When The Cruel King Is Cruel 🤯🤯🤯🤯

Geological horror. You find a geode and crack it open and the crystal lining its walls is human blood that can't be genetically matched to anyone. You find a human skeleton but every one of the bones is made from rock, a rock that you know can't be whittled into those shapes. You find layers of clay and loam that sport ancient fossils at the top and the still-rotting corpses of modern animals at the bottom.

:00000

SPRING

Oh my god this is so cool???

Happy Pride Month! It’s my first year celebrating and I decided I wanted to make an asexual cake! With the help of my extremely perfectionist mum, I think we managed to pull it off! I hope ya’ll are having an awesome pride month, whether you’re out, in the closet or somewhere in between 🏳️‍🌈

Keep seeing things move at the corner of my eye like wtf ghosts its the middle of the day you’re too early im trying to eat my lunch 🙄🙄🙄

glad that im not popular enough to have an evil shadow version of my blog that exists just to make contradictions on my posts

Pt VIII good omens a spoiler-free trailer

*walks into church, ignoring the gasps of the congregation* *holds mic to a terrified gentleman's face*

Have you ever wondered, what if the flaming sword at the Garden of Eden was insufferably in love with the Serpent?

*doesn't wait for response, shoves mic in shaking lady's face*

What if I told you, your bible studies are incomplete, because they are missing the most important story of all?

*cut to me in front of a white screen, walking seductively toward camera in a suit*

Worry not, for your prayers have been answered. Presenting, Good Omens, a kind-of biblically accurate story by Sir Terry Pratchett and Tumblr's own @neil-gaiman, now a TV show and queerer than ever. All you AO3 slow-burn hoes, we see you. You asked for it, you got it. Childhood friends is so last millennium, we give you instead, six thousand years of mutual pining.

*hard cut to David Tennant, whom I have stuck to a chair with Elmer's glitter glue* *he struggles, in vain*

Starring David Tennant and his signature slutty walk as Crowley, now in a ginger Barbie edition that comes with demonic eyes, every hairstyle and gender you could ever dream of, and instant outfit changes. It really is a miracle!

*camera swivels to focus on Michael Sheen, who is bound in blankets and looking deeply concerned*

Starring Michael Sheen the fae shapeshifter as Aziraphale, the sweetest, most cherubic murderous bitchy angel you've ever seen. Special features include automatic heart-eyes the moment he is faced with Crowley, a charming disregard for casual massacre in the name of God, and the instant outfit changes. Watch him melt your heart before breaking it! Bonus tip: try giving him sushi!

*cut back to the white screen, I am now sitting uncomfortably close to the camera*

Follow Aziraphale and Crowley as they alternatively try to follow and thwart God's ineffable plan, managing to spectacularly fail at both tasks with a consistency that amazes as it befuddles. Featuring alcohol, a bookstore, and metaphorical and literal fire as things get a little... heated in the Bible fandom.

*crossfade to Soho, I walk along the street as the camera follows me*

If that isn't enough to convince you, presenting also, idiot lesbians giving an ancient demon love advice, sexy horsepersons of the apocalypse, an unofficial wedding combined with burning Nazis alive where the most important part is the handing over of a suitcase, and the sexiest MILF witch Agnes Nutter, a literal bombshell.

*cut to disturbing close up of Neil Gaiman's face* *he tries to step away, and is met with my camerapersons*

Watch Neil Gaiman give you hope and shatter it again repeatedly, in a show where the literal apocalypse is only the background to a forbidden idiots who are lovers-to-lovers who are idiots story that is older than Time itself. Armageddon takes a backseat as Crowley serves gender, and if you thought the Antichrist was adorable, wait till you see him in Good Omens, where his evil powers are directed towards being the cutest kid he can possibly be.

*cut back to white screen, I smile ominously while twirling a human bone*

Good Omens, at your nearest Amazon Prime, with free UST, fluff, Queen, and plenty of tears. Don't miss it!

*text rapidly rolls across screen*

[Imagery has been used for representative purposes. No David Tennant, Michael Sheen or Neil Gaiman was harmed in the process of creating this advertisement. Good Omens will have expected side-effects, including unprompted sobbing, a Pavlovian reaction to bandstands, nightingales, holy water and 'the final fifteen', heartache for the foreseeable future, and intense lust for Crowley's elusive gender. Asmi is not responsible for any consequences resulting from the advertised product. Some features have been excluded from the advertisement due to space and time constraints.]

Best form of poetry

Good omens cold open but in the “I lik the bred” poem format

First poem (Eden) by the lovely @northeasternwind

My name is Az

And when its nite

Or wen the moon

Is shyning brite

To God my liege

I give my worde

But it is false

I lost my sword :c

-

my naem is cro

and when i met

the angel he

get in my head

he gave his sword

he be real nice

i talk to him

i break the ice

-

my naem is cro

an ark i see

i angel ask

not children, yee?

the horn horse run

evryone drown

rainbow now only

give me frown

-

on cross he hang

and i am sad

the demon come

Crowley he said

he ask of why

“people play nice”

says that’ll do

christ pay the price

-

my naem is az

and when i see

my fren in bar

say hi to he

he look so sad

oyster me tempt

he go with me

was fun in end

-

it cold and damp

a kinght i am

the black knight is

enemy frien?

arrange he want

outrage i show

i turn around

away i go

-

an ang i am

shakespeare my frien

hamlet i like

but noone cam :(

I talk to snek

this one on him!

this happy I

have never been

-

Bastille I go

Headless I be

unless the fren

come resuce me

he stop the tiem

he break the chain

he buy me crêpes

lots did i gain

-

the friend i meet

in park with duck

holy water want

i just think fuck

paper i burn

and him i hurt

“fraternize” there

i say the word

-

in church i go

to nazi spy

they fool me gud

i almost die

my hero come

with burning foot

he drop a bomb

and save my book

-

dark night it is

the frien i meet

in car of his

give water deed

he offer ride

“too fast for me”

i leave, am sad

and so is he

Drew scout in Roblox free draw :D

Part 2 of my Good Omens giphy stickers I made! Man.....with season 2 coming, it's gonna make me wanna make more You can use em in instagram stories, tiktok stories, etc... Find em' by searching Gomens in gif search