English Is Stupid And Dads Cant Do Emotion

Ok I’m having thoughts about the Uther / Arthur dynamic…

I think that Arthur was entirely raised by wet nurses / nannies / etc because Uther’s negative feelings were too strong.

I think for most of Arthur’s youth, Uther resented, regretted, and somehow blamed Arthur for the loss of Ygraine. And I think Uther essentially avoided his own son as much as he could get away with.

I think he got so desperate for an heir (and of course the problem couldn’t be with him, it had to be Ygraine’s reproductive system that was faulty), that he didn’t do his research, or didn’t listen to warnings, or somehow believed himself above the potential consequences.

I bet he knew that a life would be taken, but he assumed it would be some peasant of Camelot, maybe a knight, maybe one of his lords, but thought he and his family would be immune and would obviously be spared. Because, y’know, he’s the king of Camelot.

And I think he blamed Arthur for some messed up reason (I mean, ok, grief does weird things to people).

And I think every time he realised Arthur isn’t a carbon copy of him, isn’t the perfect heir (impossibly strong, talented, and stoic) he resents him and regrets that he traded the love of his life for “this disappointment”. Surely magic should have given him the absolute perfect heir? And person so amazing they’re beyond all human comprehension, right? Like Hercules, or Achilles.

Also, the way Uther loses his godamn mind when Morgana is dying in S3, the way he waxes lyrical about how important she is to him, how he can’t live without her… yet Arthur has been dying twice by this point and Uther gets no where near as upset. In fact, he sits with his dying son once, admits that his death is inevitable, then goes about his day without a second glance…

And because of the way his father couldn’t even spare him a glance, let alone a hug, or comfort, or an “I love you, I’m proud of you”, I don’t think Arthur knows what affection really is. I don’t think he truly understands how love feels.

I think that’s why he was so off-balance when he went to save Ealdor with Merlin and saw the way he and his mother interacted. It threw everything he’d ever known into doubt.

Maybe he thought that kind of love, affection, and physical comfort is for poor people, because that’s what his experience told him.

And maybe it made Arthur think - “what if my mother had survived? What if my father’s life had been taken instead?”

And what if Ygraine had lived and Uther had died? I mean, the spell gave Uther an heir to take over when he died, and he got what he wanted, right? So if Uther dies right away… well, you’ve got your heir you wanted, he’ll take your place like he’s supposed to!

Arthur has lived his whole life feeling like he wasn’t wanted - that’s what all the evidence told him. Then he finds out he’s “the reason” his mother is dead and his father is a heartless, emotionless, bitter man?

Holy shinsplints Arthur. No wonder he couldn’t accept the affection Merlin and Guinevere clearly had for him. Maybe that’s why he kept freaking out and throwing it back in their faces, getting angry, pushing them away.

He was scared because he had absolutely no idea how to react to it - no blueprint, no examples, no evidence that his own upbringing and his father’s mentality isn’t normal.

But my god did he try and give out all the love he had stored in his heart, all the love that was wasted on his father and was never reciprocated. My god did he try.

Bless you, Arthur. My heart aches so damn hard for you.

@c4-magic yes, its bootiful tonight

Would you like to come over and look at the moon with me?

I need this in my life at a reasonable time of day

merthur fic recs masterlist

last updated:  21 Sept 2024

authors

vintagelilacs

aus and fusions

arranged marriage au, pt 2, pt 3

college/university au

different first meeting au

hanahaki au, pt 2, pt 3

high school au, pt 2

hogwarts au

modern au, pt 2

modern with magic au, pt 2

modern royalty au, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6, pt 7, pt 8

pride and prejudice au

regency au

social media au, pt 2

soulmate au, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6, pt 7, pt 8, pt 9, pt 10

s2e10 fix it

wing fic

arthur

actor!arthur, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5

bond girl!arthur

detective!arthur

himbo!arthur

jealous!arthur, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6, pt 7, pt 8

pining!arthur, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6, pt 7, pt 8, pt 9

pregnant!arthur

protective!arthur, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6, pt 7

oblivious!arthur, pt 2, pt 3

spy!arthur

virgin!arthur

merlin

assistant!merlin

bamf!merlin

consort!merlin, pt 2, pt 3

detective!merlin

druid leader!merlin

enchanted!merlin

exhausted!merlin, pt 2

flustered!merlin

hurt!merlin, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4

irish!merlin

jealous!merlin

knight!merlin

oblivious!merlin, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6

pining!merlin, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5

royal!merlin, pt 2

selkie!merlin

spy!merlin

virgin!merlin

other tropes and categories

00q fusion

5 + 1 things, pt 2, pt 3

accidental marriage

amnesia

angst with a happy ending

arthur courts merlin

arthur finds out about balinor

arthur finds out about freya

arthur knows about merlin’s magic

arthur loves merlin’s magic eyes

arthur’s donkey ears

arthur returns, pt 2

balinor lives

bathing

bed sharing, pt 2

bedside vigils

bets

comfort fics

coming out

crack, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4

dragon dads

drunkenness

enemies to lovers

fake/pretend relationship, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5

fandom iconic fics

fav aus

fav fics

figure skating

flowers, pt 2

fluff

forced proximity, pt 2

fuck or die

getting back together

getting together, pt 2, pt 3

getting together with the help of technology

hurt comfort

hurt no comfort, pt 2

hypothermia

kid fics, pt 2

kinktober

love spells and potions, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4

lovers to enemies

magical exhaustion

magic reveal, pt 2, pt 3, pt 4, pt 5, pt 6, pt 7, pt 8, pt 9, pt 10

married/engaged merthur

meddling knights, pt 2, pt 3

merlin dies

merlin goes insane to get arthur back

merlin knows about arthur’s pining

merlin leaves camelot

merlin sleeping in weird places

merlin teaches arthur about sex/kissing

morgana and merlin friendship

not actually unrequited love

ot4

outsider pov

parties

protective!knights

remixes

role reversal

royal balls

scar reveal

secret relationship, pt 2

theatre/drama

time travel

truth potion

underappreciated fics

weddings

wedding stopping

wound cleaning

Merlin: So that’s why it’s my destiny to protect Arthur.

Lancelot: I’m sure the basement dragon was very convincing, but that still doesn’t seem like a reason to stay where your very existence is a literal crime.

Merlin: Have you seen Arthur yet?

Lancelot: No?

Merlin: *gestures to the window overlooking the training field to see Arthur with his gold hair and blue eyes looking pretty*

Lancelot: Oh. Understandable. Out of curiosity, where can I get a destiny?

the real reason keith and lance get stabbed in the guts so often in fanfiction is bc their fuck ass armor has only fabric there. like what is that gonna do against a sword…. serving waistline will not stop a blade

Arhur: Merlin should run away with me

Morgana: I would like to run away with Gwen

Morgana and Arthur: gaying together

Uther: I can't tell is this is worse or better than them falling in love with a sorcerer

Merlin: (hilarious silence)

Lancelot: (amused quiet)

Arthur: (confused)

Hawks: the Good, the Bad, and the In-between on AO3

It was raining. His wings throbbed with every drop of water that fell from the sky and the fresh wounds on his back burned. The commission was not pleased with his performance. 

Keigo curled up next to a dumpster in an alley that looked too familiar, the smelly object almost protecting him from some of the rain. Curling his wings around myself Keigo wished, not for the first time, that he could have been normal. His scent, god his scent, that of a distressed omega, clouded the air around him.

Keigo detected the slow incline of the self-deprecating thoughts invading his mind: pest, not good enough, bad bird, stupid, useless, just a slut…

Bad

So bad

Bad bad bad bad bad BAD

Keigo wailed out for the whole world to hear as the words pounded in his head and rattled around in his skull. He's sorry, he's sorry, he's sorry, he's SORRY. When Keigo opened his eyes (when did Keigo close them?) he saw the vague outline of two people. He took a breath in, and smelled two alphas, two angry alphas.

Keigo whined, a high pitched disgusting sound that vibrated the air in the alley. The alphas in front of him backed up, and another person walked up. This person turned to the Alphas and made them disappear. 

Kegio couldn't focus, where did they go?

The person walked up to him, and he backed up farther into the corner of the alley (when did he get here?). The person, beta, Keigo categorized, smelled like sage and copper. She walked up into Keigo's line of vision, limited as it was. She had blond hair and yellow eyes. Her eyes were kind (and familiar, why were they familiar?). She smiled, fangs shining in the dim light of the nearest street lamp. "Hey birdie, I love your blood, but it'll get all washed away out here in the rain. Would you like to come inside?"

Keigo whined again, and the girl, (Toga? Was it Toga?) smiled. Keigo nodded, despite a voice (whose voice?) in his head telling him not to trust this girl. The girl grabbed his hand and urged him towards a door (where did this door come from? What was happening?). He entered, the girl just a step behind him. The room was empty, (it shouldn't be empty), and she tugged him towards a second door.

It opened to reveal a bathroom, and for the first time in what felt like days, Keigo saw his reflection. He took a step back in shock. He truly was an ugly omega. 

The voices in his head shouted it and he took in every detail. The large bags under his eyes, pale skin, protruding cheekbones and collar bone where it peeked through his too large coat. It used to fit him (did it?) and now it hung on his too skinny frame. His wings hung limp behind him, coveted on dirt, and grime, and in desperate need of grooming. Keigo whined again, (God, did he have to act so pathetically) and the girl, Toga? tugged him to the shower, where he stood stoic and she assisted him.

She helped him remove his jacket, and he was numb to the searing pain it inflicted on his shredded wings. He was obvious to the hiss that the girl released when she saw his back. He was mere skin and bones, ribs protruding and belly sunken, and his back was torn to shreds from his handlers favorite whip. He couldn't remember why he looked like this, or why he was punished. Was it his fault, (maybe it was). Then his pants were removed, his thigs similarly torn as his back, leaving him in his boxers and undershirt.

"Bridie, look at me." He looked at the girl, her calm scent helping him relax despite his appearance (he was nothing without his looks, just another desperate wannabe hero slut). "You need to get undressed, and take a shower, do you understand?" She was stressed, he could smell it. He nodded, he could take a shower for her, (how did he do that again?). She grinned, and said "Good birdie," and left the bathroom, shutting the door behind her.

Keigo wasn't good though. He knew that, why would he have been punished if he wasn't good? He stumbled back, crying out when his back met the shower was. He covered his mouth with his hand (where did his gloves go? They're going to see his talons!) to muffle the sound of his cries. The smell of distressed omega suffocated the small bathroom, and he slid down, keeping his cries at bay at the pain.

Keigo took a moment, then broke down into sobs. His wings curled around himself, shielding him from the world, broken as they were.

Useless 

Pathetic omega

Slut

Whore

Ugly

Stupid

Disgusting

Keigo let himself break, oblivious to the people right outside the door. 

Fooooooooooor why? Your blog is simply fascinating

You vill never get rid of moia

but i can, and i shall

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