When You’re Trying To Write And Your Last Two Functioning Brain Cells Start Yelling At Each Other

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I’ve been reading a lot of fanfiction, shame on me

But |this one| was just so good I couldn’t resist. More on the way tho.

This is from chap. 5

e m p t y / 7

shingeki no kyojin | series [various x male!amnesiac!reader] summary: [Name], an amnesiac boy awakes in a unknown place – trying to remember anything makes him have horrible headaches. Who is he? And why he can’t remember his own face? masterlist

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[Name] took the box, and before leaving he placed a kiss on Beatrice's cheek, which she was crouched so the boy could reach her. She took his head with her hands and kissed his temples, smiling at him and standing once again.

"Be careful on the way to Doctor Jaeger's house, alright?" The woman said, warmly looking at [Name].

"Yes, mom. The bread and I will be safe and sound on our way." [Name] opened the door, and before leaving he said, "see ya, mom!"

[Name] heard her saying see ya too, and went to his way. The day was good— the wind felt nice. It was... peaceful. Even if his ears could hear everything, the sounds fogged, not taking attention to anybody's voice. It was nice, but something deep in his mind told him that something was wrong— something was out of place, but the boy couldn't decide what. Everything seemed normal like everyday— what was wrong? He didn't want to worry Beatrice for the feeling in his gut, but [Name]'s mind was occupied by the same thought. He didn't know what to expect or do, so he shacked his head and returned to the present.

He was going for your normal check ups with Doctor Jaeger. Even if his headaches were less than before, the man had said that he had a case of migraine— a weird problem a kid should have. Nevertheless, thanks to all of his recommendations the pain was bearable. So, Beatrice and him decided to gift him bread and pastries thanks to his huge help, even if he answered with modesty. His recovery wasn't that great, but he managed.

Sadly, not remembering anything made him somehow depressed and upset. He wanted to remember, but both Doctor Jaeger and Beatrice told him it was too dangerous for his health, and honestly, the headaches got worse by just forcing his mind to remember. Beatrice had told him that she would try her best to make new memories he wouldn't forget, so he just accepted it and moved on.

And it was true— after one year in this district he had made bad and good memories. [Name] was curious of his past, but even if he wanted to forget it he couldn't. Even if his headaches were horrible and awful, he sometimes tried to remember when he was alone at night in his room. But sometimes his headaches came out of nowhere— as if his mind forced him to remember...

Finally spotting Jaeger's house, he unconsciously rubbed his forehead as he approached. [Name] liked Dr. Jaeger— he was a nice man and helped him. But sometimes, when the man thought the boy wasn't looking... [Name] could see different eyes that he couldn't decipher. Blinking, [Name] shacked his head, trying to forget his weird thoughts. The boy knocked on the door, letting out a deep breath. Quickly after that it opened, revealing Miss Carla, and when she spotted him, a warm smile took her features.

"[Name]! Come in!" She opened the door and made space so he could come in, "Grisha was waiting for you! Aha! and what do you have here?" She asked, looking at the brown box in the boy's hands.

[Name] walks into the house, "it's croissants. My mom and I talked about a new recipe, and we want you to try it first." He finishes, giving a small smile to her. He handed her the box, which she gladly took.

"That would be perfect for today's meal! I'm excited to try them out, thank you, love!" She said as the woman patted him on the head and headed to her kitchen.

[Name] spotted Grisha sitting on the table writing things in one of his books and greeted him, "Good afternoon, Doctor Jaeger,"

He closed the book and smiled at him, "Good afternoon to you too, [Name]. Sit down with me and we will do the regular, alright?"

[Name] nods, obeying. Placing his hands between his legs, the boy moved his feet in front and back.

"How are the headaches? Any complications?"

"I got a nosebleed this week. I didn't try to remember, but the headache just came." [Name] paused, thinking about his previous thoughts, "It's... weird."

Grisha arched a brow, curiously looking at the boy, "What is?"

The amnesiac boy shifted in his seat, trying to get comfy. "It's like my mind wants me to remember, even if I don't want to. I don't really know how to explain it... Just like the gut feeling you get when something bad is gonna happen..." He mumbles, trying to find the right words. "It's... forcing me? Hmn...”

The doctor doesn’t say anything and just writes on his journal. [Name] can’t exactly see his gaze as the light reflects on his glasses— but he can certainly feel the change of aura the doctor had. It's different.

"Oh!" The boy blinks, "I got some scratches too on my back. I got into a fight the other day."

"Is that so?" The doctor hums, closing his book. "Let's check them then."

The man stands from his seat, heading to [Name]'s back. He commanded the boy turn so he could treat his injuries. The boy obeyed, feeling Dr. Jaeger removing his shirt and showing his bare back. But as just as the man take off his shirt, he suddenly stopped and left the shirt hanging from the shoulders. Weirded out by the silence, [Name] spoke.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, wondering if his injuries were worse than he imagined.

The boy's voice snapped Grisha into reality, it seemed, because the man blinked and hurriedly spoke into a 'trying-to-sound-normal' tone, which [Name] noted clearly. "Nothing at all. It's just that... you don't seem to have any injuries in your back. Are you sure you had them?"

"Well, my shirt was stained with blood when I took it off..." Narrowing his eyes, the boy crossed his arms, trying to think if he had imagined the blood— but obviously that wasn't the case. He did remember it, but now they were suddenly... gone.

Dr. Jaeger doesn't speak at first— he looks deep in thought, but eventually he talks again. "Maybe you imagined it, or someone's blood splashed on your shirt," the man chuckled as he helped [Name] to put on his shirt again, "you know how... violent you can get."

It could be true— his friends had told him how... brutal he turned when he fought the bullies. He was scarier than Mikasa and that was saying something.

"Could be." Was the only thing [Name] said before falling into silence.

The doctor sat down again, talking about another type of herb they could try, but it was hard to get. They were somehow rare, so for Grisha to find someone who sell them or find the plant itself was a challenge.

The boy blinks, "where are they?"

"Hmn? Who, Mikasa and Eren?" As the boy nods, Grisha responds, "they are collecting wood in the usual spot. They left some time ago."

The amnesiac boy had decided to look for them— after all, he always looked forward to helping the Jaeger family with anything they needed, as at least pay all of the help Mr. Jaeger have provided.

As the checkup finished, [Name] said goodbye to the parents, receiving a pat from Grisha and a kiss on the head by Carla.

"We'll tell you later how the croissants are! Or even better, you should join us for lunch!" The joyful woman said as she waved goodbye to the boy,

[Name] was lazy at the thought of go and find his friends— the spot wasn't that far away but still was a good amount of walking. Yawning, the boy was ready to go but he stopped in his tracks as he remembered what time and date was it— the survey corps returned today! Just with the thought the boy smiled, running to try and catch up before they arrived. [Name] always tried to be at the front whenever they returned— he always worried about their well-being. After all, they were the soldiers who saved him.

Running to the gates, he could already hear the amount of whispering saying bad things about them. It was a good thing [Name] didn’t care about them— if not, he would have throwing hands at everybody.

As he arrived, the bell immediately was heard. Frowning a little by the loud sound, the boy tried to be in front of the crowd but got pushed back by the adults. He pouted, annoyed. The little boy couldn’t see thanks to his height, but as he was going to look for a box to stand on, he felt a hand grabbing his own tightly.

Before [Name] could react rather aggressively to the unknown source, the voice he recognized was Eren, stopped him from doing so.

“I was looking for you!” He said, smiling widely at him. Mikasa was besides him as always, waving at the amnesiac boy with a small smile.

“You found me.” [Name] answered with a bland tone as he squeezed his hand. The brunette’s face went crimson as he smiled brightly at the positive reaction he got. It wasn’t a secret [Name]’s attitude was nicer when the survey corps returned or where going to leave, so Eren tried to take some advantage of that.

The three of them looked for some boxes to stand and see their return.

The gates opened, allowing to enter the soldiers on their horses. There was a silence the people fell on, waiting how things turned out.

[Name] was always rooting for them—not caring of what would happen, he supported them. He knew Beatrice wouldn’t be fond of the idea, but when he grew older he would join the military to be one of the survey corps. That was his dream the day he learned about the military, and no one was going to change that.

You shouldn’t be so sure.

Blinking, the boy looked at his sides but no one but Eren and Mikasa were with him. He didn’t recognize the voice neither, and he was sure someone whispered something to him. The brunette was too occupied to notice his reaction, as his attention was somewhere else. Maybe was his imagination? He was already paranoid all day— could be his mind playing games to him.

Shacking his head, [Name]’s gaze went to the soldiers. The looks on the majority of them made him frown— they didn’t look good. The expedition seemed to turn out bad, seeing the number of injured soldiers passing trough. They looked so... grim. His [eye color] eyes shifted to place to place, looking for a certain blond— he wasn't worried he didn't make it back, because he always did return. So when his eyes meet the blue ones, the boy stood on his tip toes as best as he could and waved with his expressionless face as Eren smiled at him too. Seemed the blonde couldn't hold his guilt or shame, seeing his frown and the way he averted their gazes. The brunette's smile fell, the same time [Name] pouted at his reaction.

"No good, uh?" [Name] whispered to himself, frowning. Eren's attention went to him, but soon shifted to the woman who spoke and went to where the commander was, asking about her son whereabouts. [Name] didn't want to be a pessimist, but something in his gut told him this was going to be upsetting— the same feeling that has been with him all day.

And well, it certainly was. 'Moses' was just an arm they could only retrieve— the last remain the mother had of his forever lost son. [Name] cringed at such sight, feeling dirty of watching it. This was horrible: something so... private? so heartbreaking? was for all the world to see. Even more awful with the poor response she got from the so called commander:

"J ust like all the other missions…we achieved nothing at all! My incompetence has done nothing but needlessly send soldiers to their deaths! We haven’t found anything out about them!"

The [hair color] couldn't believe such answer. Was this the same guy he was saved by one year ago? Why was his guilt getting hold of him in front of this poor woman? [Name] frowned, averting his gaze of the scene. He admired them, he really did. The boy wanted to believe in them until the end, but he couldn't deny every return was a mess to see. He could already hear everyone's whispers, and not-so whispers of the people that wanted to be heard by the poor soldiers passing trough.

"Our taxes are basically going to feeding and fattening those things up now." A man in front of them spoke with no hint of empathy in his words, and [Name] instantly knew what was coming for him. He did not try to stop Eren from taking one of his firewood and hit the man on his head before being grabbed and pulled by Mikasa the same instant the man was going to throw a punch at him. As the two children disappeared, [Name] let his tongue out for the man to see, leaving shortly.

"You brat! Get back here!" The man tried to follow them, but as he turned to catch them, they were gone.

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The ravenette threw Eren against a wall, the wood flying all over the place.

"Mikasa, what the hell?!" The brunette whimpered, looking angrily at the girl.

[Name] doze off, thinking about the gut feeling he has been having all day, along with the whisper he heard not too long ago. His eyes focus on the ground, trying to think and decipher his discomfort.

"Hey," he gets the attention of the siblings, "does any of you have a weird feeling today?"

"Ah? Weird feeling?" Eren raises a brow as he picks the wood, "I don't get it."

"Of course you don't." [Name] blatant stated, unimpressed. Ignoring him his shouting, he turns to Mikasa, "do you?"

"I haven't. Why?"

[Name] tilts his head, crossing his arms, "dunno."

"You don't even know and you treat me like an idiot!" The brunette points at him, frowning and yelling.

"Because you act like one."

"[Name]! We talk about this!!!"

"Enough." The ravenette interjects, "[Name], are you coming for lunch? Mom told me to get you if you wanted to."

He tilted his head, thinking. [Name] was feeling lazy, he just wanted to get home and sleep until the next day. "No thanks. Maybe next time."

Eren raises a eyebrow, suspicious. "Hmn? Where are you going, then?"

"Sleep." [Name] states, yawning.

"But that's the only thing you always do! What about Armin? He must be alone right now."

"Then I should look for him to sleep together."

"You lazy...! I'm going with you then!"

"You can't." Mikasa takes his wrist, "mom is waiting for us and the wood."

The brunette whimpered, holding his jealously of not sleeping besides [Name]. "See you later, then..." The children wave at each other, everyone walking into separate directions.

"Bye bye."

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[Name] went to look for his friend. Luckily sometimes he could heard his voice and find him, but as the blonde was really quiet these moments were rare. The boy was going to leave his objective, until he found Armin sitting on an alley all alone, reading his book like he always was.

"There you are." [Name] softly spoke, seeing how determined Armin was as he read the text. His friend was passionate about reading and learning.

The blond turns his head to see his quiet friend, instantly smiling brightly at him. [Name] slightly smiles at such nice sight.

"Where you looking for me?" [Name] nods, kneeling besides him.

"I was going to ask you if you want take a nap with me in the woods."

It may seemed weird to ask such thing— but everyone knew [Name] loved sleeping all day. His... activities were lazy and not that energetic, but Armin didn't mind that. He enjoyed his time with him, it was a nice contrast of being with Eren and Mikasa.

"Sure!"

The walk was not that long. The chattering was done most by Armin, talking about the information of the book he had. [Name] nodded and spoke some time, listening to what he got interested on. As the wood appeared in their view, [Name] took Armin's hand and guided him easily. The boy had a favorite spot only his friends knew— it may have appeared like every other place inside the forest, but to him it wasn't.

The two laid on the ground, Armin on his side and opened the book. He wasn't sleepy at all, but as he was quiet —unlike Eren— [Name] didn't mind. He let out a yawn, placing his hands on his belly and closed his eyes, hearing the birds flying over the woods and the wind.

Something blue— the ocean Armin talked about? The same one he thought to see before?

No— the scenery changes: the woods, but not the same inside the walls. This one is different: the same one outside the walls. But there are houses— there's someone. A woman...?

A memory of a book? Wait— it's the journal! Someone is handing it to him? The journal and the hands holding it can only be seen— there's a voice... what does it say?

O̴͎͌̈̄̚u̴̹̖̫̻̙̣̦̖̪̗̠͖͆ĭ̶̱͇̔͠ ̸̳̪͉̙̜̞͆͆̋̏͑͐̉̕͘͝͠f̶̨̥̖̜̼͕͚̹͖̟͂̔̄̓̊͐͆̈́̓̒̕̚̕e̵̦̳̎̍̾̈ͅm̴̡͓͚̘̬͙̬̗̗̌̃̅̀͊́̂̚͘̕͠͝m̸̨̠̝̻̉̑̎͋͂͂͋ ̴̬̜̈̅͗̚͝͝ḥ̴̡̻̜͆̌̈͌̊͛̐͗ͅą̸̛̠̠͉̪͍̮͔͔͕̼̰͂̂̽̈́͐̀͋̏͘ą̷̤̻̜͍̟̺̋̃̀͂̓̌̈́͌̚̚̕t̴̯̻͉̣͙͒̍́̍͜͝ ̶̢̢̰͈̠̗̻̹̗̫̥͋̿̓̈̈͗̀̈́̚ẽ̷̘̤͉͖̬̼͖̾͐̈́̓͑̈́̃́͋̑͑̃d̴͔͕̣͕͚̞.̶̡̊̓̇́ ̵͉̦̘̹͈̪̓̄͋̊̏̓D̵̺̳̱̭͖̥̮̝̙͛͌̂́͋ͅy̷̢̡̟̻̳̦̰̯̬͙̞͋̌g̸̼̀̇͐̄̔̽͛̌̇͂̕͠a̷̧̤̙̠̲̹͕̒̈́̈́̉̃̋͊̾̈̚ ̷̮͖̆̾͆̈́̐̉͛̑̅l̶͙̟̙̘̳̫̬̥̃̈͛̐̉y̶̡̜͍͛̄͌͘ͅṅ̸̮͙̫̖̤͉̤̜͚͔͇̭̍̐͛̆̃̒ä̷̡̼͇̘̖̝͖͖͍͓͎̊̊̊̄͐̂̎̏̕ ̶̥̞̤̋̿̈́͛̈́́ư̶̧̬̟͕̭͈̫̲͖͙͚̽͋̑͜v̷̧̳͓̙̖̯͚̰̠͇̙̊̆̒͛͂̏͘͝͝ ̴̢̟͚̜̱͚̱̤̜̭̃̋̌̏̌̔͝͝͝e̸̡̧̼̙̤̹̲̩̪̗̍͗͗͊́͛̐̾͘̕̚d̵̢̛̦͓͙̺͒͒̏̔́̅͒̓͑͋̕̕.̵̧̧̛̫͇̞̼͎̣͉͙͌̍̽͑͊̿͆͗̑̋̚̕͜ .̴̡̠͉̬̱̟͈̌̎̽̄͆̂̀̿͛̆̚

He can't understand it— what's she saying?

Something else. The place is so different... so... strange. It's not inside the walls— there are people... pointing at them with guns? What is this? Why do you show me this?

Who is examining their eyes? Hey—! It's his eyes— they have them too! Where are they? It's his family? Tell me!

You should wake him up— it's too early.

What are you talking about?! It's the only link we've made in years!

He's right. We will do damage if we show more. Let's not overdo it.

.

.

.

.

Uh?

"[Name]! Wake up!"

[Name] instantly opens his eyes and gets up, breathing fast. He takes a moment to understand what he saw— but he can't remember any of it. Like a dream he wanted to remember, but was erased forever. What was it? He had to remember— he had to! It was something important-- he knows it. But as soon he tries to imagine at least a bit of it, his headache comes with full force, shutting him down. He lets out a whimper as he hold his head.

Armin gets worried immediately, "are you alright?!" He closes his book and gets near him, exterminating him.

[Name] finds his voice to ask irritated, "why did you wake me up?"

The blond blinks, unsure, "y-you seemed to have a bad dream... you were whispering things and moving a lot. Do you remember any of it?"

"No." [Name] sighs, exasperated by the failure, "we should go back."

Armin is confused— did he do something wrong? He tries to apologize, but [Name] stands up, giving his hand for Armin to take, which he does. They leave without much to say, but [Name] can't shake off the odd feeling even more. He's uncomfortable, and if Armin notices it, he doesn't say anything.

When they get to the gates, [Name] speaks. "I should go with mom, I've been wandering too much."

"O-Oh, well... see you later!" Armin waves and smiles, seeing [Name] leave into another direction with a odd expression. He's worried, but doesn't pry.

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[Name]'s house is far from the gates— a little trouble some when you have your friend's house near the gates. The boy is irritated already, and hearing such multiple voices from the people only gets him even more exasperated. Plus, this 'odd feelings' he's having is only making him mad. What does this mean? Would something happen today? Something bad? Good? He doesn't know at all. Maybe the best thing to do is tell Beatrice in the end. As she said before, 'bottle up things doesn't work. Someday they will come out even if you don't want to.'

Just the thought of his mom and her delicious pastries calms him— he's happy. [Name] doesn't want to leave her at all... but he knows when the military comes, he will join and there won't be much 'family meetings'.

He yawns. He's almost half-way his house, almost there. Everyone is talking, but [Name] doesn't pay attention on what they are talking about, just the sound of their voice. The wind...

Wait. Something changed— as if the air turned heavy, as if something bad was behind him. Someone or something tells him to not turn around because there's something behind— but [Name] hears it before anyone else, like always. He doesn't know what is that sound, but his mind is telling him is something dangerous, something that should be feared— there's no words to understand it, and he doesn't even know what is he hearing, but someone is telling him to run. But he doesn't.

[Name] abruptly stops, widening his eyes in terror. Turning his whole body behind, his gaze locks on the wall, and just in a millisecond, a thunder appears from the sky and shocks into something behind the wall. And then, that thing appears— [Name] doesn't know what the hell is that thing looking at him, but at the same time he can't deny a sense of familiarity. He's shocked, looking at it's eyes.

Everyone is watching the titan with shock, fear, amazement. They are waiting for what it's about to do, but no one is prepare of what is going to happen. As the titan gets a grip on the wall, it moves, and after a couple of seconds it's foot kicks the gate, sending wind blows at everything near it. Debris gets on various houses and on people, killing them instantly. [Name] can't move, the only thing he can do is watch the horror in front of him. The colossal titan disappears, as if it was never there to begin with. Everyone runs away as they see the titans coming their way— multiple of them.

"What is happening?!"

M̵̨͖̞͓͇̲̺̝̱̪̜̻̀́̄̇̋̈́͗̓̌ǫ̴̘͙͔͈̫̣̠̖̭͙̲̅v̶̛̺̗̟͓͔̱̹̿̿̂͛̈̎̈́̆̏̕̚ͅe̶̡̨̛̯̰̰̞̭̯͓͌̿̔̓̒̒̐̈́͗͘,̸̡̛̤̲̳̫͚̝͈ ̸̯͆͋͂̈́͊͘b̶̧̤̩̹͈͕̘̝̺͗̍̽ṟ̶̨̜̻̪͇̹̣͔͇̞͍̘̓͊̎͌å̷̢̨̡̨̧̧̹̗̝̠t̵̢̤͈̐̀!̴̤̣̘̻͉͎̫̹͉̇̽͑͛̆̐̔̐̂̋̂͠ͅͅ

[Name] runs as fast as he can to his house. He thanks whoever his house is far away from this mess, but he can't forget Eren's house is just at the gate. Would they be alright? Should he go for them?! The boy stops, undecided if to run to his house or go to Eren's— is this time to even think?

H̸̝̦̖͍͈͖̱̩̪̙͂̃̉̿͂̓̽̂̐̍̕͘ͅe̴̙̩͇͐́͛̽̔͂y̵̛̮̣͍̺͖͕̰̓͌͋̎͗̔̂͝ͅ!̵̡͓̜̺̝̱̪̙̌͒̂̀̌̕ͅ ̶̖̙͙̟̗̼̰͈̘͇̠̩̿̊̉͛̇̊̈́̌͐̐̚S̴̙̟̞͛t̴͖̤̱̪̅͋̈́̇̓͑͛͆͝ơ̵̡͎͎̯̎̔̓̃͋͆͑̊̆͒̕p̴̨̨̩̼̞̖̜̝͇͎̺̏̓̌͑͝͠ͅ ̵̧͈̼̝͓̩̜͙͍̈̈́̎̆̍̐̏̑͂̄̃̈ͅṱ̴̛̠̜̫͈̬͉̼̫̩̲̜̑͑͆̎̄̆̎̎̆͆̚͘h̶̬̬͚̑̄̔͆i̶͓ṅ̸̢̛̘̥͙̪͖̜̥̩̱́̈́͒̈́͜͠ķ̶̟͈̤̗̟͉̖̫̞̫͍̔̋̿̽͠ǐ̸̳̜̝̩̭̤͇̯͉̺̝̰̍̽͗͋̕ñ̷̘̜͚́͊ͅģ̶̨̘̬̝̫̺̰͙͖͒͊͛̒͛̃̀͂̚̚͜͠ ̷̥͇̗͖̟̹̲̘̊͊́̈́̒̀̓͌͑̏͆͌͠a̸̮͚͓͖̳̭̞͐̅̈͛͗̇͗̃̄̈́̚͝n̶̛͍͖͎̠͇̦͈̿͛͜d̷͚̯͗̂ͅ ̴̬͚͍̘̝̯̥̆̈r̶̦͈̉̀ų̸̮̺̳͈͚̻͙͖̝̎͐̅̔̎͛̏̈͐̑͠n̶̲̤̟̹̭͔̈́̃̏͊̏̌̂̕ͅ ̶̞̀̑́̕a̶̼̙̭̲̣̞̋̃͋̓̀͆w̸̧̜͉̼͉̅͐̽̿͗͂̓̃a̵̡̫̝͖̪̞̍y̸̡̪̖͖̹̲͔̹͖̯͙͊̑̏͂̏̇͘̕!̸̨̡̩̬̙̱͚̭̬̟̩̋̐͜

No— Beatrice is worried, you should go back.

He doesn't want to leave his friends, but something makes him run at the direction of his house. The boy does his best to try and doze off the horrible sounds around him— the screams, the whispers on his back, the horrifying sounds the titans make... the scared boy locks his gaze in front on him until he gets to his house safe and sound, where Beatrice is waiting.

He can already see her outside her house, trying to understand what in the world is going on. She's worried, but her expression changes when she sees [Name] running towards her. As soon as the boy gets there, he grabs her hand and tries to pull her to the inside's gate as he explains, "we need to go! something appeared out of nowhere and destroyed the gate!"

"W-What?! T-That can't be possible!" Beatrice widen her eyes as she tries to process the situation. But as she sees everyone running towards the gate and notices the titans far away coming where they are, her expression turn into one of terror. "W-We need our stuff!"

"There's no time! We have to go!" [Name] takes charge and tries to leave, but Beatrice can't move. "They will get here, mom!" Both can hear and see the Garrison Soldiers trying to take care of the disaster, but as everyone knows, they are not capable of holding it.

Beatrice lets out a shaky breath before nodding and get on running.

Fortunately the gate is already open— they cross it, seeing soldiers preparing ships to sail. There are a lot of people gathering already, but [Name] hopes everything gets done fast. They hurriedly walk there, waiting for their turn to get on the ship.

"I wonder if they are alright..." He can't stop himself to think about them— he should have been with them first. But then, maybe Beatrice would look for him and get hurt. What was the right thing to do? "They have to be..."

Beatrice squeeze his shoulder. "They are, [Name]. They are strong."

It's really slow, but soon they get on one of the ships that is already full. There are two more empty, but [Name] wonders if everyone of Shinganshina can get on just these boats. His eyes try to see if his friends are there, but he can't see them at all. He only hears desperation, but not their voices. He's shaking, but Beatrice tries her best to calm him down. She's scared too, terrified, even. She can't even comprehend what just happen— there was a heavy sound far away from her house, but then what? The boat sails, leaving the disaster that the district hold.

The woman hugs her child with caring, closing her eyes and wishing for the best.

So, was this the gut feeling you were having all day?

Reiss Mental Asylum / 3

【 shingeki no kyojin / mental asylum – alternative universe, modern setting 】 『male!yandere!various x male!prettyboy!reader』 summary: Finally! You have been given an opportunity to work at Reiss Mental Asylum- your job hunting hasn’t been great, so to hear you got an opportunity made you excited. At the beginning everything seems normal- but without noticing, some people began to get obsessed with you. warnings/tags: DARK/HEAVY THEMES. Non-consensual themes; sexual assault, touching, drug use, rape attempt. Home invasion, yanderes, obsessive behavior, murder, blood, explicit content, sexual thoughts. masterlist

3

“There’s a small break every time your sessions finish. We’ll go to our office, so remember the path we take, alright?” Zeke says, looking at [Name]. The said boy just nods in return, enough for Zeke. “By the way, it seems that Armin likes you.”

“Really? He seems really nice…” [Name] says, smiling, “I’m glad he let me talk to him.”

“Yeah… he looked unsure about you at first, but it’s surprising how he changed.” The blond looks deep in thought, before proceeding, “I think you are the first person he talked freely like that.” He scratches his ear, thinking. Armin wasn’t very fond of Zeke that much— even if he was one of his doctors, he knew the short blond didn’t fully trust him. But, seeing as [Name] —who is new in the area— instantly clicked with him made Zeke wonder how many surprises the [hair color]-haired would bring.

Both males pleasantly talked— [Name] seemed comfortable talking to Zeke, and said man enjoyed hearing the other’s male voice. It was pleasing — something he wanted to hear everyday. Zeke noted the young man had a peaceful aura that calmed him, seeing as [Name] was a bag of nerves at first glance, the boy looked surprisingly calm now. It made the blond steal some glances to look at his gentle features — without the other noticing, of course.

Eventually, Zeke stopped in front of a door, which it had a small frame with the name of ’Dr. Zeke Jaeger’ on it. The blond opened the door, revealing a neat and simple office. There was only one desk with a chair, bookshelves, a lamp, a window… Nothing out of the ordinary.

“There’s only one desk, so we’ll have to share.” Zeke stepped into the room, with [Name] shyly walking behind him, “There isn’t much. I place the patient’s files here, other important documents there…” The man approached the desk, opened a drawer and look for something in it— his fingers touched the multiple folders, until he finally found two he was looking for. “I will give you the patient’s files, but not all of them. I don’t want to stress you this much— so don’t get nervous, alright?”

“S–Sure! Thank you, Dr. Jaeger,” [Name] gently said, smiling by the other’s kindness. “And sorry for you having to share your office, I will try not to occupy too much.” He added, with a deep pink growing on his gentle cheeks.

Zeke just laughed, “I already told you; I don’t mind sharing with you. I will make space for you, but for now hand me anything you want me to take, I will take care of it.”

“Alright, thank you again… I–I hope I can learn a lot from you.” [Name] states, looking a little embarrassed, making the other man smile seeing his shy form.

I look forward on learning a lot about you too…

“I will try to help you as much as I can, [Name].” Zeke reassured, taking a look at his watch, “it seems we still have some time left. We’ll take some fresh air, if you agree?” He looks at the other male with a small smile.

“Of course!”

。。。。。。。。。。。。

The two of them were sitting on a bench, outside the building. There were some patients on the gardens with some bodyguards and doctors observing them. Zeke had explained some patients had the privilege thanks for their backgrounds and history in the asylum, allowing them to going outside and do gardening for their therapy— [Name] had wondered what he meant by ’backgrounds’, but decided not to ask.

Zeke was smoking a cigarette, and [Name] just peacefully observed the patients from afar. The older man couldn’t stop himself to look at the other young man— he observed the softness of his beautiful face; how peaceful his eyes looked; how his [hair color] hair gently moved by the wind. [Name]’s body seemed relaxed— and Zeke couldn’t pinpoint the exact motive of why his full attention was on the other male; why he was taking a unexpected interest on him.

“Do you live far from here?” Zeke suddenly asked, pushing his glasses. The blond had many questions for the young man— and he couldn’t stop himself from asking.

The sudden question made [Name] slightly jump, alerted. Looking at the blond, [Name] quickly replied, “Y–Yes. I don’t have a car, so the bus brings me here— one hour and thirty minutes.”

Zeke furrows a brow, “Is that so? And how did you find this place anyways?”

“I found the ad on the newspaper, and well…” [Name] scratches his cheek with his index finger, smiling, “this was the only place that called me. I’m glad though, it seems nice.”

He has no clue about what he got himself into. Zeke hummed, taking a last glance at [Name]. Changing his attention to his watch, the man spoke, “we have five more minutes. I should tell you about the next patient.” The blond handed the folder, which [Name] took. “His name is Jean Kirstein. He made some… bad choices in the past,” Zeke explained, clearly leaving something out, “His best friend was killed, and that made him change for the worst. Jean can be harsh with his words– he can easily get provoked, too.”

Zeke stands, turning at [Name], “let’s go.”

。。。。。。。。。

The death of Jean’s best friend left a huge impact on the young boy— Zeke had explained Jean saw the corpse of what was left of his friend. Jean has night terrors in most of the nights. The taller man didn’t exactly tell [Name] what the patient did in the past, and the young boy couldn’t really take a hint. Zeke could see how oblivious [Name] was, and he thought it was for the better.

“Here we are. As you know, I will see everything if anything goes wrong,” he says, already leaving. But suddenly stops, as if he remembered something not that important, hearing his uninterested voice tone, “also, don’t be surprised if he’s handcuffed. Good luck.”

H—Handcuffed?! [Name] was taken aback by the comment— why would a patient be handcuffed? Was he aggressive? The young man really didn’t know what to expect, so with no much thought he opened the door, instantly noticing a young man around his age sitting, looking irritated. And indeed, he was handcuffed.

“Great. Another fucking useless doctor.” The two-toned haired boy snorted, “don’t even try with me, pretty boy. I don’t care about any of your bullshit.”

[Name] cheeks slightly blushed by the given name, but hurriedly calmed himself. The young man knew there would be not too kind people, but that didn’t make him upset. He was going to do his best and help his patients.

The [hair color]-haired boy just smiled, sitting across the other boy. Jean just looked weirdly at him— normally, his doctors’ expressions were irritated or uncaring, but this person showed a gentle smile. Huh. Weird.

“But I will try my best! I don’t give up easily, you know?” [Name] spoke, unbothered by the other snarky comments, “I’m [Name], Dr. Jaeger assistant. What’s your name?”

Jean snorted, “I believe you already know my name, doctor. No point playing dumb with me.” He took notice of the assistant’s face– it didn’t change, he could see [Name] wasn’t getting irritated or mad, just like the others. The [eye color]-eyed just kindly smiled.

“Well, I would like to hear it from you. It makes things official!”

“You are not giving this up, are you?”

“Nope!”

The patient sighs, relaxing his composure. “Jean.” Was the only thing he said— weirdly enough, Jean could see he was an interesting fellow. [Name]’s introduction actually made him aware that the assistant may or may not be… too kind. And his pretty looks really didn’t give away much contradiction to his conclusion.

Yup, this one is perfect for teasing. Better take the chance.

“Nice to meet you, Jean! This session is only for intro–”

“Hey, [Name],” Jean interrupted, with a smirk on his face, “can I ask something?”

“Sure, ask away.”

“If you are Jaeger’s assistant, does that mean he can fuck you all he wants? I mean, the man has to have his needs, and you being his pretty assistant sounds fishy enough to me.”

[Name]’s face was priceless. All of his face instantly went deep red. The young assistant never heard something like this addressed to him— and it was absolutely embarrassing. Even if he knew Jean was only playing with him, that didn’t mean [Name] couldn’t get flustered.

Jean couldn’t hold his laugh seeing the distressed state of the assistant. [Name] was blabbering, trying to deny the dirty joke with no avail. Oh shit, is he a virgin? This is better than I thought! Finally something funny is happening in this disgusting place!

Thinking about it, Jean really didn’t mind anymore if this cutie was going to be his doctor. He could see every session embarrassing the young assistant, looking at his flustered state. Yes, he couldn’t wait for more opportunities to make him blush.

“O—Of course not! Please hold yourself on doing comments like that, Jean!” [Name] finally spoke, his soft cheeks still red. “Dr. Jaeger and I are not like that in any way!”

Jean laughed, he couldn’t believe he finally had a chance to be with someone like this. Surely, he will take every chance he gets. “I was just saying, pretty assistant. Come on, I just said fuck, it isn’t that bad.”

“Just don’t say things like that. That came out of nowhere!”

After that, both of them could normally talk, relieving [Name]. The sexual comment did threw him off, but hoped there weren’t going to be more situations like that in the future. They just talked— [Name] did most of the talking, and Jean just reluctantly answered, leaving some snarky comments here and there. The two toned haired patient was bored with the conversation, but answered nevertheless.

A knock on the door made [Name] realize it was time to leave. Standing up, the [hair color]-haired spoke, “Well, it was nice to meet you, Jean. I will see you next week!” [Name] sent a smile to the other boy.

Jean was indifferent about the talking session, but surely, making his new doctor embarrassed was going to be one of his obligatory tasks. He would think on more things to say— he couldn’t wait for next week to come. Jean remembered the assistant’s blushed face— how embarrassed he looked. 

That, was a sight he wanted to see again.

He surely was going to have fun with him.

。。。。。。。。。。。

“That was an interesting session.” Zeke broke the silence, noticing [Name]’s embarrassing demeanor. Surely, he knew Jean could get dirty with his comments– but he really didn’t expect something like that. The blond actually chuckled in amusement seeing [Name] flustered behavior.

[Name] just hummed, playing with his fingers. He was suddenly flustered seeing Zeke after that sexual comment, and he couldn’t stop a blush appearing on his face.

Zeke wasn’t sure if joking would be a good idea, but he couldn’t stop himself from teasing the [hair color]-haired boy.

“Tempting idea— I see myself considering it in the future. Just to let you know, assistant.”

[Name] ’s face couldn’t get any more redder.

Being a writer like

The beginning? Yeah, got that covered.

The ending? Totally! It’s awesome, got all that planned out already.

The middle part? Uh… ???????

you hangin in there?

i am, unfortunately, still alive

Reiss Mental Asylum / １0

【 shingeki no kyojin / mental asylum – alternative universe, modern setting 】 『male!yandere!various x male!prettyboy!reader』 summary: Finally! You have been given an opportunity to work at Reiss Mental Asylum- your job hunting hasn’t been great, so to hear you got an opportunity made you excited. At the beginning everything seems normal- but without noticing, some people began to get obsessed with you. warnings/tags: DARK/HEAVY THEMES. Non-consensual themes; sexual assault, touching, drug use, rape attempt. Home invasion, yanderes, obsessive behavior, murder, blood, explicit content, sexual thoughts. masterlist

"Please, faster~!"

A moan is heard— skin against skin, grunts, gasps. He tightly grabs [Name]'s legs, holding them up. The tight hold leaves bruises, but the smaller man doesn't care— it feels so good, pain and pleasure feels wonderful, a bliss.

"So tight... Fuck!" He grunts, hastening the pace, making his love moan loudly, saying his name between his whines. The sound only makes him excited and messy, as he shifts [Name]’s body to thrust him deeper. The pretty boy whines by the sudden stop. He makes him lay on his side, raising his leg up as he forcefully enters him again without notice, making [Name] arch his back in pleasure as he feels his sweet spot being abused.

“Say my name. Scream it— tell me you are mine.” He demands, his movements less gentle and more dominant. His hold pressing harder the soft skin, making it red. The petite boy moans his name between his whimpers, unable to say something else by the amount of pleasure he’s feeling. That doesn’t satisfy him, as he stops his thrust deep inside [Name]. “I won’t move until you say it, love.”

The smaller male pleads, saying his name, but as much he loved hearing and seeing such gorgeous display, he is desperate of hearing who he belongs to; who he is allowed to be touched by.

“I—I belong to you... I’m yours...” [Name] barely speaks, patting loudly. His teary eyes and flustered face only makes him riled up, and without warning his fast pace awakens. The pretty boy moans, saying he won’t last long.

His’ eyes express possessiveness, but something darker can be caught in them. He only has eyes on him— enjoying every bit of his beautiful form being marked by him and no one else. He was truly his, forever. “I love you so much...”

He shifts [Name]’s body on his chest on the bed, harshly holding his hips bruising them instantly. He can catch between his love’s moans and whimpers saying he will come, unable of formulating words by his current state. He smirks, hugging protectively the smaller form, hardly taking his chin to turn at him and kiss him roughly, [Name] moaning his name between the heat up kiss as both come together.

And then, he wakes up abruptly by the sound of an alarm. Grunting irritated, he sits on the edge of the bed with a clear bulge on his pants. He looks at it irritably, but then remembers the sweet dream he had with his beautiful [Name], changing his upset expression with a smirk.

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

“Hello, Bertholdt! Hope you are having a nice morning!” [Name] smiled brightly as he opened the door of his cell room. The patient’s face instantly brightened as he heard the angelic voice of his beautiful doctor. “According to our schedule, today we are gardening. It’s my first time doing it, so please excuse me if I do a mess!”

Bertholdt blushed deeply, unknowing what to say or do. A big contrast of his behavior the other day. [Name] could notice his awkwardness, as he chuckled a little as he approached him but still gave him space. “Did you have breakfast already?” The assistant gently asked, receiving a nod for an answer. He clapped his hands, grinning, “okay then! Let’s go.”

[Name] lend his hand, waiting and wondering if Bertholdt would take it. The taller male, who was still sitting on his bed, felt unsure at first. He felt his heart was going to explode by just being this near around him. Gulping, he shakily took the gentle hand, making [Name] smile. The brunette stood and followed [Name] as he guided him outside the room.

The assistant locked the door and walked alongside the patient, hand in hand. There was a silence [Name] didn’t mind, he talked about anything and everything as he just greeted with a nod the various workers he passed in the way. Bertholdt just nervously looked at the floor, his cheeks blushed in scarlet as he sometimes stole a few glances on the assistant.

He was utterly in love with him— he was gentle and nice to him. He couldn’t believe he was holding hands with him! The assistant made him feel like... a normal person. When he was normal and felt loved. When Bertholdt thought he was going to die in this horrible place, [Name] appeared just like an angel, brightening his path. He was beautiful, gorgeous, pretty...! The brunette couldn’t think more things to describe him, as there couldn’t be explained with words.

[Name] turned to see him with a smile, and the brunette blinked in surprise and look away instantly. The assistant was going to say something, but someone caught his attention, as Bertholdt didn’t feel his gaze on him no more.

“Hey, Vincent!” [Name] greeted happily, instead of just greeting this stranger with just a nod, like everyone else he was greeting. “How’s your morning going?”

“Amazing now that I saw you.” Vincent stated with a grin, making [Name] slightly blush and shake his head with a small smile. The guard felt warm and happy as [Name] didn’t reject his “compliment”.

On the other hand, a certain patient was disgusted by the scene. A frown was plastered on his face, and he was grabbing [Name]’s hand a little too tight. Who was this disgusting devil?

The assistant could feel the sudden change on Berhtoldt demeanor quickly. “W-Well, Berhtoldt and I were going to the garden— see you later, Vincent.” [Name] offered an apologetic smile as Vincent could see the glare the patient was giving him— more like a deadly glare.

“You sure? I mean, I can accompany you…” He stole some looks at the taller patient, who face was darkened in a... unsettling way.

“Don’t worry! Bertholdt and I are going to be perfectly fine!” He chuckled nervously, already walking away from Vincent as he waved with his free hand. Vincent only stared with narrowed eyes as they left, the tall patient’s darkened face still on him.

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

“You don’t have to worry, you know? Vincent is a great guard and seek for our protection, including yours.”

Bertholdt remained with his frown, not believing that statement at all. That was a lie— sometimes the guards crossed their boundaries and beated them more than they were allowed when they had their breakdowns.

They deserve what happens to them.

They were disgusting devils; all of them. They didn’t deserve to touch his angel with their nasty hands.

[Name] gently squeezed his hand, taking his attention. Bertholdt’s glare was still present, his body tensed. The assistant knew his’ thoughts were on the guards, so he thought switching the current topic to their current task would be a nice move.

“Let’s go water the plants! Maybe you can show me which are you taking care of.” He showed a warm smile, walking deep into the garden hand in hand with Bertholdt. He could feel the grip softening, and seeing his shoulders relax made [Name] let out a quiet sigh. He didn’t know how Berthtoldt’s outbursts were like— but he imagined they weren’t easy to handle. He was taller and stronger for him— breaking him would be as easy as breaking a branch.

[Name] shuddered at the thought. Bertholdt looked unsurely at him, confused. “Hehe, I think is a little cold here!” [Name] tried to dismiss.

Fortunately [Name] wasn’t going blind to the ‘gardening therapy’. Zeke had explained to him what the usual stuff the patients had to do; usually doctors didn’t intervene, they were there to take notes and observe. [Name] was unsure to follow that.

Basically, patients have plants they care of. This to reduce their stress and anxiety— unfortunately, some patients weren’t fond of doing these sessions. But fortunately, Bertholdt was interested in them.

The two of them took two flowers— a sunflower and a red rose. As this was going to be his first time in gardening, [Name] wanted to share the same occupation as Berhtoldt in helping taking care of the flowers. The assistant could see the surprise in the brunette’s face— the patient was used to his doctors being silent through the whole thing.

He was really precious, wasn’t he?

Both of them kneeled whit the flower in their hands. But Bertholdt wasn’t giving any attention to the flower— his attention was for [Name]. His beautiful smile, his soft gaze... he was perfect. A perfect angel sent just for him.

“I adore you.” Bertholdt spoke, loud enough for the other to hear.

“Uh?” Turning confused, [Name] was met with something warm on his lips— Bertholdt’s ones. The taller male hold [Name]’s face with both hands and closed his eyes, while the assistant’s eyes were widened and froze in shock.

This wasn’t like the small peck he received before— no, Bertholdt was going in. His tongue played with his’, and even if the kiss felt more passionate, it was inexperienced and... gentle, in some way.

[Name] blinked repeatedly before trying to make space between them to break the kiss before they would be seen. His hands were on Bertholdt’s chest, but he wasn’t buying it. Between quick interruptions to take air, [Name] whimpered and tried to speak, but it seemed his pattings and ‘questionable’ noises only made Bertholdt more excited, returning to kiss him.

Fortunately [Name] turned his head to the side, making Bertholdt kiss is cheek instead. The assistant’s lips were red and swallowed, and his chest heaves as he tried to breathe. Unluckily, the taller male kept kissing his neck, sending shivers to [Name] spine. He felt excitedly ticklish, trying to silence any gasp or whimper wanting to get out. He tried to make Bertholdt stay away, but the patient was stronger than him.

“Please, Bertholdt! You need to stop!” The assistant pleaded, uncomfortable and worried. It didn’t seem Bertholdt was listening to him— his big hands traveled to his face to his waist, holding him in place while kissing his neck while whispering things he couldn’t understand. [Name] didn’t want to be found like this! “Someone is going to see us! Please, listen to me!” Memories about a certain blonde saying he wouldn’t be as forgiving came to his mind, growing his worry.

Bertholdt become very affectionate for some reason, ignoring him. [Name] had to wake him up in some way before they were caught and punished. Placing both hands on Bertholdt’s face, the assistant tried to make him focus on him and stop his actions, which l gave him exactly what he wanted: Bertholdt’s attention.

Olive eyes stared and him widely, body froze in place. It was as if the roles had switched. With a crimson color present of his cheeks, [Name] pecked Bertholdt’s nose and gently spoke, “this isn’t right, Bertholdt. We could be in big trouble if we’re found like this.” He tried to reason, a frown on his face.

“But—But I... love you... you—you are my savior, [Name]!” He pleaded, grabbing [Name]’s hands with his own. His eyes widened, getting closer to his face. [Name] gulped, blinking repeatedly. He was absolutely embarrassed and slightly aroused from the sudden action. It wasn’t everyday someone kissed you like that, someone you help, to be certain. But he had to keep his cool, even if his insides were screaming and squirming.

“I appreciate you too, Bertholdt. But you have to understand what you’re doing isn’t right. You don’t want to hurt me, right?” The brunette hastily nodded his head like a child, a sad look on his face. [Name] smiled, “and I don’t want you to get hurt either. Let’s stand up.” The brunette unsurely at first let go off [Name] and stood, lending a hand on the assistant who took it.

[Name] shaked off any dirt on his clothes and helped the other too. Sighing in relief, he thanked Berhtoldt to be this easy to talk to— he really was worried about what could happen if he was seen like that. And not for his well being, but for Bertholdt’s. Yes, the kiss was something he didn’t want at all— being kissed like that without wanting it was… reminding him of something he didn’t want to remember. But [Name] wasn’t angry at Bertholdt, when he looked at that pleading eyes he saw... a frightened child. Was it wrong?

“Okay then, let’s plant them!”

The brunette felt butterflies on his stomach. He wasn’t harsh nor rude to him— in some way, [Name]’s touches reminded him of his mother. The love of his mother… love… gentleness…

Bertholdt smiled, realizing what he really felt while hearing [Name]’s chattering.

+32° 37’ 39.72”, +129° 44’ 17.73” abandoned buildings on ha island, japan

Reiss Mental Asylum / 8

【 shingeki no kyojin / mental asylum – alternative universe, modern setting 】 『male!yandere!various x male!prettyboy!reader』 summary: Finally! You have been given an opportunity to work at Reiss Mental Asylum- your job hunting hasn’t been great, so to hear you got an opportunity made you excited. At the beginning everything seems normal- but without noticing, some people began to get obsessed with you. warnings/tags: DARK/HEAVY THEMES. Non-consensual themes; sexual assault, touching, drug use, rape attempt. Home invasion, yanderes, obsessive behavior, murder, blood, explicit content, sexual thoughts. masterlist

chapter warnings: mentions of cannibalism.

"What's with the sudden silence?" Levi asked, raising an eyebrown, carefully eyeing the two. They were inexplicably quiet— an awkward silence could be noticed immediately.

Crossing his arms, Mike observed them in silence. [Name] was nervously looking at the floor with his hands playing, while Zeke frowned, lips pressed in a thin line. The doctor looked intimidating and stressed, thing that he deduced made [Name] in the state he was.

But before [Name] could give an answer, Zeke harshly beat him to it, "none of your business, Levi. [Name] and I are perfectly fine."

Levi smirked. It was obvious something had happened with the two— who knows what, but it certainly did. [Name] was a little far away from the blond doctor, unlike the other day when he was pretty close.

Seeing how distressed [Name] was, Mike tried to lighten the mood for him. Somehow, looking how his pretty face was so grim made him... upset; sad for him, and a certain anger for Zeke. Why did he make him this ashamed? He felt a urge to make him happy and protect him.

Standing next to the assistant, Mike smiled at him. "Let's go, [Name]. We have a free time right now." Walking, [Name] hastily followed beside him. The taller man didn't show it, but seeing the change of behavior from the assistant made him quite relieved.

While Mike and [Name] walked in front, the last two weren't a good pair. The blond looked miserable, while the ravenette was smirking and mocking the doctor.

"You fucked up, didn't you?"

"Nothing happened."

Levi let out a single chuckle. "You actually did. Congratulations, shitty-glasses number two. I was actually surprised how long he lasted looking so joyful." Levi loved mocking the blond doctor— seeing how miserable he looked was actually satisfying.

Zeke gritted his teeth in annoyance. Yes, the short man could be actually terrifying, but he was —just a little— forgetting his fear thanks to the current situation with his assistant. He won't confess it publicly, but he, indeed, fucked things up, and that made him bitter.

If only he wasn't that harsh...

No—! [Name] had to understand he could have been in danger. It was necessary talk.

While the blond doctor was deep in thought, Levi couldn't hide his smirk. "What? thinking about cleaning your shitty mess?"

Zeke grunted.

But with the other two...

"How did your session went yesterday?"

"It was... a little upsetting..." he played with his hands, "I couldn't stop feeling embarrassed! Reiner really is a pervert! Dr. Jaeger had to interrupt the session, it didn't go well..."

"Is that so?" he smiled, "It's just the beginning, [Name]. I have faith in you."

"Thank you! I'm really motivated to keep moving forward!"

"I'm glad to hear that. Learn from your mistakes, this is an never ending process." He squishes [Name]'s shoulder, "oh, and what did Reiner say to you? He can be... too much." He didn't want to show it, but he was worried for him. Doctors and nurses who go with Reiner don't have a good 'first time' with him— bad things can happen, even with security outside of the room.

Remembering the degenerative words from him made [Name] embarrassed once again, red painting his cheeks and shifted his gaze somewhere else but Mike. The taller man, seeing this, couldn't help but laugh in amusement.

This new worker looked adorable— just like a small kitten needed to be protected from the wolves.

Mike sensed a heavy feeling of protect— protect this little kitten from this place.

"I guess he was intense this time?"

"...it's better if you don't know..."

Zeke, seeing the two chatting so comfortable, angered him. Gritting his teeth and frowning, he couldn't silence a grunt.

The ravenette was loving the sight, thing that made it vocal.

"This is priceless— I'm loving every second of this." He smirked, "seeing you fucking this up is a good sight, beardshit."

The blond doctor ignored him, and called for his assistant. The named abruptly turned, returning to his nervousness— Mike's face coldly turned to see the blonde.

"We are going to our office. We have a lot things to do." Zeke strictly spoke, looking straight at [Name], who shivered a little by the icy glare. Before Zeke could grab his arm, Mike did it first, placing [Name] behind him. The blond angrily looked at Mike by the interruption, "Now what? [Name] and I have—"

"[Name] will go with me— actually, I think Erwin was calling for him." Mike said, not letting Zeke answer as he grabbed [Name]'s hand and hastily left, leaving the blond angry and jealous. [Name] clumsily waved at him in an apologetic manner.

The ravenette, who was amused by the show, stayed in silence with a small smirk. He left, leaving the blond alone in his misery.

"Just great. The fucking tree and shorty are in my way— just how many?"

+++++++++

"M–Mr. Smith was calling for me...?" [Name] shyly asks, scratching his cheek with his index finger.

Mike chuckles, "No— well, not yet."

The [hair color] haired male confusingly blinks. "Then why...?"

"The tension between Zeke and you is in the air." Levi quickly answered, watching carefully the [hair color] haired male.

Eyes widening, [Name] quickly denied such thing, moving his hands in front of him in denial. "N—Nothing happened! Everything is alright!"

"Bullshit. We are not stupid, brat."

"W—What?! I—I didn't mean that at all!"

Mike interjected. "If you don't want to tell is alright, we don't want to be noisy."

"Well then, I will be the one asking. What did shitbeard say? You look scared shitless by just being near him." Levi wanted to know— what did go wrong? The sudden change could be noticed.

"I-It's just he... No—" he corrected himself, "I did something stupid, that's all." [Name] rubbed his hands against each other, looking at the floor in shame.

Levi and Mike waited for [Name] to go on, but seeing as the assistant wasn't speaking, the ravenette grow impatient. "And? What did you do?"

It was his fault, right? He shouldn't have being choosing so freely. "I explored without his permission."

They blinked, not fully understanding.

"You... explored without permission?"

[Name] nodded, embarrassed.

"Did something happened?"

"Uhm— no, but he got angry because I could be in danger... he was... a little harsh..."

A sudden sense to protect him filled Mike once again. He wanted to hug him and comfort him; caressing every spot he could. The taller man decided [Name] had to be protected by any costs— from anybody and anywhere.

He had to be his protector.

"What did he tell you?" Levi crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow.

"Uhm..." The [hair color] haired didn't know if saying the truth would be the right thing— it was embarrassing remembering those things, and to spoke about it? "Just... the usual things."

Mike hums, Levi narrows his eyes in suspicion.

The ravenette sighed, "Well, if you don't want to talk about it, it's none of our business then."

[Name] nods, gaze locked on the floor.

"Anyways, who's it today?" Levi asked, changing the subject.

Blinking, [Name] tilted his head in confusion, "Uh— today...?"

"Patient, brat. Are you being an airhead on purpose or what is it with you?"

"Sorry! Uhm," the assistant hastily checks his notes, till he finds what he's looking for, "ah! Eren Jaeger." He blinks, "...Jaeger?!" He says the last name in surprise and amazement— the [hair color] haired male looks incredulously at the name.

"Zeke's brother..." Mike narrows his eyes. He's worried— he hasn't heard good things about nurses giving him doses lately. One of the last... didn't go well at all.

It looked like Levi was somehow worried too— his expression made it evident. In what he concerned, Eren acted as a beast in his outbursts. The ravenette wasn't sure if allowing [Name] to go was a good idea at all.

"I didn't know Dr. Jaeger had a brother here..."

"Now you do."

"Well, he didn't tell me about him..."

«Maybe because he is a fucking animal.» Levi thought, rubbing his temples. He didn't know why he was stressing out by just hearing who was [Name] meeting with. «Who is the fucking idiot doing his schedule?»

"When is your session?" Mike asks, hiding his worry.

"In... fifteen minutes. Maybe I should get going..."

Mike and Levi swore mentally— just like [Name], they had somewhere else to be. None of them could accompany him, he had to go alone. That preoccupied them— something would go wrong, and the only backup he had was the incompetent guards outside the room.

"Look, [Name]," Mike tried to stay collected, but only a small frown was present on his face, "don't get near him, alright? Always stay a good distance away from him."

[Name] doesn't want to show the sudden anxiety he's feeling by hearing the taller man so worried. "I–Is he... dangerous?"

"Listen to him, brat. Don't act stupid and you will be fine— just, don't get near him."

Mike tries to comfort [Name] by placing a hand on his shoulder. The [hair color] haired relaxes a bit, letting out a sigh. He already knows something is up about this 'Eren', maybe he had attacked one of the workers before? Would he have handcuffs?

"Are you listening?" Levi loudly asks, catching [Name]'s attention.

[Name] answer with a nod, looking unsure. Levi grunts by seeing how thoughts the other is— but it seems that Mike is doing a good job calming him.

Levi doesn't pay attention, but something inside him tells him that he should have been the one comforting him, not the fucking tree.

"Alright. We have to go now, but please stay safe. Don't worry— but don't let your guard down either." Mike speaks, gently ruffling [Name]'s hair, looking softly at him. The assistant relax under his touch and nods.

Narrowing his eyes, the ravenette hawks Mike's expression and actions. He stays in silence, arms crossing. He waits until Mike stops and walks away, not before waving his hand. The ravenette take it as his que, and before he follows Mike, he turns to [Name].

"Good luck, brat. Don't do something stupid. See you later." He turns and walks away, not waiting for an answer. "...And take care."

"T—Thanks! Take care too!"

[Name] sighs, rubbing his neck. He's thankful for the help and comfort the two had given him— but he can't stop feeling worried about the upcoming session.

"Well... Let's go, I guess..."

  +++++

  "What do you think is going to happen?"

Frowning, Mike bluntly answers, "I rather not think about it."

"Well, let's see if he has any broken bones afterwards." The ravenette doesn't sound as if he's joking— his face is serious and with his usual frown.

That doesn't fail to worry Mike more than he already was. He tries to think positive, but he can't deny something will possibly happen. "Don't be negative, Levi. Maybe [Name] can get trough it without complications."

"Yeah, say that to the other five fucking nurses."

Sighing, Mike grunts.

  +++++

«Eren Jaeger.

His mother was killed when he was twelve years old, by the hands of her husband ex-wife. The woman mutilated Carla's Jaeger —Eren's mother—, and the patient witnessed every violent act inflicted on her. The woman ate her mother in the middle of the kitchen floor.

The woman wasn't caught.

Eren's father, Grisha Jaeger, tried to take care of his son but it didn't work. The patient showed anger issues in his young age— the worst case in his childhood was when he was in school, and fought a kid taller than him. The other kid ended with a broken skull, three ribs broken, broken nose and a broken arm. As you expect, Jaeger was instantly expelled and Grisha Jaeger got sued by the incident.

The patient's life was full of violence and brutalities— member of a gang, it wasn't unknown killing people. Nevertheless, the thing that made him enter the asylum was something morbid.

Eren saw the woman who killed his mother. As you expect, the patient killed her in her house in the middle of the night. Just like she killed his mother, Eren mutilated her and ate her. The police found him in the crime scene, covered in blood, in silence.

Jaeger could be suddenly aggressive with doctors and specially nurses, when they are giving him medicine and doses. Don't get near.»

A shiver gets down [Name]'s spine— it's evident in his expression that he is scared. The patient's file wasn't exactly good to read, but it was obligatory. That didn't mean it was one of the most insane and morbid thing he read— nevertheless, he knew there could be problems like this.

That didn't mean he wasn't scared of meeting Dr. Jaeger's brother. By just reading what he did, frightened him— it made him anxious.

Standing just outside the white door with two guards on each side of it, [Name] let out a deep sigh to calm himself. The assistant nodded to each guard to greet them, they doing the same.

Gulping, [Name] took the door handle and opened it, gaze fixing on the patient— Eren Jaeger. His eyes were instantly met with the green ones— recognizing them immediately.

"You– You are the patient from the gardens..." [Name] spoke, rapidly blinking. It was the same guy– brown hair tied in a bun, serious and hardened eyes... The only difference was that his eyes weren't as cold as the other day— they seemed... warmer, but not in a comforting way. They felt judgmental.

"We meet again, 'angel'," he speaks in a mocking tone, but he doesn't laugh nor smirk— he looks irritated by the other's presence. It actually make [Name] anxious a bit.

"Please, don't call me that." The assistant tried to sound confident, but he knew Eren wasn't buying it. The [hair color] haired sat, placing his notebook on the table, also noticing Eren was handcuffed.

"I told you our meeting was going to be sooner or later." He was watching [Name] like a prey— not looking away.

"Yeah... You said that." He tried to shake off his nervousness, so he slightly smiled to lighten the mood, "a–anyways! Seems like you already know my name... may I know yours?"

He tightened his fists, "You already know it; don't act stupid."

"W–Well, I like hearing it from—"

"Look, I don't know if my brothers fucks you to have this job, but I don't care in anything you have to say!" He raises his voice, losing his temper.

«F–Fucking Dr. Jaeger?!» [Name] instantly blushes, covering his mouth in embarrassment. "T–That's not true! D–Dr. Jaeger and I are not in that kind of relationship, so please don't say that again!"

Well, this reminded him about a certain patient telling him the same thing...

"Stop the acting! I know you are just fucking liar! Like everyone else!" He slams his hands on the table, making a loud sound, and [Name] jumps in fright. "Just a whore who wants a job— nothing but a filthy useless man!"

By hearing such words against him, [Name] felt upset. His lips pressed in a thin line, trying to not lose control of his emotions. Even if the patients is saying such hard words to him, he had to stay in control.

"That's not true by any means, Mr. Jaeger. Dr. Zeke and I are not but mere coworkers— s-so please don't spoke like that!"

Eren clenches his teeth— he looks enraged. [Name] doesn't know how to successfully talk to him; he's sure Eren already hates him. His green eyes feel and look so ferocious, it's scary.

"You will not fool me."

"Fool you...? I can assure you my intentions are—"

"Don't lie!" He slams his hands again, "liar. Just like everyone else. All of you say nothing but lies!"

If [Name] had to say, Eren was one of the tougher patients he met, and this was just the beginning. But hey, patience is a key, right? Nobody say this would be easy— trust takes time.

He closes his eyes, calming himself. "I'm saying the truth. I've promised since the beginning that I—" [Name] got interrupted by a loud sound that he couldn't react in time by it.

The brunette hastily got up from his chair, dangerously approaching [Name]. Eren harshly takes [Name] by the collar, lifting him as if he was nothing and slamming him against the wall. The [eye color] eyed male grunts by the hit against his head, closing his eyes to bear the pain.

"Listen to me— I don't know what you told Armin or my brother to make them lovesick, but that won't work with me, angel." The brunette gets closer to [Name]'s face, his nose inches from touching the other's. "You do something to Armin and you will pay for it, understand?"

"I—I won't do anything— t-that isn't my i-intention!"

Eren hardly looks at the [eye color] eyes, who looks at him in fright. He likes it— how intimidated the other is by just harsh words. "You do something to him and I will kill you. This, is a promise." He dangerously whispers right on his ear, enjoying how scared the little assistant looks— the frightened sounds his mouth leave, it disgusts him in away too.

It's strange and horrible.

[Name] is cornered and scared just like a rabbit. Eren's eyes are full of rage— if the assistant had to compare him with something, the brunette looked like a uncontrollable beast. It was frightening; where were the guards? Didn't they hear the loud slam against the wall?

"I—I promise! I will not do anything to him!"

Eren is clenching his teeth, and [Name] is sure he wants to kill him. His eyes tell him everything— but the assistant tries to stay calm and control the situation. "N—Nothing will happen to Armin! I swear!"

Thankfully, the door harshly opened revealing the two guards. Seeing in what state the poor assistant was— cornered and pinned against a wall, they immediately took Eren by the shirt and harshly moved him away from [Name].

The brunette didn't like that one a bit, because he began to throw punches against the guard, while the other worker helped you leave the room.

"I will kill you! Stop touching me with your disgusting hands you fucker!"

As you were leaving the room, a couple of nurses and doctors were hastily walking to Eren's room, with syringes and more medical instruments in their hands.

And one of the doctors was Zeke, who looked at you in surprise and worry. None of you could talk to each other, as he had something more important to do, and you were being walked away by the guard.

Well, that wasn't THAT bad...

  +++++++

The guard kindly walked [Name] to the medical assistance for a check up if he had any injuries he wasn't aware of. He had to leave the shaken assistant, but he said he would call another coworker to accompany him for wherever the [hair color] haired had to be.

After the checkup there wasn't anything serious; just a bruises on [Name]'s lower neck. They were visible, it almost could be hide under his shirt, but it wasn't enough.

He sighed, sitting on the simple bed the infirmary had. The nurse was called some minutes ago, leaving the young assistant alone. Gently touching the new bruise, [Name] thought about how wrong that went.

Eren looked scary— [Name] didn't want to admit it, but he was sure the brunette was going to kill him. It was frightening.

Just as he was deep in his thoughts, he didn't notice someone entering the room. It wasn't until the newcomer called for his name that he jumped in surprise and fear.

"[Name]!"

The assistant looked up to see Zeke, who [Name] could tell he was worried. The blond quickly approached [Name], placing his hands on his shoulders and looking for any injury the other had.

"Are you alright?! I couldn't talk to you immediately! What did he do to you?!" The doctor erratically asked, face full of worry.

[Name] explained that nothing happened while he tried to hide his bruises, but Zeke immediately saw it. He grabbed his assistant's hands and examined the bruises on his neck, his face slowly changing into a cold one. [Name] stayed silence, a little nervous by the sudden silence.

"I—I'm telling you, it's nothing serious!"

"Tell me everything about what happened."

[Name] didn't want to, but Zeke's aura felt heavy and his expression was serious. The assistant gulped and began to explain what just occurred, all while the doctor listened in silence.

When the [hair color] haired finished, he waited for Zeke to talk, but he didn't. [Name] began to play on the edge of his shirt, nervous. "Uhm... you didn't tell me you had a brother..."

"Clearly, I forgot that part."

"I—I mean, it's nothing serious! I didn't expect him to trust me that easily, so it's not big of a deal!"

"He attacked you— 'my' assistant." He softly touched the bruises and sighed, "my little brother can be so problematic. I apologize in his behalf."

[Name] moves his hands in front of him in denial. "D—Don't apologize! It's nothing, really!"

"This will not happen again. I assure you, [Name]." He looks at his assistant with a hard gaze— he is promising. He will make sure.

"Don't punish him! It's not his fault at all!"

"I can't do anything to him— he is my little brother. Nevertheless, he will hear me even if he doesn't want to."

Silence. Neither of the two spoke— [Name]'s gaze was locked on the floor, which Zeke's was looking intently at the bruises, caressing them. The assistant doesn't know what to do, so he decides to not do anything.

Suddenly Zeke talks again, looking apologetic, "and about what happen in the gardens, I'm sorry. But I had to be—"

The door hastily opens, interrupting the blond, which grunts irritably. [Name] looks up to see Levi and Mike, and they look nervous, searching for something.

Mike spots what he's looking for, because he looks relieved. "[Name]! We hear what happened, are you alright?" he asks, approaching the assistant.

"I'm alright! Nothing serious!"

"We heard you got attacked?" Levi speaks, hiding his worry with his usual frown. He doesn't show his feelings, but he sure was worried about the other's well being.

While [Name] tries to explain the same thing he did a while ago, Mike is searching for any injuries. Levi does that too, but more secretively— nevertheless, his actions stops when he realizes someone else is in the room; Zeke.

Levi's expression turns into one of disgust, and he sure does made the other know that. "Four-eyes." He crosses his arms, "I think we can call it luck [Name] made it in one piece. Your fucking beast sure does make damage."

Frowning and clenching his teeth, Zeke doesn't let getting intimidated by the «short» man. Even with his eyes looking murderous, the blond is angry enough by what happened.

"Eren controlled himself— he just did some damage, [Name] is fine."

"That doesn't mean your beast didn't do anything to him— do you known what Erwin would do when he knows what happened, shithead?"

«Shit.» Zeke mentally swore. He didn't think about Erwin— when he knew about this, Zeke didn't know what would he do to his little brother. He had to protect him— who knows what the devil would do to him.

Levi knew he got the blond in that— he looked worried and that didn't stop the ravenette from smirking. Leaving him in his misery once again, Levi turned his attention to [Name], who was currently in Mike's protection.

The taller man looked like a parent, all over [Name] looking for any other injury. Levi knew Mike was just as worried —or maybe more— as him, the dirty blond wanted to know [Name]'s whereabouts the moment he heard what happened.

"That's enough, tree. The brat looks fine."

"Y—Yes! Thank you for your worry, Mike!"

Levi rises an eyebrow, "what? no a 'thanks' for my worry?"

[Name] blushes. "S—Sorry!! Thank you too, Levi!"

"Ungrateful brat."

"I'm sorry!!"

Zeke didn't like the 'show'— but before he could interrupt it, someone knocked on the already open door. Everyone turned, seeing a guard standing there.

The stranger cleared his throat, "Dr. [Last Name] presence is requested. Is he here?"

"U—Uhm, yes!" The assistant stood up, fixing his clothes.

"Then let's go, Doctor."

"Uhm, thank you for your worry!" [Name] said to the three men before leaving the infirmary with the guard., waving at them. The trio did too, trying to not look that cold or irritated. But just as their «beloved» left, their expressions returned to the usual ones.

Levi and Zeke, particularly. The ravenette glared at the blond, which the other gritted his teeth.

Mike just crossed his arms, looking at where [Name] just left.

If he could, Eren Jaeger would be dead by now.

  +++++

  [Name] walked in silence. The guard didn't say anything more about who was looking for him— he got quiet all of sudden. The assistant wanted to ask, but he was unsure to do so.

Suddenly he felt an arm around his shoulders, immediately sensing someone a little bit closer to him.

"Finally we are alone!" A joyful voice spoke as if the assistant was an old friend, but [Name] didn't recognize such voice.

[Name] turned and blinked surprised, meeting with a pair of green eyes looking at him. The guard was toothy smiling— [Name] felt an aura of confidence irradiating from him, intimidating him just a little. This was a complete opposite!

The stranger had short brown hair, olive skin tone and like previously said, green eyes. He was taller than [Name] and looked more 'built' and stronger than him— actually, [Name] thought anybody was stronger than him in this place.

Seeing as he was met with silence, the brunette didn't lost his confidence. Grinning, the unknown male spoke again, "don't you remember me?" He winked and smirked, making a certain familiar face...

[Name] blinked, and then let out an 'ah!' that the stranger found cute. "You are the guard from the gardens!" Remembering the flirty act, the assistant blushed, "the one who winked at me..."

The guard laughed, "that's me, sweetcheeks! Glad you remember me."

"H—Hey! Don't call me that! My name's [Name]."

"Sure thing, dollface." He messes up the [hair color] hair, making [Name] pout. "Anyways— it seems I'm your personal bodyguard!"

"My personal bodyguard...? That's... unlikely." [Name] didn't hear anything about 'personal bodyguards'— was he just joking?

"Well yeah, yeah. Actually, I will just be your security in your sessions. Same as always, be outside the room and blah blah," he chuckled, "but hey— isn't that the same thing? I will be your protector."

"You seem very friendly for first meetings... not that I mind, of course!"

"Well, with a cutey like you I have to be. My name is Vincent, nice to meet you, dollface." The guard winked, showing his toothy smile.

[Name] blushed, "nice to meet you, Vincent. And I already told you my name!"

"Sure thing, cutie. Hey, what if we go out for a coffee? If I'm going to be your knight, then I have to know my prince." He bowed, trying to hold his laughter.

"S—Stop saying ridiculous things! Someone can hear you!" [Name] spoke, embarrassed enough by the other's actions.

Vincent laughs, "calm down, prince! I'm just joking. But hey, don't care if someone listens."

Blushing, [Name] tried to change the subject. "Wasn't someone looking for me?"

"Nope. That was a lie." Vincent rolled his eyes, smiling.

[Name] blinked in surprise. "A lie?! Why?"

"Well... it looked tensed back there. Guessed getting you out would be nice."

It was uncomfortable, if he was honest. [Name] could notice Levi and Zeke weren't friendly to each other. And well, the situation with Eren still made him anxious, so he silently thanked Vincent for it.

"Anyways, yes or no to the coffee?"

"But we are still in work hours..."

"Then let's go for cheap coffee in the cafeteria! Come on!" Vincent laughed, taking [Name]'s small hand and walking faster trough the halls.

The assistant blushed, smiling a little bit.

    +++++++

  Someone wasn't happy by what he was seeing in the tv. The man clenched his fist, glaring at the screen.

Seeing his «beloved» being touched by a disgusting and filthy man infuriated him— but he had to be patient.

He would be his' in time.

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

I want to say that a very kind person is translating this into Russian! so, if you read more russian than English you can read the translation by diaful here!

Hey how are you? Sorry for the question, but are you still going to continue the story empty? I love this story so much and I wanted to know if there was a sequel, and I love your writing♡♡

hi dear!! i'm better, thank you! i hope you are doing well as well.

as you noticed... empty has gone into an indefinite hiatus :( i'm not really happy with how it is right now, but instead of deleting the whole thing, what i'm trying to do is just rework earlier chapters and continue. unfortunately, im trying to focus on my other story first, so empty will be abandoned some time. sorry!

Childhood sunrays

He was seven when he first met you. He was the little boy, who dressed prim and proper and had a fitting face, though sullen.

His father was an honest professor that taught the elite and propitious, those in the privileged life. He, ignoring the threats and pleas, never shied away from the reality of the world.

He would spend hours on the injustice to the poor, government reforms, and political ideas too ‘radical’ for the school.

He would always get permission to get into his lectures and he would be so memorized when the topic evolved into something so fundamentally different that you had to wonder about it until days later.

And that itself caused tension between his peers. Erwin knew it stemmed from fear and insecurity— he was a seven-year-old kid who was known to outshines his elder peers who were groomed to be the best of the best, so he understood very early on how pride lead you in a leash.

With bruised knees and a bleeding lip, Erwin was chased to the unsavoury and poorer parts of town, house projects run down with green moss growing on the sides and grass unevenly and overgrown. It had its discarded concrete sidewalks cracked and uneven from the time.

He knew his father was sick with worry. Frantic, possibly.

But he also only has known the white washed walls and red bricks of home where nothing ever changes in its constant loop. Knowledge is power, and curiosity is the driving compass.

Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back, as the saying goes.

A chained dog ran in up front, started to bark frantically, mad, only the old chained fence acting as its last barrier. Erwin froze, terror locking his muscles and a tremor broke out, stuck in front of the water down house with no lights on.

Only for the dog to run away as an orange peel thrown into its way.

His saviour was swinging his feet against the chain fence, with ripped jean shorts and a t-shirt too big for you. You had orange peels in one hand and the other gripped to balance.

“Hey, are you sure you ain’t lost?” His childish voice, high and confident, brought and hooked you to the reality.

“I’m sure, thank you for your concern.” His shaken voice, still present, but netherless grateful. You frown, tilting your head if to better understand.

“I mean, you walked this way, like, three times.” You hold your fingers up ( a cheap bandage clinging on with God’s miracle ) as if to better understand, he held his gaze for a moment or two, breaking contact to look at his clothes, tender red knees and busted lip.

“Oh.”

You sigh, swinging down from the gate and arching your back, you look at him with a perplexing look, “Well then, c’mon we got a date to go to.”

“I beg your pardon?!”

Under the searing sun of the summer of ‘96, you led way through roads Erwin was a stranger to. You were patient with him, and you were keeping pace with him, and your grip was neither chafing nor bruising. But yours were messy hands.

Messy with the sticky feeling of oranges, and cheap crayola crayons, with a too big shirt and choppy, uneven hair that somehow suited you.

Every motion you created was an animated picture, and it made him want to follow your every move, a dance of two.

You are a tour guide in this turning world, like in the first meeting, you hold his hand as you walk and talk through he neighbourhood. Talks about Mrs. Jones— the old lunch lady with tattoos and a motorcycle she lets the kids play with, to old man Joe, the man lost it in the war and got a silver tooth, you say.

It’s all chaotic and wild, but you move through it all as if it’s as flexible and easy as water.

Erwin’s father breaks into wild sobs as soon as he saw his son being led back into the safety of their home. He was too close on calling the police when a boy holding his son’s hand asks for him.

You’re this split-second burst of color that suddenly erupted out of nowhere, and before he could even think, you were already gone. You always were.

Melting into everything, into his hindsight, into the deepest trenches of his memory. You were so abrupt, and blinding, and you made his chest feel weird and you had this presence that both terrified and confused him for some unknown reason.

Through his teenage years, he and you would grow closer. Flashes of memories snapped and froze to twinkle, from the time you and him snuck into a movie, to the time you were forced to get a hair cut and "ran away” to his house.

Childish naïve, as they played tag under the golden rays of the sun set, and counting the bugs underneath the rotting wood with the stars above them. You said that if you squint hard enough, they look like porcupines dancing with each other.

You, in his humble opinion, feels like running away, but not the real kind. More like how you saw it in childhood movies. Running to endless woods that hid magical adventures, running to hills filled with flowers and frogs and grasshoppers. Happy ignorant and not having to prepare but knowing the future of everlasting happiness and sunshine.

He wished he prepared more.

——

New York is a city too big for one, yet ironically too small for Erwin.

His works circle towards bringing down the corrupt, from CEO’s to the politicians and the rich and influential. He works here because its his duty and passion. (But his head is whispering haunting promises of city lights of a boy with ambition in his eyes.)

The percentage of even meeting you again, after all these years is mathematically impossible, how could he? When he left, he wonders, if you still think if him as his childhood friend or imagination of what he could have been.

His wishes ended up being manifested as a piss thrown bagel.

He was walking through the crowds, leaning thinner than other days when a half-eaten bagel lands on his shiny expensive leather shoe.

He grimace, Hange crackling in the background and Levi tsk with murmuring under his breath.

He looks up, scanning for the culprit, noises in New York are always blended but a voice sticks out from the rest. ( young and deep, a paradoxical dream, he knows this voice ) Arguments, insults and loud voices, he brings his attention to the couple in front of him, and—

The countless heads of ongoing bystanders, and yet. You. With the hair that catched the sun’s eye, and the wind’s kiss blows.

“Y/M!”

You, with caramel factories in your pockets, and rainbows stains on your fingertips, turn around and all breathing is sucked from the tunnel vision of you.

Your hair is longer, less wild and free, and your face contoured with more chiseled since your childhood days. But your freedom of expression is painted in your face.

Surprise, confusion, and realization.

“Erwin? Erwin Smith is that you?!” Your pitch rose as your entire being rose with it, your eyes widen and crinkled, blooming like the dandelions on spring.

“Oh lord, it’s really you!” You ran, skipping through the lady’s threshold, and Erwin already dropped his briefcase as he opened his arms as wide as he could to catch the wild storm of colors that you were.

You hit him with all your force, and from that force of reality that sucked all breath from him, he finally thought he knows what home really is. (He remembers, they were sprawled out on your couch, facing each other, smiling like idiots, mouths stretched so wide our cheeks ached with the strain. )

I often fantasize about how life would be like with you.

“My god! Jesus, I haven’t seen you, in what? Six, seven years? Look how much you grown!” You pull away just slightly, still entrapped in his arms, as you take a good close look at him for the first time.

And Erwin stares. Stares because in these streets that blur in the background, he can smell the orange soda that you drank under one gulp for a bet and the crackers that you hid away for the zombie apocalypse prep. And then he realises that he is staring.

“I— yes. We, I mean, I did grow. With, uh, food.”

You laugh, and your laughter feels like a dying sunrays directed at him. Like blooming flowers, and with his limited vocabulary he fumbled out the crooked, vague, feeling that waved through his teeth. When was the last time he was swooned by your laughter?

You move to speak, and he unconsciously lean forward as if seeking a place to rest, as a shriek of your name breaks through this haze of whatever overcame you two. You blink, your face realizing your situation, and your expression drops, like his stomach, unto one of uncomfort and annoyance.

You lean forward and in an entirely exaggerated expression, you crestfallen sigh, “Hear that, Erwin? It’s the devil calling my name.” A sharp tug, what else could if be? A sharp poke at his tender heart, do you hear that? A taunting voice, he’s preparing to leave again.

You lean back, tilting your face in the same way when he met you and smile such a sad smile. “It was nice seeing you again, Erwin. Don’t be a stranger yeah?”

His finger twitches, his lips parting in anticipation, but he closes in remorse.

“Yeah, let’s.”

But as you start to pull away, you move with just speed and color as you pull put a sharpie from your pocket. And he’s taken back to your phase of always carrying candy in your pockets, no matter the event or temperature.

“Here,” you hold your hand out, and Erwin isn’t even aware as he instantly drops his whole hand in yours.

The blank ink stings his eyes, as numbers shaped his hand. A smily face, wobbly and silly, is at the end.

Your face almost splits in half as you smile up at him, “Don’t forget to call me tonight, yeah?”

He nods silently, not trusting his words clearly, as you waved through the crowd back to the woman who started to hit you in the head. He takes a step forward, and you throw your head up and start to taunt her as you start to run away.

Reminds you of the time you used to throw orange peels at his peers. You turn around for a second and smile one last time and wave a goodbye, and just like his hindsight, you were a hurricane of color that picks him up and disappears immediately.

Even though his colleagues watched their interaction between a well-known blank mask to a complete stranger, he throws his head back and lets out a deep laugh from the credence of his chest. He could act all stoic but his heart doesn’t feel stoic enough to make him serene.

He pockets his hand and ignores the shouts of Hange, and the silent eyes of Levi that probe him for his unanswers questions.

His steps feel lighter.

——

I don’t know if i should, like a part 2, or a pov of the reader. I dunno. I’ll go and sleep.