E M P T Y | 4 — New Memories [1.2]

Flower Curse | 2

[levixmale!readerxerwin]

this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease.

summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

o n e

The second time was a close call. You were with Erwin and Mike in the mess hall, talking about the next expedition. Somehow, Levi wasn't with you and was with his squad, possibly talking about the same topic as you three were. He wasn't that far to you so you could easily look at him and obviously, Petra sitting next to him with her sweet smile, looking at him with that idiotic face you hate.

You liked Petra— you truly did. But seeing her so close to him –knowing her true feelings– and he just keeping quiet about it... made you feel heartbroken and angry. You once did believe he could have seen you like a partner when you first met him, but it seemed that couldn't be. You thought you could have get close to him— did all of your attempts were for nothing? It seemed so. He didn't even looked at you; you were nobody.

You didn't mean to stare for too long, so Erwin tried to get your attention when he noticed you weren't answering him.

“[Name], I asked what your thoughts were. Are you listening?”

You quickly began to blink and looked at him a little confused. “I'm sorry, Erwin. Didn't really hear you, what did you say?”

Erwin gave you a questioning look and followed where your gaze was a moment ago– just as he noticed who you were looking at, his expression softened, returning facing you.

“So that's what's been keeping you distracted all day. I guess I expected it.”

“It's nothing I can't handle, I'm going to get over it anyways.” you shrugged and took a bite on the horrible bread, the taste making your face change in disgust.

Mike noticed your affections to the corporal right away. Somehow, your smell changed when you were with him or were watching him; it was confusing at first, but he understood it right away. But now, you smell different... and he couldn't recall the aroma. Was it... some flower? No— your scent was from old books and ashes. Flowers wasn't on it, but he's not so sure now.

“Well, “getting over it” it's not easy, [Name]. I'm surprised he hasn't noticed, he usually does.” Erwin says looking at you, raising an eyebrow.

“Whatever,” you tried to change the topic because of all the cadets on the mess hall. It didn't matter if all the chatter from everyone was loud so you couldn't care about someone hearing your conversation, but there was always someone eavesdropping. Or maybe you didn't want to feel the pain in your chest when you talked about this? “The expedition, you were talking about—” taking a last glance at Levi's table was a big mistake. What you saw made you feel your chest tightened; Levi and Petra hands were touching under the table, and you knew nobody but you noticed it. You suddenly felt sick.

You coughing so harshly made your commander worried, while he was gently patting your back to help you, Mike gave you water from his cup, but stopped when he smelled the same sent he was thinking before— something soft... a flower he knows... but which one? Maybe daisies? No—

You felt something very wrong with you. Feeling like throwing up made you cover your mouth with your hand, you got up from the seat ignoring Erwin's worried questions and waking up Mike from his daze. You ran out of the mess hall as fast as you could, missing the confused and some worried looks some of the cadets gave you, including Levi's. You didn't care at all, you wanted to get the hell out of there.

Instead of going to the bathroom you went to your office. You didn't know how, but you knew what was happening, with hurry you opened the door and closed it as you could, then uncovering your mouth and finally throwing up... yellow flowers?

“What— What is this?!” you thought, horrified. You were scared— who couldn't be? This wasn't something you have seen at all. “What's happening to me?!”

Stopping throwing up flowers, your eyes were red from the crying and force, your throat was dry and you were patting for air. Kneeled on the floor, you just could see in distress the yellow flowers in front of you. You couldn't think anything; this was bizarre. Feeling exhausted from the sudden force, you couldn't do anything but examinate the flowers lying on the floor. Were they– roses? No-- you don't even know the stupid flowers' name.  Your attention was at one flower in particular; it looked like a complete flower. Did all of this was... inside your stomach?

The sight was horrifying.

Before you could gather your thoughts, someone opened the door along with a deep voice you knew. It was Erwin's.

“[Name]? Are you alr—”

Then, before he could finish, he stopped suddenly, processing what was in front of him. You didn't move at all or tried to explain what happened to you. You didn't even understand– everything was terrifying, just as the first time you saw a Titan. But the difference was that at this moment, flowers were your enemy and not some giant. Not this time, unfortunately.

Erwin walked and kneeled at your side, trying to reassure you with posing his hand on your shoulder and the other on your arm with gentleness. “How are you feeling? And why are flowers all on the floor? Mike and I were worried, you weren't in the bathroom as we thought.”

You were going to be honest with him. What was the point on lying if he could see trought you? You were done being a liar to him, and also, you were so scared. You could feel your hands shaking because of your emotions and the sudden force of throwing up.

With a trembling voice, you talked, “Erwin... I– I threw up the flowers.”

He just confusingly looked at you, with a raised eyebrow. He was looking at you saying “do you think I'm this dumb?” But the look on your eyes gave everything away; he knew you were telling the truth. Seeing you so scared and vulnerable made him worried– this wasn't your usual self. You weren't like this at all, looking at your eyes he tried to find the lies he was used to, but only saw fear. Accepting you were telling the truth, Erwin was as confused as you were— in fact, he never heard something like this before.

“You threw up... flowers...” he said to himself as if processing the information you gave him. He was thinking what could this be-- but wasn't certain. He never saw a disease like this– was it even possible? Well, it looked like you were a living proof of it.

He helped you stand, you felt horribly weak so hanging on him looked like the right choice. Erwin looked deep in thought, his frown giving it away. You didn't say anything; you just rested on his chest and tried to calm yourself, closing your eyes in exhaustion.

“We need to go with Hange, this isn't good [Name],” He said looking at you, with a demanding stare. You knew he was worried about you— so you just nodded. You didn't feel like talking anyway. “I will order a recruit to clean this, so don't think about doing it.” no looking for an answer you two left your office, heading to Hange's office.

The walk was slow— you felt dizzy from walking normally, so Erwin decided to walk at your slow rhythm. You felt weak— you didn't like what was happening at all, but complaining about it wasn't going to help anything. You needed to understand how was this possible, and why was happening to you.

But it looked like life was against you today; suddenly you saw Levi standing in front of you, watching the two of you with his usual glare of him, arms crossed.

“Oi. What happened to you? You look like shit.” the Corporal said, walking were Erwin and you were. The hall was practically deserted, lunch wasn't over so the three of you were the only souls around.

You felt nausea all over again.

“Thanks Levi. I know I can always count on your sweet comments.” you tried to joke, but somehow your bitter voice made it through. In fact, you were feeling like shit and wanted to get this over with as soon as possible. You didn't even want to see him, not like this.

“I asked something,” he glared at you and then looked at Erwin, “What happened to this idiot?”

Your grip on Erwin tightened, giving a message you knew he understand. You didn't want to worry anyone— you didn't want to worry him. For now, this was between Erwin, you and soon, Hange.

He understood your message right away and answered, “[Name] threw up. We are saying he got food poisoned— so we are going to the infirmary to check him.”

Levi frowned and hummed. “The bread tasted shittier today, it must be it,” Looking at you he said, “I will go with him. You can return to your work, eyebrows.”

Erwin and you were suddenly uncomfortable, especially you. You didn't want to go with him-- just to see him made you feel sick all over again. But, if it was your luck or bad luck striking again, before any of you could say anything you three heard a female voice coming nearby. Again, the nausea returned with so much force– you could even feel the flowers raising, but you shut your mouth as tight as you could.

“Corporal! I was looking for you! The tea is— Oh! [Name], are you alright?!” Petra stood next to Levi and stopped to look at you with concern. “You look pale!” she tried to get near you, but you stopped her raising your hand, making her confused.

Erwin felt your grip tightened more than before, and he knew the reason why. He needed to leave with you fast, and before anybody could say anything Erwin talked.

“[Name] needs to see the nurse. Levi, I remember ordering you to train the recruits after lunch. Don't worry about [Name], he will be alright.”

And with that you two practically ran not waiting for an answer; leaving Petra dumbfounded and Levi with a questioning glance. You tried to not throw up and hold it as long as you could, this wasn't good– you prayed to get to Hange’s office already, and Erwin was practically carrying you bridal style. Some cadets and squad leaders were on the hall, and you couldn't evade the questioning glances at you at all. It looked like you were going to be the topic for today, unfortunately. It wasn't every day you see the commander carrying someone like this– or even better, never.

Erwin practically bursted trough the door, surprising and scaring the hell out of Hange and Moblit who were inside the office. Before they could ask anything, Erwin closed the door with his back and you couldn't hold the flowers anymore, so you just threw up all of the yellow flowers that were inside your lungs. You were kneeling on the floor, with Erwin patting your back and Hange and Moblit looking at you surprised and horrified. Nobody dared to say anything; so Erwin was the first to break the silence.

“This is the situation we are in, Hange. We need your help.” he looked at Hange with a serious expression, still trying to comfort you as you still were throwing up.

x x x

Mike returned to the mess hall, sitting with his squad. Nanaba looked at him with a worried expression and asked, "Is [Name] alright? He looked very pale." It wasn't any secret that Mike's squad liked you; you liked hanging with them a lot of your free time. In fact, you liked to talk with a lot of squads, earning their trust and friendship.

Hearing her, Gelgar turned his attention to the two, a bit worried himself about the sudden action he saw earlier. "Yeah. [Name] looked just like me when I'm drunk as fuck," He tried to joke a little, just to earn a not-too-hard glare from Nanaba. "What? He could have drink a little yesterday! Don't give me that look."

"I believe Squad Leader [Name] wasn't drunk. He wasn't drinking any last night, and if I'm correct he doesn't drink."

Mike hummed, deep in thought. The two members of his squad only gave him a confused look he ignored. Nanaba and Gelgar knew this look on him- it was when he tried to know a certain smell. They decided to not to interrupt him when he was like this, so the two of them returned to their chat.

Suddenly, after some minutes, Mike blinked and smirked, only letting out a word: "Carnations."

Nanaba and Gelgar looked at him, stopping their chat a little, returning to it a little after.

t h r e e

save us all

[shingeki no kyojin | one shot; 4,892 words] [genderneutral! timetraveler! reader] | gen; no pairings. summary: Every time you see them die. You promised someday, you will save them all. wanings/notes: Time Loop, Murder, Self-Harm, Suicide, Betrayal, Violence, Blood, Mental Instability, Mental Breakdown... I think you know this is going to be dark af. Also, horrible grammar, this is messy af, sorry! ;; inspired by higurashi no naku koro ni!

You didn't know when it all began— it seemed too far away, far from your reach. You felt as if it were years when it all went to this nightmare, this horror. This was far worse than just being eaten by a titan; no, being eaten was mercy.

And what nightmare were you living in? At the time you would have laughed of something so ridiculous— impossible to even think about. But here you are, suffering until the end, if there was any.

Was this purgatory?

Your first memories come back to you, little by little. Remembering your innocence, your life before this... It all seemed normal.

"Hey, [Name]! Breakfast is ready!" You heard Eren yell, coming outside just where you were sitting on a bench, looking at the blue sky. "What are you doing here all along anyways? I thought you were with horse face."

Letting out a laugh, you didn't leave your gaze from the clouds. "Just watching the sky. It's beautiful today, isn't it?"

The brunette frowns, confused by your answer. He always sees the sky everyday; what was different from it today? Looking beneath him, he could only spot the same blue and white. It looked cleared; but nothing out of normal... He returned his gaze at you again, seeing how you are still looking at the sky.

"I don't see any difference, really," he approaches you, looking at you with curiosity, "what's different from usual?"

The small smile on your face doesn't leave— neither does your eyes on the sky. Eren could see as if you were looking at something precious or amazing, a thing he couldn't see.

"I can't explain it. It looks... different. Maybe is the color? Or maybe the clouds? Something is lively, like something is coming."

The titan shifter blinks a little weirded out by your answer. He didn't get any hint like that with just looking at the sky— maybe you were overthinking things? Or you were nervous by the upcoming expedition? It could be. Nevertheless, taking a good look at your face made him notice that you were different. Maybe he couldn't notice the differences on the sky, but he could with you. You were comrades after all.

You looked... at peace. As if nothing in the world was bothering you; just you and him... He felt in a trance.

"We are going to miss breakfast, Eren." Your voice snapped him from his dream, and both of you looked at each other, "Come on, Sasha is going to eat our food." You finished, laughing quietly. He just nodded, still a little out of it, watching you walk to the barracks and waiting for him at the door. He quickly went to your side, taking a last glance at the sky before entering.

Ah, yes... That was the beginning of everything. Or just one of the oldest memories you have; there were too many. Sighing, the upcoming images make you tense, relieving one of the many pasts.

A certain expedition that went horribly wrong; at that time, maybe the sky was really telling you something. Bur no matter how you many things you changed, someone always had to be gone. Always. Your comrades, the Squad Leaders, the Commander... Even if you could keep going with one of them dying, your heart full of guilt couldn't let you. No— they all had to live, for humanity's sake.

"Haha! I bet horse face is going to wet his pants this time!" Eren mockingly says, grinning like a child. Armin besides him lets out a sigh, murmuring "Not again..."

A certain horse face heard that, stopping your conversation and instantly turned his face where the brunette was, smiling. "I heard that, you—!"

Before anything could be uncontrollable, you hissed at the two, "Both of you, stop! We are being watched! Can you at least be decent, for our reputation sake?"

Reiner, who was beside you, agreed with you, "[Name] is right. You two look like children fighting like that." You nodded your head, pouting slightly. Yeah, hearing his fights was funny, but at a time like this, were you are just going to leave the walls, was a big no. "We have to look like soldiers, but I guess with your clown looks... it's hard." He smiled, looking proud. You let out a chuckle, before being silenced by the murderous glare a certain corporal gave the two of you.

"Oi, all of you." You all gulped, looking terrified, "You better shut the hell up or I will punish all of you right now." You hurriedly nodded, sweating. He just sent a last hard glare to you, before returning to his talk with Hange.

You let out a sigh you were holding. It was nice to joke before going outside the walls; you needed to forget the terrors and horrors you will face there. And just by thinking that, your body tensed, you gripped the horse' harness and your mouth was pressed in a thin line. Reiner, who wanted to murmur you something, noticed your state, and tried to help you out.

"Hey, calm down. Nothing bad is going to happen to us. We are on the same squad, right? Look, if anything happens, I'm with you." He reassured, placing his hand on your shoulder, squeezing it. The warm touch and words made you less anxious, but the preoccupation was still there. You turned at him with a smile, nodding. He gave you one of his "hero" smiles and let go of you, returning his attention to the gate when the commander's voice could be heard.

"Open the gates!"

Gates opening, you could see the field; no titans near, but you knew they were there.

And so, the expedition began.

And you hoped for the best.

Red. Crimson. Scarlet.

All across the field; on the trees, the grass. On you.

Where did it go horribly wrong? What just happened? Why were you the last one alive?

Everyone was dead— you could see them all in front of you. The commander, the corporal, Eren, Mikasa, Jean... The sight was gruesome; the smell penetrated your nose fossils, but the sight was more horrifying than the smell.

Some of your friends were bitten; you could see Mikasa's guts all around her. She has an terrified expression on her face, but her eyes were spotted on someone else. That someone else, was Eren. Strangely, his own blade was penetrating in his head; head that was broken and open. His eyes were stuck on the only source of light; an open spot on the trees, letting you see the blue sky.

You didn't want to see in detail how Jean, Connie, Sasha and Armin were... You just knew they were as mutilated as them. You didn't see Reiner or Bertholth here, but your thoughts only made you think they had the same fate as them.

Your comrades, your friends, all gone. Were you the last one remaining of this expedition? You were sure.

How— How that many titans can spot you so easily? And why did all of you got wiped out? How was that even possible?

You remember Reiner's promise, how he smiled at you and reassured you everything was going to be okay. You tried to comfort yourself; but the cries you let out were impossible to hold. At anytime a titan would hear you and end your life, but you didn't care at all. What was the purpose when your friends are dead? You didn't had your horse or any energy to fight.

This was humanity's end.

Crying, you didn't hear loud steps approaching you, until a big hand grabbed you, squeezing your form.

You didn't want to look at it's face; the terrifying eyes the monster would have; the smile it would gave you. You just prayed there was a better place than this hell, where you would reunite with your friends.

You could feel pain, and then, everything went black.

。。。。。。。

" Hey, [Name]! Breakfast is ready!"

Uh?! What? You opened your eyes and frenetically looked around you; you were at the same spot a few days ago!

"What are you doing here all alone anyways? I thought you were with horse face." You heard Eren's voice near you. "What's with that face? You look scared of something, are you alright?" He asked, his face showing worry. He approached you, placing his hand on your shoulder.

Was all of it... a dream? But it felt too real!

"[Name]...?"

Snapping from your thoughts, you looked at him, not sure how to answer the question, You just blinked, until something came out from your mouth. "I'm... alright," you said, "I think I had the longest dream. It felt too real, and it wasn't very nice."

"What was it all about?" he asked, sitting on the bench.

It was weird how easy was to remember the horror; it felt like a memory— something you once lived before. But that was impossible; it was a dream. "I dreamed about how we failed the next expedition..." you answered, feeling anxious about it. You were unnerved at how you could feel the terror, how you could smell the corpses of your friends. You were sure the smell was still around. "We all got wiped out, no one was alive."

Eren didn't find the exact words to give you. Nevertheless, his fighting spirit didn't let you down, giving you the best words he could find. "Dreams are just dreams! Something like that isn't going to happen, I assure you!" Seeing how you were still tensed, he tried to joke, "Look, we all can hear horse face dreaming about being with Mikasa, and that will never happen."

You giggled, feeling a little better. Maybe he was right; dreams are just dreams. Nothing like that will come true— it was just a nightmare.

Sighing, you relaxed and got up from the bench, looking happier than you were before. "Come on, Eren! Sasha will eat our breakfast if we don't hurry up," you took his hands and walked to the barracks, and before entering you muttered a thank you, which he just smiled in reply.

Sadly, you didn't know that nightmare was the hell you were going to live in.

You laughed. How foolish for you to believe that.

It wasn't a dream, it was one of your destinies. A fate you can't escape.

Everything went to hell again; your friends were all killed, either eaten alive or mutilated. It was the exact same image from your nightmare.

And every time a titan ate you, you always woke up on the same place at the bench, hearing Eren's voice near you.

What was the purpose of all of this? How was it possible? You tried every other way to help everybody; but there was always someone dying I front of you— and that wasn't how was supposed to be. You knew all of your friends could live— but how?

You opened your eyes to see the same damn sky. The past went horribly wrong, as always — your squad wiped out, Reiner was gone, Sasha was eaten along with Christa. There wasn't a trace of Ymir and Connie anywhere. You couldn't save them; and your mental health deteriorated when you remembered the amount of corpses on the field; Sasha's mutilated body— only her head and torso remained. Little Christa's head was the only thing you could save of her. How her lifeless eyes stared at nothing when you hold her, crying and screaming.

You began to hyperventilate— you couldn't find how to breathe. You took your head with your hands, not caring of your nails piercing your skin, and let out an horrifying scream a certain brunette heard.

Eren ran to you, scared by your scream.

"What is happening?! [Name] why are you screaming?!"

Your couldn't control your body. It was like a meltdown going on; your brain was melting, you saw the same images again and again. There was a parasite crumbling on your body, getting inside your head— you had to put it out.

out out out out

The horrifying screams never ceased, even when Eren shakes you and tried to get you to snap out of it.

You don't remember anything after that.

Haha, how could you forget the time when your friends murdered you... Something unbelievable to you at that time— comrades wouldn't do that. Only a barbaric animal would. Only a beast could do something like they did.

You just wanted some peace for once, and thankfully, the lake far from the barracks was an option. After several breakdowns, you damaged mind remembered this place— a beautiful lake hidden in the forest's deeps.

Just hearing the signing of the birds, the wind... made you recover some sanity you had once forgotten. Reviving everytime to just see everyone die was consuming your mind; maybe this was your 45th time... how could you be so sure? It maybe was your 100th time. 'Time' was unknown now.

You were relaxing sitting against a tree, well hidden between some bushes, just to not be spotted and irritated if so.

But obviously, someone has to do so.

You could hear steps coming near you— then stopping tight where the lake was. You had a nice vision to the lake, so you spotted right away who was there.

"Bertholt?"

He seemed nervous, looking around. Thanks to the bushes you couldn't be spotted, but you silently shifted and crouched. You were curious— sometimes you always saw Bertholt and Reiner going to the forest in the night, and you always wondered for what.

The one you both were waiting for appeared, with an uncharacteristic serious expression. Are they fighting? Weren't they having breakfast together this morning?

"Did you study the formations?" Reiner asked, arms crossed.

The brunette nodded, a little nervous, "We heard Eren is going to be in the right flank, right?"

"Yes, and the Corporal is going to be at the center, so he is far away from him. Annie should easily get Eren."

What are they talking about? Kidnap Eren? Why...

Sudden memories from Hange's titans came to you— how there was rumored someone killed them.

It—It was Annie! But why? Why they want to get Eren?

"Reiner... Trost District got closed. We have to destroy all the walls for once— it's been too long!"

"You think I don't know that? Once Annie get's Eren, our plan to break wall Maria is on. We have to play this carefully, Bertholth."

No.... nonono..

Break the walls? What do they mean by that? The only monsters who broke them were...

The Colossal and the Armored...

And they are...

Reiner and Bertholt.

They are titan shifters! Annie as well! And they want to get Eren! So the expedition is going to hell because of them— they are the goddamn reason.

You had to get away from them— they weren't your friends, they were just masks. They want to get humanity extinct! You had to inform this immediately.

As silently as you could, you tried to stand up, but a stupid branch had to broke under your foot, making them instantly look at your direction.

You were dead, again.

"Who's there?!" Reiner frenetically yelled, running to where you were hiding. What was the purpose to run? You were going to live anyways.

"[Name]..." The blond murmured your name, looking shamefully at you, "how much did you hear?"

Instantly you replied, "enough to know you are the reason for all of our deaths." You looked hurt, but you were angry and furious.

"You didn't have to hear that." He said, grabbing your arm to get you up, which you comply without complaining. He took notice of your uncaring but upset nature— weirding him out.

When the blond and you approached the brunette, Bertholt's eyes widened, and he was sweating like a pig.

"[N—[Name]!" The taller exclaimed, not believing you were there, caught. "You–We—"

"Save it." you said, "why are you killing us? Aren't we friends, Reiner? Weren't you the fucking 'big bro' from the squad, you piece of fucking shit?" you glared at them— not caring if you were dying by their hands.

"We—We are friends! Don't— Don't look at us like that, [Name]..." the blond said, averting your gaze.

"Then how in the fuck I have to see you? With spark in my eyes? With admiration? You two are the monsters all of us are afraid of!"

They just tensed by your words, like children. But these little children were going to kill you soon, so you just yelled anything you could.

"You killed Eren's mother! Armin's grandpa!" you tightly swallowed, holding your tears, "my family! You are murderers! How do I have to look at you, Reiner?! Tell me!"

"Nobody wants to do this!" Reiner yelled at you, but you just glared fiercely at him. "Do you think we wanted this?! To kill our friends?! Nobody wants that!"

"Then what's the reason?! Why are you doing this?!"

Reiner didn't answer you, so your attention changed to Bertholt, who was tensed and sweating. "Bertholt, why? Why are you killing us? Where are you taking Eren?" but the taller man just averted your gaze like the coward he is. "Look at me, you piece of shit! Answer me!"

But no answer came.

"Mina, Thomas, Samuel, Hannah... all of them died, but for what? By pieces of shit like you?" You began to cry, remembering your friends who didn't make it. "You played with us— you are no big brothers..."

The people you riled on to for years were just fakers. Murderers, people who killed your friends, your family, and you.

"You are our friends— really... We have to do this, [Name]. We can't go back if we don't."

"Go back to where? All about your 'home town' is bullshit. Where is your shitty home anyways?"

"We can't tell you that—"

"Fuck you. You are going to kill me anyways, you big liar."

"[Name]..."

"Fuck you, Reiner. Fuck you, Bertholt. And fuck your hometown too, murderers." You tried to back off, but Reiner got a hold on you, and you knew these were your last moments.

"You can't go, [Name]." Reiner's face changed completely to one you never saw before, he wasn't seeing you as the friend he had to kill; he was seeing the trash he had to take care of, "as my duty as a warrior, I have to take down our targets."

"Warrior? More like a piece of shit, you fucker, get your hands off of me!" you tried to struggle, but he was bigger than you.

You took a glimpse of Bertholt, and the coward was crying and apologizing to you repeatedly.

"I'm sorry, [Name]. We are sorry, so sorry—"

You just let the tears came, and looked at Reiner and tried to look at him as the friend he was, and not the murder he became, but that wasn't possible.

You struggled as best as you could— giving kicks, punching him, but there was no use. He slammed you on the floor, making him get over you.

"This shouldn't have to be like this."

"But it is."

He grabbed your head with both of his hands, and smashed your head against a rock nearby. Over and over— you were sure your skull could be visible, blood coming from your injuries and getting on your face. You only could catch glimpses of someone's tears and hear the apologies from somebody...

And then, they could saw your lifeless eyes.

The dump your body to the hill, where any animal could eat and destroy your rests, so nobody could find you.

Suicide wasn't the answer either.

"I'm helping breakfast today." You said with no enthusiasm whatsoever — you were dead inside.

"Sure thing, [Name]! But, uhm," Christa approaches you, and gently laid her hands on yours, "are you alright? You have been down lately."

You let our an empty laugh, "I'm alright, Christa. Nothing to worry about." You took off her hands and went to the mess hall, spotting Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Connie... and the bastards too.

The blond titan shifter waved at you, which you only glared at him with all the hatred you could sent, making him surprised and taken aback. Everyone saw the interaction— and they wondered what did Reiner do to you to glare at him like that.

They saw as you went into the kitchen, allowing them to gossip.

"Yoooo, what was that just now?" Connie asked, "[Name] glared at you and almost murders you!"

"Now what did you do? I have never saw [Name] doing something like that to anybody. You must had done something very shitty." Jean interfered, looking interested.

"I didn't do anything! I haven't talked to [Name] lately..." Reiner answered, trying to recall any comment he should have said to make you angry, but nothing came.

"Well, [Name] is pissed." Connie said.

"I don't want to gossip but," Armin spoke, "[Name] has been very upset lately."

Everyone agreed.

"They don't talk much." Mikasa said.

"They don't get out of their room."

"They are paler."

"They are angry every time we talk to them."

"They cry at night."

Everyone turned at the new voice coming in, wich was from the Corporal himself. Everyone stood up and saluted, but relaxed at the command of Levi.

"Surprising you noticed finally, isn't them your friend?" the shorter man asked, sitting down. "It's none of my business but your friend looks like complete shit."

It was true. You looked sick and tired most of the time. You didn't talk much, so they didn't get any answers or reasons for your change of behavior.

"We should do something for them!" Connie said, with enthusiasm all over his voice.

"Like what, baldy? A hug party?" Jean joked, gaining a playfully punch from the short soldier.

"We should do... uhm... I don't know..." Connie mumbled, less excited. What could be a good gift for you anyways? There weren't a lot of options.

"We should follow Jean's advice," Reiner joked, "maybe that could do something."

"This is serious! We have to do something!"

"What if—"

A female scream interrupted the talk, making them turn at the kitchen, where the cry was heard.

"Was that Sasha?"

The screams keep going, but this wasn't one of the normal Sasha's screams she let out jokingly, these were of absolute terror.

The one who instantly reacted was the corporal, flying out of his seat to go to the kitchen. And when he entered, everyone heard what he said,

"What the fuck happen?!" He took the door frame and turned, "someone get Hange right now!", and he entered the kitchen once again.

Armin quickly left the mess hall, taking Levi's order.

Everyone was worried, so they went to the kitchen to know what was happening.

The sight was horrifying.

Blood on the floor— YOUR blood. You were lying on the floor, with a kitchen knife in your stomach. There were countless of deep injuries on your stomach; they could see them thanks to the torn shirt. You were pouring blood from your injuries, mouth and nose, and your eyes were getting unfocused.

"What—What happened?" Jean was the only one who could articulate something with the sight in front of him. Everyone was in shock, some covering their mouths, not believing the scene.

Sasha just cried, trying to explain, "I—I don't know! They—They—" She couldn't finish, she was crying harder and she was gasping for air.

Mikasa rushed to her, trying to be strong and help her. "Sasha, look at me." Mikasa took Sasha's face and made her turn, meeting with her watery eyes, "Calm down, what happened?"

"[Name] just began to stab themselves! Without a reason!!" she exclaimed, "They were helping me with the food, but—but they just did it out of nowhere!"

The corporal tried to stop the multiple bleeding— trying not to touch the knife in your stomach.

"What the fuck, [Last Name]?! What is the reason of this?" The Corporal tried to comprehend, but he just couldn't. You let out an empty laugh, your eyes glued on the ceiling.

"I just... want to... rest..." you coughed, blood dripping your mouth.

The one who were crying their eyes out where Connie and Sasha– Mikasa tried her best to control the two, but they were desperately sobbing. Eren was in shock; the brunette couldn't understand the scene before him. Why did you something so horrible to yourself? He couldn't understand anything.

Reiner and Bertolt couldn't believe it either. The blonde tried to approach you, but the corporal quickly yelled orders to not get near you. Reiner wanted to help you– save you. Just... what was on your mind these past few days?

Bertolt never thought of you harming yourself like that. He always looked upon you because of your determination and braveness— he never in a million years would have imagined this scene in front of him.

Jean covered his mouth in shock; his widened eyes couldn't bear the sight of you, so he just averted it completely. His mind couldn't process the sight, but he tried to calm himself.

Everything was in chaos— sobs and cries could be heard coming out from the kitchen. No one could think clearly, and when Hange and Armin got there, it was already too late.

You remember telling the commander about Reiner's and Bertolt's betrayal, but everything went to shit. The strategy to take them down was a complete failure, nothing could be done against their titans. They killed everyone, taking Eren with them. Like every time, you were the only one left, surrendered by the bodies of your comrades.

"Why... just why? Reiner... Bertolt... why are you killing us...?" you hopelessly pleaded for an answer, crouching on the grass. "What's the purpose of killing us?"

They just stared at you, in shame or disgust? You really didn't care no more. Eren was unconscious on Bertolt's back.

"Answer me!" You punched the dirt, "why are you doing all of this?! Why do you want to erase us from this world!?"

"We don't want to do this!" Bertolt desperately yells.

"Then who is making you?!"

Silence. They never answer– they never say something about their origins, leaving you in the dark.

Reiner speaks, but he isn't the Reiner you know. This one sounds evil, different— vile.

"We have to kill all of your devil race, including you. We can't let dirty spawns of the devil alive– is our task to take all of you down. It's our duty as warriors."

Devils? Warriors? Spawn of the devil?

"Reiner... What are you even talking about? The only devils I see are you both."

Bertolt averts your gaze, the big coward. Reiner looks like he is fighting himself— he crouches in front of you, taking his head with both of his hands. You truly believe something is wrong with him– something deeper than just a game of pretend.

"Please [Name]... please forgive me, I didn't want to do any of this... please..." Reiner looks so pathetic, taking your hand between his', kneeling. Tears came out from his eyes, and he looks desperately at you for forgiveness, something that you couldn't give.

You look at Bertolt for an answer, but he only lets himself look at the floor, ashamed. He looks scared– he is crying too, but his sobs are silent.

These two doesn't look like they just won a battle; they look like terrified children.

"Please [Name]..." Bertolt speaks, "find us."

Somehow, at that moment, you could understand that these two weren't the only responsible for this nightmare. They didn't look like they were enjoying winning— they looked miserable.

You finally understood.

"Someday, I will find us all."

Taking your blade, Bertolt looks worried and tries to take Reiner back, but your actions just shock both of them to the core.

You stab yourself, over and over, and Reiner and Bertolt can't just do anything but watch in horror.

With a last stab, you breathlessly say,

"See you later..."

Nothing worked. Even if you tried to talk to them, it never went well. There was no way for them to cooperate — every time they eliminated you with these regretful looks on their faces. It was a waste of time— they were determinated to not back off from their plan.

You sigh, exhausted. You can't count how many times have you 'revived'. It feels like many years have passed, and honestly, you don't even know how much you can take. This hurts, every time you see your comrades die in front of you, every time your friends kill you... you don't have answers, they refuse to give answers. You are in the dark, alone and broken, but you are the only one who can help you stand and go again.

You look at the sky— feeling peace. Maybe this time will be different. The sky doesn't look the same as before... there's something different.

You try to remember the good old times, but you seem to forgot them. Nightmares replace them, leaving you in pain. There are no more 'good times', and even if you want to finish all of this, it's impossible.

But you promised to find us all.

And a promise can't be broken.

Someday... you will save us all.

"Hey [Name]! Breakfast is ready!"

e m p t y / 11

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

chapter eleven training

Looking around, the taller male tries to see if anybody is watching him, and when he decides he's safe, Jean can't help himself to check out the body from his friend next to him— [Name]. He's not paying attention to him, so Jean was safe to see all the wanted. He has noticed he have matured enough, but he is taller than [Name] and stronger.

His soft skin looks nice — he wondered if it was easily to mark... his hair looked smooth, too. He wanted to smell it– remembering those days when they were kids he always thought [Name] smelled nice.

Jean's eyes could help but wander more on his body, but before he could get any lower, he noticed something just behind [Name]'s shoulder— a mark?

The two-toned haired male tries to look at it carefully, but someone came out of nowhere talking loudly, scaring him.

"Yo, [Name]!" A short guy yells, approaching both. Turning, he recognize is Connie. "What is that on your shoulder? Is that a mark?" He says, looking right on his shoulder.

"Uh? What?" [Name] asks, confused. He tries to look behind his shoulder, but he can't see anything. "What is it?"

"You don't know? It looks like a mark!"

"A mark?"

"Hmn... it looks like... a wing?? Nah..."

Someone else speaks, interested by the subject. Is a big blonde– Reiner. "It looks like... a crown." He says lowly, narrowing his eyes. He turns to see his brunette friend, who looks nervously at him in return.

"Well, possibly. It does look like it, though..." Jean speaks thoughtfully.

[Name] tilts his head, completely oblivious he had that. "I don't remember anyone telling me I had one..."

Connie raises and eyebrow, "no? not even your parents?"

[Name] stays quiet by the question, and Connie notices right away he asked something uncomfortable.

"S–Sorry! Forget that!"

"Way to go, baldy."

"Hey! I didn't think much of it!"

[Name] shakes his head, "It's alright. No, I don't think they told me."

"Well, that's a cool mark!"

"...Thank you?"

"You don't remember having it before?" Reiner asks, looking at it carefully.

[Name] shakes his head, wondering if he could remember about it– but a sharp pain in his head stops him. Grunting, [Name] places a hand on his head, trying to relieve the pain.

Everyone can see his discomfort, but is Jean the first one to ask. "Your head again?

"Yeah..."

"You have headaches a lot, uh?" Reiner asks.

"Sometimes," he rubs his forehead, but stops when he realizes something, looking at the teenagers with narrowed eyes, "but... how all of you noticed my mark?"

"Because it was noticeable!" Connie responds enthusiastically.

"...So you were watching me while I'm showering...?"

"Ah—! Well, hehe..." Connie begins to laugh, and Bertolt, Reiner and Jean avert your gaze, face blushing.

[Name] touches his mark, wondering. Who was I? He turns to Jean, who is averting his gaze, embarrassed, "can you draw it? I want to see it."

His friend just gulps, trying to act normal. "Oh, sure."

Eren just saw their interaction from far away, pouting and frowning like a child.

"You should stop watching... it's awkward..."

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

First training was about practicing with the balance of the ODM. As he could see, Jean and Marco were doing great— but Eren... not so much. The brunette was upside down with an horrifying expression plastered on his face. It was obvious in [Name]'s eyes he was utterly embarrassed and horrified of what was just happening to him— [Name] could only watch in worry as everyone around let out snickering comments about his friend's state as the instructor yelled at him.

"Cadet Knight! It's your turn!" One of the instructors shouted, turning to see [Name] already coming his way, watching his friend in worry. He got in place, one of the cadets placing the wires on his belt. [Name] tried to not tense too much, but as soon as the cadet began to lift him in the air, [Name] couldn't stop feeling so... uncomfortable. He couldn't get used to it as quickly as Mikasa did— it was so... tight. He couldn't stop staggering around, much to his dismay. And to top things up, a migraine was appearing, making it more difficult than it already was.

Nevertheless, the teenager tried his best to not fall. But it was clear the practice was difficult to him.

"You just barely made it," Shadis spoke to him, "you better change your pathetic attempt or you are leaving along with cadet Jäeger!"

Hearing the yells, Eren, who was still upside down, looked besides him to see [Name] having trouble too. He just grew more worried about the future in the military— their future. What if one of them had to go and couldn't see each other again?! He wouldn't allow that!

I̷̡͎̱̭͙͎̠̒̎̍̌̈́ͅ ̴̨̘͍͖̘̼̲̐͑͐̃̐͘͝͝͝͠t̷̨̆̎̽̃͆͂̚o̶̧̢̥͍̗̩͓̘̫̙̮͊̀͋̂͌̇ͅļ̴̧̨̱͉͔̭̬̘͎̣̈̐͋͆̒̎͑̊̆͗̚ͅd̴̢̧͕̟̫͕̲̙̳̬͎̣̥̓͐̕ ̵̧̼͔̠͔̗̞̋̽̿͌͌͑̔̓̇̓̆̽̓y̸̭̺̖͓͉̔͂͋̅́̑̈́͊̆̚͘̚̚͝ǫ̷̛̽̿̑̈́̈̒͘͠͠ǘ̸̼͖̝̬͖̮̥͕̈́̀̀͐̂̑ ̴̧̧̢͉͍̙͓͕̙̲̻̖͊̒̾̃t̵̛̯̦̋̈́̇͌͗̿͘̚͠ḧ̶̹̭̹̱̞̗̖̻͈̟̫́̋̅̑̒͗̽̔̇̚̚i̷̧͕̜̱̓̾̿͛̔̂̍̍̒̓̚̕͝s̶̨̢͕̺̻̜̤̬̑̌̍̏̃̎̚ ̴͓̒̉͝ͅb̸͎̲̜̓͊̏̈̋̊͑̈̄͑̊͜͝͝͝r̸̢̡̧͎͔̺̭̫̼̼̘͎̬̓ä̴̧͈͙̼̤͈̹͖̝̜͉̭͚̊͜ͅṫ̵̡̤̻̰̋́̓̽̕͘̚͝ ̷̢͖̭̪̮̻͇̤̦̘̩̹̅̿̈̈́̌͘͘͝w̷̧̛̱͈̫̙̲͖͉͖̲̘͓̳̉̑̔͊̅̍̿̚ā̴̡̧̻̬͖̫͇͎̃͑̽͜s̴̛̜̭̱̦̲̮͎̞̼̆̕n̷̢̧̯͙͉̫͖̠̙͙̰̙͍͐̈́̏͐̈́̆̇̑͝'̸̡̢̨̛̠̘͖͍͈̥͈̗̦̭̈́̾̾͊̄̓̚͝͝ͅţ̸͇̞̞̒͊͌̃͊̉͂̂̅̾̚͝͝ ̷͔͉̪̠͖̾̉̈͑̈́̋̐̍̓̚͜m̴̨̛ư̵̜̩̭̲̞̬͚̱̮͚̘̾̌͒̃̋̈́͋c̸̢̟̭͈̹͎̮̠͕̾͐̌̿͠h̶̦͖̟͇̻͖͓̮͔̝̖̫͔̄̓̆͒̂̀͌̊̍̚͠͝ͅ ̶̨̧͔̗̱̠̦̫͔̱̅̂ǫ̸̥̫̹̬̣̯͙̪̲͇̌͒̓͊̈́̊̽͒͒͘f̵̻͍̮̯̖̪̹̭̈́̏͒͗͗̊́̕͝ ̸̛̜̮͒͐̽̈́̈͆͌̉̐̽͝ą̶̠͎͉̟̟̜̭̜̥͓̾ͅ ̴̢̛̻͆̐̑̾̆̉̾̿̑̏͆͠͝h̶͉̞̉̏͘ę̷̬͇̟͙̬̭̹̺͉̺͖̦͖͓̓ľ̵̝̲̗̾̓͌̒ͅp̵̛̙̯͕̝̰̹͂̂̿̉̈́̈̇̒̎͘̚.̴̨̬̻̥̲̼̦̫̬̲͙͉͉͌̂̑̒̓̽̕͝

[Name] felt irritated. What was the issue with him? As it was an new thing, maybe he didn't get use to it right away...

"Don't worry, [Name]! I'm sure you will get it right next time!" Marco tried to comfort him with his precious smile, but [Name] was already in a bad mood. The frown made it quite clear.

"Well, seems [Name] didn't make it in the first try," Jean was surprised his friend hadn't made it the first time. But he could recognize the way he grit his teeth and frowned was because he was having one of his usual headaches. "Did your head hurt?"

Sighing, [Name] just nods as an answer, rubbing the back of his head. He couldn't deny hearing harsh whispers right on his ear, a voice that could have belonged to a man with a gruffly voice. [Name] didn't hear quite well what it said, but it got in his nerves nevertheless.

”Looks like Eren is having it worse...” Armin says, smiling awkwardly at his friend. [Name] can see the brunette still trying, but failing every time. It was not a great scene to see, less when everyone was looking at him in mocking way.

”Pff, and there goes “the weak have to go”, HAHAHA!” Jean jokes, laughing like a maniac. [Name] just sees him with an raised eyebrow, amused by such ridiculous behavior. Was he always this dumb?

[Name] sighs, passing a head trough his hair, ”guess I have to worry about myself...” Jean notices his irritation, and he hugs his shoulder and speaks in a weird tone.

”Heeeey,” Jean pats his head with his grin, “don’t worry— PRO Jean knows everything and you are in luck— I’m not charging you.”

[Name] snorts, “is that so? How nice of you.” Hugging his arm, [Name] rests his head on Jean’s shoulder, looking at him with a playful smile. This only breaks Jean’s facade, seeing his blush and stuttering.

Armin just sees with widening eyes and a blush, same with Marco. It’s... amusing seeing [Name] so lively, after being in a bad mood.

"I'm hungry. When is lunch time?" [Name] yawns, letting go Jean's arm. The migraine was still there, but less painful. He somehow had to bear with them as nothing else could help but a cold shower. Maybe he could go to the infirmary later to find anything.

Eren, who somehow finished his awful practice, approaches Armin but not before giving [Name] a weird look. The [hair color] haired stares at him silently, not sure what to say. It's obvious the air had become awkward— there's silence. The brunette frowns, pressing his lips into a thin line, seeming to decide not say whatever he was thinking.

"Let's go." It's the only thing he says, already walking away without Armin. The blonde waves at [Name] before leaving, sending an apologetic smile. [Name] just stands there with a frown, feeling upset once more.

Maybe I should have said something. He thinks, his expression changing to his dull usual eyes and crosses his arms. Sighing, he can't help but being angry at the situation.

The freckled boy can't help but notice the tension, and with prying eyes he looks at [Name]. "Hmn, is something wrong between you two?"

Jean snorts, "of course there is— that suicidal maniac is also a jackass."

"I want to sleep." [Name] states, already walking away. Jean grabs his wrist, pulling him back.

"No you won't! You have to eat dinner first!" Jean yells at him, “I can’t believe I have to be your babysitter!”

”I’m not making you," he pouts, "you are doing it because you want to."

The taller teenager just clench his teeth and grunt, a faint pink painting his face. This cute little shit—

"[Name]! Eating is important!" Marco says worriedly, "if you don't you will be more tired tomorrow..."

The sleepy teenager just sighed and gave in. Eating didn't sound so good when the food was that cold—he already missed his mom's cooking. When will they be able to visit their family?

The trio walked to the dinner hall, Marco and [Name] doing most of the talking while Jean just wondered.

Jean believed if [Name] lived by himself he wouldn't do anything but sleep one week if he could. That careless idiot! If I weren't here with him who would take care of him?! He knew one day he wouldn't be at his side once they graduate. The thought only upset him, squeezing [Name]'s hand for no reason. The amnesiac boy looked at him with curiosity, but squeezed back without a word.

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

It wasn't a secret Mikasa was satisfied with how her brother was acting. She knew that day was traumatic— they lost their mother, their father was missing and they believed [Name] was gone for good, even if they didn't say it out loud. But getting angry at him wasn't justified. She knew Eren could get emotional even if he didn't admit it, but it was a clear his feelings controlled him most of the time.

"Eren, you know what you are doing is immature, right?" Armin tries to keep up with the fast speed Eren is walking— he looks troubled. Nevertheless, the blond tries to speak with in a soft tone.

Seeing his silent treatment, Mikasa frowns and speaks, "[Name] is hurt by what you are doing."

"Really?! And then why isn't he coming to apologize?!" He turns to see her angrily.

"For what?" She changes her tone to one much harsher, "he didn't leave us— did you look for him first when the colossal titan broke the wall?" Mikasa says with narrowed eyes, staring right at Eren.

The brunette shuts his mouth, not being able to answer. It was true— his first thought was his mom, not [Name]. But it was completely fine his thoughts were like that. He grits his teeth, turning to walk once more. "Whatever!"

"You will make things right— apologize. What you said to him was uncalled for."

”Eren... [Name] is here, with us.” Armin spoke, “there was a chance he wouldn’t be here— can you imagine that? You should be happy we are together again...”

The brunette grunts, looking as if he didn't care, but in reality, he certainly did. “I have more important things to do right now.”

The two friends look at each other, sighing. Eren could be a thick head when he wanted.

"Hopefully this won't be long."

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

As [Name] was changing to more comfortable clothes, he could see Eren (with a bandage around his head) desperately trying to get help with Jean and a kid named Connie. The [hair color] haired knew that wasn’t going work at all, seeing Jean not liking Eren one a bit.

Strangely, [Name] wasn’t too bothered by his horribly practice. At first he was troubled, but he deducted with a few more chances to get used with the gear he would be fine. He didn’t feel desperate— after all, Beatrice always told him that keeping a cool head was better.

”Maybe we can try tomorrow morning before practice,” Marco smiles, looking at [Name], "you can get used to it in no time."

”I don’t think I will wake up...” He scratches his neck, “maybe after dinner... but I will have to change again... ugh.”

”I can go with you to help, okay?" [Name] looks at him and nods, grateful. "Don't worry— I will try to tell you everything I know."

Jean approaches them with a smug smirk, obviously enjoying Eren’s suffering, “he must be so desperate to look for me to help him, pfft!” He can't hold his laugh, seeing Eren's face from afar. Jean turns to the two, still with his smirk, "anyways, how about you [Name]?"

”Ah, [Name] wants to practice after dinner!”

”Really? I don’t see you that bothered, tough.” Jean looks at [Name]'s neutral face— in fact, he didn't see him as worried as others were.

”Maybe I can get it right after a few tries,” he looks at Eren again, noticing he was with Reiner and Bertolt, along with Armin. Tilting his head, blinking with his dull eyes, he proceeds, “after all, being anxious won't help."

"You must be careful with your headaches. Seems they come around in the worst times."

[Name] sighs, "can't do much about that." He didn't know how well he could handle them in the worst scenarios— [Name] hoped they didn't make him leave training.

"Everything will be okay," the freckled teenager showed a warm smile, squeezing his hand. [Name] tilted his head, feeling warm. Strangely, [Name] felt shy. His face blushed and he averted Marco's gaze, and Jean absolutely catch the strange behavior.

Ayayayay— what

"Okay," [Name] scratches his neck, still with the cryptic spark on his eyes. Jean raises one eyebrow, suspicious. Never seen that expression before— [Name] has like... three expressions. What's he thinking?! "We should go to eat now. I'm hungry."

"Sure!"

As the three of them leave, Jean can't stop thinking at the weird thing just happened. That can't be— [Name] didn't even react the way I wanted to when he kissed!

━━━━━━✧♛✧━━━━━━

[Name] noticed neither Armin nor Eren went to have dinner— they stayed with Reiner and Bertolt back in the dorms.

The amnesiac teenager looked at Mikasa, who was with other girls. Since Armin nor Eren are here... She somehow noticed [Name], waving at him with a small smile. [Name] returned the smile, waving along.

He sat down with Jean and Marco as usual, not really talking much. There was few other guys in the table, and he could only recognize Connie and Thomas, a blonde kid he saw around Trost a few times.

"Aah?" The bald kid speaks, stopping eating when he sees [Name]'s face closely. He got near [Name] from the other side of the table, supporting his hands on the wood, "never seen your eyes before!"

"I feel special," [Name] plainly says, eating his bread without much care. Jean snorts by it— since when [Name] jokes?

Connie blinks, realizing who he is, "hey! do you remember your mark?" [Name] blinks, completely forgotten about it.

"Ah, right," Jean takes something from his pocket— a folded paper. He opens it and shows it to [Name], who tilts his head to look at it carefully.

It's a simple drawing— it was a crown inside a perfect circle. No words or anything that he could recognize— just an imagine. This only made him sigh. Of course it didn't bring anything— nothing ever did.

"I don't know."

He doesn't hear anybody, paying more attention to the paper, as he touches the drawing. The touch only brings a heavy pain on his head, and there's only a strong voice speaking trough the static.

W̷͈̱͎͙͍̤͔͉̯̘̟̪͇̭͕̓̂͛̓͗̀͘̕͝X̷̢̛̖̯̰̫̌͛̾̅͂̏͘̕ ̸̨̡̡̰͈̺̻͓̩͔͚̙̅̂̈́̎͜3̴̖͍̫̪̌͛̈͊͝r̶̛̙̺̝̮̣͍̟͓̬̄̀̊͑ͅX̴̹̐̆͌̽̀̕̚͠ ̵̭̻̽͑̇̌̉̿̊̂̍̌̍t̵̥̖̼̮̙̩͈͗͛͗͋̍̌̇̄͛̍̃̋̚͜͝h̴̪̐̏̌͌̓͑̂̕2̵̠̠͇̮̰͈͇͋͜ ̸̧̡͍͙̠̦̬͕̟̻͖̟́̋͌̊̋̄̌̌͘K̸̢̨̥̘͖͙̜͎̹̜͎̰̘̈̀̽̄̎̊̐͒͜ȉ̷̭̺̝̈́̑ň̵͜g̶̺͇̮̑̾͜'̵̨͈̦̳̾̂̓̒̊s̵̢̨̝͙̜͕͙̥͕̣͔̝̤̬̒͋̂͑͒̑̈̈̓͒̀͑̂̑ ̴̲̼͚̲̘̱̫͔͍̩̰͍̓̊́s̶͓͚͐͂̐X̵̡̰͔̯̼̭̻̜̅̋̇͑͛͛͘.̴̭̹̹̳̲̩̃̾͐̓?̵̞̯̤̪̍̊̋̽͗̑͒͗̽͊̚͘͠d̷̡̘̜̯͚̱͕͍̮̹̭͆̒͐͑͛̃͗͘̕͜.̴̨̡̻̟̩̼̄̉̂͠͠

"[Name]?"

"Why does your head hurt a lot?" Connie interrupts Jean, noticing the usual pain [Name] gets. Jean just glares irritably at him.

"Migraines. I will never get rid of them, so I'm used to it."

"Wait— but how come you don't remember anything? Did you hurt your head?"

"Something like that." He doesn't seems to want to talk anymore, so he excuses himself to eat. Doesn't matter, as Connie looks like loves to talk and doesn't seem bothered by his silence. This allows [Name] to think about his now founded mark— did nobody ever see it before? Well, he didn't actually remembered someone looking as his back... was there? Frowning, he instinctively touches his shoulder, upset but happy at the same time. Well, at least I have another thing to be recognized with.

He feels a hand touching his'. [Name] looks up, noticing is Jean. "Hey, do you want to go now? Remember you have to rest." [Name] notices Marco is watching him too, waiting to leave. Nodding, [Name] stand up along with the other two, alerting Connie who only raises his eyebrows with the sudden move.

"Hey! Where are you three going?"

"None of your business, baldy," Jean answers as they leave, hearing Connie yell something to him. Just as they return to the dorm, [Name] can hear Eren's voice in the distance. He turns to the side of the forest, seeing faint lights entering it. Where are they going...?

"[Name]?"

He blinks, entering the dorms without seeing the forest one last time.

”Your straps are loosen up," Marco kneels, tightening them and reordering them, "done!"

"Geez, [Name]. You can be so careless most of the time," he sighs, scolding [Name], "anyways, ready?" [Name] nods.

[Name] has the same uncomfortable feeling as before, but this time he's prepared. He is lifted in the air as he tries his best to relax and not trash around— but there's a gentle voice right at his ear, but not the same gruffly one. This one is kinder, and he can actually understand what it says. He blinks, surprised.

Easy— this is nothing you can't handle.

The voices relaxes him, somehow. Is as if it's singing a lullaby— [Name] sighs, using his whole body to balance correctly this time. Just as Marco and Jean said, the legs had a principal role on balancing himself right. There seems to not be another issue with the gear, as he could see. The two boys saw [Name] working better with the gear, much different than his first try.

"Look at that— seems my great teachings have worked for you, [Name]." Jean smirks, placing his hands on his hips, feeling proud.

"Seems you just had to try a second time," the freckled teenager smiles, giving thumbs up. He helps [Name] getting off.

"I wonder how we'll do in the air," [Name] says, touching the ground. He couldn't wait for the next practice in a couple of days— strangely he felt ticklish by just the thought of flying. Just remembering the first time he saw the Survey Corps using the gear made him grin in anticipation.

"Now now, don't get impatient," Jean tries to sound 'wise', but in reality [Name] thought he sounded dumb as hell, "everything in time."

"Whatever you say, Jeanbo."

"Don't call me that!"

[Name] hides his smile, "mom?"

"[NAME]!"

Marco chuckles, "I'm glad you made it— let's just wait for tomorrow!"

When they walk back to the dorms, [Name] can't stop thinking at the kind yet familiar voice from before. Would I get the answers I'm tired to look for? Hearing the voice was calming, just like hearing Beatrice. It was a weird resemblance, but spot on, somehow. I wonder what she's doing.

When you check your word count, and it’s only at 20 words:

Hola, nomas te quería saludar y desearte un buen día :D. Te queriá hacer una preguntita tambíen, estaba leyendo todas tus fics pero no puedo encontrar la de 'Kisses', que le pasó ?😲

Hola! Muchas gracias ^^

Aah, jejejeje es que la archivé. Me daba un poco de cringe saber que las personas leían semejante cosa jsjsjsjs (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`) es algo que escribí cuando apenas empezaba y siento que es muy tonto? o muy ew wtf.

sin embargo todavía lo tengo público en mi AO3, por si lo quieres leer jajsjsjsj.

buen día, y perdón por responder tan tarde!! ;__;

e m p t y | 1

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place -- trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can't remember his own face? masterlist _____________________

1—Outsider

You blinked, trying to focus your vision, but the sun blinded you, making them close again. Slowly, you shifted in a more comfortable position— sitting down, rubbing your eyes.

You felt as if you just woke up from a nightmare, but that was unlikely— you didn't remember any dream you were having.

Opening your eyes again, you try and focus on your surroundings; green. Looking around you just could see big trees, bushes, and more more trees. Were you in a forest...?

Standing up, you look everywhere around you, trying to spot something that could give you an answer— but nothing happened. The only sounds were your breathing and the signing of the birds. It seemed you were completely alone.

How did you get here? Where were you? You tried to remember something before you woke up— but a unbearable pain in your head made you instantly stop. Grabbing your head, you closed your eyes and grunted— trying to calm the pain.

Alright, alright, no more remembering for now. Feeling the pain slowly going away, you decided to walk around the forest. If you walked a little, maybe you could find somebody and get help!

Walking in a random path, you tried to remain calm. Taking long breaths, you tried to not get lost. The rays of the sun couldn't be seen now; there wasn't any free spot the trees could give, but the forest wasn't that dark, thankfully.

Come on, ——! This is the time to be a big boy.

Uh? ——? What?

The fogged word confused you— it was like you knew that word, but just couldn't say it. It was at the tip of your tongue; but as you could slightly see it, it faded away. ——...

Wait.

You instantly stopped walking, confused and frightened by a sudden question:

Who were you?

What was your name? You desperately tried to remember, but just like before, the pain returned, fogging your mind. Nevertheless, your desperation was stronger than the pain you felt, and so you just tried to remember something— anything.

But just pain came.

You tried to image how you looked like, but nothing came to mind. You were faceless— an empty vessel. You looked at your small hands; trying to feel something else than your desperation, but you felt nothing.

This wasn't right.

And if something could heard your silent pleads, you could faintly hear a noise from far away— a sound you didn't quite understand. But whatever it was, you could hear multiple sounds coming. You hurriedly run thought the trees and bushes, until you were in a path where the sun lighten the way.

You waited in the same spot; you somehow knew that whatever was coming, it was coming right at you. You could hear it very well— even if it sounded far away.

And just like you imagined, multiple horses came to your view, and you could see... people! Like... five? six? You weren't quite sure; but that didn't matter. You found people!

And when they saw you, they stopped the horses just in time before hurting you. But of course, your emptiness made you unfazed by the sudden near death, but their faces were priceless— they were surprised and confused, looking at the little boy in front of them.

"Shorty... Is that, A KID?!" The lady? with the googles asked, looking at you with a weird grin you didn't exactly like.

The man, the one in front of all, looked surprised for mere seconds before returning to an intimidating expression, "Indeed, it is a brat, but how?" The ravenette left his horse, along with the woman, and they tried to get near you, but you stepped back, a little unsure.

"Oi, brat. How in the hell you got here?" the angry short man asked, glaring at you, only to make you uncomfortable.

"How is a KID outside the walls?! Little boy, you have to tell me everything!" the woman said, excited and grinning.

You didn't feel that safe anymore, looking closer to these people. The short man was scary, and so was the woman— you ignored the other people who were on their horses talking and looking unsure at you.

Nope, this wasn't feeling very safe. So you just ran and hide behind a big tree, eyeing the two.

"Awww, we scared him, Levi!" the creepy woman said, before approaching you, "come on, cutie~ No one is going to hurt you!"

Before she could be anymore closer, you grab the nearest thing you had and threw it— hitting her on the head. With a rock. She let out a cry, but the smile didn't left her face.

"Ow! Little boy, we are not going to hurt you!" she tried to get near again, but you threw another rock at her, which she safely dodged. "Shorty, come on! You are good with kids, try to calm him down!"

The ravenette grunted, looking at you. "Brat, you better come out with no buts— if not, I'm going to—" and just as he tried to get near, you threw more rocks, making him irritated. "This can't fucking be. Brat! Stop that right now!"

Seeing as the two leaders couldn't get you, the other soldiers tried to get you out, but received the same treatment as the two. This wasn't going anywhere.

"Fucking hell. Call the commander."

 x x x x x

"What is going on here?" A tall man with brown hair appeared, approaching the two leaders.

"We found a kid. Yes, a kid." The short man replied, looking irritated at your direction. "And he is not coming out. Whenever we try to do so, the little shit throws rocks at us."

Keith was surprised by the statement; a kid outside the walls? The situation made him remember somebody— but quickly returned to the actual conflict going on.

"I don't think I'm going to be the best help with this." Shadis said. He wasn't good with kids— his face wasn't very well received with kids whatsoever. "Herbert! Come here!"

The said woman ran to him and saluted, "Yes, sir?"

"Try to get the kid out of there."

The brunette was taken aback by the statement— but tried to did so. Keith came to the conclusion that women were more familiarized with children, but seeing as you throw rocks at her made him question that thought at all.

Everyone who approached you received the same treatment— man or woman.

"And why we don't ambush him?" A random soldier said, looking irritated.

"We don't know if he is injured, if we scared him, he could hurt himself more."

Another squad came just in time, confusion on their faces as they saw everyone crowned.

"What is happening?" A blonde asked, walking to were the commander was.

"Ah, Smith. We have a situation here." The commander said, trying to explain, "we encountered a kid, but he is not coming out," the brunette looked at your direction, seeing how a poor soldier getting hit with rocks, "and as you can see, it's ridiculous."

The tall blond tried to suppress a chuckle. Nevertheless, the thought of a kid walking around the forest outside the walls made him curious and surprised. This was never seen before— it was hard to believe for him... just how?

"Maybe you can try your luck." The commander said, turning at Erwin.

Hearing that, the googled lady let out a laugh, "of course! Erwin's looks are perfect for every occasion!" the comment only made the short man snort, rolling his eyes.

A much taller blond man appeared, sniffing the place. Uncaring about any action they took, he just focused and tried to catch your unknown smell— failing to do so.

A random soldier noticed him, and he worriedly asked, "Are you sniffing something, Mike? Is there any titan coming?"

Mike just shocked his head, "I'm trying to smell the kid." Which made the soldier sweat, releasing a sigh in relief.

Erwin, seeing as no one could get you out, made him wonder if he could. Nodding, he slowly approached you, seeing your little form hiding behind the tree, cautiously looking at him. Erwin crunched, trying to be at your height.

"Hello there. I'm Erwin, what's your name?" he kindly asked, trying to treat you like a small kitten. You were frightened; understandable by the current situation.

First, you seemed troubled by what to do— he could see a rock in your hand, and at first he thought he failed, but before he could say something, you quietly let out an "I don't know".

"Aaah! He's not throwing rocks!" Hange said, surprised by Erwin's charms.

Ignoring her, the blond tried to make you reveal yourself. "That's alright. How did you get here?" he asked, only to receive the same answer as before. "I see. Can you come out?"

You looked unsure by the question, but seeing his gentle smile made you feel safe and nice. You let out of the rock, and little by little, you came out, revealing your small form.

Everyone was relieved by the blond's tactic— they didn't know how he did it, but he succeeded. Seeing how you shyly approached him made some aw.

"You don't remember anything?" Erwin asked, taking your small hand. He took a good look at your unusual eyes: they were [color] like any other, but he could see a spiral shape in them.* He never saw something like that before, but stayed silent. Unusual...

You shacked your head, and answered:

"My head hurts when I try to remember..."

The blond hummed in thought, standing again. You quickly grabbed his leg, trying to hide from everyone. You felt safe with him.

"Look at that. Who would have thought eyebrows had a way with brats."

"I told you, didn't I?! His looks charms everyone!"

Shadis was deep in thought— the wise solution for this would be return to the walls at once. You had to be protected, so going back was the best thing to do.

"We are going back." He stated, "everyone, get on your horses and get in your formation."

"Sir, where is the kid going to be?"

"With Smith. He's the only one this kid trust." Getting on his horse, he said, "we will make trough— Smith, your formation will be behind. We will protect this boy, understood?"

"Understood!"

Taking the blond's hand once again, the two of you went to his horse, who was waiting patiently for his owner. You were a little taken aback, but Erwin caught quickly your fright.

"Don't worry, he will not hurt you." He said, patting the white horse, and trying to help you pat him. "See? Harmless."

Patting him made you feel less unsure about it— he even licked you! Feeling more confident, you nodded at the blond, making him smile and carry you so you could be on the horse, quickly getting on as well.

"Grab him tightly— don't worry, you will not fall." He stated, "I will be protecting you, alright?"

You just nodded, holding yourself steady with Erwin's help. You weren't worried— you didn't even know what kind of 'protection' you needed.

"Aaaah!! So cuteee!" The googled woman said while she passed beside you, blushing and smiling widely. The ravenette behind her only stared irritably at you, making you uncomfortable.

The taller blond man, who you heard was Mike, passed you, sniffing you. You quickly pressed yourself against Erwin, weirded out by the other man's actions. Erwin just chuckled, reassuring you you weren't in danger.

"Let's go!" The commander yelled, moving forward with everyone else.

The googled woman went somewhere else with the short man— the path was less crowded now. The commander's squad was in front, with you behind, just as he ordered.

You were currently going trough the forest, but a noise made you quickly return your attention to your right. Erwin noticed, confusing him, "Did you see something?"

You only heard a loud noise... something big, taking steps...? You weren't sure, but the steps or whatever it was, it was coming fast. "I hear something."

Before Erwin could question you more, Mike quickly yelled, "there's a titan coming on the right!" which made everyone alert and place their hands near their gear.

And just as he predicted, a big human? appeared behind you from your right, almost getting hurt by it's leg. The titan quickly walked behind you, trying to catch a soldier near it. You were just beside the soldier— but the big monster was trying to get someone else.

"It's an aberrant!"

Seeing the monster, your eyes widened— what was that thing? And why was it smiling? "What... what is that?" you questioned, not taking your gaze from it. It was unsettling — how it eyes all of you like food. Suddenly, a horrible pain overtook your head— it was like your skull was being bashed.

Clouded images appeared in your mind, but you didn't have a clue of what you were seeing. You hear someone talking to you— an unrecognizable voice, but at the same time, familiar. It's repeating a word— a fogged word. You can't focus; the pain along with the situation was scaring you, you could feel your heart beat faster and faster.

It-- It hurts!

Erwin noticed your discomfort but had no time to react to it, the commander yelled orders to take the titan down. It had to be done quickly before the situation could turn out worse.

"Formation! Eliminate the titan!"

You couldn't understand the situation at all. The headache was horrible— you placed both of your hands on your head, trying to suppress the pain without much success. You would have fallen from the horse if it wasn't from Erwin's grips around you.

Unfortunately for you, the titan who was in all fours slammed the ground, barely evading Erwin and you. The harsh movement made both of you fell from the horse, flying from the path. Erwin's arms were wrapped around you, making him unable to take a grip on his weapons.

In an instant, the titan quickly followed you two, ignoring the soldier it was trying to get. Erwin and you were in big trouble— if the soldiers didn't do anything now, you two would be dead soon. The blonde couldn't do anything with you in his arms— there won't be time for the two of you to get out of this.

— Titans! Proxxxx tx? —— f?xx txx Titans!

A sudden feeling of determination took your senses for two seconds— it was as if someone else took your soul and body, giving you power you couldn't understand. Just for a split of seconds, you changed completely, and you yelled at the monster approaching you like a hungry animal;

" Go away! "

And, surprisingly so, when the titan was just inches from you both, it abruptly stopped. It's figure froze, and just like an animal, it began to smell the air. It was as if... it couldn't see you anymore. The titan's gaze was unfocused as if you two were invisible, unlike a second ago, where it was eyeing you two carefully.

Erwin and you were froze in place, you returning to normal and the blonde trying to grasp what was happening. But, just as you felt you again, the titan focused its gaze on you two again. It was ready to take you both with it's hand, but fortunately, two soldiers took care of the monster, one getting its ankles and other its nape, making it fall on the ground, steam appearing on the injuries.

Silence overcome the place. Soldiers were watching amazed by what took place— some were with their eyebrows raised and mouths opened. Nobody could say a word— not until the woman with googles spoke, in a serious tone unlike before.

"Did that titan... stopped its actions...?" She seemed deep in thought, her mind occupied with what happened.

"It was an aberrant, we don't know what they will do."

Some soldiers murmured between them, the commander eyed you, thinking. Nobody truly understood the actions of the titan— did they, anyway? It was an aberrant, their actions are unpredictable... but nobody saw something like that.

Erwin helped you stand, "are you hurt?" he asked, worrying about you, but his mind still was trying to understand the titan's actions. He took a look of the titan, laying lifeless inched from you. However, his attention returned to you, hearing you grunt in pain, holding your head. "Hey, are you alright?"

You were in pain— your head was hurting like hell. You didn't know what just happened; the only thing you remember is the monster trying to get you, and then, it is laying on the grass, steam coming from what remained of its body. "M-My head hurts a lot..." was the only thing you could mutter, closing your eyes, trying to bear the pain.

Erwin trying to comfort you, but he knew nothing could be done for the headache you were having.

"Let's return, everyone get on formation."

The rest of the journey was in silence, and thankfully, just normal titans were seen. There wasn't much of a problem to get back at the walls, just some people with a couple of injuries.

Your headache calmed down, just an uncomfortable feeling remained, but it was bearable. Your thoughts were occupied with the monster you saw before, and your curiosity made you spoke to Erwin.

"Mr. Erwin, what was the monster we saw?" The question did confuse him for a moment, but he remembered your amnesia. "And why was it trying to hurt us?"

"It's called a titan. They... eat people."

"Why?"

"We... don't know that."

You hummed, more questions trying to get out, but before any of them could, you saw from afar what seemed... walls? Amazed, you asked, "what is that?"

"The walls that protect us from the titans."

Approaching them, you were watching them carefully, but a sudden pain in your head interrupted you.

w  hxxx to protect t  e walls a d xxx ???  g!

Erwin noticed your tensed form, how your hand hold your temples in an attempt to ease the pain. He worriedly asked for you, but he only saw you shooking your head.

thxxxx walls w??? ????? us fxx?? '????y!

The gate opened; but you couldn't see the inside because of the pain on your head. Images flashed in your mind, but you couldn't understand them or remember them— just as they came, they left.

"Is that a kid with them?"

"Pft, just like every time, nothing changed."

What was in the commander's mind was what they could do with you— he knew how ruthless the Military Police was. Giving you to them would be not a good future for you, who knows what they could do to a child. The best decision was to cover your presence from them, just like he did in the past.

The people dispersed, murmuring unkind things to the soldiers. The commander stopped in track, ordering everyone to return to the barracks. The man approached Erwin, who was trying to comfort you, failing to do so.

"What are we going to do with him? He has no home to return to, and he doesn't remember anything." Shadis closed his eyes, thinking. "We should take him to Jaeger, first..."

"But, after that, what will happen to him? Are you going to notify the Military Police?" Erwin asked, getting off from his horse, helping you to do so as well.

"No. Who knows what they will do to a child."

Both of them talked about what would be good for you, and they didn't notice a woman who was prying into their conversation, looking at your small form hiding behind the blonde's leg. She could notice how uncomfortable and tensed you looked; she could see you were in pain.

The woman thought for a moment— she didn't mean to pry, but seeing the little boy like made her mother instincts kick in. A strong desire to protect you overcame her, and she decided what to do.

Approaching the two males, she quietly spoke, "Hello, gentlemen?" Her voice made them turn at her in confusion, and she proceed, "I didn't mean to pry, but hearing about this child's state has made me preoccupied... And I couldn't help but ask what would you do to him?"

The two men eyed each other, taken aback from the woman's presence. The commander spoke, "we are figuring out his safety in the walls, ma'am. His health comes first, so—"

"I can take care of him if I'm allowed, sir." The woman suddenly said, surprising them. "And if he wants to, of course." She smiled at you, and you couldn't help to feel calmer by the warm gesture.

The commander knew this was a lucky shot— nobody was that caring on these walls, not even for kids who didn't have a home. He knew this was the only chance he had for you, so he accepted. He talked about your situation with the woman, who name was Beatrice, and she understood completely.

The woman approached you and crouched to be at you height, and softly spoke, "Hello, my name is Beatrice, dear. I heard you don't remember your name, is that right?" you shook your head, looking carefully at her. She smiled, "that's fine. See, we are thinking you could come with me— I can help you out."

You were unsure, but the woman made you felt safe, just like Erwin. You gripped the blond's clothes, trying to think what would be best for you. Erwin saw your behavior, and he patted your head and whispered, "you can trust her."

Beatrice lend her hand to you, "have you heard of apple pies? I make the best. Maybe you would like them."

Slowly, your grip on Erwin loosed, and you took the woman's hand, making her smile. You don't know what was she talking about, but it sounded nice anyways. You turned to Erwin, who was smiling at you.

"Am I going to see you again, Mr. Erwin?"

The blond was taken aback from the question, but smiled nevertheless, "of course."

The answer calmed you, and you muttered a thanks for their help, hearing a "no problem, kid" from the commander. Beatrice and you began to walk, leaving the place. You couldn't help to turn and wave at the men, receiving the same gesture in return.

"Don't worry, dear. We will figure everything out."

_________________ 【warnings/clarifications】 → This story will contain BL themes (Boys Love). So, as you may know, this will be focused with the boys. → There could be lime scenes. → There will be manga spoilers in the future, will give spoiler warning if so! → There could be some OCness and fanservice... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) * The reader's eyes have "spirals" on the pupils, just like this. The eye's color is your choice, of course. :p

shingeki no kyojin

reiner x male reader insert [soulmate/moder au, angst]

[one shot / 3860 words]

based on this prompt

summary: When your soulmate cries, your eyes began to water. Unexpectedly so; you have seen cases where one of your friends randomly cries when both of you are talking. It worries you at first, but rapidly they explain is 'their soulmate crying'.

notes: would u believe i had this since september in my messy folders damn, i really wanted to finish it tho also, reiner x male readers ARE NONEXISTENT. WHAT THE HELL. thats very bad and should be changed!

masterlist

When your soulmate cries, your eyes began to water. Unexpectedly so; you have seen cases where one of your friends randomly cries when both of you are talking. It worries you at first, but rapidly they explain is 'their soulmate crying'. 

You have never felt your soulmate cry. Your eyes have never watered, no tears— not that you remember, at least. This made you thought that your soulmate is someone strong, someone that doesn't get played by their emotions that easily.

You admire them, even if you don't even know them.

You, on the other hand, have cried for every kind of thing— a sad movie, a fight between friends, stress... It makes you embarrassed, actually. You only hoped your soulmate wasn't irritated by your crying...

"Something on your mind?" You heard a deep voice approaching you, quickly recognizing the voice. You turn, seeing a tall blond— Reiner. He leaves two cups on the table, instantly recognizing the smell of chocolate. He sits across you.

You slightly smile, "just thinking about my soulmate, that's all." 

He quirks an eyebrow, interested by the topic. "You said you have never cried because of them, right?"

"Nope. Not that I can remember..."

"Must be an 'Annie' case. You know, she only knew Bertolt was her soulmate when the big idiot saw her with Eren. Remember?"

You laugh by the memory— it certainly was funny now, but not back then. Poor Bertolt had feelings for Annie, and when he tried to finally confess to her thanks to Reiner and you, the three of you saw the blond girl walking with Eren, looking pretty happy. The view made Bertolt instantly cry in distress, and both of you could saw how tears came from Annie's eyes at the same moment.

Fortunately, Eren was only a friend to Annie. The whole thing had a happy ending, and every on and then the four of you —maybe just three— of you laugh by the memory. Bertolt only gets embarrassed, but if it wasn't for him, maybe he would never know who his soulmate was at that time.

"We were lucky. Bertolt saved his own ass by crying in that moment..." You take a sip from your cup, pleasantly tasting the hot chocolate. "Also, thank god Annie wasn't against the soulmate thing..."

"Who could say a big guy like him is a cry baby. I'm glad they got together, though. If not, Annie would have been suffering everyday with the tears."

You agree.

"Oh— what about your soulmate? Do they cry a lot?" You asked, tilting your head. You and Reiner really don't talk about your soulmates that much; the blond is secretive with those things, not that you mind. 

"They do. But lately, they haven't..." He blinks, wondering, "I guess they are... sensitive? emotional? I've lost count on how many times I've been crying with them. I don't mind, though."

You nod. Neither Reiner nor you have met your soulmate... Makes you wonder until when you two could— if you ever do.

A small but pleasant chatter begins between the two of you. Reiner has been a good friend of yours since high school— he has always seen as the 'big bro': reliable and protective over his friends.

He, on the other hand —and by your ignorance—, sees you more than a close friend. Even if he hasn't been with you in your hard times, he always has cared for you. Bertolt and Annie always tell him to confess already; follow his feelings and tell you how he feels. However, seeing how thoughtful you are with your soulmate, how many times you doze out wondering about them, makes him back off from every time he wants to tell you.

Just like now, actually. The buff blond thought this would have been a good opportunity— just you two sitting on a table on the middle of a coffee shop, surrounded of voices quietly talking, minding their business.

He thought how cute you looked with that red scarf on— how adorable you seemed wrapping your hands on the cup, trying to warm your hands on the middle of this winter. Reiner desired to wrap his hands on yours, kiss your nose and make you warm.

But that couldn't be, because he surely wasn't your soulmate. But he didn't mind— he can be strong for you.

Or so he thought.

His thoughts got interrupted when he heard a cough coming from you. Reacting quickly, he gently patted your back, seeing as you didn't stop. The coughing eventually ceased after some couple of seconds, but that was enough to make him worried— he didn't see you choking on your chocolate or any type of problem.

"Wow there, that lasted long. Did you got sick?" Reiner asked, preoccupied.

You shifted uncomfortably on your seat. "I've been... feeling a little funny lately... But I think it's just a cold. Nothing to worry about." You answered, hiding your true health problems. Yes, you have been feeling weird lately— sometimes weak, and other times your coughing have lasted longer than this time, but you didn't think much of it.

The blond looked unsure, "I don't know... Have you went to a check up?"

"It's just a cold, Reiner. I'm sure I'm going to be fine soon— it's winter, after all. Colds aren't that weird to get during this season." 

You tried to reason, but you could tell he wasn't buying it.

"Nope. You will get to a checkup, and I will accompany you."

"But Rei—"

"No buts, cutie. Let's go!"

You roll your eyes, a smile plastered on your face. Reiner takes your hand and guides you trough the coffee shop until you are outside, and you thank him internally. You felt a little weak— your legs didn't want to obey and if it wasn't for the strong but gentle grip on your arm, maybe you would have fallen.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

"[Name] [Last Name]?" A nurse calls your name. You stand up with the help of Reiner, as he sees you trip over by your dizziness. 

"Wow there, feeling dizzy?" The blond asks as he helps you walk to the nurse. He doesn't say it— but he's becoming more preoccupied for you by the second. 

"A little..." You nervously chuckle, feeling a little worried. Trying to look well, you stand correctly with the help of Reiner, who's arms are protectively holding you still.

The nurse, seeing as the blond takes good care of you, guides both of you to a room. She knocks before opening, receiving an answer to come in. "Doctor Jaeger, [Name] [Last Name] is here for the check up." She turns at you and gestures to come in, opening the door for you.

Entering the room, you two are met with a blond doctor wearing glasses. He is taking notes in his notebook, but stops when he sees you. "[Name] and Reiner. Surprising to see you here. What's the problem?"

"Uhm, well, I just cough a little and I felt weak sometimes, but I'm sure it's just a cold and—"

"Don't believe him, doc. [Name] coughs like crazy and he trips over with his own legs." Reiner immediately interrupted you, irritating you. The blonde doctor humns in understanding.

"Sit here, [Name]. Will do the check up on you." He helps you stand and sit on another higher place. You felt like a child, honestly. He tells you what to do; cough, move your arms, open your mouth... Him and Reiner talk a little while your session.

When he finishes, Reiner instantly asks, "And? How is he?"

Zeke chuckles. "If I didn't know you I would say you are the clingy boyfriend." The blond jokes, winking. Reiner grunts, blushing just a little. You laugh, but cough instantly after. 

"Anyways, I will do more studies on you, [Name]. I don't see an exact anomaly on you, but you weakening doesn't say anything good." He stands up, "come with me, this shouldn't take long."

Zeke gestures Reiner to accompany him too. He guides you to a room with more instruments and medical objects, and he tells you to take off your clothes and wear the usual hospital gown while he gets everything ready.

"Don't you need help, babe? Come on— of course you do. Let me help." Reiner jokes, approaching you and placing both of his hands on your hips, trying to get your coat off. 

Blushing by his flirty acts, you smack his hands and stick out your tongue, "I'm not a baby! So if you excuse me..." You wait for him to release you, but his arms wraps around you tightly, and he hides his face on the crook of your neck. 

He's unnerving quiet, and that doesn't fail to worry you. It was weird sensing him so... nervous? weird? "Reiner...? Are you alright?" You try to make him talk, caressing his hands. 

He grunts, still hiding his face. He doesn't say it out loud— but smelling your scent calms his nerves. "I'm worried."

You laugh, relieved, "you don't have to be! It would not be anything bad. It's just a check up!"

He doesn't answer, and stays in the same spot. Reiner wants to confess how nice is being like this— it felts perfect. His strong arms around you, like some type of protector. He wants to stay like this forever.

But unfortunately, that can't be.

"Yeah, well, sorry for interrupting your loving scene but I'm a busy man and this will be quick." The doctor jokingly interrupts the intimate moment, trying to keep a serious face.

"We—We are not together!" You hastily say in embarrassment, trying to pry off Reiner's hands off you.

"Yeah, aha. Strip already, boy." Zeke closes the curtain and takes Reiner by the collar and takes him out, while the buff blond grunts and whines like a child.

While you change, you can't stop thinking about Reiner being so close to you. Just remembering his breath against your neck made you shiver and blush. Feeling his strong arms around you made you feel safe.

"You done?"

Blinking, you quickly change into the hospital gown and open the curtain. You can see Reiner sitting down on a chair with a grumpy face— it looks like he's pouting! You chuckle by the scene, and his face quickly lightened by your –beautiful– laughter.

He really likes you a lot.

"Alright, just stand here and I'll do the job."

Dr. Jaeger begins with the studies while Reiner sits there with a frown. He feels worried— a cold could be noticed right away, but Zeke didn't see anything of the sort. What could it be, then?

Looks like the 'check-up' turned more aggravating.

Zeke sighs and turns to both of you, and speaks:

"Well, I need you to come next week while I check these things." He approaches you and gives you a paper, "here is the prescription— the medicine is specially for when you feel weak, but I will not give more until I make sure what this is."

"Thank you, doc." Reiner speaks while you change, and he takes the opportunity to ask lowly, "is it serious? will he get better soon?"

"I don't know that, Reiner. Until I analyze the studies I could have an answer." He squishes Reiner's shoulder, "try to not worry to much. Also, confess already."

Reiner chokes, "W—What are you talking about?"

Zeke rolled his eyes, "I don't even know how he hasn't noticed. Both of you are airheads."

But before Reiner can speak, they hear your voice. "Done! Thank you for looking for me, Zeke!" You speak as you open the curtain, already changed in your usual clothes.

"No worries." He slightly smiles, flipping some pages of his clipboard.

You smile at him, and return your attention to Reiner. Blinking at him, you notice his face is reddish. “Uh? Are you alright? Your face is red." 

"Y–Yeah," he clears his throat, "let's go, I will drop you at your apartment."

Both of you say goodbye to Zeke and leave the place, not before getting the medicine Zeke prescripted you. The ride back your apartment was normal with Reiner doing most of the talking. You throw jokes here and there, laughing with Reiner by your silliness. He loves hearing your laugh— loves seeing your smile, the way your face blushes...

God, he is really losing his mind.

The ride ends by his disappointment. You get out of the car and before you leave, he speaks in a fake natural tone you can see trough.

“If anything happens, call me, alright?”

“But if someone breaks in shouldn’t I call the police?”

He snorts, “I can’t be serious with you at all, can I?” The answer he got was you sticking your tongue out, making him chuckle. You were so adorable. “Well then, see you tomorrow, dollface.”

The ride back home was him gripping the wheel tightly, his narrowed eyes focused on the road as he thought about his feelings and your health.

“Why dos he has to be so beautiful?! UGH!” He blushes in embarrassment at the thought of your beautiful and goofy smile.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

A week passed shortly after that. Unfortunately, you could feel coughing more and more, along with your weakening form. The medication had somehow calmed the coughing at first, but soon it grew worse. You were worried now, but you tried your best not to let Reiner know about your current health. He was already worried about you— you decided to bear it until the week was over to go to Zeke again.

And that’s how you are here, feeling the incredibly tense and heavy atmosphere in the room along with Zeke and Reiner. There was a silence in the beginning, until Zeke broke it with an unusual look on his eyes. You somehow knew something wasn’t right.

"We don't know what this is, [Name]. This... is different." He speaks with a frown on his face. It’s evident he’s tensed.

"But it isn't that dangerous, right?" You didn't like his tone at all— he looked tensed and uncomfortable. The air was heavier, you can see Reiner getting tensed too.

He stays in silence, like as if he's thinking about what to say— Reiner gets impatient, his foot is constantly tapping the floor, and his fingers move every two seconds. Why he’s taking so long to talk clearly? Reiner grew worried by the second as he thought of the possible answer that Zeke tried to say. 

You, on the other hand, wait patiently. Maybe, just maybe, this is just something not that harmful? Perhaps your illness was advanced but curable, right? There was nothing to worry, right?

"What you have... is— is a terminal illness."

Cold; shivers trough your spine; that's what you feel. As if someone cold hugs your form from behind— your hands freeze, and your eyes widened. You don't know what to feel, so you don't show emotion at all. The truth drops like a bomb— you felt something stung your heart and your stomach churn.

Reiner is the one breaking down. 

He instantly stands on his feet, his hands slamming on Zeke’s desk as he shouts with an horrified expression. "What?! No— this has to be a fucking mistake, Zeke. No, no, no!"

Zeke closes his eyes and sighs, "it isn't. We checked everything – something is happening to [Name], but we don't know what it is."

Reiner doesn’t want to believe that— he refuses. "There has to be something to beat that! There's— There's no way!"

You could see Reiner was frenetic— as he yelled at Zeke and denied the whole statement like a child, but you placed your hand in his arm and tried to calm him. He looks at you, and you notice how heartbroken he looks— but you guide him to sit again, and he obeys nonchalantly.

Looking at Zeke, —who is surprised by your calm demeanor— you quietly ask with dull eyes, "Is there a treatment?"

"We are looking into it."

"I see." You blink, "but what do I exactly have?"

"Your bones are getting weaker— as well as your respiratory system, explaining as to why you cough harshly and you feel your body weak everyday. As I said before, we don’t know what is causing it, but we will do everything we can to help you.”

You doze off after that. Zeke explains things you don’t want to hear— you just stare at him and nod unconsciously. You don’t hear Reiner talking with him, you just... exist. A heavy pain is felt on your chest and shoulders as you think of your future, if you had any. Were you really going to die?

“-understand, [Name]?” That’s Zeke’s voice speaking to you. Blinking, you notice Reiner and Zeke looking at you with their  frowns, and you guess anything they were saying wasn’t good. Clenching your fist, you answer with a short and low yes.

After some checkups and medication, Zeke advises you to go home and rest. You had to come tomorrow, as maybe they will arrange everything for your stay at the hospital. You just stare blankly at him, nodding automatically.

The ride back home is tensed and horribly uncomfortable. Reiner doesn’t exactly know what to say or do as he sees how... blank you look. It has been the first time he has seen you this unresponsive— but knowing the current situation, it’s understandable. He feels something heavy and painful on his chest— he stops his urges to cry and keep it together. He doesn't need to break like that in front of you— he had to be strong, even if he feels something so painful.

He takes your hand and squeezes it, as his other hand is occupied with the wheel. Reiner doesn’t look at you, his eyes fixed on the road.

He can feel your hand squeezing back.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

You tell Reiner to come in— it's evident you don't want to be alone with these... bad news. You want to be with someone, you need someone. How much time do you have left? And not even knowing your soulmate...

Life really is unfair.

As these thoughts cloud your mind, you find yourself chuckling at first, but it grows as an uncontrollable laughter. You take your head with your hands, laughing as Reiner can only watch in pain. He had never seen you like this in his life— not even Annie nor Bertholt. For once, he didn't know what to do to calm you. Placing his hands on your shoulders, the blond tried his best to bring you comfort, to let you know he's there with you.

You break down finally— the laughter stops abruptly as you breath heavily. Your throat hurts, your hands shake, your throat feels itchy. Your whole body feels itchy, and without thinking about it you harshly scratch your throat and arms. If Reiner wasn't there with you to stop your breakdown, maybe you could have hurt yourself really badly. He gets in front of you and takes your hands with his', looking at you with painful eyes. Gritting your teeth, you try not to cry, but the inevitable comes. Hot tears fell from your eyes, and hiccups get out. Sobbing, you can't help but cry harder as you grip tightly Reiner's hands, falling on your knees.

Reiner's eyes began to water unconsciously, and many tears came out from his eyes— as if something is making him cry.

And that someone is you.

He doesn't know how to feel or what to think in this moment— he loves you, and knowing you are soulmates is even better. But how is this found out isn't joyful or happy— it hurts, but that doesn't let him stop loving you.

"[Name]," he speaks, looking at you with narrowed eyes. You can see he's crying too, "we are soulmates."

Immediately stopping crying, your eyes widen and you look at him in disbelief. Just as the tears stop from coming, his tears stop too. It's as if time has stopped in this very moment with that revelation— your breath is caught in your throat and your whole body flinches. You felt sadder, and you cry again with more force than before.

"I—I'm so sorry, Reiner!" You can only say between your sobbing, feeling much more horrible. You were happy that it was him, but you knew there was no happy ending with you. Was this your fault? Why do you exist in the first place?

He shakes his head, smiling sadly at you. Both of you cry, sharing your tears. "Sorry? Babe, you are the person I always wanted."

"I'm gonna die... I'm sorry your soulmate is me!" You can't bear this painful feeling on your chest— you hug him and hide your face on his chest, your body shaking. He welcomes you, wrapping his arms around you tightly. His hand caresses your back in comfort, making you feel tired. Less and less tears come from your eyes, and only some sobs are heard.

"Don't be sorry— we are together in this, alright? You are not alone. I'm with you until the end."

No one moves. The only sounds from that room are Reiner's voice comforting you and your sobs.

━━━━━━ ◦ ❖ ◦ ━━━━━━

A month passed, and you were currently hospitalized under Zeke's care. You knew he was doing whatever he could to help you, but deep down everyone knew there was no hope for your future. He couldn't tell you when was your death sentence, but he guessed it wouldn't take much longer than three months.

You were really gone. There was no doubt as you couldn't even stand without someone's help— you couldn't walk anymore.

Annie and Bertholt came every weekend to check on you. They were devastated by the horrible news Reiner had to bring them— just as the two of you, they had to believe it with their own eyes. Seeing you in the hospital bed with all of these machines connected in your body wasn't a nice image— it was something they will remember forever, an image that will burn on the back of their minds.

Reiner was always there. He came everyday to take care of you— you felt nothing but a burden to him. He knew how you really felt when your eyes met; it was clear. But every time you felt this burden and guilt, his ridiculous and cheesy behavior appeared: he kissed everywhere; your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, your neck, your hands... it never ceased to amuse you and making you laugh. It was something so childish, but in reality, you didn't mind. Even if you weren't the person you were before, that didn't mean anything to him— you were always going to be the person he will always love.

"I love you." He says, taking your hand and pressing it against his cheek. You chuckle by his behavior, making him blush in embarrassment, but smiles too. "What? Are you laughing at my love confession?"

"You look like a child. Always looking for my affection, hmn? You big baby." The two of you laugh. Caressing his face, your gentle voice say, "I love you."

Reiner was the happiest man alive when he was with you— it was really obvious by the eyes of his two friends. He always talked about you every day as if you were a treasure that nobody could find. It was... bittersweet.

He always was there to wake you up and help you walk trough the hospital's garden. You loved their flowers, and enjoyed it even more when Reiner was with you.

But there was a day when you didn't wake up and see the flowers anymore.

He cried, but there wasn't no one with him to share his tears with.

i suddnely remembered ur works and how much i loved it and i literally just read every single work u have i just wanted to say that i love all of your works and i hope ur happy and healthy ❤️❤️

you're really nice, thank you! I've been taking a long break and I've missed a lot of asks in here (since my email now doesn't get any notifications from tumblr all of sudden...), but your ask really brings me a lot of warmth! (*꒦ິ꒳꒦ີ)♡

hope you had a good year and a good beginning of the year too!!!

Hey how are you? Sorry for the question, but are you still going to continue the story empty? I love this story so much and I wanted to know if there was a sequel, and I love your writing♡♡

hi dear!! i'm better, thank you! i hope you are doing well as well.

as you noticed... empty has gone into an indefinite hiatus :( i'm not really happy with how it is right now, but instead of deleting the whole thing, what i'm trying to do is just rework earlier chapters and continue. unfortunately, im trying to focus on my other story first, so empty will be abandoned some time. sorry!

Flower Curse | 4

[levi x male!reader x erwin] this work will have vomiting, heavy angst and death. the reader suffers from the hanakahi disease. summary: you loved him. he didn’t. everything goes downhill when suddenly, you cough a petal when you think of him.

t h r e e ___

Your health wasn't an excuse to not doing your job. Erwin wanted you to rest until there was a solution— but you weren't going to obey him. You didn't want to slack off and be the center of attention, you just wanted to stay off radar by everyone. Especially, by your illness' cause:

Levi.

Just thinking of him made you sick and warm— yes, you liked him a lot, loved him, even. But the other part of you made you repulsed of him. You thought the cause of that repulsion was the curse you had, but sometimes, you just wanted to stop loving him. Just to stop the suffering.

But that was impossible, wasn't it? You just can't change your feeling for someone in an instant. The only thing you could do was hide your feelings in the darkest place, with your flowers' company. Hide them from prying eyes, away from everyone. Just your emotions, the flowers and you.

Was this illness really going to kill you? After all you have been through? You didn't want to believe this at all— flowers were more deadly than a stupid titan! Unbelievable. How could it be? Flowers filling your lungs just for unrequited love? You had a hard time believing this ridiculous "curse". But, sadly, this was as real as the titans.

But then... how come nobody knew about this illness? Was this another thing the King hide? How could this be real?

A knock on the door snapped out of your thoughts. “Come in.” You said, rubbing your temple in exasperation.

A blonde picked shyly, then came in and saluted. “Squad Leader [Name], the Corporal is asking for your presence on today's training.”

“Fuck.” You instantly thought. You didn't remember today's task: help Levi with training. Was your luck better than yesterday? Or life was just laughing at you? You passed your hand on your hair, letting out a sigh. “Thanks, Arlert. We should be going or the grumpy old man is going to beat my ass.”

Armin didn't laugh at your comment— the blonde just nodded and smiled. The relationship with the cadets and you weren't that bad in your opinion. You enjoyed talking with the little kid about the outside world— something that was very forbidden to do. Arlert even had a book of the outside that shared with you, by your big surprise.

The kid was very clever; maybe as clever as Erwin. Something unnerving— could this young kid see the same thing Erwin couldn't not see? Could he see your sickness? You noticed your face paled this morning. You wished to whoever to put a blindfold to everyone around you.

Leaving your office with Armin at your side, you jokingly asked, “How is training today? Is the Corporal harsher than before?”

“The Corporal is being a little... harsh, yes. But I don't see much difference as in other training,” he placed finger on his chin, looking thoughtful, “But he seemed a little irritated that you weren’t there.”

“Of course he is going to be like that. I forgot I had to help him training.” You nervously stated. “What's today's training for?”

“We are training with our Vertical Maneuvering Equipment.”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” What was worse? Close combat or the damn VME? Both options sounded horrible, but using your gear at your current state made you nervous. When your system wanted to throw the flowers this morning, it didn't gave you any warning like before. You just couldn't contain the urge of throwing it all out. Would the sudden force of the gear make you vomit?

You hoped Levi didn't want you to do use your gear today. You always showed your cadets how to use the gear properly, and when Levi wanted to explain something, you helped him showing the cadets your abilities. This wasn't looking good.

The blonde noticed your silent demeanor, thing that made him confused. “Is something wrong?”

Snapping out of your dark thoughts, you smiled as brightly as you could and looked at him, “There's nothing wrong! I just was thinking about how angry is Levi going to be, you've seen how he gets at the simplest things.”

The cadet looked at you, unsure, before nodding slowly.

You were sure Armin resembled Erwin for a second.

“About time you arrived, lazy shit.” You instantly heard the man of your dreams, —or maybe nightmares— when you arrived with Arlert at the training grounds.

Trying to playing it off, you said, “Hey! I'm not that late, just... thirty minutes late, not that bad.”

“Anyways, somehow you came just in time.” The raven stated before looking at Connie and Eren, the newest recruits. You didn't like what was he going to say, you knew it. “These two can't go faster with their gear, and it seems hearing what i'm saying is too hard for them,” he said irritably, looking at the two nervous cadets, then looked at you with his usual frown, “and I expect you to show it.”

Damn it, damn it, damn it! If you refused, he would ask questions, and the answers would not satisfy him at all— you barely got out of the previous situation thanks for Erwin being there, but now he wasn't. Be an adult and resolve your problems.

This wouldn't be that bad, right? You just had to do some harsh movement. You previous thoughts were you being ridiculous; nothing will happen. Everything will be alright, no need to worry. Everything will be okay. Stop overreacting, nothing will happen.

Armin noticed your discomfort, and before he could said something, Levi looked at him and harshly ordered, “You are still here, Arlert? Go back in training.” The blonde got taken aback looking at his scared face, and ran off with a "yes sir!".

Trying to sound normal and collected, you replied, “Sure thing, what do I need to do?”

“Alright, listen closely you two,” you said, looking at Springer and Jaeger, “For this to work you have to work with your whole body, something that I noticed you don't do in your training today.”

“But I moved more than before and I still can't do it! It's impossible to go faster than that!” Connie exclaimed frustrated, “I don't even know how Jean is going faster than me!”

“That horseface actually go faster than me too, that stupid horse...” Eren mumbled. You just let out a laugh, and tried to act serious— Levi was watching you three from afar. Looking specially at you, though,

“Don't say 'I can't do it' because you certainly can,” you looked at Connie, “Listen, Springer. The Corporal is the fastest of us, you know why?” the cadet shacked his head, taking interest, “It's because of his height. He is very short- just like you. I even can say that you could match his speed at some point.” You tried to raise his spirit, thing that succeeded, by the looks of his joyful face.

Now, looking at Eren, you said, “Jaeger, you have to work with your movement. Just think when you are in air as you... are dancing.” By the looks of his expression, he really didn't fully understand your statement, because his confused frown. “Now, now, don't give me that look. It sounds ridiculous, but it does the job. Just imagine the people dancing at the festivals— they are in sync. You have to be in sync with you gear, just like a dance.” To make them fully understand you had to show them, something you wanted to avoid but it seemed impossible.

“Alright, let me show you. You have to see closely, understand?” They nodded, looking excited. Gulping, you looked ahead into the forest. Ignoring the voice in your head stopping you to do this, you prepared yourself and nailed your hook at the nearest tree, and then, you flied.

At first, it didn't feel that uncomfortable. Your mission here was to not be that harsh with your movements, but showing the speed to the cadets was the point of this, so avoiding any movement seemed impossible.

“Now I have to turn...” You reluctantly thought. Your grip tightened and in the second your hooks nailed in the trees, at first you prepared for the worst, but when nothing came you relaxed and even smiled. Even taking a look on the two cadets made you relaxed; they were in awe and the corporal just looked pleased.

“See? Nothing to be wo-”

And then, you felt it.

Your thoughts got interrupted thanks to the familiar sensation on your throat. The feeling made you alerted and disorientated, making you lose your grip on the blades and unhooking them off the tree. The falling wasn't that flawless, looking at how high you were.

You fell on some bushes, making your fall at least not that bad. When you hit the ground you instantly threw up white flowers, ignoring any pain you felt at the moment.

Full little flowers. At first sight, they were beautiful, but not for you anymore.

You practically forced yourself to stop vomiting, and held any flowers from coming out. Knowing the others will come to see if you were alright, at least you had to bear with all the pain until you could get out of there. Trying your best to cover the petals with the bushes, you tried to stand but failed to do so.

“Squad Leader [Name]! Are you alright?!” you heard both Connie and Eren calling for you, and less than a minute they were with you, helping you to stand. Gulping all petals who wanted to come out, you tried your best to just smile.

“Phew! That was a nasty fall. Sorry you had to see that, and i'm the example here, haha...” dusting off your clothes made wince in pain, thing you tried to hide by just laughing. The pair of cadets just kept talking and trying to not worry you that much. They both eventually stopped talking when a certain corporal appeared, with an expression you know very well— he was trying to know what happened, read the situation.

“Cadets, both of you will look for Petra and tell her she's on training duty.” Hearing his orders, both of them saluted and left. He looked at your poor act of getting it together, and asked angrily, “What the hell happened?”

Come on, [Name]! Keep it together!

“My hooks didn't sunk in the tree, simple as that.” Scratching your head, you proceed, “Actually, maybe the hand-grip isn't that-”

“Stop talking shit.”

You gulped. “Uh? What are you talking about? I said my hooks—”

“Quit lying to me.” Levi approached you, taking your arm roughly, making you gasp in pain. Actually, your senses awoken again— now fully feeling the pain in your arm, leg and ribs. “You know I hate lies. More if they come out of your mouth.”

You didn't say a word at all. You didn't dare to make the situation worse.

“Can you walk?”

Leaving his grip on your arm, you tried to take a few steps; you could walk, but you were limping with your right leg. And every time you took a step, a sharp pain was felt in your knee. Levi sighed in irritation, and helped you walk by taking your arm on his shoulder and placing his hand on your waist.

“What a pathetic attempt.”

The closeness made you sick, and the flowers wanted to be released.

“We'll go to the infirmary, then.”

Your ribs didn't break, thankfully. You just had some colorful bruises covering your right leg, left arm and waist. It wasn't that bad, not as bad as the flowers, at least.

After getting parched up, you both went to Levi's office, just to do some "relaxing" paperwork you both had to do. You always went to his office to make him company, something he didn't mind. You had to play it safe— if you avoided him, he would ask questions, and when he asks he wants real answers. Things you couldn't give.

Somehow, your little talk made you forget about all of the feelings and thoughts you were having. There was just the two of you, like it always has been. You forget about the flowers, and they seemed to forget about you just for a moment.

“You have something on your hair.” you heard the raven say, seeing his hand coming closer to you, taking off a leave. “And there's something on your face, too. Disgusting...” Even when he said that, his fingers touched your cheek, cleaning it off, before cleaning his own fingers with a napkin.

The event made you slightly blush —at least you hoped—, and thank him.

“A-Anyways, did Petra said anything about Eren and Connie?” you asked, remembering the little talk both of them had an hour ago, when you were in the infirmary getting check on.

“They did better,” he replied, writing on his papers. “They wanted to know badly how you were, though.”

“Aw! They care about me!” you exclaimed with a big smile. Even if you wanted to play it off, the feeling of the kids caring about you warmed your heart. “How adorable!” The feeling just made you blush.

Your words made the Corporal look at you with a questioning gaze. “What? Do you think they are the only ones caring about you?” Levi asked, stopping his work. “How disappointing.”

Laughing, you talked, “What am I hearing? Does Levi care about me more than the cadets?”

“What if I do?”

Your grip on the pen tightened; your heartbeat went crazy; your blush covering your cheeks went deeper, covering your ears. Words seemed disappear of your vocabulary— you didn't understand how some words could steal your breath like that. But it was because it's him. The one you like the most. Time seemed to stop.

It seemed that the sight of you made him smirk in pleasure. He come closer to your face, looking directly at your eyes. “I asked something. What If I care more than them?”

[Name]! Remain your composure! “W-Well, uhm...” clearing your throat, you proceed, “Then you care about me. That's... all...”

“Why you always forget?”

“Forget? Forget what?”

“About how I can't stand your lies.”

“Lies?! Ahem! What do you want me to say? It's nice that you care about me.” You stopped thinking about what you were saying, so you just let whatever thing came out of your mouth. Uh-oh. Good or bad thing? “I care about you too, anyways.”

He arched his eye brown,“Is that so?”, he slightly smiled, by your surprise. “More than the cadets do, I assume?”

“Of course. We've know each other since you came here, right? Actually, I think I'm the first one who didn't fall for your scary face, along with Hange.”

“Ah, how could I forget how irritating you were,” closing his eyes, he proceed, “even when I knocked you out, you kept being a childish little shit, always returning.”

“Hey! But you love this little shit, don't you?” Laughing, you returned to your work, uncaring of the answer.

“I'm glad you stayed.”

You froze. Levi wasn't the time of saying this like this to you; there were always harsh words in a playful nature. But nothing like this before. Nevertheless, him saying that made a smile on your face.

“I'm glad too.”

After that, a pleasant silence fell. The only sound the both of you heard was the pens writing on your papers and the sound outside. You didn't notice the sky turning dark, until an ocasional glance to the window made you exclaimed, “It's dinner time!”

The Corporal looked at the dinner and let out a hum, you only proceed to stand up from your seat and stretch. “Let's go, Levi. We forgot to do tea, so let's hurry up!”

“Go first, I will join soon.” He replied.

“Alright, then. Will make tea when I get there.” Nodding your head, you didn't bothered to bring you papers with him; it was normal for you to leave them arranged on a part of his desk. He always said "take your shit with you", but you always laughed it off. Strange, because this time, he didn't say anything. You left, but your thoughts made you slow your walk.

You noticed Levi was being more... open to you. Could that be a sign? Maybe? And now that you remember it, flowers weren't trying to get out of your throat. You even forgot about the illness, about the pain, about your future... You felt... nice, warm. Just like before the curse.

Could it be that... you had a future with him? The sudden thought made you blush and smile in embarrassment. Was he, maybe, in love with you? The conversation repeated on your head - and your mind kept re rolling the exact same phrase.

“I'm glad you stayed.”

“What if I care more than them?”

You stopped walking, and come to the realization that you actually wanted to make a move. Nothing could go wrong! The conversation of today made you believe that something could happen between the two of you! A bright smile made through your face thinking this— there was hope after all!

There was not time to waste, then! Your mind was made up— you were confessing right now. No one could interrupt you now; everyone had to be getting dinner, so the two of you couldn't be bothered. You nodded to yourself, and went back to Levi's office.

You couldn't believe it - this was all like a dream to you. You actually were going to have a future! You were going to be cured; everything was going to be alright from now on.

Noticing his door slightly opened, you scolded yourself for not paying attention to close it properly before leaving. Hey! That's not important right now! Shaking your head, you couldn't wait to open it and tell Levi your true feelings. Oh! You couldn't wait to tell Erwin and Hange about—

...

.

.

.

.

.

Ah. How could you forget? So foolish.

The sight in front of you made you petrify.

What was that you were feeling...? Surprise? Fear? Or was it... Heartbreak? How could you point the exact time your heart shattered, and the flowers bloomed once more in your heart? The realization fell like a ton of bricks. You never meant to be loved by him, it was for her. It never was for a person like you. Not you. Never, ever, for you. How could you forget? How? You were in denial.

The sudden realization made you snap out from your illusion.

NEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOUNEVERFORYOU.

You are a fool.

You really thought he loved you?

What a pitiful sight.

Go and cry, there's no saving you.

Thoughts invaded your mind like a parasite — repeating themselves with not a chance to be stopped.

And what was the sight that made you so unstable? Well, maybe you know it already.

Two people were embracing each other, with the moonlight above them, looking beautiful as a couple. Who were this two, you ask?

Levi, and Petra, obviously.

The petals were awoken once more, and with such a bestial force you never felt before.

Covering your mouth with your hand, you couldn't stop some petals to escape and lay on the floor, by your ignorance. You just ran out of there, and went to the only place your unstable mind wanted you to be.

Erwin arranged his paperwork again for maybe, the sixth time this night. There were never ending letters to respond, check once more the strategies for the upcoming expedition, and more, more letters.

“Seems like a sleepless night, again.” He thought, rubbing his temples.

Little did he know his lack of sleep wouldn't be only the papers.

The sudden noise of someone opening his door made him annoyed— and before he could scold the responsible person, he stopped himself as he saw you kneeling on the floor, vomiting white petals— no, flowers.

Without thinking he went to your side and rubbed your back in a gently manner. He remained calm, but something his sight caught made him horrified.

White flowers were decorated in red.

Outside, he remained clam, but in the inside he was more than worried; if vomiting flowers was a bad sign, vomiting blood with them was far worse.

You eventually stopped; you only could gasp, trying to breath. Your nostrils were leaked water, your lips had blood and saliva, and the only comforting thing that made you sane was Erwin beside you.

“I'm going to die, Erwin,” you could only say, with desperation in your voice. “I'm going to die, I'm going to die, I'm going to die...”

Erwin tried his best to hush you, “That's not true. We are going to fix this, there's a solution...” and he continued and continued, trying to calm your sobs and pleas. Hearing you like this, so broken, desperate, made something inside him ache. He only embraced you, holding you. You only wanted someone close to you, someone to hold you.

He had to move things fast, and find a way to fix you before it was too late.

“Let's go, then!” a certain blushing girl said, smiling brightly. The raven only nodded with a soft gaze, walking beside her, until something on the floor took his attention.

“Flowers?” Levi thought, looking at the white petals on the floor. Kneeling, he took some and look at them quietly. Beautiful at first sight, hiding the true meaning they had.

“Aren't you coming, Corporal?” Petra said, turned at him.

Levi hummed, covering the little flower on his front pocket, and returned walking, “[Name] is waiting.”

Cyclamen. Cyclamens are symbolic of resignation. It’s the flower that means goodbye too.

Because it is poisonous, death is also attached to its meaning. It also presents the fact that good things come to an end and so it’s also the type of flower you might want to make use of at funerals – because it speaks of departure aside from moving away and retiring.

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