SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK 👏 And Thank You, I Feel Seen 🫶

he is the moment 😩

artists: @cassandrajean, @parcai and @aliceduke

Plus Jem and Tessa treated him like their child and they gave him the love and support that he needed and never really had (especially from a parental figure). Similarly in ghosts of the shadow market, Kit told Jem that he didn’t feel like anybody really loved him and I think he would’ve continued feeling like that if he stayed at the Los Angeles institute, he needed Jem and Tessa to show him through time and effort that he was worthy of love and he needed space, patience and a sense of safety to even allow for any internal healing to begin. And to learn about who he was outside of his trauma and his past.

(1) OMG I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE HAS FINALLY ADDRESSED KIT’S NEGLECT AT THE LA INSTITUTE. If it wasn’t for his pov and his friendship with Ty, I wouldn’t have noticed he was there. People only see him as Ty’s friend and confidant, his ‘shadow’. They entrusted Ty’s well-being to him (Mark saying that Kit is the one Ty wants etc) and even Dru ended up defending Ty’s action whereas she scorned Kit for lying to her (‘maybe it’s better he’s gone’). +

(2) Kit was and remained an outsider and there’s that scene in QOAAD where Ty’s climbing the pyre and Kit starts after him but Diana holds him back and says something like ‘no, not YOU’, which, fair, Julian SHOULD be the one who goes after him, but it was also kind of ridiculous because the rest of the time, it was KIT who took care of Ty? That ‘not you’ (why did she have to word it like that!!) very much underlined Kit’s position as an outsider to the Blackthorn family

(3) and that’s only one of many scenes where he’s relegated to the sidelines. Like, you’ve got this kid whose sole remaining relative is off risking his life in Faerie and not a single adult thought hey, maybe we should make him feel more included/pay actual attention to him? There’s one scene in Lord of Shadows where Julian puts a hand on his shoulder to comfort him (and even that was spoiled by ‘what would jace do if I killed his cousin’ like hmmm

(4) hey, what the hell, you’re talking about a 15 yr old child whose entire life was uprooted! This is not even in line with who your character is supposed to be!) but after that scene/visit to the shadow market, he’s defined by his friendship with the twins. I’m sure if things had been different, Jace wouldn’t have hesitated to take him in and care for him at the NY institute, but Jace was absent for most of LOS!

(5) Both the Blackthorn AND fandom expected entirely too much of Kit and I, for one, am glad that he was presented with the chance to leave the LA institute. I’m sad he and Ty ended their friendship on such a bad note but Kit was headed towards complete dependency on Ty and Ty did not understand how immense a power he had over Kit. I doubt their configuration as it was would have ended in a healthy relationship

(6) (not when one party trails in the other’s wake like a shadow and is defined by him/his wants/needs). Anyway, that got long but I am still frustrated by how QOAAD treated Kit and how the fandom reacted to his decision to leave.

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OH MY GOD, Anon, I applaud you. YES, every word you said, YES!

And you know who I’m most angry with? Emma. She was the one he came for help, she was the one who was with him when his father died and everything in his life broke to pieces. She was also the one he saved in the end of QOAAD, and did we see a tiny note of regret? Of concern for him after that five seconds with Jem when it was fucking too late? Jem told her again and again that he was important, if only for that and not for the sake of taking care of an abandoned child - be there for him. But she wasn’t.

Every single one of these characters (which I love, don’t get me wrong) are self absorbed in a way that makes me wanna rip my hair off. The only thing that got close to it was how Simon was treated in TMI (something that pissed me off too), but Simon was older, he didn’t suffer what Kit had, he had an objective and different perspective of life, and unlike him - Simon had Clary. Through everything, she always cared for him and saw him for who he was.

Kit got attention from the twins, which was awesome, but think about everything that just happened to him - HE NEEDS MORE THAN JUST FUCKING FRIENDS, ALRIGHT?! He needs support, he needs someone to see beyond his pretense. Sure, he’s a Herondale through and through, he’s brave and stupid and with an unbelievably open heart.. but he’s a 15 years old kid, and the grownups around him - YES DIANA, I’M TALKING TO YOU, should have seen beyond that “I’m good” facade.

I actually didn’t really expect anything from Julian.. he’s amazing, don’t get me wrong, but he’s a difficult character.. His morals are questionable for a reason, and it doesn’t seem like he’s up for caring about someone else at the moment. Just think about it, Christina was there with them for a while, and he only saw her as important because she was dear to Emma. He’s not someone who loves or opens up easily. I’m also angry about how he didn’t push things with Ty enough when he started feeling again and stuff.. but it’s hard to resent him for that, a night before a war and all.. but everything about that situation was so frustrating. It’s like all of them are walking around with their eyes covered and pretend they don’t notice when they fucking trip on shit every ten seconds.

I’m also glad, really glad, that Kit got out of there. They are wonderful people, but it would have taken them a lot of time to start treating him like part of them, or even see him and his needs. He deserves Jem and Tessa. He deserves the best parents, the best possibilities, the best future he could have.

And when it’s time for him and Ty to reunite - HE WILL BE HIS OWN AMAZING PERSON, not anybody’s shadow anymore.. because he was given that chance - to explore and grow into. They will be able to really know each other and work through their past pain in a way that they never could have had if he stayed..

And that, my friend, will blow our minds (and Ty’s. Cause come one.. it’s Kit 💙)

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Andrew Minyard doesn’t recover

And that’s okay- here’s why

Many people have been angry about the extra content through the years, but by far the thing that I see the most people being pissed about is this, “Andrew and Neil doesn’t get married” and the “they never say I love you”

But let’s talk about this for a minute

Because just because he doesn’t recover, doesn’t mean he doesn’t get better

He does, he keeps a stable relation to his brother, cousin and Kevin after graduation, something he wouldn’t have before

He let’s himself care for Neil and the cats

He starts finding some sort of joy in Exy with the people he cares about and who cares about him

He gets well enough to sleep in the same bed as Neil and have sex with him

He gets well enough to go on mundane dates with his partner on the beach, FaceTime Nicky on schedule and cuddle up with the cats at night

He gets a lot better

Don’t relate “full recovery” to “getting better” because they’re wildly different

He shows that even if you do not recover completely from the trauma you’ve suffered, from the hurt, you can still live and be happy with the people you love

So if I see one more person saying that he’s “bad mental health rep” I might actually have to fight them

LITERALLY

NEED the aftg fandom to stop demonising andrew just let him exist. sleeping with his arms draped over the steering wheel, smashing his racquet against the wall when he got scored on, staring at neil in silence for a full minute after finding out what the foxes named the cats, "what are you doing with a maserati?" "driving it.", drinking hot chocolate and watching movies with bee, buying neil armbands so he doesn't have to see his scars, running up and down the stairs in the stadium, falling asleep on the beanbag in the dorms, muttering something that makes renee laugh under his breath during an interview, studying criminology for the shits n giggles, clocking jeremy immediately and going back and gossiping to renee about it, buying clubbing clothes for neil, UGH andrew minyard you will always be loved by me.

This has me kicking my feet in joy lol

The foxhole court, chapter fourteen

" A group of people shouldered their way up to the bar counter at Neil's back, pushing him into Andrew. Andrew didn't budge beneath his weight. He was something solid to lean against, something violent and fierce and unmoving. Neil couldn't remember what it felt like to have someone hold him up. It was terrifying and liberating all at once. His life was out of his control now; he was giving it to Andrew and hoping Andrew would keep it safe. "

A classic. A must. Hope it doesn't disappoint the expectations. Planning on doing more little doodles like that until the animatic is finished.

*snaps in enthusiastic agreement*

i think one reason why so many people fail to understand andrew and neil's relationship is because people don't know what it is to be aspec. and obviously the aspec umbrella is wide and varied and no one size fits all, but at the heart of their relationship, neil is demisexual. and i fully believe andrew is some form of aromantic. and obviously their shared history of trauma (of all kinds) colors their relationship and their sexualities and actions. but aspec people (and the people in relationships with those aspec people) develop such different relationships than allo people. they care differently, and it's often the care that becomes most important, rather than (just) the attraction. like yes, i choose you because i see you because i am interested in you because i don't quite understand you but i want to, i need to, and i am committed to sticking around regardless of whether we are a legal partnership or not.

people argue all the time that andreil would grow to say i love you some day, that they'd eventually heal enough to get married, but that isn't healing. that's ignoring a vital part of each of them. not only are they both still learning what love is, but love is not what their relationship is built around. they did not ~FaLl In LoVE~ they built a partnership around taking care of the other person. sure they were attracted to each other in their own ways, but andrew doesn't look at neil like he's his happily ever after romance. neil is the person who wants andrew to live, who wants andrew to be happy, who wants andrew to know that he has value even when he's not a good person. and andrew is the person who wants neil to be safe, who wants neil to be happy, who wants neil to know that he has value even when he isn't playing exy. their "romance" comes from holding each other up, from calling each other on their shit, from being a safe space when the world has proven it is anything but. neil is the one who almost starts to imagine some kind of long-term partnership in such conventional terms and andrew is so unconcerned with what that partnership looks like...he just knows the two of them will continue holding each other up as long as they can. and sure they'll have sex and sleep in the same bed and get cats together and all that "romantic" shit, but it's more than romance. it's a life. it's security. it's a chance to rewrite the trauma of their pasts.

and yeah to an outsider all that is romantic, sure. but i don't think andrew and neil see it like that. their relationships is all facts and truths. they feel safest in these absolutes, in the trust they are building together, in the shared language they are crafting between tentative touches and long stares. but to label it something as banal as ~romance~ undersells just what's happening to them. they don't need to say i love you because they know that all of these pieces that make up their shared life together say that for them, and they wouldn't know what to do with those words anyway. their "love" is not the same as other people's anyway. they don't need to get married because anniversaries and dates and marriages minimize just how long forever is, and they are already joined together by the understanding they share.

if the two of them got married or started "dating" it would send the wrong message to people who will never understand. neil isn't andrew's ~boyfriend~ he's the man who convinced him that life can interesting enough to stick around for. andrew isn't neil's ~lover~ he's the man who refused to let him run away from the life he always wanted. it's not romantic, it's survival. it's selflessness. it's learning how to care for yourself by caring for someone else and letting them care for you.

actually so upset we didn't get to see andrew's reaction to neil going "oh he's gay? so i guess him and kevin..." like andrew who has been ruthlessly attracted to neil the whole time and trying to ignore it only to find out neil immediately thought he was with kevin...the crash out would've been memorable...

THISSS!! Ugh bro that is perfect analysis and I am OBSESSED with it!!! you took the words right out of my mouth :))

You know what my actual favourite Andrew Minyard line in the whole series is? It's not his sentimental lines like, "...from now until May you are still Neil Josten...". It's not even the best love confession in all of literature line, "Doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you." It's when he says "I'm not as smart as I thought I was."

That one line tells you so much about Andrew's character. That's the line that spells out for the reader that Andrew is smarter than he chooses to let on. That's the line that shows you just highly Andrew thinks of his own intelligence and how much he's been relying on it to survive and to keep his promises.

Consider that up until that point Andrew has presented himself with nothing less than the domineering kind of toughness you'd expect to see in a prison scene in a movie. He openly talks about breaking Neil, threatens multiple people with knives and makes everyone work around him. His "tough guy around town" persona and his ability to inflict violence is clearly something he prizes. AND YET. The first time he admits to any kind of dissatisfaction with himself, it's about his intelligence.

That is the point where the reader realizes that Andrew, in his own mind, is an intellectual. He doesn't actually pride himself on being the toughest guy in the room. He's aware that he's all of 5-feet-nothing and he knows at any given moment there's likely to be someone bigger and stronger than he is. What he's counting on in any given situation is being the smartest guy in the room. Fix any issues before they worsen, anticipate and eliminate any threats before they surface, think his way out of any problem that comes up. His intelligence is what he relies on to keep his promises.

That's the moment Andrew realizes that he's been letting his feelings get the better of his logic. He clocks Neil as dangerous from day one. But he's been telling himself that he's letting Neil stay for Kevin's sake or at least just until he can definitively prove Neil is dangerous. But the real reason he let Neil stay and get away with all his sketchy behaviour is because he let the fact that he likes Neil as a person, overcome his logic.

It makes you think, OH, THAT'S WHY Andrew was so interested in Neil in the first place. For someone who prides himself on his intelligence and KNOWS that no one else can match his smarts, Neil figuring out his twin switcheroo trick is the same as Neil throwing down the gauntlet and challenging him to a battle of wits. Andrew keeps trying to trip Neil up and Neil keeps batting his attempts aside and Andrew ends up helplessly charmed by Neil. Because Andrew LIKES that Neil is able to outsmart him sometimes, that Neil is his intellectual equal. And somewhere along the way, he's let himself forget that he "knows better" than to get emotionally attached, than to let someone else best him at his best quality- than to act like every other idiot in love that he's ever met.

You then realize that Andrew hasn't once thought of himself as brawny jock. That off-putting delinquent/school-shooter vibe and "psycho" reputation is a carefully calculated form of self-defense. It's self-defense in the literal sense of scaring off people who might want to fuck with him, but perhaps also in the sense of protecting himself from being seen. It makes sense, right? If people were to actually try to get to know him with an open mind, they'd soon discover that he IS difficult to get along with in ways they thought they could handle, but can't. Better to act the volatile asshole than suffer the disappointment of people changing how they treat him. And in the unlikely case that people find out that he isn't as tough as he presents himself, they might pity him. And that would be even worse. Much better to be as un-fuck-with-able as possible.

First time reading the book, I was taken in by Andrew's jock-ish façade. But the moment he admitted maybe he ought to be disappointed in himself for not being as smart as he thought he was, I had to set the book down and rethink every assumption I had made about Andrew as a character. The timing of that revelation is so perfect, because it happens just before the Thanksgiving mess. And so as the reader, you're suddenly coming to terms with the fact that Andrew is so much more vulnerable than he's ever portrayed himself to be at the same time that Andrew is being hit with probably one of the worst moments in his life. Like, that absolutely TOOK ME OUT. Which is why, that's one of the best lines in the whole series to me.

I’ve been in burn out since the beginning of march, but it doesn’t matter because I have to finish the semester, so I’m crashing out in small increments 🫠🫠🫠