Melonmaw - Oli

Sorry if this is awkward but are you free every morning for the next 70 years? I’d love to get some coffee if you’re available.

oh dear. pour one out for @staff today folks

Teen Dad Logan AU [REPOST]

In case ya'll can't tell, I love de-aging logan. I think it's really interesting to play with a more emotional/ less bogged down Logan, and it's even more fun to throw him at the people he typically helps mentor/raise. Anyways.

Teen Dad Logan :)

Or, I suppose more accurately, Young Dad Logan. And by adjacency, Uncle Dad Victor.

This turned out to be one of my largest pieces of writing ever  Bee-Tee-Dubs so its going to be under this to not Kill You All:

So in this AU they meet when they're 10 and 11, Jimmy just out of foster care after they found out he's a mutant, and Vic a few weeks after murdering his Father. 

At first, it's honestly Jimmy showing Victor a lot of things. Simple things, like how to forage and how to scent, but it's all...quiet. Jimmy already carries a sense of shame for his ferocity that Vic never enjoys. So he draws the kid into fights, helps him laugh until his face is red with laughter instead of shame. He learns about him, and in turn Jimmy learns about him. Happy enough kids until things turned south. One was locked up and the other ran away. They escaped and found each other. It was meant to be.

Victor gives him his new name. Jimmy hasn't felt like His in a long time and the first time Vic calls him Logan, he beams.

Vic still calls him Jimmy when he's scared, but it's their little secret.

Anyways, they stay rough and tumble until The developers in the Weapon X project find them, aged 14 and 15 respectively. It's Victor's idea that they stay. Logan, for all his desires to settle down, feels chafed by the military, but Vic sees through that, see's what they could be, in the future. See's him and his Runt living free after serving, what's a few years as lab rats if they get all their adult life? What's being looked at like a monster when he's allowed to be a monster and still get schooling? Logan doesn't think any of these things, but when Vic nods, he does too.

They're only allowed to be together for the first three months, and then their forced apart, to 'reduce codependency'. They last two years without each other, and when they're reunited...things are different.

Creed has grown into his role, with each murder proving that his dad wasn't special, he's always been meant for this, how dare Anyone Try to stop him. He's become an Animal. Sabretooth.

And Wolverine....is Wolverine now. But it doesn't take long before Vic realizes something is wrong. Wolverine glances at him, but there's no glint of recognition in his eyes. As Creed starts to question him, he thinks it's a clone. So he Kills It. 

Its only the third time Logan revives and puts his claws through Creed's chest that Creed realizes it's his runt. Still, being forgotten stings, being ignored stings worse, and there's a lot more blood shed before the guards are able to separate the two.

Safe to say they butt heads a lot more. Vic goads him often, word for word the way he used to, and like a house of cards, Wolverine always folds. The only times he seems to come back to himself for a moment, are the moments after Creed's killed him, and he's just waking up. He'll get a look on his face, one Vic recognizes. He's seen it a hundred of times before, even if the runt always tried to hide it:

Fear. Exhaustion.

They never talk. Victor pets his hair as Logan's throat is rapidly sewing itself back together, or Logan rumbling under Vic's body as his puncture wounds close. In those moments, Logan Remembers.

...

It all starts to fall apart when one Logan Howlett, at the fresh age of 18, is chosen to become Weapon X.

Creed sees red. This was HIS goal, His to earn, that stupid brat doesn't even want to be here, Logan doesn't even remember why he's-

He doesn't even remember why he came here in the first place.

But Sabretooth is smart. He figures out when, and where, they're going to do the operation. And obviously, he bursts in.

As he does, he overhears a Commander noting that they should 'wipe wolverines mind clean one last time, to make sure he's only obedient to them. 

And that is First Strike.

Victor lashes out, taking down a doctor and a guard before anyone can blink. But his noise distracts the surgeons and other doctors carefully monitoring The Wolverine's Adamantium intake, and one of them nudges their controls in their scramble to get away, pushing significantly more onto his skeleton than originally planned.

Victor stops when he hears screaming.

Logan hears....nothing. He knows the procedure is going to begin, but he doesn't know when. When the burning starts, he goes to that little place in his head he pretends he doesn't have. He sees flashes of Creed's face, snarling and smiling, and he feels...safe. He sees white, and red hair and...hears yelling. His eyes open, and immediately close as salt water rushes into them. He breathes unsteadily through his

The water stops draining but the burning doesn't stop. Worse, his head feels like it's being torn apart, a feeling he remembers but can't name. And suddenly, nothing matters because,

Sabretooth is calling him Jimmy and why why WHY DOES EVERYTHING HURT OW OW OW OW OW OW Victor help please please plEASE PLEASE VICTOR VIC-

...

Safe to say the adamantium causes even more psychological damage to them.

There is one single benefit: The Memory Adjustment failed. In fact, it failed so bad that Creed, for three whole days, get's Logan to himself.

They don't do much. Logan wakes up and launches himself at Vic, legs collapsing as his ligaments struggle to accustom themselves to the weight of his new bones. He's in constant pain, mostly just looking at Vic with big, sad brown eyes until he lies back down with him on the shitty Hospital ordered bed. It creaks under them, but thankfully never gives.

When they do talk, they don't talk about the memories. About Wolverine gutting Sabretooth to prove a point, about Sabretooth biting out his spinal chord, about Wolverine ripping out his teeth in claws. None of it matters. They know it can't last. Creed didn't plan, and Logan is too weak to think, not that he does much of that in the first place.

After those days of clarity post operation, Logan is wiped clean. And for the next year, it's back to normal. For Wolverine at least.

But of course, Logan has to beat him to the punch. Literally.

Around a month after the one year anniversary of his Surgery, Wolverine comes Bursting through the training rooms, with twenty guards hot on his trail. Sabretooth, a Predator, Obviously follows. Logan runs and runs and runs, and eventually rips the door of a particular room, to reveal...

an eerily large room filled with tubes. There's wires and things being suspended in liquid, and at first, Victor can't comprehend what he's looking at. By the time he reads 'X-02', Doner Wolverine, Logan's already broken three of the tubes with his claws, uncaring of the thick glass cutting him open in retribution for being shattered.

people go flying, and as they hit equipment the room itself begins to collapse, separating Sabretooth from Wolverine. Wolverine continues through the rooms, ensuring that there's nothing deeper inside that can help them make more of him. He has enough nightmares. Sabretooth stays back to help finish the job. All those tubes don't destroy themselves, you know?

He finds a room full of his samples, and a woman in a chair. A woman with a bullet in her neck instead of her head. Poor thing had probably gotten caught in between him and the guards. But why was she just sitting-

The woman has a baby in her arms, tubes still attached. He growls for a moment, moving to finishes her off, but freezes when she and she's groans.

"Laura...Laura..."

Logan looks at her little beady eyes, mousy brown hair, and knows...she's his. 

Before he's even thought about it she's cradled in his arms, evidently all wrong because she starts to wail and Vic skids in, shoulder denting the doorframe as he stops and stares at the scene in front of him.

The woman gives one final shudder, and her head lulls. Dead.

Still, there's no time to think. Victor hears thuds getting closer to the room, and as he looks to his right he realizes there's only one way out. The window. Oh well.

with a swear, he lifts Logan by the back of his jacket and gives him a shove, and his back goes strait through the paneling and out of the fourth story. Victor whoops, and follows him down. By the time he's already made his much more elegant landing, Logan is groaning and cussing him out as much as his winded lungs will let him, which is a surprising amount. Still, Vic scruffs him again and sets him on his feet, and nods in the direction of the woods.

"Lets go."

And they do.

They end up being surrounded by the X-Men  somewhere in Maine and are "Invited" to Stay at Xavier's school. Logan decides for them this time. A house, a promise that the government will be dealt with for them, and that he can get all of his memories back are very good motivators. And they an finish their education.

Victor actually...enjoys classes. He likes being smart, and it's easy. Logan does Charter school. He had lasted exactly a week in public education before deciding that if he had to deal with one more idiotic comment from one of those stupid fucking kids he was going to-

Well. His words were Not Child Friendly, so he made sure to cover his kid's ears. Besides, he's bonded with fellow teen Rogue and preteen Jubilee and Kitty (his daughters) like little sisters, but he never really settles unless he's with his Kid. His Laura.

He had to fight to keep her, a young unstable mutant like him was not the ideal parent, but for the first two months, she sobbed if anyone else held her, terrible screeches, and would reach for him to the point of falling out of people's arms. And, he had imprinted on her too. He swore he could tell when she was happy or uncomfortable before she could, would burp her or flip her back onto her back before she got fed up with tummy time.

Vic is Terrified of touching her but refuses to admit it. He carefully runs his finger down her pudgy little cheek, in awe of her soft skin against his knuckle,  when she moves suddenly, and she attempts to nuzzle her way into his palm. He, obligingly, opens his hand. When one of his claws scrapes her hair, he freezes, waiting for her to cry out. Instead, she burbles happily, honey brown eyes giving him long, slow blinks.

She likes his head scratches the best. 

Logan sometimes falls asleep with her on his stomach on the couch, leaving Victor to carry him AND his clingy baby back to bed, the crib next to them so Laura can still grab onto Logans finger. They sleep together now, in a nest of blankets and pillows, Logans hand always off the bed but still somehow still touching Vic, as if to make sure he's still there.

Their codependency is back full swing, and the only time they can be reliably separated is when Vic goes to school, because he goes with Scotty, and the Boy Scout would never let anything happen to another mutant, even if that mutant makes him want to shoot him with his laser-beam full power just to see what would happen.

Thankfully, because of Victor's presence, the Mind Adjustment does actually work, but it leaves Logan questioning his parallel memories for years. In the process they realize that...Victor's memories have been tampered with too.

But that is a story for another time.

okay listen I think it would be the funniest of Han Yoojin’s reaction to Yoohyun leaving would’ve been getting his high school degree and speed running law school so he can specifically get himself into a position where Yoohyun can’t avoid him. he has the weirdest relationship with haeyeon as a guild, somewhere between “this guy is obviously favoring them” and “they’ve had to resubmitted their taxes like 5 times because he keeps denying them because of typos”

and he can’t be blackmailed out of the position because Han Yoojin being who he is, the other S-Classes would find him fucking hilarious. His superior get advised to fire him, 10 minutes later gets a call from Sung Hyunjae like “why isn’t my favorite government official breathing down my neck about tax evasion :/“

Thinking about that part in the Moomin series where after getting transformed by the magic top-hat Moomin has to convince everyone that it's actually him.

Specifically the version from the 90s anime where he's crying and sobbing to his mother, who treats him with tenderness as she searches the supposed stranger's eyes, as if trying to find Moomin's very essence within this new monstrous form. And Moomin's getting really desperate because the long silence makes him think nobody believes him and he's ready to break down completely and give up knowing he's stuck in this new body.

Until Moominmama determines that yes, this is her darling child, and through the power of a mother's love he is transformed into his former self. Her love is what allows everyone else in the room to see that this is the same Moomin they've always known and loved.

Like, I know that entire novel and its subsequent adaptations are one big queer allegory, but that part really fucking hit hard for me as someone with a very tenuous relationship with their own mother. When I come out to her, will she be blinded by her ignorance and distaste for "alternative lifestyles" and antagonize me? Or will she too be able to see in my eyes that I am the same child she has always loved and that she will continue to love in this odd new form?

what I think will happen if I message my mutuals

hot take: 

Gloin is the sexiest dwarf by dwarf standards.

Kili is the sexiest dwarf by elf standards.

Thorin is the sexiest dwarf by human standards

& Bombur is the sexiest dwarf by hobbit standards

There is a way for reigen to become mobs dad btw

It's 2 am and I am being plagued with thoughts of girl dad Wolverine. I watched several of the X-men movies recently and the amount of teens that he's forced to interact with despite not being a legitimate professor??? wild. This smelly, alcoholic, wanderer just seems to have a talent for collecting teen girls? They like legitimately trust him for some reason. And I kinda get it don't get me wrong. I adore the way he treats the young ladies in the movies and animated shows, it's just the loyalty that they return that's kinda captivating.

Like. I cannot stop thinking of Logan being assigned as the back up chaperone for the girls. Especially for missions. Of course if they take teen girls out on a mission they try to bring a lady professor along too. Usually storm, She is really pulling some den mother hours across the franchises. But in the absence of her or Jean, I think Logan must naturally be the back up option for the girls. And not just by their own election either. Although it's incredibly funny to picture them all collectively discussing who they want to be in charge of them and telling Scott (who i love, but also love to fuck with) That they all voted and the male teacher they trust the most is fucking Logan of all people. The insult???

But also Charles would think it's a great idea, not only because it gives Logan a responsibility that'll keep him in place and on task, but also because Wolverine canonically can smell people up to half a mile away and has super enhanced hearing.

Like the grubby asshole is probably gonna pass out in the living room of whatever safe house with a beer in his hand, but he'll also be strategically placed between all entrances and the boys half of the house, and the girls. You cannot get past him. He's a sleeping guard dog.

Imagine with me for a moment, a room full of teenage boys their girlfriends just ten feet away, away from the school and the psychics for once, with distracted guardians off planning or passed out. All collectively hovering in the doorway of their temporary room, knowing that if they take two steps into the living room that bottle is flying at their heads. Just trapped in there.

One girl tries to sneak past him early in the night and without opening an eye he just says, "Don't even think about it."

Just Logan in his most natural guard dog state.

The frustration vs the reassurance of the teens. Absolutely no one is getting within three thousand feet of them without him knowing. And that means they can't get away with shit.