you sighed in relief by hearing her comfortable words. She kissed your temples and noticed your composure relaxing, relieving her.

“Dr. Jaeger explained me everything, love. Don’t stress, alright? We will get trough this together. You are not alone.” She gently caressed your head and smiled, finishing cleaning you up. She turned at Grisha, looking determinated, “so, what are the orders, doctor?”

++++

“Thank you so much for your help! I’m eternally thankful, I don’t know how to pay you two…”

“Oh please! It’s okay, Beatrice.” Carla reassured, “well, maybe you can pay with your secret recipe…”

Grisha laughs, “pay her no mind, Beatrice. It’s alright, you know I’m always glad to help you.” “Thank you.” She turns to look at you, “honey, thank Dr. Grisha and Miss Carla.”

Shyly pecking from behind Beatrice’s leg, you softly muttered a ‘thanks’, which Carla ‘aw'ed by your 'cuteness’.

Saying farewells, the two of you departed.

+++++

“Grisha told me to come next week to check on your progress. Let’s not forget it, alright?” The woman smiles kindly at you, walking.

You reluctantly nodded, holding Beatrice’s hand tightly and keep walking. You didn’t want to return— not if his rude son was there.

Beatrice could notice how your face turned into one of irritation, worrying her. Did something happened after she left? “Was he nice? Did he treat you well? Did something happen?”

Blinking, you try to explain. “…He did. But…”

“Uh? But?” Blinking, Beatrice wonders what could have happened.

“His son is an idiot.” You blurt, frowning. It was true— 'Eren’ looked like an idiot in your eyes.

“Dear! Don’t say that!” She quickly yelled, looking around her, “what did he do? was he bad?”

Averting her gaze, you respond, “…He said I was weird.”

She stays in silence for some seconds before chuckling, “You are not weird, honey. Eren is just… harsh, he will come around.”

“I don’t want him to come around.”

“You say that now, but I know you will be friends. Maybe he will like you a bit more! He surely got nervous around you— he likes you already, I know.”

You make a disgusted face, grunting. Beatrice laughed loudly, amused by your reaction.

“Well, children come around sooner or later— maybe they fell in love already.” Beatrice thinks for herself, laughing by it.

You look at her expressionless, trying to decipher her thoughts. She notices your stare, so Beatrice tries to take your attention somewhere else.

“Hey, let’s deliver some bread. Do you want to accompany me?” Smiling, she asks. Blinking, you nod.

+++++++

“It seems everyone loves you already! You have a good charm around people, dear.” Beatrice laughs, opening the door from her home for you to come in first.

“If loving means trying to pull my cheeks out of my face, then love hurts…” You enter the house.

She heartily laughs, “Cordelia loved you, dear! She can be touchy, though. Maybe we should go someday to her house…” she fakes thinking of it, trying to get you to respond to her— and she gets one. You just look at her, blinking, caressing your cheeks in worry. Beatrice can’t hold a laugh.

Closing the door behind her, she tells you to sit on the table while she cooks lunch. Nodding, you obey— but notice there’s paper and a pencil placed on the table. “Miss Beatrice…? What’s this for?” you gently ask, grabbing the pencil.

She turns, “it’s for you, honey. Lunch can take a little but I thought it would be nice to pass the time.” She waits for an answer, but seeing your unblinking expression she gets nervous and embarrassed. “O—Or maybe not, hehe! I can give you—”

“…It’s alright.”

Laughing nervously, Beatrice sighs in relief— it was long time ago she treated kids.

While you turn to see the paper to think what to do on it, Beatrice snaps her fingers, widening her eyes, “Ah! I forgot to take your clothes, they will be dry by now.” She leaves upstairs.

You just stare at the white paper, but you don’t feel to write or draw anything on it. Actually, this paper reminds you of you— there’s nothing on it; there’s no paint, no words.

You actually felt upset by a paper.

Placing a palm under your chin and elbow on the table, you hear someone walking downstairs— Beatrice is returning.

“Honey, I forgot to tell you this was on your pants pocket,” Beatrice said, handing you a small book— a journal? You take it, “I didn’t read it. It doesn’t feel right,” she laughs.

You examine the journal— it doesn’t look out of the ordinary. The cover felt of leather, it was a dark brown with laces around it, closing it tight. It looks old, seeing it marks on the surface.

Without much thought you untangle the laces, opening the book. There’s something on the first page but you can’t understand it— “??? Meike, ??? ???”. You pass the page to meet words filling the entire thing. You read it, or or to be exact you try to. You don’t know how to read these words— You pass a couple of pages, but you don’t understand any of it.

You go with Beatrice for help; the woman is in her kitchen, baking. Approaching her, you slightly pull her dress to grab her attention, making her look at you in curiosity. You hand her the journal, “I can’t read it, can you help me?”

Cleaning her hands in her apron, she smiles at you. “Of course, dear. Let me see.” Taking the journal, the woman tries to read it, but you can see a troubled expression on her face. “I only can understand the first page… “From Meike, for you”. The words from the other pages are… strange. I’ve never seen them before.“ She passes the pages, trying to understand anything on it, but failing. “I’m sorry, dear. But it seems I can’t read them.” She apologizes, but then recognizes something else. “Do you recognize who Meike is?” You try to think of it, but pain comes like usual. Shacking your head, Beatrice humns and caresses your head. But she blinks, wondering about something. “Honey, do you know how to read…?”

Thinking of it, it seems you cannot. Your couldn’t read the first page Beatrice could— so you shook your head. The woman smiles warmly, and you only look at her shyly.

“Don’t worry, love. I will teach you, don’t be embarrassed.” She pats your head, and you unconsciously leans to her hand, liking the touch.

“But let’s eat for now, okay? I will keep cooking.” She places the journal on the table and goes to the kitchen.

Without much thought, you follow her. “Can I help you?” She hears your soft voice say, turning to see your shyly form beside her.

Beatrice smiles, caressing your head, “of course you can, dear.”

Both of you stay in the kitchen, Beatrice giving you orders you obey. You felt nice helping her, and she’s happy you are opening to her.

When you two finish, you sit on the table to ear the apple pie Beatrice told you when she met you. The table was filled with chatting, all from Beatrice, while you only nodded and spoke to give your opinion on something. The woman was happy enough by it— everything was nice.

Even if you had no memories, being with her was nice.

e m p t y / 9

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter nine  — new mornings

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They lived two years in Trost, but it took them one year to live on their own. Even with Lydia's protests —and Jean protested in secret, too—, Beatrice didn't want to be the burden she felt she was, and with her savings of the bread and pastries she did in the local bakery, it was enough for them to move to a house near the gates. Beatrice and [Name] couldn't stop thanking Lydia in opening the door of her home, taking them in as if they were family. [Name]'s mom had told him Lydia was a great friend in her past, before she moved to Shinganshina.

Even if the old memories of his past hometown tormented him in some way, along with his friends, he somehow enjoyed living in Trost. It was a nice place— Lydia was just as nice as Beatrice and Jean was a good friend. Before he knew it, their friendship went deeper and deeper, becoming really close. Jean always worried about [Name]'s headaches, every time trying to help in anything he could along with Lydia. The woman bought plenty of herbs with her own money to try and calm his migraines, and Beatrice nor [Name] could stop thanking her for it.

It become frequent how Jean couldn't stop himself and caress [Name]'s hair every headache— his eyes became softer when he frowned. It had become a reflex, somehow. [Name] didn’t mind— in fact, the teenager didn’t care at all about getting touchy. He liked taking Jean’s hand and play with it when they were bored sitting under a tree, or just lay his head on Jean’s legs to sleep.

At first it felt weird, but as Jean could feel butterflies in his stomach, he suspected what was happening. He got nervous when [Name] so normally and carelessly touched him like nothing, as if it was something anyone would do. Jean now believed Beatrice when she said [Name] was a social inept— all of what he was doing felt like they were lovers, and he didn’t even know it. Every time he did it, Jean blushed and averted looking at the boy, sometimes even evading touching him.

Jean knew very well what his feelings were but refused to believe it, it was obvious. Even his' and [Name]'s mom did. It was difficult to bear with it, even more when [Name] was oblivious about it. Why wasn't him more upfront? These couple years have made him more brutally honest than before, so why he couldn't confess to him? Was it fear? Maybe for rejection. Jean knew [Name] didn't know or wasn't interested in these topics— he had tried to question the boy before, but nothing came out of it. [Name] was uninterested, or maybe he have never felt something like that before, so he couldn't speak about it as if he knew.

__ __ __ __ __

“So [Name]...”

”Hmn?”

”Have you ever liked someone?”

”Liked...?” He looks to the sky, “well, yeah.”

”Really? Who?” He tried his best to sound uninterested about the topic.

”You,” Jean’s face blushed at that, but before he could get his hopes up [Name] followed with, “my friends from my hometown too... specially Armin.” And with that Jean went to the beginning, frowning with a twitch on his eye.

”not that type of liking! I mean If you have liked someone as in... love." He blushed, embarrassed by such thing to say.

“Like the books our moms read?” And he did sometimes too. Beatrice loved reading, specially romance novels. Armin and Beatrice had taught him reading books would be a good thing for learning about emotions, in some way. It could have sounded stupid— how someone didn't know what they feel? But [Name] didn't. He felt like a vessel still— these past experiences have helped a lot to grow his sentimental side, but there was more to know.

”Weird example, but yeah, like these cheesy stories.”

”hmn...” he had never thought about it— well, he liked Mr. Erwin a lot, but not as in love. “Don’t think so.” Maybe Beatrice? She says 'I love you' a lot to him, but he doesn't know if it's that particular form of love Jean is saying. "What about you?"

"W-Well— of course," he tried to sound 'cool' if that helped, "I've going out with some girls and—"

"That's not true. You are always with me." [Name] looks at him with a raised brow, obviously not believing his lie. Jean's facade faltered, but the teenager tried to change the attention to another topic.

"A-Anyways!" He laughed nervously, "have you ever kissed somebody?! BECAUSE I HAVE!"

"Kissed..." He blinked, deep in thought. [Name] didn't remember kissing anybody, but the sudden feeling of doing it is there. He touches his lips, wondering. "I don't think so."

Jean gulped, trying to play it off, "would you... like to try it?" He knew very well what he was doing— [Name] was unaware of these things, but it wasn't as if he was taking advances out of him, right? It was just... something for him to learn.

The amnesiac teenager blinks, staring at Jean. According to these books, a kiss meant something special, a sign of love. [Name] didn't know what love certainly was, so maybe trying kissing Jean would make something different? "Okay."

"O-Okay?! I-I mean—! A-Alright," Jean gulped, blushing. His heartbeat is erratic— he didn't actually believe [Name] agreed of something like this. Good thing they are in the forest near the walls— it would have been too embarrassing being looking at. Both of them kneeled in front of each other, [Name] looking at him with his head tilted. Jean averted his gaze, trying to calm himself.

He sighs, ready. Getting near [Name]'s face, his hands shake. The amnesiac teenagers gets near too, but Jean freezes. His eyes widen, not knowing what to do. Surprisingly, [Name] is the one who initiates the kiss— his hand supporting on the ground to get nearer Jean as he closes his eyes. It's clearly an inexperience kiss— but Jean's heart felt like it was going to explode. It's such a gentle and soft gesture, a curious action. Before he knows it, [Name] is pulling away with a humn. Jean is completely red, he is happy about what just happened, but he knows he can't get his hopes up with [Name], remembering how he usually is.

Nobody talks— [Name] tilts his head, touching his lips while Jean is still shocked by the kiss. What did [Name] feel? Did he like it? Did he realize something?

"S-So, what do you think?"

"I don't know."

"W-What?"

"It's... different, but I don't feel something else about it," Jean's heart crashes as he hears these words. He had a little bit of hope something would change, but it seems it didn't. "You?"

The taller teenager sighs, clenching his jaw. "Same." His excitement and happiness fade away as quickly as they appeared. Maybe this would be the first and last time he took advantage of [Name] like this— a kiss was something hurtful but wonderful at the same time. 'Love' surely hurt a lot.

__ __ __ __ __

Love was something unknown for him, and for now, he didn't look interested by it. Jean hoped sometime he would have taken a more liking to him after that kiss, but Jean knew that was unlikely. So he hided his feelings, in hope of someday he could show them when the time was right. But obviously he took advances of [Name]'s touchy behavior— when he laid his head on Jean's lap, he played with [Name]'s hair. Or sometimes when the other rested his head on his shoulder, Jean would rest his head on the other's, smelling his hair.

This situation was annoying.

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Beatrice lived in fear of hearing those words— living the day he would leave to chase his dream. She didn't want to appear sad in front of her boy, so his anguish and sadness were showed with Lydia. The woman tried to comfort Beatrice as best as she could— but both of them knew their boys would leave them soon.

But it was time, and Beatrice knew from the start it was going to come sooner nor later. She always hoped he could change his mind, but his mind was set the first time he heard about the military. But she couldn't stop him, could she? She couldn't stop her husband nor son, and look what happened.

"Mom..." He spoke, stopping eating. Hearing such tone made Beatrice's heart hurt— that was it, "I'm going to enlist to the military."

She didn't say a word for some minutes, worrying [Name] by it. Beatrice had never got silenced over anything, but he knew he touched a sensible spot. She relieved some memories about her husband and a son he didn't know anything about— they left, enlisted to the survey corps and as many expected, they died in combat. It was painful and difficult to accept such thing again, but Beatrice can't forever hold a bird who wants to be free.

"Is that what you really want?" She hold her tears and her voice from breaking, but [Name] saw trough the facade easily. It was the second time felt something like heartbreak, seeing her like this. He stood up from his seat and keeled besides her, hugging her waist and resting his head on her legs. She caressed his hair, not holding the tears anymore. [Name] shut his eyes, some tears slipping and wetting Beatrice's dress.

"Yes."

"I see."

They stayed like that for a long time.

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It was pretty difficult accepting he was going to leave. Surprisingly, Jean was going to enlist too, but he had told his mother he was going to join the Military Police, and not the Survey Corps like [Name].

When Jean knew where [Name] was going to join in the end, he almost had a heart attack. He couldn't believe something so idiotic, reckless. Was he insane? But, most importantly, didn't he care they were going to... separate if that happened? They wouldn't see each other again. Jean was mad, and even when he voiced his worries to his friend he didn't listen.

"But what are you thinking?! It's the survey corps!" He tried to reason.

"Yeah, I know it's the survey corps. That's why I will join them." He stated, not bothered by Jean's yelling. The taller boy only got railed up by such behavior— didn't he care?

"But you could die, do you know that?" He desperately tries to talk a sense to him, "many of them don't come back!"

"I know, Jean. But... that's what I have to do." [Name] knew he had to join them— after all, they found him outside these walls. His answer had to be out there, somewhere.

"What you have to do?" He snorted, "aren't you thinking about Beatrice?" About me?

"Jean, I will join the survey corps. It was decided since the beginning."

"You don't care about anyone, do you?!" Jean couldn't stop his anger— [Name] was cruel when he wanted, even if he didn't mind to. He sighs, passing his hand trough his hair exasperatedly, "whatever." He left without turning back, he was angry and felt betrayed. Jean knew if he stayed any longer he would say things he didn't mean and turn the situation worse,

[Name] frowned, clearly sad about how things turned out. His hand tried to reach Jean, who disappeared without even sparing a last glance at him. He felt something heavy on his chest, and the same static noise overcome his ears. He did something wrong— but this is what he wants, and he can't turn back from his decision. But why is he feeling so sad? Just as he lost Eren, Mikasa and Armin? Was it so important to Jean where he wanted to go? It was his life— not his'. Was he being cruel? Just thinking about begin mistaken caused another headache to appear.

  P̵̣̫̱̮̼̲͔̰͈͙̈́̈̎̏̈́͠ī̷̞̥͍̙̓̈́̊͘t̷̛͕̝̓͐̓̋̄͑̎͋̉̊̈́̚̚ĩ̶͚̲͙̞̮̺͓̟͖͙̯̊̽͜͝f̴̡̺̬̟̭͙͕̙͚̯̟̹̱̹̩͐̈́̄̈͂̈́̈́͊̎̾̊̓̒͘ȗ̸̝̜͔̍̎̚ͅl̸̛̥͈̘̆̽̎͊̊͂͑̎͜ͅ.̵̧̢̢̛̮̘̤̭̳͔̈͒͗͒̔̍̇̈́̂͝͝͠͝ͅ ̸̨̦͔͙̫̙͉̝̭̣̮̫̤̪̎́̈̊̂̈́̓̆̋͝͝ͅD̶̛͖̹̣̲̘̫̭͕͔̊͒̾̃͊̓̊̀͂͊̕͝͠ǒ̶̧̧̢͉̳͉͔̪̻̠̗̲̜̒̄̀͜ͅn̶̮̻̮͍͔͚̲̝̮̪̖͇̠͂͌̀͌͂'̷̢̨̥̖̟̘̟̖̗̪̜̌̈́̋̃ͅͅt̶͒͐͊̈́̄̐̉̓͋̽̊̓͜͠ ̸̼͉̘͚̈́͛l̵̨͕͓̂͗̓̾̑̈́͠͠ͅị̷̛̭̹̺̂̌̇̊̐̀̍̎̂̋̔͘͠ş̶͕͔͈͎̻͖̪̀̏͊̌ţ̶̢̜͔̪̱͍͈̞̭̯͎͑̐͌͊̾͜͝ȩ̴̛̥̺̄̿̀͐͑͒̓̈́̋̄͋n̸̨̠͐̔͋͗̿͒͐ ̸̠͇̻͕̗͎̇̂̌̐̒̈́̕͝͝t̶͔̤̮͆͊̃͝o̵̡̪̦̙̲͆̈̂̑͜ͅ ̶̼̙̤͆͌͠ą̶̛͍͚̦͇͓̥̯̟͑̿̐̇̈́̈́̔̌̊ͅn̴̢̩̺̪̂̒̆͛̄̇̂ŷ̴̢̡̢̛̳͕̹̝̲̖̻̇͗͒͐̓͗̒͌̚ͅǫ̴̮͈̤̖͆̈́͑̃͆̾̌̿̐́͋̊͠n̴̠̬̫̪͐̈͑̇͌̅̎̓̑ȇ̶̡͇́̆̈́.̷̢̣̩̖̫͖͕̊͌̓̍͛̈́̌̂̓͘

But he's my friend...

Jean stopped talking with [Name] after that. The amnesiac teenager never felt so much sadness before— after all, Jean was his close friend. Beatrice could only guess what happened between them, and she couldn't possibly blame Jean. Seeing how [Name] stayed in his room all day made her worried— the boy was always under his blankets, and when he came down to eat, he was wrapped around his blankets still. Even if he looked so adorable like that, Beatrice couldn't feel happy when his expression screamed absolute sadness. She knew the best was for the two to talk it out, but seeing Jean nor [Name] tried to fix this, she decided to do a small step— talk to Jean. She have talked to [Name], but the boy didn't even wanted to leave to room.

When Beatrice talked to Lydia, the woman had realized something was wrong the moment her son returned so angry. He had come straight to his room and closed the door with such force that it was heard everywhere in the house. But he didn't shut himself in his room too much, thankfully.

When Jean came downstairs and saw Beatrice, he frowned and clenched his jaw. The woman could see his distress and maybe embarrassment— maybe he thought she would lecture him or something.

"Hello Jean," Beatrice smiled, hearing a small 'hi' from the boy as he sat down with her, "I know you know why I'm here for, right? But don't worry, I'm not mad at you."

Jean didn't spoke, rather, he looked down as he crossed his arms.

"[Name] is sorry about what happened— it's not that he doesn't care, it's more that... he really wants to know what's outside. He cares a lot about you, you know? But you know how he is with his feelings."

The boy doesn't talk. Rather, he sighs heavily, trying to think. If [Name] was just a neighbor he barely knew, he couldn't care less, but he wasn't. It was his friend, the person he liked— his life. Why he couldn't just stay with him?

"It's stupid," Jean said, "joining the survey corps? Is he insane?"

She chuckled, "I know. But you can't trap a bird forever, Jean. It will eventually fly away when they see the opportunity— that's how [Name] is. He has his mind set, and he will not change any time soon, even if the world tells him otherwise."

"Aren't you... angry?" Jean asked, frowning. Was she okay with the fact [Name] was going to join the survey corps? And possibly die?

She smiled sadly, looking down, "Not angry... just sad," she looks at Jean, "you can't decide or force someone to decide what to do with their life, can you? Just look at it in reverse— if [Name] tried to reason with you to join the branch you don't want to be, would you? After your mind is set?"

He fell into silence. But it was different, right? The Military Police was safe. The Survey Corps wasn't— both of them could live together, even. Nevertheless, imagining [Name] bugging him to join together would only irritate him. Averting Beatrice's gaze, he crossed his arms in defeat,

"I can't make him, can I?"

"Not even me." She smiles, but not a happy one. It's empty, and Jean can see trough it, "oh, and also..." She laughs, "you should do something with these feelings of yours."

The teenager's face becomes red at hearing the call out— he frowns, trying to ignore his blush. "W-What feelings?! I'm mad at him! Not- Not in..."

"Love?" She chuckles, "just remember one day you two won't be together. Time doesn't wait, so be fast."

He groans, rubbing his neck. Beatrice claps, widening her eyes with a devilish grin.

"And also! Who knows who will take interest of him! My boy has become reaaaally handsome, Jean. I'll say act fast!"

"M-Miss Beatrice!"

"I'm just saying, dear!"

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

The amnesiac boy was miserable. Jean didn't want to talk to him, and [Name] didn't insist after that. If he didn't want to talk, then that was fine. But [Name] couldn't stop feeling so... sad. If it was Eren who fought with, his younger self wouldn't have cared as much as he did now. Since when did he change? Well, maybe it wasn't if he changed or not— he liked Jean. He enjoyed being with him and he helped him with his headaches, and more importantly, his voice wasn't annoying. [Name] grunted, hiding his face under the blankets.

[Name] didn't answer when he heard a knock on his door— he didn’t even paid attention of who the footsteps belonged to. Not until the person spoke, recognizing Jean.

”[Name]? Are you there?”

Jean? [Name] turned at the door, still wrapped around his blankets. He blinked,

"[Name]...?"

The amnesiac boy quietly got up from his bed, slightly opening the door just a little gap, his tired eyes prying outside the room to see Jean. The other jumped in surprise by the squeak the door made, along with seeing the unusual dull eyes looking at him.

"Can I... come in?" He gulped as [Name] fully opened the door for him to enter, closing it after. The amnesiac boy sit down on his bed, still covered in blankets. Honestly, Jean thought he looked adorable like this— but that wasn't important right now!

There was silence. Surprisingly, [Name] was the one who spoke first.

"I don't want you to be mad at me..." He looked down, playing with his fingers. His plain expression was the same, but his tone of voice changed. It was like a hurting child.

Jean sighed heavily, rubbing his neck. He didn't like being mad with him either— but he was justified, wasn't he? Maybe not but... he didn't like the idea of joining the survey corps one a bit. He wouldn't, that wasn't for him at all.

"Me neither," He sat down besides [Name], who didn't look at him still. "It's just... I don't want you to... die."

"I won't." He looked at Jean with a different expression he couldn't pin point, "I promise."

"Yeah yeah..." He didn't believe it— but knew [Name] was strong. Even if he still didn't accept hat he wanted to do, maybe, just maybe he could change his decision in the future, right? "I'm not mad, okay?" He looked at him with a clear frown in his face. Jean wasn't happy, neither angry— just... sad about not getting his way this time.

Silently, [Name] wrapped him around his blankets too, sharing them. "Joining branches will take time, so let's enjoy our time together." The corner of his mouth slightly raised, taking Jean's hand. He blushed clearly— how couldn't he? "Let's lay down."

Obeying, the two boys laid together on the bed, looking at each other. Jean averted looking at [Name] with a blush, while the other looked thoughtful. Can he hear my heartbeat??? Fuckfuckfuck—

"I haven't told you the reason why I want to join." That gained Jean's interest, forgetting about his little problem, "but don't tell anyone, alright?"

Then, he explained his first memory, who and how they found him and how he met Beatrice. Seeing it like this Jean understood, but wasn't he scared after seeing the titans? He never understood how the titans didn't scare him off when they took over Shinganshina— he admired him in secret, but he wouldn't say that out loud. Even so, it interested him where [Name] was from— that was why his eyes were different from everyone's? But outside the walls... that was impossible. No one lived outside— only titans.

"So that's why you want to go..." He closed his eyes, blushing, "just because I stopped being mad doesn't mean I still like the idea, o-okay?!"

The sound provided from the amnesiac boy surprised him— [Name] was chuckling. It was the first time hearing him like this. After all, him reacting like this was something rare. "Okay," he answered as he closed his eyes, "let's sleep."

Jean looked at [Name], still blushing. He was so... handsome but pretty at the same time. He looked so peaceful and gentle like this. Jean would never ever in his life would say that he always watched the boy in secret when they shared the bed together when they were younger, along with many secrets and memories he will hold everyday. He didn't want him to go someday— the thought only made him angry. This wasn't fair.

"And also! Who knows who will take interest of him!"

Remembering Beatrice's words made him almost grunt, covering his face. He wouldn't allow that! ...Would he?

  B̵̡̨̹̰̝̙̱͎͖̙̙̯͖̬̿̿̀̀̎̊͌͝ḙ̵̡͓͕̙͙̳͚̬̠͐͐̓̌̉̒͘͝͝ì̸̧̟̝̟̥̠̺̦̫̯͈͗̌̈́̒͂͑͆̄̈́̀̓͜͠n̴̨̡̪̗̜̮͇̳̮̟̼̗͇͒̋̊ͅͅg̴̥͇̼̹̮̻̼̬͉̺̲̝͐͊̏͋͑͜ ̵̢̺͑̃̈́̈́̈́͆̅͂̚̚̚ẅ̶̻̲͕͚͖̕ͅį̶̯͓͆͌̕͜͝t̷̜͉͎̫̘̝̠̣̰̲͕̫͓́̎͂̎h̷̺̼͕͔̹̪̮̜͚̯͐̎̉̎͐̇̽͒̃͝ͅ ̴͔̲̻̺̙̉̀̅̃̿̊͒̋̎̓͆̚̚̚ơ̸͎̜̜̣͊̔̂͊̉̌́͆͆̑̓͗t̶̘͇̟̦̩̞̰͉̱̰̖̜̱͕̐̆͋̒̈́͆͋͝͠͠͝ͅh̴͚͐͊̊̌̇ͅͅȩ̸̳̤̪̖̹͈̥͔̩̠̥̅̄̔̅̈́͋̓̒̚͝͝r̸͖͙̖͓̆s̴̨͙͔̦͙̃͑̅̈́͒̏̇͆̈́̾͊͝ ̸͓̹̫͇̺̭͉̙͗͜ȏ̵̺̘̱̮̜̟̗ņ̴̛̳̖̮̝̒̈́͋̽̌̅͊͊̚͝͠͠͝ͅl̵͍̻̜̖͑̋̿̃̈́͝ͅy̷̢͎͉͙̖͔͍̜͉͓̩̣̼̅̏͘ ̸̨̧̳̱̆̽̉̐͝w̴̧͚̗͎͍̳̣͇̣͍͍̜̣̔̒̅ǐ̷̤̦̰̫̱̃͌̈ͅl̷̡͚̰͔̼̩̦͖̬̼͍͖͗̒̐͝l̶̡̙̳͖̘̤͋̑̈́̈́̅̓̈́́̄̃̋͠ ̶̬̻͉͉̞̞͙̝̺͖̂ͅc̷̢̣͙̝̞̻̬͔͙̕ǎ̶̡̘̝̥̳̪̮͔̫̒́̆̈̀̐̏̑̕͝͠u̸͓͛̈́̌̑̐̅̒̆̿͆̋s̷̗̙̙̩̰̮̤̤̼̥̪͓̝̰̎̍̒̿͆̏͆̓̍̚͝ͅe̸͖͈̺͓̪̽͌ ̴̛͖̲͓̟̳͍̤̍͌̅̔̒̽̍̽͘̚h̵̢̡͚̺̩̻̉͂̓ī̴͔͇̙̝̓̓̿̐͗̈́̒͝m̴̥̘̱̦͚̹̱̳̻͂̂͗̏̾͌̑̿̆̂̃̄́̅͜ ̸̢̨̢̛̼͎͈̫̲̗̬̺̞̞̅̍͑̈́̍̚ͅš̴̨̝̻͙̘͇̞̠͕̠͎̫̐̈́̌͘͠͝͠͠u̷͚̝̗̜͉͔̪̙̣̪͓̦̝̲͗̐́̿̈́͋́͠f̸̢͙͈̲̘̙͈̱̈̾͒̊̕f̶̧͖̬̻͖͙̥̫̆̾͆́͒̀́̽̀̇̇̾ͅḙ̷̢̡͍͕̟͉͓̮̲̰͕̙͓̋̂̆͠ŗ̷̛̬͓̼̲͍̻̰̥̜̙̺̓̂̇͑̆̄̕͘͝͝͠į̴̜̬̹̥̘͚̘͉̲͎̜̆̈́͑̓n̷̥̏g̷̻̳̯̞̬͚̘̯̿̿.̴̧̹͖̱͔̙͙̳̣̾̂̕ͅ

L̴͚̗̄̂͐̏͐̆̓̕ĕ̶̡̤̳̠̹̪̹̰͔͕̑̏͌̈́ͅt̵̢̳͓͈̃̏̈́͗͗̌̈̄̀̓̄̆ ̶̭̹̦͕̞͈̲̙̙̺̈́̓̋͌̒̎̂̅̀̚̕͝͠ͅţ̴̧̡̱̥̲̥̗̲̮͇̜̬̙̳̈̏̍̾͋̽̎̆̈́̋̎̐̕͝ẖ̸̡̛̳̙̞̪̫̫̮̺͇̳͇͔̞͌̾͑̍̒̚̚͘͝͝e̸̼͐̈͋̑̀̅͐͆̓̕͠ ̶̨͖̯͇͖͓͍͓̩̍̌͂̅̈́b̷̢͈́͂͒̂̍̂̈́̍̎̏̉͊͆͘ơ̷͈̼̝̩̰̭̥̻̩̿̿̒́͜y̶̭̽̈́̈́͊̈̆͠ ̵͙̜̻́̇̆̓̑̌͊̾̌͛̎̑́͠b̷̧̥͍͍̞̍̑ę̴̧̯̗̩̥̭̰͕̓̃́̍͂̄͋̓̐̄̌͛̃̕͜.̴̧̬̫͚͔̭̝͉́̓͌̑̂̉̈̊͠ ̸̨̡̨̛̬̳̺̪̪͇͐͛́̑̾̈́̽̓͗̒̈́̚͝͠ͅY̶̜̪̟̳͍͖̥̼̭͉̭̼͐́̂̓̑̎́̇̋̕͜͝ͅớ̷̠̮̬̲̒̍̎͑̑͐̕u̶̢̢̮̺͓̘͈̠̟̰̱̞̥̣̓ͅ ̶͉̠̲̣̖͊̍̾̀̅̋̏͜k̵͈͂̒̋̃̽͊̈́̽̈́͆͂n̸̛̜̠͉̳̤̥̟̘̟̬̻͕͇͆̍̊̑͋̈̾̄̉̀͊͘̚͜ͅo̸̡̮̗͇̺̦̺͚̱̠̞͓̭̓̐̕ͅŵ̸͙̉̉̈́̑̎̌̓͊̅̿̒͝ ̶̡̟͍͙̜̽̅͑͌̑͜͜͝͝w̸̡̩͈̩̹̤̙̝̒̑̾̂̌̎̚͠h̷̺̜̖̒̈́̓͝ă̶̜̥̖̘͔̹͐͐̓̈́̀̅̊̐̌̈̍̀͘͝t̵̗̥̲̚ ̷̨̩͗̍̈̈́́̈́͑̓̋̈̕͝ẉ̸̛̽͆̎͗̉͌̂̓̈́̃̿̋̍͜͝ĩ̴̛̛͍̺̣̲͍͋̀̀́͊̍͝͝l̷̛̠͚̰̊́̉̒̏͐̓̐͘̕̕l̸̬͍̤̠͓̠̬̃ ̷͍̥̭͉͉͍̞͔͎̯̺͎̑̾͌̾̈́h̶̨̢͖̯̫̮̭͑͜ẩ̷̰̩͙̰̲̳̹͗̊̑̈́̂͝͝p̴̡̡̛͇͎̮̟͍̥̯̂̔͜͠p̷̫̤̝̗̣͎̃͋̉͑́̋̈̎̾͌͝ͅẽ̶̼̠̳̙̬̉͒̾͂̄̂̽̍̍̐̈͠͝n̸͚̲̤̹̘̥̼̉̅͗̏̔͆̈̕͘̕ͅ ̴̨̛̛̟̦̬̺̫̣̯͓̜͖͎͆̍͑̄͗̑̊͘͝ļ̸̣̫̖̫̘̎̈́͋͌̿̽̊͑̚͠ả̷̩̣̮̫̐͊̽͊̃͠t̷̺̣̘͋e̶̙͓̯̜̭̗̥͉̫̎͛̆̀̓͊̚͜͜͝ͅr̴̩͔̗̔͛.̸̧̖̤̰̱̻͓̂͊

  [Name]'s whimpers took his attention. The amnesiac boy was frowning, and Jean knew exactly what was happening.

"Your head again?" He unconsciously placed his hand on [Name]'s forehead, worried. The touch somehow calmed him a little.

"I tried to remember— bad choice." He sighed, hiding his face onto Jean's chest, making the teenager blush completely again. He knew [Name] could hear his heartbeat— calm yourself! Clenching his jaw, he hugged the boy closer, looking at the side in shyness. He had to enjoyed while it lasted— soon they will be in the military, and doing things like this in front of everyone would be embarrassing, wouldn't be? He only wished time didn't go as fast.

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

This was the day.

[Name] packed his stuff with the help of his mother, she doing most of the talking. She didn't want to cry, so the best she could so was to keep her mind occupied in talking and helping.

"You are such a handsome boy now, I can't believe it..." She sighed, "You are getting taller too..."

"Do you think so? Jean is still taller than me."

"He had grow up so much too... And to think it has been only two years." She laughed, "I can't wait to see how the military has shaped you."

They finish quickly, after all it isn't much. They leave the house, stopping at the entrance. There's silence— both of them see the path where everyone is going. After all, today was the day to enlist, and many teenagers were already leaving their homes. [Name] turns to see Beatrice, who is deep in thought.

She sighs, "you can come back if you can't take it, alright? No one will think less of you!" She takes him and kisses him all over, receiving a chuckle from [Name].

"Okay, mom."

"Don't forget to visit! I will sent you letters, okay? If I can I will sent you some cookies too!" She kisses him, "do your best, and make a lot of friends, please? When you come back in your free time, come with your friends! A lot of food will await you."

With a last hug and more kisses, [Name] leaves. When Beatrice can't see him anymore, tears fall from her face as she tries to hold her sobs. She wipes them, but the tears won't stop from falling. She's horribly sad and broken, but she knows this is the right choice for him. After all, he belongs somewhere else.

"Please come back safe..."

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

"There you are," Jean says, already waiting for him in their usual spot. They agreed to go together, as always, "thought you changed your mind."

[Name] let his tongue out, making Jean snort. "Never." They return on their walk, following the others teenagers to their new future.

I hope... they are there.

T̵̨̨̛̠̤͇̩̩͈̤̪͖̮̜̜̼̣̳̟̝̫͒͒͂̽͛̒͑̍̇̒͆̚͝h̶̩̜̳͔͍̱̳̺͍̲̩͔̥̠͍͚͈̑̃̐̾̇́̓͐͑̔̚͝e̶̫̭̬̩̰̝̬͎̰̿͋̓̒̅̉̉̎͗̕͜y̵̨̢̲͓͇͓͔͓͐̽̃͆̿̓̕͘ ̶̛̣̗̪̙͒̑̊͂̈́͒̏̔ẅ̷̢̧̨̛̬̗̮̳̣̙͉̟̫̣̬̮̲̲̬͔̑̓̒̉̾͠ḭ̵̬̲͉̱̲͕̱͕̞͉̯͎̯̘̤̙̠̻̽̽͋̀͑̓̂̍͆̉̽͐̍͑̋ͅl̸̢̡̧̬̟̞̻̩͈͓̙̙̻̺̲̭̤̦̼͉̖̩̻̩̣̓͗̐̊̓ͅļ̵̧̢̢͖̼̤̲̩̙̥̖̘̜̭̗̫̗̮͓͔̗̦̗͖̱̎̃̇̈́̊͋͑͌̓̀̐̀̏̔͋͋͋ͅ.̷͎̖̲̈́̋̑̈́̅̈́͆̈̓͛̾̐͊͋̐̓̌̈́̔͑̔̑̔̽

—masterlist

༺♰༻ATTACK ON TITAN  📎 Flower Curse | [Levi x Male!Reader x Erwin] | COMPLETED SUMMARY: You loved him. He didn’t. Everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him. ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX | SEVEN | EPILOGUE | ??? | ENDING A | ENDING B | ENDING C 📎 e m p t y | [Various x Male!Amnesiac!Reader] | ON GOING SUMMARY: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in an unknown place. Trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX | SEVEN | EIGHT | NINE | TEN | ELEVEN | TWELVE | THIRTEEN | FOURTEEN 📎 Reiss Mental Asylum | [Yandere!Various x Male!Prettyboy!Reader] | ON GOING SUMMARY: Finally! You have been given an opportunity to work at Reiss Mental Asylum- your job hunting hasn’t been great, so to hear you got an opportunity made you excited. At the beginning everything seems normal- but without noticing, some people began to get obsessed with you. ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX | SEVEN | EIGHT | NINE | TEN | ELEVEN | TWELVE 

ＳＰＥＣＩＡＬ♡ＶＡＬＥＮＴＩＮＥ

📎 Save us All [GenderNeutral!TimeTraveler!Reader] | No pairings SUMMARY: Every time you see them die. You promised someday, you will save them all.

📎 Forever with you [Reiner x Male!Reader] SUMMARY: When your soulmate cries, your eyes began to water. Unexpectedly so; you have seen cases where one of your friends randomly cries when both of you are talking. It worries you at first, but rapidly they explain is ‘their soulmate crying’.

i just read the entirety of reiss mental asylum and i'm in love skfhtuebfo

im so happy to read this!! 😭😭 i've been receiving a lot of kind comments, but sometimes i can't stop myself from thinking the story is boring and flat...💦💦 but reading your comment really makes me happy. thank you for reading! and very sorry for the wait- life has been pretty upsetting lately, but i hope i can get my ass to write soon! i have a lot of ideas for it. c: 🌻 stay tuned—!🌻💕

You can always edit a bad page. You can’t edit a blank page.

Jodi Picoult (via wordsnstuff)

see this beautiful art made by vulpecula for flower curse!!! Omg 😭😭😭💕 it’s so gorgeous, thank you very much!

Please give a follow for this beautiful person ✨💕

I’ve been reading a lot of fanfiction, shame on me

But |this one| was just so good I couldn’t resist. More on the way tho.

This is from chap. 5

FLower Curse | 7

[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

s i x

Seeing everyone was getting ready with their gear made you anxious. You wanted to go with them— to protect your squad. Sadly, strong orders form the commander made you stay in the barracks.

Surprisingly, you decided to join breakfast this morning. Even if your appetite didn't exist, you sat down with your squad and talked to them until it was time to go.

"You should rest, Squad Leader! You really look sick today..." Tim said, looking worried, "are you taking any medication?"

Letting out an empty laugh, you tried your best to wear a nice smile. "Of course! When you return, I will be better. Your Leader isn't going to be defeated by a stupid cold."

"But it has been one week and you are still sick..." Trisha said, playing with her fingers, "I don't mean to say you look bad but..."

The white haired male, Simon, crossed his arms and frowned. "You look like shit, Leader." The statement made Trisha and Tim look at him in an attempt to stop his comments, but the young male didn't care. "What? It's the truth. You are skinnier, paler, and you have get into fights with the commander and the corporal, and Petra too."

"You don't have to recall all of that, Simon. Our leader is stressed enough of... these conflicts, you don't have to make him more worried." A blond woman interfered, glaring at Simon with her greenish eyes. "We have to comfort him like a good friend would do, no made things worse."

"I'm just stating the truth— come on Elizabeth, you saw how angry he was with Petra yesterday. That throw must have hurt, too." Simon muttered to not grab any attention to the topic of conversation. Sadly, his voice got louder, "You should have seen her after—"

"Stop! This is not helping at all!" Elizabeth slightly raised her voice just to interrupt Simon, which she gladly did, hearing his voice getting louder. "You don't say all of that like it's nothing to our leader! Apologize!"

And just an argument began. You were thankful the mess hall was loud this morning— if it weren't, they would have heard all of what your comrades were saying. Just the table besides you caught attention of your soldiers getting railed up, but they quick dismiss it when they saw your glare.

Tim and Trisha tried to calm them down, but their sweet and low voices didn't made trough. Elizabeth was over protecting with you, and Simon was brutally honest. These two didn't match that well, but their differences were forgotten once they were in battle. But of course, the two could talk normally in one moment and in a second they could be fighting, just like now.

"Alright, that's enough. You both calm down and sit down; everyone is watching you making a fool of yourselves." You finally ordered, rubbing your temples. A headache overcome you, maybe for not eating well yesterday and today— your bad mood was getting through.

Thankfully, the two took the order and sat down, silently glaring at each other.

"Simon is right. I'm not in my best shape right now and..." you passed a hand through your hair, sighing, "I've been in a bad mood, as you could have heard, or even seen."

There was a minute of silence, until Tim broke it with an unsure look. He didn't know if he was alright to ask this, but he did anyway, "Leader... are you sure is just a cold? I mean— I'm not saying you are hiding something or anything, but..."

"Are you saying Squad Leader [Name] is hiding something from us? Something as important as his health?" Trisha asked, muttering to herself.

And just by that, another discussion overcome the topic. But you quickly ended it by the truth— just like yesterday, you decided that the best thing to do was being honest with everyone. Well, just a little honest.

"It's not a cold." You stated, looking at your squad members, which they quickly shut their mouths. Muttering, you proceed, "we... don't know what it is exactly, and I don't know when it will go away."

"What do you mean?" Simon frowned, looking confused, "are you implying that you have an illness? And you hide it from us?" "I did." The soldiers looked at you with wide eyes at your response, Elizabeth, Tim and Trisha looked surprised and taken aback, Simon frowned, looking away. "I didn't know what it was at first... and I still don't exactly know."

"You... don't know?" Simon asked.

"No, we don't know."

"What are the symptoms?" Elizabeth quietly asked.

"I just... throw up a lot and it's hard to breathe." You decided that was the best thing to say—it wasn't exactly a lie, right?

"And no doctors know anything?"

"Nope. No luck." Seeing their faces made you worried— there were just minutes to leave, and they couldn't just go with worrying about something else. They had to stay focused in the expedition, so you quickly tried to fix the mood. "But hey! Erwin and I heard about a doctor in Wall Maria that could help me, maybe we can go after the expedition, come on, don't look at me like that."

Trisha was the first to look at you with spark in her eyes; she was hoping you were telling the truth— after all, they care about you. "A-Are you sure? Do you think he will help you?"

"Are you not telling lies? After all, you just hide an illness from us for one week." Simon bitterly said, averting your gaze. He was hurt, just like everyone else— they were your soldiers under your command, your comrades; your friends.

Ouch. But it was the truth— you fucked up. "I'm sorry; I owe you all an apology for lying to you. But I'm telling the truth; Erwin and I have our hope on that doctor."

Tim tried to light the mood, "That's good, right?! Maybe, maybe we can go with you when we got back!" He smiled.

Trisha quickly joined his joy, "Exactly! We will go when we return, Leader! That's a promise."

You laughed, feeling something warm in your chest. Knowing they cared about you, even when you lied to them, made you feel good. Looking at Elizabeth and Simon, who were still not saying anything, you asked, "could you two forgive me?"

Simon meet your gaze and sighed, "Of course, Leader. Yes, you lied to us, but right now what is important is your health, right? So don't worry."

"Exactly. Yes— we are hurt, but what comes first is your health, Leader. So don't smash your head on your desk for what we think. We care about you." Elizabeth stated, smiling at you.

You felt as if a ton of bricks lifted up from your shoulders— and you just laughed with all your heart. "You guys are the best. You better don't do anything stupid in the expedition, you hear me?" Your squad just laughed, "Of course, Leader..." they said in unison, making you laugh.

"Where are you going to be placed? And who is in charge? Tell me!"

"Calm down, Leader!" Trisha said, raising her hands, "we will be placed in the right flank along with James."

You sighed, feeling relief— Yeah, they will be safe. The right flank usually doesn't encounter that much of a problem. Yes, yes,, they will be safe and sound.

"You know how I hate to break the mood, Leader, but," Simon said, approaching you and muttering, "won't you apologize to Petra? You know, she is hurt, even if she doesn't want to show it..."

Sighing, you knew he was right— what you did was wrong. This morning you thought to apologize to her already, but thanks to everyone coming and leaving like flash you couldn't. Or maybe, you just were making up excuses.

"I will apologize to her after the expedition." You stated, giving a quick look to Levi's table— which you quickly averted when you saw the ravenette looking at you.

"Everyone! It's time."

"That's our que! We have to go, see ya, Leader!" Trisha said, leaving with Tim.

"We will go to that doctor after returning, alright?" Elizabeth stated, before leaving the mess hall.

"Yep, what she said. See ya, cap."

And after that, they all left, along with everyone else. You were alone in the mess hall, looking deeply in thought. Somehow, you didn't notice someone staying— the hand slamming the table made you jump, looking right at the ravenette.

"Levi! The fuck!" you cried out, holding your chest.

"Oi. We will talk after the expedition. No hiding." He said, looking straight at you. You just sighed at replied,

"Yeah, yeah... No more lies..." The reply seemed to satisfy him, because he was already leaving with a smirk. You stopped him before he did, saying, "Hey! If you can... can you make sure they—"

"I'm absolutely sure they can handle themselves just fine. Aren't they your soldiers, [Name]?" He said, furrowing a brow. The question made you laugh— made you feel dumb to be worried about your soldiers being in danger. They know what to do and not do— they will return.

"Of course..."

The ravenette looked at you for more seconds before leaving. You were alone with your thoughts now.

Yes. You will apologize to Petra— she is your friend, you didn't have to snap at her like that.

You will talk to Levi and explain the curse. You will go with your squad to Wall Maria, to go for the doctor. You will apologize to Erwin. You will. Everything will work. ________________________________________ You never felt so bored before— was this how it felt when you were left behind? You felt like shit. The barracks were in absolute silence. You didn't know how much time were you all alone in your office. One hour? Two? How much does an expedition last? Were you outside the walls that long? Never felt like it. You wanted them to come back already, you wanted to be with your squad and protect them here.

Unfortunately, a painful feeling in your chest began to extend itself in your throat, and you knew exactly what it was. You just tensed and throw it all out, meeting with the colorful flowers. You thought you were finished after five flowers, but the feeling of something stuck in your throat made you gag.

It felt like glass coming out from your throat; it hurt. It hurt a lot. You hardly coughed, holding your throat to bear the pain— your eyes were teary, saliva was dripping from your mouth— the fucking flower just didn't want to come out.

Finally, after it seemed like hours, you had to take the flower out of your mouth with your hand— you could feel ripping it from something inside your chest.

The flower came out with a big root. Bigger than the others, at least. There was a lot of blood with it, too. Along with the petals and flowers that came out before this one. Fuck, this doesn't look good.

Throwing the flower to the floor, you tried to catch your breath— your throat was sore and hurt like hell. You could feel something inside your chest, not letting you breath properly. Calming your nerves, you thought the best thing was to get water and then go outside to get some air— yes, that was what you were going to do.

xxxxxxx After drinking some water, you went to the stables, where the horses were kept— and when you came in, you left a sigh of relief when you saw your horse, Nora, all alone.

"Hello, girl. They left you behind too?" Approaching her, you pet her nose, only to get licked by her. "Don't worry, I'm going to stay with you, alright? We both will wait for them here."

You placed a box near her, you sat down and talked to her. Just letting out about all of what was happening lately.

"But, you know, I think I will get better. After they return I'm going to look for Timothy with my squad, and we will know if I can get cured." Hearing her snort, you laughed, "Aw, I wish I could take you with me... but I don't think I can. Will come straight at you with the news, tho!"

Nora quickly began to move, pointing with her noise at the stable's door.

"What, girl? Are they already back?" Paying attention, you could hear the horses, some voices... "Thank you, Nora! Will come back after I see the doctor!" You exclaimed, leaving the stable— you were happy they were back already. There was already sunset, why did they had to take so long?

Whatever! You will find Tim, Trisha, Elizabeth and Simon, but first you will apologize to Petra.

But the state they were in made your heart ache. Your chest tightened— why did they look so grim? Why many of them were injured? What happened? You were sure in the last expeditions there wasn’t anything this bad— yes, you don’t came back joyful but like this…?

Instantly, you approached them, they could see your worried face, and by the looks of them, they didn’t want to tell you something. Where was James? Where was your squad?

“H-Hey! Where is my squad? Tim, Trisha, Elizabeth. Simoon...?" You tried to ask a soldier who just passed you, ashamed, You grunted, going with one of the recent cadets— Kirchstein. "You!"

The boy instantly turned at your direction, sweating when he spotted you. "Squad Leader [Name]..." he could only mutter. Was he going to be the poor bastard who had to tell you the bad news? Fuck.

"Do you know where is my squad? I don't see them." You said, looking at all the soldiers to spot your friends, but no luck.

"It wich flank where they?" Please don't say right flank, don't, don't...

"In the right flank, with James. I don't see him either..."

The blond you didn't spot at first, Armin, who was beside Jean, tensed along with him. They stayed quiet for some seconds, before Jean had the courage to tell you the situation.

"The right flank was completely wiped out, Squad Leader." He gulped, fearing what your reaction could be, "there were no survivors in the right flank."

You felt as something broke. Like a glass shattering on the floor in a million pieces— something you couldn't describe in one word. Something hollow, dark, cold.

The cadets really didn't know what to do, so them both just apologized. Before they could leave, you asked one more thing. "Where's is Levi's squad?"

This time, Armin answered you without looking at you in the eyes. "They are... dead too, Leader..."

"Just... Just how?! A flank wiped out?! Levi's squad?! What happened!?"

"Squad Leader— We—!"

"[Name]." You heard someone call for you— a deep voice. Turning around, you spotted Erwin who was standing there, looking at you with an expression you couldn't decipher. "Come with me." He softly ordered, trying to not get you all hot headed, but sadly, that didn't work at all.

You were furious. You should have been there with them! "They are dead, Erwin!" you cried out, scaring the two cadets who were there by your sudden loud voice. "They are gone forever! I should have been there! I should have, but I didn't, I didn't, I didn't!" you repeatedly said, approaching Erwin and punching him on the chest with your fists wich he only could took.

"[Name], please—"

"No! Shut up! If I was there, I could have protected them! Damn you, Erwin! Why, why, why!" You desperately said, tears coming down. "They are gone... Elizabeth, Tim, Simon, Trisha... We promised..."

"We will go together."

Erwin knew even if you would have been there with them, nothing could have been different. Your current situation wouldn't have let you work things out. He had to said the hard truth, even if it hurt you. "Stop acting like a child, [Name]. Nothing would have been different."

"Stop! And? I should have been with them... I should have..." You muttered the last part, not finishing what he already knew you were going to say.

He sighed and took your wrist, "come with me and stop shouting. Just, calm down until we are at my office, alright?" He gently ordered, looking at you with that soft expression he often showed you. You just eventually gave in, crying and taken by the hand like a child.

--------------

When the door was shut, you instantly cried harder, grabbing Erwin by his jacket and hiding your face on his chest. He wrapped his arms around you, caressing your hair. Softly muttering things on your ear, he tried his best to comfort you, but you were broken beyond repair. "I— I can't see them again!" you sobbed, "I couldn't a—apologize t-to Petra! I'm — I'm so sorry!"

He could feel his heart hurt hearing you so broken. Why were you apologizing? "[Name], don't say that. Nobody knew what would have happened, is not your fault. Nothing is your fault."

Crying louder, you just sobbed, saying things Erwin couldn't understand by your sobs. So he just hold you, trying to fix the pieces of the broken glass. You two stayed like that for what seemed hours, until you calmed down and rested your head on Erwin's chest.

"Are you better?" He gently asked, kissing your head with caring. The answer he got was a grunt and loud sniffing, before you broke the hold —that he didn't want to broke at all— and wiped your face with your hands.

"How— How is Levi taking it?" You asked, looking at the floor. You wondered how he was feeling now; maybe just like you.

"He's holding it. Petra's father... talked to him when we returned." He closed his eyes, "Levi is furious, but he knows the feeling too well, [Name]. But that doesn't make it easier..." "But... an entire flank was wiped out. How is that possible?"

Erwin sighed, going to his desk and sitting down. He began to explain what happened to you— the abnormal, or intelligent titan they encounter, how they tried to capture it and failed... You wanted to kill whoever that person inside the titan was— the person who killed your comrades.

"I'm going to see Levi." You stated, but before you could leave, Erwin took your wrist, making you stop.

"[Name], I don't think this would be a good time."

"I have to see him, Erwin. I have to. We have to talk right now." You had to— you could feel something covering your throath slowly. The bad news only made your insides worse— it was harder to breathe.

"But [Name]—"

You interrupting him by freeing your wrist, and said, "We will just talk. Just talk..." and then, you left, leaving him alone in his office.

______________

"Come in."

You slowly opened the door, seeing his miserable state he tried to cover. When he saw you, his expression changed to a grimmest one.

"Funny how now you come to me, [Name]." He bitterly said. Was he trying to joke around?

Nevertheless, you tried to hold yourself together. "I'm sorry for what happened..." You didn't want to say it out loud— you didn't even want to think of it.

He just hummed, closing his eyes. "Me too." Was the only thing he said, before everything fell into an uncomfortable silence.

"About what is happening to me—"

"I seriously don't want to hear you right now, [Name]."

Your heart sinked at the sudden statement — yes, you knew he was hurt, bu so were you! You had to tell him the truth, he had to hear it. "No— but, hear me out, Levi, because I love you I—"

"Stop talking." He interrupted you, standing up, looking at you in bitter. "Get this straight: I will never love you, [Name]. And you know why is that?"

Ouch. That hurt. A lot. That hurt, it hurt, it hurtithurtithurtithurt—

"Because the one I always loved is dead."

Right. He never loved you. What was there to talk about? Why were you trying? You knew this was over the first time you threw up that petal.

You were wrong. Nobody could have helped you wake up from this stupid love trance. So foolish. This was it— you couldn't breathe. Something was not letting you breathe— you had to get out. out out out out out.

You just let the tears flow and flew— straight at your office. You tried to grasp for air, but you couldn't. Your lungs were full with something. You needed help. You were on the floor, trying to rip off your shirt.

Help me. Help me help help helpgelpplessepleaseplaeplasleslap

"[Name], I saw you—" You heard Erwin? coming in, and when he saw the state you were in, he shout and order to a soldier who was walking near, and in a matter of seconds he went to your side. "What is happening, [Name]?!"

You tried to mutter something, "I—I can't breathe..." you felt as if your jacket was suffocating you, "j-jacket..."

He understand you immediately, taking off your jacket, making you slightly better. You could breathe just a little, but you were feeling something growing inside. Slowly taking your lungs, reclaming them...

"You are going to be alright, [Name]. Don't fall asleep, alright? Hange will come and help you." What was there to help? It was too late. Too late.

You painfully smiled at him, tears dripping from your face. You raised your hand and touched his cheek, making him frown and grit his teeth, "thank you... for staying... with me."

He took your hand with his, "don't. Don't say that, [Name]. You will live, don't say anything else."

You just smiled, looking at the ceiling. You could feel how he carried you and laid you on something soft— the couch in your office?

When Erwin turn his head to place you somewhere comfortable, he spotted the flowers laying on the floor. He saw the flower with roots. He didn't want to say it out loud, but he feared of what would happend.

Quickly after that, he heard frantically steps approaching you, instantly opening the door and revealing Hange with her assistant, Moblit. Both of them had worried expressions, and they looked frightened too.

Hange approached you, examinating the problem. Erwin stayed near you, always watching over you. Hange tried everything she could with the help of Moblit, but nothing was working.

"I have nothing else! Nothing is working, Erwin!" She desperately said, looking terrified. "Nothing!" Moblit tried to solve the tension, but he was worried too about what was currently happening. You look at the woman and smiled at her. You take her hand and squished it with the strenght you had left.

"Don't worry, Hange..." You saw her tears flow, looking desperate, you look at Moblit who was at the verge of tears, "don't you worry either, Moblit." He just averted your gaze. You let go of her hand, and looked at the ceiling again, mumbling to yourself, "who is the unluckiest of them all...?" you let out a painful laugh, "it's [Name]..."

A tensed silence overcome after that. You were barely breathing, but you were still alive. But you will be gone soon.

Someone opened the door while talking, "Oi, [Name], I'm sorry I–" but quickly stopped himself when he saw the situation in front of him. "What the fuck is happening?"

Nobody answered. Everyone stayed in silence, not daring to say a word.

"I asked something! Answer!" He desperately shouted, looking at your weak form on the couch. You were so pale, your eyes were glossy... he wanted answers! "Someone answer me!"

"[Name] is dying." Erwin stated, looking coldly at him.

"Why?! He was fine just minutes ago! What happened?!"

Moblit left the room, and Hange was sitting down on a chair near the couch, covering her face with her hand. Erwin was at your side.

"Because he has an illness no one knew about but us."

"Nobody told me shit!? What the fuck?!" He quickly approached your form, trying to talk to you, but Erwin hold him. "Erwin, tell me what is happening is happening to him!"

The blond just glared, "He is like this because he loves you."

The ravenette just dumbfounding looked at the taller man, "Oi, eyebrows, stop joking around and tell me the fucking truth!" he took Erwin by the collar, but before anything could happend you talked.

"He... is telling the truth, Levi." Your voice was getting lower by the minute.

"What kind of bullshit is that?"

"I was trying to tell you... earlier," when you said that, he averted your gaze, ashamed. "I have something that makes me throw up flowers... Hanahaki curse."

"That's not possible, how can I believe that...?" This time Hange interfered, with her red eyes looking at Levi. "It's the truth. Because he loves you, and you don't love him back, something just... bloomed inside his lungs. We didn't believe it at first but now... we do."

Levi stared at you with widening eyes. He couldn't believe the situation; but his friends wouldn't lie like that, right? No, they wouldn't. He just looked at you, and said,

"I'm sorry..." He frowned, holding the tears. Was he going to lose you too? Because he hurt you? He hated himself. He regretted what he said.

You just sweetly smiled at took his hand, "no... need. Not your fault, hmn?" you let out a chuckle, "nobody's fault..."

He kneeled at your side, caressing your cheek. He was unable to cry— even if he hardly wanted to. He muttered his apologies over and over, until you didn't smile anymore.

Finally... You could see them again. Tim, Trisha, Elizabeth, Simon, Petra, Ed, Oulo, Gunther... your comrades smiling at you. Welcoming you. Everything was blurry.

"See you..." you said, before giving your last breath.

Nobody said anything.

Levi was still holding your hand, muttering his apologies.

Hange was crying, trying to hold back her sobs.

Everyone was busy with their feelings, that they didn't notice Erwin coughing, covering his mouth.

Erwin wasn't surprised when he spotted a white petal on his palm.

e n d.

epilogue