GUYS WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN. I Have Like. 5 Posts. How Is This A Year Old. What.

I am not your daughter

I am not

I am not

I am not your daughter.

I am not

I am not

I am not your son.

There are so many times

I want you to see

How I am not

The person you think

But every time I open my mouth

You close off your heart

And now I’m always

In the wrong.

I will listen

I will speak

And I want you to hear me out

I am not

I am not

I am not your daughter.

I am not

I am not

I am not your son.

I will explain this to you

Till my face turns blue

And the stars go out tonight.

Give me a chance

To let you know

This is how I am.

I will listen

I will speak

And I want you to hear me out.

I am not

I am not

I am not your daughter.

I am not

I am not

I am not your son.

I won’t pick a side

For your own comfort

And let myself fade away.

I will learn

The language you speak

And I will preach this back to you.

I will listen

I will speak

And I want you to hear me out.

I am not

I am not

I am not your daughter.

I am not

I am not

I am not your son.

A poem called fear it's under the cut :)

Fear

Is there a reason 

You feel so empty? 

Is there a reason 

You feel so alone? 

Surrounded by people

All the time

Yet the monsters in your mind

Just won't rest

You're locked in a prison

Made in your mind

Put on a smile

Don't let them know

Cause you can take this pain

Another day. 

Focus on happy thoughts

You're convinced you'll end up fine

You're overreacting 

Just calm down

Cause nobody else

Says anything about this

So keep your mouth shut, 

You think, 

And smile at the world 

Can't focus on happy thoughts anymore

Can't pay attention

They're getting worried

Cause you can't breath quite right anymore

That smile of yours a bit askew

You're locked in a prison 

Made in your mind

You can't let them know

You can't take this pain

Another day. 

Take some medication, 

You're sure you'll be fine

Keep your mouth shut, 

You think, 

Cause you can't tell them how it feels

Nobody else

Tells you anything about this

You're drowning in an ocean of silence

So you keep smiling

Not sure you're doing it right but

It's convincing enough. 

Medication is failing

It hurts to even think

The monsters dug their claws in so deep

You're so sick of smiling 

Cause there are no happy thoughts anymore

You're chained up in your own mind

Gagged by your own fear

You up the dose

Anything to feel alive

You feel like you're insane

Nobody else

Feels this way

You're so alone

Wishing you could

Just smile again

You don't know if you'll be fine

Silence hurts

Words hurt more 

Anything

To end the pain

Thoughts fade to fuzzy haze

Your own heartbeat seems like a curse

They ask you if you're afraid of death

You can’t answer

You're not afraid of death

You're afraid of life

You're so scared

Of living another day

Anything to end the pain

It's all too much

Nothing is the same

You're jumping at every noise

You just want to feel free again! 

The monsters have you hostage 

In your own mind

There's nothing you can do! 

You don't feel fixable

You feel like a shattered mess that ruins everything and everyone

You feel like you're ruined beyond redemption, like even your soul can't be saved

You feel afraid of this life when they ask if you're really giving up

But they don't understand

The living hell you suffer though! 

They don't understand

How much you keep inside! 

Your mind is breaking under the stress

You're so scared of feeling this any more

One more day seems like another year

Every moment of every day is a nightmare of pain you can't escape

Your mind might as well be a weapon

You can't take it any longer! 

.... 

You're drowning. 

The Way I've Learned To Live

The way I’ve learned to live

Isn’t what I ever expected

When I was little and the world

Still held all the beauty I had needed.

I’ve learned about myself

In ways I hadn’t ever guessed

Were even possible for me.

The way I’ve learned to live

Is preservation above all

Keep my sanity and my life

My heart and my soul.

But oh, I’m losing it

I’m losing this careful hold

Every time I bite back words

I know I need to say.

The way I’ve learned to live

Is to stay silent when others think

That I am like them, because safety is in numbers

My hands are bleeding from the painful grip I have

The only thing suspending me

From falling down and down.

The way I’ve learned to live

Is preservation above all

Keep my heart and my soul

My sanity and this life

But oh, someone help

I can feel myself slipping

And now I tumble

Down and down

The way I’ve learned to live

Is the way I’ve learned to die

Someone help, someone help

But oh, I’m losing it.

US Helplines:

Depression Hotline: 1-630-482-9696

Suicide Hotline: 1-800-784-8433

LifeLine: 1-800-273-8255

Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386

Sexuality Support: 1-800-246-7743

Eating Disorders Hotline: 1-847-831-3438

Rape and Sexual Assault: 1-800-656-4673

Grief Support: 1-650-321-5272

Runaway: 1-800-843-5200, 1-800-843-5678, 1-800-621-4000

Exhale: After Abortion Hotline/Pro-Voice: 1-866-4394253

Child Abuse: 1-800-422-4453

UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem): 08457909090 e-mail jo@samaritans.org

Childline (for anyone under 18 with any problem): 08001111

Mind infoline (mental health information): 0300 123 3393 e-mail: info@mind.org.uk

Mind legal advice (for people who need mental-health related legal advice): 0300 466 6463 legal@mind.org.uk

b-eat eating disorder support: 0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: help@b-eat.co.uk

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders): 08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care: 08444779400 e-mail: helpline@cruse.org.uk

Frank (information and advice on drugs): 0800776600

Drinkline: 0800 9178282

Rape Crisis England & Wales: 0808 802 9999 1(open 2 - 2.30pm 7 - 9.30pm) e-mail info@rapecrisis.org.uk

Rape Crisis Scotland: 08088 01 03 02 every day, 6pm to midnight

India Self Harm Hotline: 00 08001006614

India Suicide Helpline: 022-27546669

Kids Help Phone (Canada): 1-800-668-6868

FREE 24/7 suicide hotlines:

Argentina: 54-0223-493-0430

Australia: 13-11-14

Austria: 01-713-3374

Barbados: 429-9999

Belgium: 106

Botswana: 391-1270

Brazil: 21-233-9191

China: 852-2382-0000

(Hong Kong: 2389-2222)

Costa Rica: 606-253-5439

Croatia: 01-4833-888

Cyprus: 357-77-77-72-67

Czech Republic: 222-580-697, 476-701-908

Denmark: 70-201-201

Egypt: 762-1602

Estonia: 6-558-088

Finland: 040-5032199

France: 01-45-39-4000

Germany: 0800-181-0721

Greece: 1018

Guatemala: 502-234-1239

Holland: 0900-0767

Honduras: 504-237-3623

Hungary: 06-80-820-111

Iceland: 44-0-8457-90-90-90

Israel: 09-8892333

Italy: 06-705-4444

Japan: 3-5286-9090

Latvia: 6722-2922, 2772-2292

Malaysia: 03-756-8144

(Singapore: 1-800-221-4444)

Mexico: 525-510-2550

Netherlands: 0900-0767

New Zealand: 4-473-9739

New Guinea: 675-326-0011

Nicaragua: 505-268-6171

Norway: 47-815-33-300

Philippines: 02-896-9191

Poland: 52-70-000

Portugal: 239-72-10-10

Russia: 8-20-222-82-10

Spain: 91-459-00-50

South Africa: 0861-322-322

South Korea: 2-715-8600

Sweden: 031-711-2400

Switzerland: 143

Taiwan: 0800-788-995

Thailand: 02-249-9977

Trinidad and Tobago: 868-645-2800

Ukraine: 0487-327715

(Source)

developing your ocs is 50% waiting for bursts of divine inspiration like an oracle sleeping next the vapours seeping from fissures in the temple floor and 50% stalking them in your mind relentlessly like a persistence predator until they tire out enough for you to get close and scamper away with the bloody scraps of "eye colour: brown" and "dislikes: people who think they're funny" clutched in your mouth like a hunting trophy

Reblog if you're asexual and tired

Warhammer :D

(Iron warriors legion)

^ actual blessing of a post

Today in therapy I learned the term double bookkeeping and everything makes much more sense now

“Double bookkeeping is a term introduced by Eugen Bleuler to describe a fundamental feature of schizophrenia where psychotic reality can exist side by side with shared reality even when these realities seem mutually exclusive.”

This is why I can know I’m schizophrenic and still believe my delusions. My psychosis is its own separate reality where everything is possible. Logic doesn’t apply there, I’m unreal, my reality is unreal so unreal things can happen. I know it’s physiologically impossible and implausible, I know it’s a symptom of psychosis and not an experience I share with most of the world, but it’s still real to me

Do any other schizospec folk experience this?

Be Openly Scary

Society is scared of a lot of things it shouldn't be. A lot of those things can't be helped, a lot of those things don't hurt anyone, and a lot of those things are not what people even think they truly are.

So you know what?

Talk about your hallucinations, your delusions, your psychotic symptoms. Share things about your gender identity whether it be nonconforming, trans, xenogender or anything else. Scream about your nonhumanity and animal urges. Be open and unwavering about your systems existence, presenting as more-than-one wherever you want. Use and introduce your pronouns, even if people find them weird or offputting. Rock back and forth, pace, twitch and stim in any way you please. Wear things that reflect your identity in public. Get tattoos and body mods to your heart's content. Tell people about your personality disorders.

Don't make yourself small because others can't handle you. Be open where safe. Be you. Be scary.