My Cousin Asked Me What People Without A Limb Were Called Because She Was Having A Lapsus And Instead

#5

Daniel strutted down the corridors like he owned the place. He was a man on a mission. A hunter. His pray? The cryptid dressed in cheetah print prowling around James Lee's old school ready to melt out of the shadows and mow his ass like grass.

His ghost detector beeped twice when he turned it left.

"Huh?"

Daniel pulled down his anti-bullshit protection glasses. He was all geared up in pink hello kitty pajamas, ready to fight against the cheetah-print abomination and thus end the urban legend's grip on the common people. That and he really wanted to kick Gun's ass while being literally half his size just for shits and giggles.

He needed a change of mood after he had begun the loop strapped to a table and bald while being interrogated by Jinyeong. When the doctor had asked about his deepest darkest secret he had looked him dead in the face and uttered ominously "I'm supposed to get a senior discount when I go shopping" before promptly passing out. It was technically true, though, by the look on the man's face, he probably thought something had gone wrong with the serum. With how he had been ranting about squirrels even before he got the serum Jinyeong might actually assume he had lost his mind.

Brushing away all other thoughts Daniel reached into his backpack and pulled out a thick book the size of his head with "How to catch a cryptid" written in bold red letters on the cover. He flipped it open at a page he had marked with a cute squirrel sticky note that had unfortunately gotten crumpled in his backpack and began reading aloud.

"To catch a cheetah print abomination in the wild you must first know what it is. A cheetah print abomination is the Mothman's cousin and shares with this its distinctive mating cry and other negligible physical traits such as height comparable to Slenderman and an outward appearance that makes people tremble at the sight of it." Daniel hummed as if he had been given great knowledge and flipped the page, continuing to read aloud.

"The cheetah print abomination is easily spotted by its abysmal fashion sense and atypical behavior, such as being turned on by physical combat and physical injuries caused during fights (for reference check page 67, paragraph 9 "What to do in the event of a wild Jonngun attack, tips and escape methods by prof. Daniel "the Taller" Park)."

Daniel ignored the sound of creaking floorboards and continued reading before he suddenly stopped and let out an exclamation of glee.

"Oh look, they even have a photo!"

He raised his book in the air and put the grainy picture of a black baby cow parallel to the man staring at him. He made a big show of analyzing the picture and let out appropriate sounds of understanding and awe while comparing it to the live specimen. Finally, Gun had enough of the perceived mockery and ripped the book out of the boy's hands, took one look at the page Danny was currently reading and at the picture, and promptly tossed it out of an open window.

"No wait, that was my only copy!" He bemoaned while looking at the darkness behind the window dejectedly. "You know you're going to have to pay me back for that, right?'

The man's expression twisted into a sneer and he reached for the boy, intent on getting rid of this disrespectful bug. His attempt was promptly met with a wet shoe to the chin and then another when he tried to kick the little gremlin away. He looked disgustedly at the little puddle forming beneath the second shoe before looking up at the boy.

"It's holy water." Daniel shrugged pulling out a pair of flip-flops which he used in place of his thrown sneakers, "Need to be prepared, you know."

A laugh bubbled up in Gun's throat at the sheer absurdity of the situation. He was getting mocked by a child in hello kitty pajamas who thought he was a cryptid and had turned his holy water-soaked sneakers into projectiles against him. He stared down at the still-smoking cigarette in between his fingers and pondered upon his life choices for a few awkward minutes while the gremlin stared at him with a mix between curiosity and wariness like he was some sort of weird creature he had just encountered.

"I need something stronger than this." He announced, snuffing the cigarette beneath his shoe and turning around.

As he walked out of the school he heard the genuine voice of the little hello kitty-clad menace echoing down the halls.

"You know, smoking and drinking can be really bad not only for your health but also for your interpersonal relationships!"

Gun walked faster.

I remembered the Mommy Sammy loop and I was wondering - what if it was combined with the Little Daniel getting adopted by Big Deal loop? For example, what if Danny is adopted and the whole Johan incident happens soon after, but Sammy decided that she'll take her in under her wing. Female Johan and Samuel would be so cool.

Meanwhile, Danny is growing up and he realizes that Samuel and Johan are girls but Big Deal still hasn't realized it. Cue Daniel casually tring to tell Sinu and Yeonhui and the rest of Big Deal about it and them not believing him because what girl would be as much a psycho as those two (they think this with affection).

It would also be kinda fluffy since Samuel would probably stay with big deal and maybe try to legally become a business mogul (kind of like going to school and still making one mcn, just not with workers).

Idk I just thought it was a cool idea. Sorry for all the rambling.

"All of them are dumbasses," Daniel grumbled, kicking pebbles.

"Mhm." Sammy didn't even bother pretending otherwise, as she completed another test and began checking her answers.

Daniel had just returned from his usual daily attempt at opening Sinu and Jake's eyes regarding Sammy and Johane's gender. It had gone as expected, he got laughed at and sent on his way so the adults could 'do their job' (playing video games until 3 am). He had managed to convince Yeonhui a few weeks ago, as the girl was obviously much less dense than the two dunderheads leading the crew.

The time-looper trapped in a 7-year-old's body gave a long-suffering sigh, crouching near the steps on which his big sister figure was sat.

"They even had the gall to laugh in my face and tell me that I was making stuff up to avoid doing my homework. Can you believe that?!"

"The audacity." Samuel drawled making the tiny boy bristle even harder.

"You aren't even listening to me!" He shouted in annoyance, maybe a bit too loud for how late at night it was.

'Yep, definitely too loud' he sweatdropped when the lights in the building behind them turned on. A ruffled, half-asleep brown-haired girl made her way out after a few beats of silence, followed closely by her loyal companion. Eden took one look at them, deciding that whatever human business they were doing didn't affect him, and headed back in after a large yawn. Johane looked tempted to follow his example.

"What are you two doing?" She asked instead, plopping down beside Sammy. "You know you're going to ruin your eyes like that, right?"

Sammy looked up at her. She had a flashlight strapped to her head and was checking her answers in pink glitter pen while the book was precariously balanced on one of her knees. The buff girl pointedly pushed her glasses up her nose.

"You know what I meant." Johane huffed "You're going to damage your eyes even more, then you'll have to wander around like a blind bat before age 30. And what's gotten in you, pup, why'd you shout at 1 in the morning like a damn prairie dog?"

The child shuffled his feet, the tips of his ears reddening.

"I didn't mean for it to be that loud. It's just that the guys-"

"What guys?"

"Sinu and Jake" Sammy supplied

"-are being such idiots that it's starting to really irk me!"

Johane paused, probably still a bit slow from tiredness and trying to gather her thoughts and articulate them in a kid-friendly way.

"Did you just now notice?" Was all she managed to come up with. "I mean, they've been like that since-"

"Forever." Sammy completed her sentence, closing the book and turning off the flashlight before turning to face her two younger siblings figures. "So those fuckers can't take the fact that me and her were born with vaginas and boobs. What are you gonna do about it? It's not as if you can force them to change their minds..."

The maniac smirk that spread on the beastie's face (She thought him that! That was her greatest achievement in raising the little hellspawn and no one could deny it!) made her pause. Sammy knew how devious the brat could be, but as she thought back to what she had said offhandedly just now, the Economical Studies students could already predict his thought process.

"Thanks, Sammy! You just gave me a great idea, I knew those crocodiles with lightsabers would come in handy again!" He ran up to the buff girl and gave her a quick peck on the cheek before running off.

"What have we just unleashed?" Sammy pondered out loud.

"And where is my kith?" Johanne slurred already half-leaning onto her shoulder.

Something clicked my mind. How about a loop of genderbend Jay and genderbend Gun.

I just want to see both of them fighting for Daniel attentions.

Jay was a girl, again. That in itself was not a problem.

The problem came in the form of a tall fit black-eyed hellspawn who also happened to be of the fairer sex this time around. Gun was just as hard to deal with in his female form if a bit more due to society's somewhat-acceptance of women competing rather aggressively for their crushes. Having been a woman himself, Daniel knew the many nuances of the affection a girl may harbor for a man, and while it wasn't much different from the one between same-sex couples, it brought a few issues that were experienced more rarely by our lovesick idiot. Namely, rejection.

"I already have someone I like." Had been his first attempt to dissuade Gun from her chosen path the first time she had approached him at the festival. Although no fight had occurred between them she had somehow gotten interested in him. (Forget being her successor, she went straight for the kill this time, no pretenses or anything!)

"It doesn't matter."

"I'm already in a relationship and you're not my type." Was his second try. Danny didn't want to be rude to her and thus relied on borderline polite phrases to shoo her away, to no avail.

"What does she have that I don't?"

"She's..." He scratched his nape with a far-off look, wondering how he could try to sum up his vast love for Jay. Reducing her to simple qualities felt downright insulting. She was so much more than he could ever articulate.

Misinterpreting his silence, a smirk painted Gun's blood-red lips, but before she could speak she caught a flash of blonde hair in the corner of her eye. Her mind suddenly came up with a scheme to humiliate her rival while simultaneously staking her claim on the interesting boy.

"Is she richer than me?" She asked in a honeyed voice.

"Mhm..." He replied distractedly as if he couldn't care less.

"Is she prettier than me?"

"The prettiest..."

Gun gritted her teeth in frustration. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Once again her gaze was drawn to the little blonde who had suddenly taken a step towards them before both girls froze in place as Daniel opened his mouth again and spoke in a tone that was so clearly drunk on love it sent a shiver down the black-eyed girl's spine.

"She's more beautiful than the sun, and I sometimes wish I could go blind so that she would be the last sight I ever get to see. The way she laughs makes me feel all dizzy and clumsy, and I get flustered when she smiles at me. I can't help it. She's beyond perfection in every way that matters and I'm so lucky I met her." He gave a long sigh and continued, despite how stupid he felt or how the tips of his ears burned bright red for all to see. "That's not why I love her though...that...I can't put it into words...she's just...Jay...and that's more than I could ever ask for..."

He gave Gun an apologetic smile, but the girl was too stunned to react.

"So I'm sorry. But I would be a fool to ever let go of such a blessing. I can't date you."

With that, he turned and left, without noticing a flustered blonde quickly retreating from the scene and fleeing into a bathroom to calm down the thundering breathing of her heart and the feverish blush on her cheeks. Good thing she had pulled out her phone just in time to record that last part.

(Jay played the recording over and over for herself until Danny finally found out about it. After he was done stuttering and looking like a fresh tomato he embraced her tightly and promised her that she didn't need a stupid recording and that he would have no problem making those kinds of confessions to her every day if it made her happy. He was awarded many kisses and cuddles and savored his reward thoroughly.)

-----------------------

BONUS!

After Gun was left by her lonesome in the parking lot she finally snapped out of her trance. A bright blush coated the apples of her cheeks and her eyes turned hazy with desire. That kind of adoration, she wanted it for herself.

She would get his heart no matter how long it took. That silly little blondie wouldn't stand a chance! She had to have that man and bathe in his adulation for herself!

"Just you wait~Daniel Park~"

Jesus, my brain hurts!🤣 https://www.instagram.com/p/CcDrToyDZ31WMvFohClkAMHo5FvglDG_PvS6eQ0/?utm_medium=tumblr

Vasco: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth? Zack: You're a hazard to society Danny: And a coward. DO TWENTY.

Zack: So are you two dating now? Danny & Jay: Yes. Zack: Why? Danny: I happen to find Jay very appealing. Zack: Yeah, I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with Jay.

Vasco: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Jace: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. Vasco: ... Vasco: You mean ring bearER, right? Jace: ... Jace: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.

The Time-Loops

First of all, to clarify, Daniel is trapped in a time loop. Shenanigans ensue.

Second of all, the world slightly alters with each loop, sometimes is something small like what someone wears one day, and sometimes is something bigger, like being looped into the wrong time period. Think of it more so as Daniel going through different AUs that mostly stick to the relative timeframe in which the events of lookism take place.

Third, my version of Daniel may seem OOC, but this Danny has gone through things his cannon version hasn't. He has killed, died, and repeated a few episodes of his life at least a thousand times. He's traumatized and feral, if you don't like him don't read!

Also, I'd love it if you could come up with ideas for the loops and I appreciate every comment, like, and reblog more than you can imagine.

Chronological Order for now: (not sure if it makes sense but I tried)

#22 Young and hopeful (hopeless)

fem!Danny beats names and takes ass

#17 Danny and Robin's first meeting (haven't really decided if it's before or after #7 yet)

#7 Angst and therapy make Danny go brrrrr

#4 Danny loves Jay

#24 Jay's Danny

#2 Worst Pick-up Lines

Viral Hit crossover Loops (the placing is temporary and the link is to the first one)

First meeting with fem!Jay

#3 Parking Lot Cat-fight

Dorks in Love~

#16 Big Deal raises a feral Baby

#13 Dramatic Death caused by temporal mishaps

Most people are gay and Janiel is sweet and fluffy

#11 Titanic in the cafeteria

#5 Cheetah-print abomination hunting

#10 Macarena Funeral

Yakuza fem!Danny

#6 Secret Brother Danny

#21 Allied but better

Shopping with fem!Danny & simps

#8 No-sleep Gang!

#1 Daddy Danny and Baby Johan

#12 Detective Jace on the case

#18 The consequences of hubris...and something else...

#23 The most romantic date ever!!!

#15 Danny Snaps and Gun is Traumatized

#9 Petty revenge

#14 Raising the Simp Army

#19 The Banana Cult Takeover

Jay obsesses over Danny through loops

Mommy Sammy Loop

Stuff that is divergent from the timeline & may not be part of the story but share the same AU:

#Error

Repeat falling in love

If you need clarification on anything just ask!

Baby Danny in Big Deal Loop

Baby Danny: Why should I make my bed, when I'm just gonna unmake it to sleep in it anyways? Samuel: Why should I feed you if you're just gonna die anyways? Danny: Danny: I'll go make my bed-

#23

"Jay, love of my life, apple of my eye, treasure of my heart, darling of my soul can you do me a favor real quick?" Daniel purred seductively, his hair a dirty mess and dried blood on his knuckles. Jay nodded helplessly.

----------------

"Where were you on the evening of July 8, between 9 pm and 2 am?" the police officer questioned the nervous blonde with a stern expression.

'In my home' Jay wrote, trying to convey as much sincerity as possible into his gesture. Technically speaking, he wasn't lying. He had been at home, just not the one they were probably referring to. But they didn't ask, so Jay didn't tell. Home was where his dearest beloved was, even if that meant in the middle of the woods digging up some endangered flower specimen to plant over their 'package'.

He remembered the smell of copper lingering on his body, and how gently Daniel had helped him scrub every inch of the vile blood off of his skin. The thought made a blush rise to his cheeks, which thankfully went unseen by the officer. The phantom touch of delicate fingers scrubbing his scalp sent a shiver down the boy's back as the memory etched itself into the very fabric of his mind clinging to him like an intoxicating perfume.

Daniel had been quiet after 'that', but later confessed to being worried he had scared the blonde. It only took one reassurance to make him bounce back to being his usual preppy self as if he needed nothing more than Jay's word and he would believe that the sun rose for the west. It made something twist in his chest like a pleased feline and then settle into a comforting warmth that would surge forward every time he laid eyes on the brunette teen.

He may not have understood why they had done 'that' but he wasn't about to question his beloved. Danny always had a reason to do things, even if sometimes he didn't share it. Nevertheless, Jay felt that wherever the man's sin was, he deserved his fate. His love had never been unkind to people, even those who sought to take advantage of him, so whatever his motive it had to have been important, so he would do his utmost to protect him from any legal repercussions, even if that meant having to face suspicion from his own family.

After all would be said and done, he could finally enjoy melting into his lover's embrace once more. There was no body, no murder weapon, and no DNA or digital evidence, so nothing could be pinned on them anyway. He just had to be patient, then maybe Daniel would reward him~

"Can anybody confirm this?" The policeman's rough voice rudely cut through his reminiscing and brought him back to reality. This interrogation was really starting to get on his nerves he ought to have the man fired for this later.

'My butler' he wrote, briefly pausing and adding something else onto the notebook before he handed it back to the man.

"Your boyfriend, huh? And does this midnight Romeo have a name?"

'Daniel Park'